SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
Wake the pets and call the neighbors. It’s time for our semi-monthly ROH pay-per-view preview column!
DISCLAIMER: Projections are made by myself and for myself with absolutely no assistance from Joe Koff, Nigel McGuinness or The Man With The Lizard Face. Projections are not predictions, because this is the column where everything’s made up and the points don’t matter. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall’s porch since noon today. Closed captioning is provided by America Online. Some of our departing contestants will receive a supply of Lee Press-On Nails. They press on in seconds. No glue, no mess. In natural and glamour lengths.. Remember, this is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. These predictions are based on what the columnist would do if he had creative control over ROH, unless a better one-liner comes along.
“Death Before Dishonor” is usually just a show name, not too different from the names of other ROH shows. But this year, it means something. The battle between Jay Lethal, The Briscoes, and The Bullet Club actually sort of ties in to the original concept of Ring of Honor. Well done, Mr. Delirious and Mr. McGuinness. Well done.
Before we look at tonight’s show, let’s roll right into this month’s Wrestling History Lesson. Twenty years ago, on August 10, 1996, World Championship Wrestling presented WCW Worldwide (pretaped) from Orlando, Florida. The main event of this episode saw Harlem Heat defending the WCW World Tag Team Titles against “Mean” Mike Enos & “Dirty” Dick Slater. Lee Marshall & Bobby Heenan had the call. Good times.
And, as your free gift for viewing this column, let’s take you back to August 12, 2006 for ROH’s “Unified” show from Liverpool, England. On that show, we saw ROH World Champion Bryan Danielson battle ROH Pure Champion Nigel McGuinness in a bout to unify the company’s two main singles titles. Dave Prazak and “Mister” Jared David had the call.
Some you were probably wondering how Jay Lethal fared in his title defense against Satoshi Kojima this past Sunday in New Japan. Let’s go to the videotape.
On with the projections!
I have no idea what the dark match will be for this show, but I hope Kelly Klein is involved.
Candice LeRae vs. Veda Scott: Yes, Candice is wrestling against another woman! It’s rare, but we’re excited to see it. Projection? Sorry, Veda. Candice goes 1-0 in ROH with the Heart Breaker.
Donovan Dijak vs. Jay White vs. Kamaitachi vs. Lio Rush:: All four of these wrestlers are athletic and entertaining, but only one can be the ROH Flavor of the…I mean, top contender for the ROH TV Title. Projection? Jay White pins Dijak with a flying dropkick, winning for the honor of New Zealand.
Jay Briscoe vs. “Hangman” Adam Page: Page’s transformation from Mesh Trucker Hat Guy to Bullet Club enforcer has been impressive, but we have a new Mister ROH to think about. Projection? Jay Briscoe with the Jay Driller. Thank you, please drive through.
RPG Vice & Toru Yano vs. Yujiro Takahashi & Guerrillas of Destiny: See what happens when New Japan World takes over Sam’s Town in Vegas. Projection? Yujiro drops Yano with an Olympic Slam to continue the never ending feud.
Katsuyori Shibata vs. Silas Young: It’s got to be difficult for Silas Young to call himself “The Last Real Man” when Shibata is right there, in the same ring with him. Projection? Your NEVER champion puts Silas away with the G2PK.
Kazuchika Okada vs. Dalton Castle (Non-Title): A win for Castle here would put the Party Peacock in line for an IWGP Title shot. It would also break the internet. Projection? Dalton’s IWGP title dreams drown in a sea of Red Ink.
The Addiction vs. Tetsuya Naito & Evil vs. Michael Elgin & Hiroshi Tanahashi (ROH World Tag Team Titles): At this point, 90 days for Daniels and Kazarian has to be a lengthy title reign by ROH tag team standards. Projection? Daniels gets the better of Elgin with a belt shot and Angel’s Wings, and the World Tag Team Champions of the World roll on.
Bobby Fish vs. Mark Briscoe (ROH Television Title): This could be a breakthrough win for the chicken farmer from Sussex. But the infamous one isn’t an easy mark. Projection The challenger eats a Flying Fish Hook, and the Fish rules Vegas tonight.
Jay Lethal vs. Adam Cole (ROH World Title): Jay Lethal’s Neverending Story has been the focus of ROH for the past year and change. There’s only one man in position to take over from the Knee Brace Voiceover Guy. Projection? Cole wins the title after all sorts of hijinks and shenanigans.
Aftermath: The next pay-per-view is All-Star Extravaganza VIII in six weeks. This is getting serious. We get the re-match between Cole and Lethal, The Cabinet goes after the Addiction, and we get that huge Cabana vs. Liger match the world has waited for.
Pat McNeill of Greenville, South Carolina has been a Torch columnist since February 2001. He’d take the Los Angeles Angels to defeat the New York Yankees in tonight’s nationally televised baseball game. You know, if gambling were legal.