5 YRS AGO – KELLER’S WWE RAW REPORT (5-5-14): Kane terrorizes Brie in bad horror movie skit, Zeb Colter’s deportation list, Cody vs. Ryback, Shield vs. Wyatt Family, plus Kofi, Bryan, Brie, Rusev, Big E, Cesaro, Battle Royal

By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

Bray Wyatt (photo credit Wade Keller © PWTorch)


The following report was originally published five years ago this week on PWTorch.com…

MAY 5, 2014

[Hour One] The show opened with The Shield’s ring entrance. Michael Cole, JBL, and Jerry Lawler announced a “unique” battle royal was kicking off the show with Dean Ambrose’s U.S. Title at stake.

(1) 20 MAN BATTLE ROYAL for U.S. Title.

Xavier Woods and Zack Ryder were the first out. Then Titus O’Neal, via Big Show, and then Sin Cara and Damien Sandow headed into the first break. [c]

Out went Kofi Kingston, Cody Rhodes, Curtis Axel, Dolph Ziggler, and Santino. It came down to Sheamus, Ryback, Curtis Axel, Jack Swagger, and Ambrose. A “Goldberg” chant started, followed by brief “C.M. Punk” chant. Sheamus eliminated Ambrose to win.

WINNER: Sheamus at 15:42 to capture the U.S. Title.

(WK Reax: This made storyline sense in that the announcers played up how unfair it was for Ambrose to be put in this unusual situation with his title on the line. It also made sense for Ambrose to lose the U.S. Title as his not defending it very often was not a babyface trait. The U.S. Title, while a bit extraneous anyway, wasn’t doing him any good the way he was portrayed. It also made sense for Sheamus, assuming he’s en route to becoming a heel, to win the title under these circumstances where he hardly won a clean fought one-on-one match.)

Triple H announced that The Shield would face The Wyatts at the end of the show, so Ambrose would have to wrestle twice. Cole said Hunter’s vendetta against The Shield was going too far. [c]

An Adam Rose vignette aired.

Rene Young interviewed Sheamus backstage. Sheamus admitted he had been spinning his wheels since returning form injury. His message to Ambrose? “No hard feelings, fella.”

Stephanie McMahon walked in on Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella. She told them Kane is upset and stay in their locker room until later. Brie noticed a red mask hanging on the wall.

Paul Heyman introduced himself on stage with Cesaro. He bragged about Brock Lesnar’s win. The crowd booed. Heyman said, “I don’t like your attitude.”


In the end, Cesaro was DQ’d for not breaking on a five count.

WINNER: RVD via DQ at 11:41.

(WK Reax: Good solid TV match. They obviously didn’t want to give away a finish in this feud yet, and I understand why. This type of DQ finish does give the sense that referee’s have rules they can actually enforce.)

The announcers pushed a “refer a friend” promotion to get more people signed up to WWE Network.

Bray Wyatt walked to the ring with Erick Rowan and Luke Harper. He said Sister Abigail told him he was born to lead. He said people said he was a piece of trash who would never make it, but they were wrong. He bragged about Cena being scared of a singing child the night before. Bray said Cena is right, he is a monster who wants to see the world burn, but more like a farmer watching crops burn so it can be reborn in his image.

[Hour Two] Bray said he does what he does for the teenager who was told she wasn’t pretty enough for prom. He said with each passing day, Cena stands more alone and he shall fail. He said everyone will soon stand under what he truly is – a god. He then sang “He’s got the whole world…” [c]

(3) CODY RHODES (w/Goldust) vs. RYBACK (w/Curtis Axel)

Ryback dominated early. Cody made a comeback. When Axel interfered, Goldust threw him into the ringpost. Cody lost his balance, though, and Ryback gave Cody a Shellshock and scored the pin. Goldust helped Cody to the back.

WINNER: Ryback at 5:59.

Backstage Brie was getting restless locked in their room. The lights went out and Kane’s red mask lit up. They left the room and saw Stephanie, who played dumb. Steph said she’d have Bryan and Brie’s car pulled up so they can hide out there or leave until his match or something.

