SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
By Pat McNeill, PWTorch columnist @RealPatMcNeill.
Last Monday on Raw, WWE broke Twitter. Fortunately, there’s no danger of that happening tonight in Kansas City. Cole: What the hell is Triple H doing here? Me: Looks like he’s doing a Pedigree, Michael.
Backstage, Stephanie McMahon announces that Raw needs to over-deliver tonight. On Kevin Owens’s celebration. Had you for a moment, right?
Mick Foley says Triple H hasn’t returned his calls or texts all week. Stephanie doesn’t ask how this is different any other week.
Stephanie tells Mick Foley she was taken by surprise, and she has no idea what happened to those missing cell…Oops. Wrong rant. We kick off Raw proper with Stephanie introducing KO and…where are the Clinton-sized red, white, and blue balloons? I’m disappointed. Is it wrong that I was hoping Owens would have a Maple Leaf spinner belt? If so, I don’t want to be right.
Owens says the celebration is exactly what he wanted. Except next week he wants a double order of poutine fries in his dressing room. The Kevin Owens Show (starring Kevin Owens) is interrupted by multi-time WWE champion Seth Rollins. Seth gets cheered. He’s a heel.
Owens called Seth Rollins “The Architect of Failure.” Gotta tell you, that’s gonna look great on a t-shirt. Foley tells Steph we don’t hand out suspensions on Raw for temper tantrums. Or failing to stand for the anthem. Or UFC PED violations…
Meanwhile, Edge & Lana (a Canadian and a Russian) want you to know that America doesn’t negotiate with terrorists.
So, we have Owens vs. Zayn (non-title), Rollins vs. Jericho, and Charlotte vs. Bayley (non-title). I can live with that if you can.
Charlotte vs. Bayley. Yes, Bayley is still over. (She hasn’t been on Raw long enough for that to change.) Apparently Sasha Banks plans to be at Raw tonight, and she has “bad news.” She’s bringing Wade Barrett with her? Awesome.
Dana Brooke is taking notes at ringside. “Perform head scissors figure-four. Grow longer legs so I can perform head scissors figure-four…”
In a shocking development, there was some sort of miscommunication between Charlotte and Dana Brooke. My takeaway from the philanthropic Connor’s Cure video package? Connor’s Cure has a better-looking championship title than Raw does.
How can you possibly ruin the classic movie “Lethal Weapon?” Tune in to FOX on September 21st and find out.
Bo Dallas is on his way to the ring to, um, make Bo Dallas great again. (Yeah, I got nothing here. Much like the Creative team.) Bo Dallas has a squash match. What happened here? Did Braun Strowman suffer a groin pull?
Backstage, Kevin Owens has a conversation with Chris Jericho’s scarf (accompanied by Chris Jericho).
Forget the football. Seth Rollins vs. Chris Jericho to kick off the second hour of Raw. BREAKING NEWS: A babyface wrestler is actually being cheered on Raw. Which reminds me. Somebody has been conspicuously absent so far…
We invite you to join the #Raw conversation during this match on social media by using the hashtag #WrestlingYay!
I’ve been taking notes. Rollins wrestling as a fan favorite looks an awful lot like Rollins wrestling as a rulebreaker.
Later tonight, it’s Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn. I’m guessing the actual main event segment involves a McMahon or two.
Good grief, they’ve completely ripped off the James Bond open for Cesaro. I’m expecting a cease and desist letter from MI-6.
Match 4 of Cesaro vs. Sheamus takes place on a non-televised show Wednesday in London. Yeah, I hate when the NBA does that, too.
Looks like Enzo & Big Cass have another squash match this week. (Yeah, it’s Primo and Epico, but still…) Yes, Big Cass went from fighting for the Universal Title to a tag team feud against the Shining Stars in seven days. (* shrug *)
I have bad news for Bruce Mitchell. Titus O’Neil already wrestled on the Superstars taping.
Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens trade words. They’re fighting in the main event. You’ll want to call somebody! (But not Jim Cornette.)
The Nia Jax Indyriffic Destruction Tour continues tonight on Raw against Ann Esposito. Byron Saxton says he’s terrified of meeting Nia Jax in his dreams. Geez, Byron, man up already.
Gallows & Anderson bring out The Old Day. Somehow, they’re not being played by Tony Atlas & Rocky Johnson. That might not have been the right segment to program during halftime of the college football game. Just saying…
Darren Young vs. Jinder Mahal w/Titus O’Neil on commentary. This feud won’t die. It’s a Zombie feud. I like Titus, but I don’t see #BeatUpDarrenYoung trending any time soon.Nia’s big feud for Clash of Champions is against…Alicia Fox. I know. Are you ready to subscribe to WWE Network yet?
Nia’s big feud for Clash of Champions is against…Alicia Fox. I know. Are you ready to subscribe to WWE Network yet?Up next, Sin Cara vs. Braun
Up next, Sin Cara vs. Braun Strowman in the Style Mismatch of 2016.
Sasha Banks is out with some bad news. She’s seen the Smackdown Women’s Title belt, and it’s blue. Okay, I’m confused by the tenor of this promo. Is Sasha retiring, or does she have a fatal illness?
Dana Brooke’s music hits, and she comes out to interrupt. Darn it! Now we’ll never know what Sasha was going to say.
Dana Brooke’s music hits, and she comes out to interrupt. Darn it! Now we’ll never know what Sasha was going to say. So, Sasha Banks wants her re-match at Clash of Champions. But Bayley just defeated the champion on Raw. Could we see…a good storyline?
Kevin Owens! Sami Zayn! Everybody else is watching the football game! It all happens NEXT.
As we watch Zayn versus Owens, let’s not forget about the big news we just learned. Kevin Owens has a new t-shirt. Owens eventually pins Zayn cleanly.
Roman Reigns stops by, so the crowd can get all the booing out of its system.Mick Foley comes out to make next week’s main event. Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns, for a chance at a WWE title shot. Good night!
Mick Foley comes out to make next week’s main event. Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns, for a chance at a WWE title shot. Good night!