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Roman Reigns is one of the most divisive and talked about WWE performers in history. The company makes desperate play after desperate play to make him their number one star – with limited success. How do they do it? What do they do?
I’m Tom Colohue and this is the Monday Night Reigns-o-Meter.
Monday Night Reigns-O-Meter
Roman Reigns would have been in the main event on Raw last night, but he had a hair appointment so he and Bray took the first match. Team player, as you might expect, but that hair’s not going to look after himself.
Of course, Roman has now began his expected road to another Wrestlemania main event title run and another Wrestlemania main event match with Brocky Lesnar. Now that the Rumble’s over, and he’s done playing heel, Roman’s friends with Seth Rollins again as well, as if nothing had ever even happened.
If I were Seth I’d probably do the same too if I’m honest. Anything to escape the dreaded Superman punch to ye olde face.
Roman opened the show with a display of importance. Bray Wyatt, demented gospel chorus and following of friendly birds, announced that being a runner up for the Royal Rumble and losing two matches in a row to The Miz constituted a crisis. This is a fair comment, as Bray Wyatt has won every Royal Rumble he’s ever been in and has never actually lost two matches in a row.
Bray Wyatt has never even lost one match in a row; guy’s unstoppable.
Roman Reigns responded in typical Roman Reigns style, saying some aggressive stuff while he casually looks sweaty. Hasn’t mentioned the Undertaker in a while, has he?
Naturally, a match happens shortly afterwards; a match that goes exactly as you might expect if you’ve ever seen these two big bruisers fight before. They know how to scrap.
There was a time, before the brand split, that Bray Wyatt and Roman Reigns were being built as the ultimate enemies. The modern day Rock vs. Triple H. The modern day Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels. The modern day Undertaker vs. Kane.
Also, honourable mention to the storied CM Punk vs. John Morrison rivalry that might have happened too.
Naturally, this rivalry never actually happened, but Bray Wyatt did launch his ascent to the WWE title with a Sister Abigail to Roman Reigns at Survivor Series 2016. Beautifully, Sister Abigail has been a perfect finisher for years. Nobody has kicked out of it since well before the brand split.
So of course Roman kicked out of it here. As a man who will be kicking out from the F5 that they’ve spent months bringing back to prominence he’s going to need to diminish a lot of people along the way for us to really believe Roman’s going to win.
Because nobody believes Roman’s going to win the chamber, right? Nobody believes Roman’s going to beat Brock, right?
Yeah, we’re entering that time of the year when it’s all about the supermans. Roman beat Bray, joining an elite company of everyone else who beats Bray Wyatt all the time.
Later, Roman would do that thing where he reminds everyone he’s the star, walking into shot for a decent pop and immediately being granted yet another title shot, this time for a different belt. Earns all his opportunities, doesn’t he? He definitely earned a tag team title shot; look how nice his man bun is!
You know, if they changed Roman’s music he would almost definitely be getting cheers by now. Also, Rollins really needs to change those pants. It’s just getting weird now.
Reigns does the favours, getting beat up as forcefully as he can and occasionally forgetting to sell how tough earlier match was supposed to have been. Rollins does most of the work, despite his imaginary injured back. Meanwhile, Roman has a sexy nap on the outside and continually looks confused.
Roman bullies Jason Jordan a little before coming in to finish the match. He then stands idly in the ring, watching Sheamus and Cesaro try to walk away with the titles.
Oh god, I’m starting to do a thing where I care about Jason Jordan. Daddy Reigns is a bully though. A sweaty, double duty pulling bully.
– Bray Wyatt
– His eternal friendship with Seth Rollins
– Jason Jordan
Did Roman Reigns beat the odds?
Yes. Also, no.
NOW CHECK OUT LAST WEEK’S COLUMN: MONDAY NIGHT REIGNS-O-METER #50: Tracking Roman Reigns’s ability to beat the odds and come out on top