Back live, it was time for the Cinco de Mayo party with Los Matadores and El Torito. 3MB interrupted and demanded a truce or else they’d crash the party. Torito gave candy to Hornswoggle. Hornswoggle at the candy, spit it out, and started a brawl. Torito fought back, but Los Matadores cleared McIntyre and Jinder Mahal from the ring. Eventually the heels were knocked out of the ring after a Torito gore on Hornswoggle. Los Matadores’s music played as they threw candy to the fans.

A Bo Dallas vignette aired.

Lana cut a pre-match promo.

(4) RUSEV (w/Lana) vs. KOFI KINGSTON

WINNER: Rusev via submission at 2:55.

The announcers plugged WWE Network.

Backstage Bryan and Brie entered a rental car. The camera suddenly, magically switched to inside the car. Stephanie slapped the side of the car and startled Bryan and Brie. She said she realized Bryan couldn’t leave yet because if he didn’t wrestle, he’d be stripped of the WWE Title. She walked away. Bryan and Brie left the car to head to the ring.


[Hour Three] In the end, Del Rio called for his cross armbreaker, but Bryan countered with a Yes! lock and Del Rio tapped out.

WINNER: Bryan at 15:28.

(WK Reax: Solid match. It had the feeling of being a mid-show filler, but overall it filled the time relatively well.)

Brie entered the ring to celebrate the win with Bryan, but Kane’s pyro blasted. They headed to the stage and to the back where they were going to flee in their rental car. However, the car didn’t start. Bryan, suddenly an expert on car engines, opened the hood and noticed a disconnected wire. When he closed the hood, Kane was sitting in the backseat trying to reach Brie, who was screaming hysterically. Bryan closed the drive’s seat door and then jumped in the back seat to beat up Kane. Bryan got in the car to drive away, but Kane leaped on the back of it. Bryan drove away and Kane went splat onto the concrete. Bryan stopped the car to check on Kane, who sat up and smirked.

(WK Reax: This start to feel like a really poor execution of a “We Know What You Did Last Summer” cheesy horror movie reenactment. It just wasn’t done very well, but it’s hard to imagine how something like this could be done well.)

(6) WADE BARRETT vs. BIG E. – Intercontinental Title rematch

Before the match, Barrett delivered some bad news – the “deformed slobs” who might have been worthy of a champion like Big E. will need cosmetic surgery to be worthy of him as champion. Big E. got no response, whereas Barrett was over like a hot babyface. The crowd started another “C.M. Punk” chant when they got restless a few minutes in. In the end, Big E. dropped his strap and went for the Big Ending, but Barret slipped free. The ref went down. Barrett eye-gouged Big E. and then hit the Bullhammer Elbow for the win.

WINNER: Barrett at 10:45 to retain the IC Title.

(WK Reax: Cole and Lawler didn’t even try to get over the idea that Barrett’s cheating was worthy of scorn, which is part of the reason heels get cheered and have trouble getting heat so often in WWE’s current world.)

Lawler threw to a Mother’s Day music video made up of clips of Mr. T’s Hall of Fame speech. It felt as if they were mocking Mr. T, but in a gentle or light-hearted way since it was just put out there using Mr. T’s own words.

Zeb Colter and Swagger walked out. Zeb had a sign”Zeb’s Deportation List.” Colter said today isn’t Cinco de Mayo day for Real Americans, but rather it’s a day that people get dog-drunk and vomit. Cole snortled. Zeb complained about “illegal immigrants.” He listed Cesaro, Emma, Santino, Heyman, Sheamus, and Paige. He took digs at each of them. Then Adam Rose came out with his party friends. They crowd surfed at ringside. The crowd wasn’t sure what to think, nor was Zeb. Rose told Zeb not to be a lemon, but rather a rosebud. Cole danced and Lawler encouraged the partying, which made Rose seem very uncool suddenly.


Nicely paced brawl that filled a lot of time late in the show. In the end, Evolution interrupted a Shield rally. The Shield, preoccupied by Evolution, ended up falling pray to Wyatt, who gave Reigns a Sister Abigail from behind to score the pin.

WINNERS: Wyatts at 18:01.

Afterward Evolution attacked The Shield and closed the show with Batista leading a triple powerbomb on Reigns. Reigns coughed up blood as the show ended.

RECOMMENDED: 5 YRS AGO – WWE in Louisville, Ky. (4-26-14): Cena & RVD & Show vs. Wyatt Family, plus Batista, Bella, Kofi, Big E, Brodus Clay, Ziggler, Del Rio

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.