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The following report originally published 20 years ago this week here at PWTorch.com.
WWE MONDAY NIGHT RAW REPORT
MAY 1, 2006
LIVE FROM COLUMBUS, OHIO
REPORT BY WADE KELLER, EDITOR
-Vince McMahon opened the show to let people know he wouldn’t be a big part of the show. But first, he bragged he and his son Shane did what people thought would be impossible – beating Shawn Michaels and God. “So tonight, I’m going to do exactly what God does all the time. I’m going to take a day off. I’m not going to go anywhere. I’m just going to sit back and relax.” He then appointed five co-G.M.’s – The Spirit Squad.
They entered the room with all of their obnoxious energy. They said they’d break boundaries. They said they drew Spirit Straws and 20 year old Kenny would face John Cena. Kenny vowed to make Vince proud. They said they’d start with a Divas Tag Match with the divas dressed as “the greatest performers in the world – cheerleaders.”
(Keller’s Analysis: Good opening segment. It’s intriguing to see what Spirit Squad will come up with. It’s also nice to know that we won’t be subject to a 15 minute post-Backlash self-indulgent and boorish Vince McMahon speech gloating about beating God and Michaels.)
-Joey Styles and Jerry Lawler introduced the show. As clips aired of the Edge-Mick Foley feud, Styles and Lawler announced that Edge would be face to face with Foley for the first time since WrestleMania.
1 — VICTORIA & MICKEY JAMES vs. TORRIE WILSON & MARIA
As the cheerleader match began, Lawler said: “Speaking of explosive…” Styles asked if he was going to explode. Lawler said, “I just hope not prematurely.” There’s officially too many references on WWE TV to semen. Styles said Victoria didn’t seem to be happy being forced to dress up like a cheerleader. He said she’s the toughest looking cheerleader he’s seen. Styles and Lawler said Victoria and Maria are much better wrestlers than their opponents. Maria and Torrie dominated early, though. Maria whipped Torrie into both Mickey and Victoria in the corner. Torrie gave a “stink face” to both of them. Maria then gave Mickey the Bronco Buster. Victoria threw Maria out of the ring. Torrie gave Victoria a face plant. As Mickey was about to superplex Maria, Trish Stratus came to ringside and tripped her, so Mickey landed on top and scored the pin.
WINNERS: Maria & Torrie at 4:00.
STAR RATING: 1/2* — Much better than Kane vs. Big Show last night, and smoother than Carlito vs. Chris Masters.
-They plugged against Cena vs. Kenny.
[Commercial Break]
2 — THE ODD SQUAD (Eugene & Goldust & Snitsky) vs. SPIRIT SQUAD (Johnny & Nicky & Mikey)
Before the match they replayed the booger incident with Matt Striker and Eugene last night at Backlash. You know, if they’re going to give away everything for free on TV the next day, what’s the point of ordering the PPV in the first place? Lawler said, “There are more nuts in Eugene’s family than Planters.” They cut away to Vince McMahon being handed a drink by Candice Michelle. So much for a Vince-free edition of Raw. The Spirit Squad beat down Eugene in the opening minutes. Eugene came back with a Rock Bottom and hot-tagged Snitsky. Snitsky clotheslined each member of Spirit Squad. Eugene tagged back in and went for a Stunner, but Johnny blocked it, hit the Johnny Go Round kick for the win.
WINNERS: Spirit Squad in 5:00.
STAR RATING: 3/4*
-Todd Grisham interviewed Eugene. Grisham said Spirit Squad insisted he ask him how it felt to lose. Eugene said it didn’t feel good. He said Uncle Eric told him to never quit. He corrected himself and said he always wanted him to quit. He said, “Kiss my butt, Uncle Eric. At least I have a job.” Matt Striker attacked Eugene with a dictionary and told him to never disrespect his teacher.
-The “This Week in History” segment went all the way back to yesterday featuring a recap of the McMahons vs. Michaels match. Vince did the voiceover. It ended with the scene of Spirit Squad holding the McMahons on their shoulders.
-Backstage, they showed Michaels, Charlie Hass, and Big Show watching the highlights. Spirit Squad walked in and told Michaels that they’re giving Michaels the night off as a wrestler, but not the night off. They were making him referee the Kane vs. Striker match and he’d have to wear a special refere shirt that said, “May 19” in large lettering on the front. They laughed and walked away. Show said, “You’ll figure something out. You’ve been around a long time.”
[Commercial Break]
-They replayed the end of Backlash’s Kane vs. Big Show match which ended when Kane lost it when his own voice taunted him with “May 19. May 19.” They didn’t say it was us hearing voices in his head. Instead, they just said they didn’t know where the voices came from.
