KELLER & POWELL FLAGSHIP (12/5)
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Roman Reigns is one of the most divisive and talked about WWE performers in history. The company makes desperate play after desperate play to make him their number one star – thus far to no avail. How do they do it? What do they do?
I’m Tom Colohue and this is the Monday Night Reigns-o-meter.
Monday Night Reigns-o-Meter – Extreme Rules Omnibus Edition
So, you may have noticed that last week’s Reigns-o-Meter was not particularly inspired. To be fair, it didn’t have Roman Reigns and was thus the worst Raw of all time. Apart from the good bits, obviously. Like when everybody’s least favorite Samoan called Joe (Paul Heyman reads the Reigns-o-Meter) kicked Brock Lesnar in his massive chiselled face. Obviously, that sucked because it wasn’t Roman.
Moving on to this week, Roman was back. Roman was out first, and that’s good because I was just about ready to give up on WWE completely. He marched out to his usual rapturous boo-vation. Then came the promo. A lovely promo. A “heel listing all the reasons you should hate them while also leaving room for you to boo” promo.
You know, some people still think Roman is face? Weird, right? Even Wade Keller referenced Roman’s heel face. He reads the Reigns-0-Meter too, obviously.
Then the big moment came and, while wearing his marvellous new Dance Dance Revolution t-shirt, Roman announced that he’s now the number one contender because Roman Reigns said so.
I mean, to be fair, Cena did it for the rumble.
Naturally, Roman’s ghost interrupted Samoa Joe. Not to be confused with a Samoan named Joe, because Roman is also a Samoan named Joe. He also called Samoan Joe a Samoan named Joe because he didn’t want to call Samoa Joe Samoa Joe.
If this sounds confusing, it’s because it’s really confusing. I’m finding it hard keeping track. It does very conclusively prove that Roman Reigns reads the Reigns-o-Meter, though. That’s because he’s clever, that Roman fella.
Typically, this leads to a scrap, because Joe is in the mood for a scrap lately. He headbutts Roman, then tries to lock on the Coquina Clutch that they’re working really hard to get over.
Later, Finn Balor tries to get the Coquina Clutch over. Last week Paul Heyman tried to get the Coquina Clutch over. Brock Lesnar is obviously breaking out of the Coquina Clutch at Great Balls of Fire.
Roman, in the midst of an adrenaline rush caused by his ability to form rational sentences, hits his Superman punch and bathes in the glory of his entrance music repeating itself.
And just like that, we have a match later.
Now, like a lot of people, I expected Roman to get beat up by a returning Braun Strowman after he made his announcement. It made me really sad that he didn’t. This might sound silly given how blatantly pro Roman Reigns this Reigns-o-Meter is (or isn’t, depending on how I feel at any given moment), but I was genuinely disappointed when Braun didn’t appear and start beating Roman up. I started to get sad.
I started to feel hurt.
The stinging burn of betrayal was settling all around me.
And then there was Strowman. Yay! As the Coquina Clutch puts Roman Reigns out for the count, Braun Strowman comes down to beat the living hell out of a tired and battered Reigns. It’s almost like he was never gone. Looks like Roman will be losing another number 1 contendership very, very soon.
Can’t wait though.
– Samoa Joe
– Samoa Joe again
– Braun Strowman
Did Roman Reigns beat the odds?
First the first time in ages, no!
NOW CHECK OUT LAST WEEK’S COLUMN: MONDAY NIGHT REIGNS-O-METER #22: Tracking Roman Reigns’s ability to beat the odds and come out on top