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Roman Reigns is one of the most divisive and talked about WWE performers in history. The company makes desperate play after desperate play to make him their number one star – thus far to no avail. How do they do it? What do they do?
I’m Tom Colohue and this is the Monday Night Reigns-o-Meter.
Monday Night Reigns-o-Meter
For days the hype was, well, hyped. The return was coming. A hero’s welcome. A standing ovation the like of which has never before been seen. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, last night saw the return of everyone’s hero: Triple H!
Who did you think I was going to say? Fine, let me reload.
At first it went unnoticed. There was little fact but much speculation and then suddenly it was a reality. The return of a brute force monster. Someone who the fans loved and hated to see lose. A former champion set to get back on to winning ways. That’s right, ladies and gentleman; last night saw the return of everyone’s favorite: Bray Wyatt!
No? You guys are killing me here. Let me try again.
We heard the news. We heard the speculation. We saw the pictures and clicked on the click bait. Something monumental was coming. A return of a fan favorite so beloved that even people as big as John Cena stood no chance in hell. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen; last night saw the return of everyone’s heroine: Paige!
Or at least it was supposed to. If you believe the dirt sheets. And, you know, Paige.
Last night really was the night of big returns. Anyway, what was I doing?
Oh yeah! Stephanie’s back too! Can’t forget the real protagonist of this TV show.
As you might expect, I was very happy to see Roman Reigns appear in the crowd last night, milking it like a prize cow that lays solid gold eggs. Judging by the reactions of the crowd, I wasn’t the only one either. Roman casually wandered down to the ring, flexing his glistening muscles, and letting the crowd admire his oily oily incredibly bucket of water just thrown over it hair.
He stood tall, letting Stephanie play cheerleader for him before cutting a promo so scathing that Seth Rollins wasn’t even allowed to speak. It genuinely melted Seth’s vocal cords. That’s right; Roman Reigns may have permanently damaged Seth’s mouth.
Give us a laugh, Seth, please be okay!
The big deal for the big dog right now is a big day where he has a big date with Big E and his not so big crew. The challenge was thrown down, Stephanie was silenced for almost a whole six seconds and then a match for tonight was announced.
The main event, surely? Nope; that’s still Braun. I’m not going to argue. Roman tried arguing with Braun once and that feud lasted eight months. I don’t want none.
The match itself was nothing to write home about, except here I am writing about it. Also it was awesome, so there’s that. The Shield did The Shield thing, flying hither and yon with all the enthusiasm of myself if I ever find myself trapped in a cage with Brock Lesnar. I don’t want none of that either; let me out.
Roman hit him some Roman punches, a spear, and then a big power bomb on his way to achieving victory via a determined Miz mount. It was dirty and I loved it.
Remember when Survivor Series just looked kind of okay? Well played, WWE, well played. You did the right thing. You fixed it. Now with 100% more Roman. You’re welcome Vinny Mac. You’re welcome.
– The Miz
– The Miztourage
– The Bar
– Stephanie McMahon
Did Roman Reigns beat the odds?
Roman Reigns demolished the odds and got cheered doing so.
NOW CHECK OUT THE PREVIOUS COLUMN: MONDAY NIGHT REIGNS-O-METER #40: Tracking Roman Reigns’s ability to beat the odds and come out on top