3 — KANE vs. ROB CONWAY with Shawn Michaels as special appointed referee
Michaels came to the ring wearing the May 19th t-shirt. When Conway laughed at him, Michaels gave him a low blow. Then he put the May 19 shirt on Conway. Styles asked Lawler to quit saying the date May 19. The crowd chanted “HBK, HBK.” Kane came out and saw Conway was wearing that shirt and attacked Conway. He threw Conway into the ringside steps. Then he dropped him over the security barrier. Conway made a move toward escaping through the crowd, so Michaels grabbed him and “helped him” back into the ring where the beating continued.
Micheals supplied Kane with a trash can by casually setting it on the top rope. Kane saw it and used it against Conway. Michaels feigned disapproval. Kane ripped the May 19 shirt off of Conway and chokeslammed him and then walked away. Michaels said, “May 19th! May 19th! over the house mic. Kane turned around and saw the mic on Conway’s chest and thought Conway said it. Kane then gave Conway a tombstone and scored the pin. Michaels made a face at ringside that suggested he was just pretty sneaky. Styles wondered what happened on May 19 that causes Kane to hate that date so much.
WINNER: Kane in 3:00.
STAR RATING: 3/4*
[Commercial Break]
4 — UMAGA (w/Armando Alejandro Estrada) vs. RORY FOX
Estrada introduced Umaga as the man who destroyed Ric Flair.
WINNER: Umaga in 1:30.
STAR RATING: 1/4* — Basic squash. They’re sure giving Umaga an all-out monster push. He does a squash well as his key moves are well done.
-Backstage, Vince thanked Candice for visiting him backstage. He asked her how her chest cold was. She said remarkably better. She asked if he’d help her with her Labiajitis. He asked if it was acute. She said it is pretty cute. They then began necking. Hunter walked in and Vince nervously collected himself. Hunter asked if that was a flashlight in his pocket or he was just happy to see him. Vince told Hunter that he wanted him to be the guest referee in the world title match later. Hunter, by the way, was made up to look like he went face-first through a windshield.
Hunter said he just wanted the title shot. Vince said he shouldn’t reward him for his actions after the title match last night with the sledgehammer. Hunter said, “If you want a favor from me, all you have to do is ask.” Hunter said if Kenny happens to win the title, he wants to face Kenny one-on-one next week for the title with the rest of Spirit Squad banned from ringside. Hunter said without that promise, he doesn’t feel like being special guest referee. Vince said he should do what he says because he may be The Game, but he is The Boss. He brought up that Hunter called him an “old man” recently, and so if he does’t take his advice and be special ref, he may be an old man before his next title shot. Hunter glared at McMahon and then walked away.
[Commercial Break]
-Lita introduced Edge from mid-ring. She asked the fans to stand up and pay their respects to the most watched champion of the past five years. Edge called the fans’ show of respect for him “pathetic.” He said last night at Backlash he outclassed and outshined Triple H and John Cena, yet he has nothing to show for it. He said Cena pinned Triple H, not him, last night. “That means I still have claim to the WWE Championship.” He said he’s used to not getting any respect. He said one of the biggest victories of his career was tarnished because it was called by a “third-rate ECW reject, Joey Styles.” He told Joey he sucks. They showed Joey frowning and Lawler giggling. A small “Joey” chant lasted about five seconds.
Edge said nevertheless he still stole the show at WrestleMania. He then introduced Mick Foley as “the former hardcore legend.” Lawler said, “Joey, you don’t really suck all that bad.” Styles thanked Lawler. A “Foley, Foley” chant broke out. Foley said all he’s thought about since WrestleMania is what went wrong. He said he did some soul searching. He said he came to realize that he had the greatest hardcore match of his career and perhaps in all of wrestling history. He said if he went wrong anywhere, it was in not realizing that on that one night, April 2, 2006, he would be face-to-face with the toughest son of a bitch in WWE. Fans didn’t know how to react to Foley’s bragging about his match and then complimenting Edge. He shook hands with Edge and then kissed Lita on the cheek. He said, “Don’t get me wrong. Just because I lost the match doesn’t mean I didn’t get that Wrestlemania defining moment.”
A clip aired of Edge spearing Foley off the ring apron through a flaming table on the floor. Foley then shifted from calm to intense. He said he can look into Edge’s eyes and know that he will never be the same again. He said he took years off of his life and that he’ll never want to go through that hell ever again. He said that’s how he and Edge are different, because he does want to go through that hell again. He challenged Edge to a rematch tonight, “right here in Columbus, Ohio,” he said with a wink for the camera. Edge said it’s very cute that Foley waited until he went through a Triple Threat PPV title match. Edge then said, “You’re on…” Styles exclaimed for some reason, “Next week!”
