SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
For live play-by-play coverage of tonight’s Impact Homecoming PPV, head over to Landon Pipkin’s live report by clicking here. Also, later tonight Landon and I will report a podcast recapping tonight’s show as we pinch hit for Greg Parks on Wrestling Night in America. Then on Monday night, I’ll be back with Andrew Soucek to share more Homecoming thoughts …
(1) Rich Swann def. Jake Crist, Ethan Page, Trey Miguel to win the X-Division Championship
Of course, they opened the show with the flippy spotfest match! That’s Impact’s M.O. and has been for a number of years, going all the way back to the TNA days, so it’s appropriate to open with the X Division on a “homecoming” themed show.
The match was a solid opener, and I do like the booking idea of Swann winning the title, but this was more in the category of a generic Ultimate X match, if there is such a thing. It wasn’t bad, but I don’t think this fully accomplished what the company intended it to. The crowd (which is large and super into the show) loved it.
(2) Allie & Su Yung def. Kiera Hoga & Jordynne Grace
The undead realm stuff is boring. Really boring. This match was OK but you still had Grace on a losing team (even if she didn’t take the submission herself), that hurts Grace.
After the match, Rosemary returned and I’m hoping her reintroduction back into this storyline saves it. But I’m not holding my breath.
(3) Eddie Edwards def. Moose in a Falls Count Anywhere match
Good walking brawl with some hardcore elements. Moose took some unprotected shots to the head, which was uncomfortable, and I can’t help but think Edwards should be doing something other than acting like a crazy lunatic.
(4) Sami Callihan def. Willie Mack
Not very long, which is what it had to be when you consider how far apart these two have been positioned on the card.
(5) Eli Drake def. Abyss in a Monster’s Ball
I’m over the Monster’s Ball gimmick. They did some different things, including the referee taking tacks in the eyes after Drake threw them, but it was the same rehashed stuff for the most part. Someone went through a table. Abyss used a staple gun. They emptied a bag of tacks on the mat. Abyss brought out Janice. There were chairs. You get the picture, right? With these matches, if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.
Kudos to Drake for taking the thumbtack spot. I especially enjoyed when they zoomed in and you could audibly hear Drake yell, “F&(#! Holy S%$&!” Drake tried to use zip ties, but couldn’t figure them out? I don’t know, but Abyss’ hands were never tied and then he slammed Abyss on the back with a chair 20 or so times. They were trying to throwback to Mick Foley vs. The Rock from the ’99 Royal Rumble, I suppose.
(6) LAX def. Pentagon Jr. & Fenix to retain the Impact World Tag Team Championship
Give them all of the money. All of the money! Everyone figured these four guys would tear the house down, and they absolutely did.
This match didn’t need a bunch of gimmicks to make it feel important. It was two teams who needed to fight. I was encouraged to see that they allowed the babyfaces to reunite at the end of the match and not have someone turn for the sake of “pulling off a surprise.
(7) Taya Valkyrie def. Tessa Blanchard to win the Knockouts Championship
Gail Kim hit her finishing move on Tessa, which gave Taya the win. Like a true heel duo, right?
But seriously, that wasn’t the way a babyface wins a championship. It protects Tessa Blanchard, but as a heel, if they weren’t willing to give someone a win over her clean, then they probably should have just kept the belt on Tessa.
(8) Johnny Impact beat Brian Cage to retain the Impact World Championship
The finish to this match seemed blown, with Impact rolling off Cage just a tick early. The referee wasn’t sure what to do at first. It was clunky and overbooked, with Impact’s Survivor bufoons on the outside getting involved, because of course they did. The crowd seemed to reject it as well, with them booing Impact posting with Valkyrie for what was, I’m sure, supposed to be this big emotional moment where husband and wife celebrate with their titles.
Then Killer Kross saved the day by attackimg Impact.
If more people cared, Impact would have a full-blown Roman Reigns situation on their hands right now!