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Roman Reigns is one of the most divisive and talked about WWE performers in history. The company makes desperate play after desperate play to make him their number one star – to limited but vocal success. How do they do it? What do they do?
I’m Tom Colohue and this is the Monday Night Reigns-o-Meter.
Monday Night Reigns-o-Meter
Of course I first have to apologise for last week. Last week my internet went down and, as you might expect, my world imploded. This laptop is my world, my home, my WWE universe, I tell you! I take it to bed, to the movies, to the bathroom. It is my connection to the outside world, my partner in crime, it keeps me warm at night – I really should fix the fan.
With no internet I naturally invented a brand new dance to show my intense Roman Reigns fandom. I call it, the Roman. Swerve, I know. You basically just punch the ground and howl for twenty minutes. I wouldn’t recommend it; my hand is basically a pancake at this point.
Just, you know, don’t do it.
On to this week! This week was not as all about Roman as it usually is. Yes he’s still the IC champion but that’s a good thing. Following up from good matches with Elias and Jason Jordan, Roman Reigns was this week lined up to defend the title against Cesaro in a match that actually sounds pretty exciting, doesn’t it? I mean, we want Cesaro to be given good chances in big draw matches. You don’t get much bigger than Roman right now.
We start the night with Samoa Joe, you know, Roman’s actual feud at the moment. Kind of.
Is he Jason Jordan’s feud?
Are we going to have a big triple threat at the Rumble that results in Jason Jordan taking the title? I mean, I wouldn’t be against it. Roman’s got to take that big belt, y’all. You know, the big red one that everyone hated for the one day Finn Balor was champion and since then everyone’s just kind of been fine with.
Divide and conquer, three on three. Rare that.
Samoa Joe runs down The Shield in typical Samoa Joe style. Joe’s like “I hate Seth” and the fans are like “I love Seth!”
Joe’s like “I hate Dean” and the fans are like “I love Dean!”
Joe’s like “I hate Roman” and the fans are like “yep.”
Naturally Joe is backed up by Sheamus and Cesaro because heels are always best friends, as we know. They spring the trap, calling out Roman because he likes to do that walk of his, and beat down Roman viciously.
I mean, not viciously. They give him a pouncy cuddle. Can’t hurt the big dog, am I right? Guy’s special. Make Roman look really strong, yeah?
Roman’s Shield buddies charge out to help but they also get a bit beat up for their troubles. Again, not really much of a beat down; Absolution and the Riott Squad are both doing better in the beat down department lately. A lot of air gets punched and that’s all I’ll say.
Sheamus is seriously doing all this while carrying a major neck injury? Guy’s tough.
Later in the night, when we get our big title match – it’s the biggest title on the show now because the UV Title doesn’t exist any more obviously – Roman and Cesaro do the dance of brutality.
Roman, despite the earlier attack and despite having his arm worked on pretty much the whole match, still manages to pull out a victory, despite doing very little Roman Reigns stuff in the match. It’s almost a Lex Luger style beat the odds victory. Guy’s a hero. He’s my hero. He’s your dog’s hero.
Honestly, I recommend just watching the match. It’s pretty damn good. I’m going to try doing the Roman again. Maybe if I use my other hand.
Npe y an rts
– Samoa Joe
Did Roman Reigns beat the odds?
Yup, still the champ ain’t he?
NOW CHECK OUT LAST WEEK’S COLUMN: MONDAY NIGHT REIGNS-O-METER #43: Tracking Roman Reigns’s ability to beat the odds and come out on top