Edge then added, “You’re on crack!” Edge said he’s not fighting him tonight. He agreed, though, to wrestle Foley next week in any match he wants. Foley said he will be “cutting Edge” next week with barbed wire, razor blades, and any sharp objects he can find. He told Edge to rest his throat because next week he’d have to scream for mercy. “Think about that, Edge, and then try to have a nice day.” Styles apparently shouted “next week” a little too soon. I can only imagine the brow-beating he’s going to get for that.
-A music video aired featuring highlights of Backlash pushing the replays this week.
[Commercial Break]
ARTICLE CONTINUED BELOW…
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-Chris Masters got a full ring intro. He said from center ring that last night’s match was a fluke. I think he meant to say dud. He said he got the better of Carlito during the whole match. He said if they wrestle again, Carlito won’t be spitting apples, he’ll be spitting teeth. He then challenged Rob Van Dam to try to break his Masterlock. RVD came out with both the Intercontinental Title belt and the Money in the Bank briefcase.
Styles said that it’s apparent that Masters’s ego is in tact after last night. Masters set up a chair for RVD. The crowd chanted “RVD, RVD.” Masters applied the Masterlock. He jerked RVD around. Shelton Benjamin charged into the ring and pounded away at RVD’s forehead. Carlito made the save with a chair. Nicky from Spirit Squad walked out and told them they can fight in a tag team match next. Styles was premature again in saying the match would begin after the break, but Nicky was still talking. Nicky said the match would start “now.”
[Commercial Break]
5 — CHRIS MASTERS & SHELTON BENJAMIN vs. ROB VAN DAM & CARLITO
They joined the match in progress with Masters having RVD in a chinlock. They showed a clip from druing the break of Masters powerslamming RVD. They cut to the back where Vince was pulling down Candice’s straps and making out with her. Styles, by edict assuredly, called the match a “sports entertainment contest.” Why not just call it a “sports entertainment performance.” Styles was handed a note on camera. He read it. “Apparently the co-General Managers of the evening, Spirit Squad, want to see me.” He got up and walked to the back. Lawler handled commentary on his own.
RVD hot-tagged Carlito at 4:00 just as Masters tagged in Shelton. Carlito ducked a Shelton clothesline and then hit a rebound elbow off the middle rope. Shelton fired back with a roundhouse kick. RVD surprised Carlito with a flying sidekick off the top rope. Masters shoved RVD out of the ring, then pressed Carlito. Carlito slipped out of Masters’s arms and gave him a back cracker. When Shelton grabbed a chair, Charlie Haas yanked it away. Carlito then schoolboyed Shelton and with a yank of his tights, scored the pin. Haas retreated through the crowd.
WINNERS: Carlito & RVD in 5:00.
STAR RATING: *1/4
-Smackdown Rebound aired.
-Spirit Squad told Joey that he has no spirit. He said he was just doing his job. They said his lack of spirit was appalling. They said Kenny doesn’t need his negative energy bringing him down. They said if Joey doesn’t do a better job, they’re going to make him wear a female cheerleader outfit next week on Raw. (Then Joey can quit in protest and be a hero when he’s fired, but then showed up as host of ECW.) They made Joey practice saying, “The new WWE Champion is Kenny.” Joey said it void of any spirit. They made him say it with spirit. They told him to practice.
[Commercial Break]
-Another featurette aired previewing “See No Evil.”
-Styles returned to ringside to no ovation. Lawler then asked the crowd to cheer for “future cheerleader Joey Styles.” Lawler asked Styles to repeat the line with spirit. Styles said, “How about if we just do our jobs and call a wrestling match.” Lawler said if he was in ECW, he’d show spirit with a big “Oh my god!” Styles said, “If this was ECW, I wouldn’t be working with a hack like you.” The crowd oohhhed. Lawler said he liked that he was finally showing some spirit. Styles said if he wants to see some spirit, how about a shove. He popped Lawler in the chest and then shoved him with both hands. Then he slapped him. Lawler didn’t likethe slap. He palm-faced Styles to the floor and called him “a little idiot.” Styles stormed away. The crowd chanted “ECW” briefly. Good set-up for Styles as host of ECW.
[Commercial Break]
-They replayed the Lawler-Styles angle. Back live, Lawler said during the break he apologized to the fans and now he wanted to apologize to Styles. He said he was just trying to have fun and things got out of hand. “My bad,” he said. They showed Styles on the stage considering Lawler’s invite.
