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Roman Reigns is one of the most dramatic, divisive and discussed WWE performers in history. The company makes desperate play after desperate play to make him your favourite graps guy – with limited success. How do they do it? What do they do?
I’m Tom Colohue and this is the Monday Night Reigns-o-Meter.
Every day I become more and more convinced that the big wigs down at WWE headquarters all read the Roman Reigns-o-Meter. I mean anybody with sense does, obviously, but I swear they’re throwing more and more odds at Roman just for the sake of these here mystical pages.
The great prophecy of Roman of Reignsington is nearly complete. But first, dear reader, he must beat all of the odds.
Smackdown Live has thus far been a return to form for the big dog. Since the moment he stepped through the door he’s been feuding with multiple people. First he was up against Elias and Mr McMahon. Then it was Elias and Shane McMahon. Not content with two men – one of whom is the literal best in the world – this week saw Roman going up against four men. Next week he’ll probably be competing against the entire population of New England. Yes, he’ll probably still win.
Our first mention of Roman was right after the opening segment. Another threat from commentary that our favourite would face some sort of repercussion for striking down the big boss. Didn’t Shane openly state last week that he wasn’t going to do anything? It’s so hard to keep up with these dirty, rotten McMahons.
The characters, not the people. By all accounts Shane’s actually lovely.
The show continued with a heroic Bayley taking on an actual hero in Becky Lynch. You know, the Lynchometer was my backup idea for what to do while Roman was out but he came back before I could really make it happen. It had potential, that’s all I’ll say.
Lars Sullivan did Lars Sullivan things. Usually I wouldn’t mention it but you just know Lars will be playing the part of Braun Strowman in a Smackdown rerun of the Strowman vs Roman feud from last year and the year before.
Roman would enter the arena proper at the top of the second hour to his old fashioned “mixed reaction”. He got a whole lot of hate and a whole lot of love, as he has for the last few years, basically. The whole storyline so far is replayed for us. This is a practice that is becoming an annoyingly regular occurrence at this point. Take out all the flashbacks and Smackdown actually only lasts for twenty-four minutes.
He has the chance to cut a promo. He’s not booed out of the building the second he lifts the microphone. That’s unusual. He talks about assaulting his boss, which is great. I think we all lose assaulting our boss. Wade Keller has been at risk from the second I started working here at PWTorch. Obviously I don’t tell him that but, as a wrestling fan, I already know what my defence in court is going to be. My childhood hero showed me the way.
Recently, Vince McMahon has held back Becky Lynch. He’s held back Kofi Kingston. He deserved that punch.
But here comes Shane, picking fights that don’t concern him and defending his horrible, evil family.
Once again, by and large they all seem pretty nice.
Shane introduces Smackdown Live’s newest acquisition; The B Team. Finally, we learn that the B stands for Smackdown. The B stands for B show. The B would stand for brothers but you don’t have any brothers left Roman.
Curiously, Roman actually does have history with The B Team. They really wanted to make sure he respected their Raw tag team title run. I’m not sure anybody can even remember that happening now it was so nondescript and long ago.
Elias, the person Roman will after be facing at Money In The Bank, acts as an outside enforcer in a t-shirt so skimpy he got a job in the next Baywatch movie. The B stands for overbooked. The B stands for body, to be fair. Late in the match, following an extended period of domination from the big dog, Elias would interfere, making this a three on one situation. Who knows what might happen next?
To quote Tom Phillips: “Roman Reigns beats the odds tonight.” Somebody’s been reading the Reignsometer.
Elias is going to be crushed at Money In The Bank, isn’t he?
Roman, having struck down the odds so emphatically, takes a moment to mug for the camera while Corey Graves makes Game Of Thrones references. Maybe don’t plug a show that will be broadcast during your next big pay per view, eh guys?
I would add more here but I need to watch this week’s episode of Firefly Fun House. It’s my favouritest show.
– Shane McMahon
– Bo Dallas
– Curtis Axel
Did Roman Reigns beat the odds?
The B stands for beaten.