Styles said:
“You want to apologize like nothing happened, like you didn’t knock me on my ass in front of millions of people worldwide and I’m going to come down there and work with you? I’m not coming back. And now, thanks to the magic of live television, I’m going to show the whole world that for seven years in ECW, I was the unscripted, loose cannon of commentary. Six months ago, WWE called me. I didn’t call this company because I was looking for a job. I wasn’t looking for a job. WWE called me because they had fired and humiliated again Jim Ross. So I get J.R.’s spot. From week one, week after week, I got a lecture on the differences between professional wrestling and sports entertainment. I’m not allowed to say pro wrestling or wrestler.
I have to say sports entertainment and refer to the wrestlers as superstars. I’m told to deliberately ignore the moves and the holds during the matches so I can tell stories. Well, ignoring the moves and the holds is damn insulting to the wrestlers, not the entertainers, who leave their families three-hundred days a year to ply their craft in that ring. They’re the best part. Because I’m not a sports entertainment storyteller, I get pulled from WrestleMania. The reason given is I don’t sound like Jim Ross, who is the guy they fired in the first place. That makes sense, right? So I swallow the bitter pill. I’m a company guy. I get bumped from WrestleMania.
Then I get bumped from Backlash. I’m not good enough to call Backlash? On ECW, I called live pay-per-views on my own, solo, no color commentators dragging me down. Wasn’t done before me. Hasn’t been done since. But I’m not good enough to call Backlash because I’m not a sports entertainment storyteller. Well, you know you what? I’m a sick of sports entertainment. I am sick of male cheerleaders. I am sick of boogers and bathroom humor and semen. I am sick of our chairman who likes to talk about his own semen.
He mocks God. He mocks God and makes out with the divas all to feed his insatiable ego. I am sick of sports entertainment. And most of all, I am sick of all of you fans who buy into that crap – this sports entertainment circus. (Crowd boos.) I never needed this job and I don’t want this job anymore. I quit!”
He yanked off the WWE mic cover and walked away. Great performance from Styles. They effectively weaved together a lot of truth to create a realistic rant which translates to a brave launching point for the rebirth of a full-time ECW. Notice there were no digs at Triple H or John Cena. There were certain targets that were off-limits to any verbal shots in that context.
-Lawler put his headset on. “We brought Joey Styles up from the gutter and it looks like he just got homesick. Maybe Joey Styles would seem more at home in a bingo hall kissing Paul Heyman’s ass.” Lawler was a good foil for Styles since he was Mr. Anti-ECW during part of ECW’s hottest period.
-Triple H’s ring entrance took place as he walked out wearing a referee shirt.
[Commercial Break]
-Todd Grisham joined Lawler at ringside to do commentary.
6 — JOHN CENA vs. KENNY (w/Spirit Squad) — WWE Title match
Cena had a brief staredown with Hunter, then took it to Kenny right away. Kenny has the size of a credible opponent for Cena. Hunter was nonchalant as ref. They showed some light when Kenny charged at Cena and Cena extended his boot. When Cena lifted Kenny, Hunter punched Cena. Kenny tossed Cena to ringside where the rest of Spirit Squad attacked him. Hunter was slow to make a count when Kenny covered Cena. Lawler said he wasn’t sure he understood Hunter’s motives. He said he must want to see Cena take more of a beating. Kenny punched Cena. Hunter made a slow two count. Kenny complained.
Cena fought back and hit a flying shoulder. When he went for another shoulder tackle, Spirit Squad tripped him and yanked him to ringside, beat on him, and threw him back into the ring. Kenny made the cover. Hunter made a slow count. Kenny complained again. Kenny gave Cena a neckbreaker. Hunter made another casual two count. Kenny complained. Cena fought back. Kenny DDT’d Cena. Hunter was so slow, Cena kicked out after one. Kenny shoved Hunter. Hunter punched back and got cheered. He gave a Pedigree to Mikey. The other three Spirit Squad members stood on the ring apron. Hunter walked away.
The Spirit Squad then gang attacked Cena. Lawler said Mr. McMahon won’t be happy he is walking out on his assignment. Shawn Michaels walked out in a ref shirt to replace Hunter. They had a brief staredown as they crossed paths on the stage. No indication was givenhow they felt about each other. Kenny hit Cena with the flying legdrop off the top rope.
Michaels ran to the ring and counted to two. He stopped before three, though. Kenny threw an absolute fit. Michaels superkicked Kenny, did a crotch chop, and the was joined by Cena in fending off a mass attack from Spirit Squad. Cena showed great fire and had the crowd on his side. He did the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Michaels gave Sweet Chin Music to Johnny. Kenny staggered back to center ring. Michaels gave him an FU for the win.
WINNER: Cena in 5:00.
STAR RATING: **1/4 — It told its story really effectively. A lot happened in that match storyline-wise that will play out in coming weeks. A transitional half hour for WWE Raw. “What a Raw this has been,” said Lawler. Correct.
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