SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
By Pat McNeill, PWTorch columnist
Raw begins with a video package on the Owens-Reigns match. I missed it last week…but my aim is improving.
Sure, you could open Raw with somebody other than Roman Reigns. But if you did, who would the fans boo?
Next up, the entrance of Stephanie McMahon. Steph appears to be here tonight to prevent Roman Reigns from cutting an in-ring promo.
Followed by the entrance of Mick Foley. Mick appears to be here tonight to prevent Stephanie from cutting…Oh, this is awkward.
Unlike Summerslam, we will see Rusev defend the WWE United States Title against Roman Reigns Sunday. Well, that’s a load off my mind.
Mick Foley explains to Roman Reigns that his job depends on keeping Stephanie McMahon happy. Then Foley realizes we’re live already.
The gist of it is, Owens fights Reigns in a (non-title) steel cage main event tonight. Meanwhile, Rusev fights Seth Rollins, next.
Rollins vs. Rusev. This is just what Raw needs against Dancing with the Stars, and the NFL, and the new Kevin James show and…where was I?
In a shocking development, Raw Women’s Champion Charlotte is upset with something Dana Brooke did.
BREAKING NEWS: Apparently Darren Young and Titus O’Neil are now exclusive to the WWE Superstars brand.
(Cruiserweight video package.) Wait, are we getting Cedric Alexander vs. Brian Kendrick TONIGHT? You don’t want to build up to this or anything?
And now, it’s Braun Strowman vs. Sin Cara III: The Revenge.
BOLD PREDICTION: Coming up at NXT Takeover: Toronto next month, it’ll be Eric Young’s new stable vs. Johnny Gargano’s wedding party.
Well, that’s that. Tune in to Raw next week for Braun Strowman vs. Sin Cara IV: The Quest For Peace.
We now go backstage at Raw, where tonight’s Bayley & Sasha vs. Charlotte & Dana tag match is starting to get a little awkward.
Okay, which one of you sent the McMahons a list of everything they’ve done wrong? Because we’ll be hearing about it for the next two hours.
Hold on. Does T.J. Perkins actually get to defend the Cruiserweight Title on Sunday? Because if he does, I’m all in on the little guys.
Bayley & Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte & Dana Brooke on Raw. Can’t we all just get along? (No.) Okay then.
SPOILER: Charlotte & Dana Brooke won a tag match! OMG! (They’ll be fighting again by the third hour.)
Byron Saxton actually knows the names of the Memphis Grizzlies players who are in attendance. (So THAT’S why he’s out there.)
So, Triple H turned on Seth Rollins three weeks ago, and Stephanie STILL hasn’t asked him about it? Who are they, the Clintons?
Time for our next match. It looks like Bo Dallas vs. Gary Glitter…Well, that’s who I *thought* it was. Give me a break.
People are critical of Bo Dallas, but I think it’s high time WWE gave one of their superstars the Maya Angelou gimmick.
So ALL the cruiserweights are here tonight on Raw? What is this, an eight-man tag? It all sounds very X Division.
Up next, Cesaro vs. Sheamus. Match 6 in a Best of 393 series.
According to Mick Foley, the winner of this feud is getting a title shot. So tune in to Raw next week when Sheamus goes after T.J. Perkins.
Cole says that Sheamus was on the Notre Dame sideline Saturday to inspire the team. (Final Score: Michigan State 36, Notre Dame 28.)
The series between Cesaro and Sheamus is now tied at three matches a piece. Boy, what were the odds?
Chris Jericho tells Mick Foley he’s done a terrible job as Raw GM. Foley introduces Jericho to the WWE creative team. Well played.
The List of Jericho is interrupted by Enzo Amore & Colin Cassidy. Damn, I was hoping Jericho could get this list to 1004, too.
Jericho and Enzo argue over who’s funnier. Here to settle it are two guys who aren’t funny, Primo and Epico.
Here comes The New Day. Teddy Long would have skipped ahead and made the 10-man tag team match by now.
Corey Graves: “All Jericho wanted to do was air some grievances.” Oh, yeah? Then he should have waited for Festivus, like everyone else.
Stick around for the third hour of Raw and the steel cage match. It’s not like the football game is close or…Oh, it is? Crap.
In honor of Hispanic Heritage Month, WWE presents a special look back at The Mexicools. (No, not really.)
American author Mark Twain famously said, “Shut up and introduce the wrestlers, you stupid idiot!” I’d have given $100 right then for Metalik, Kendrick, Swann, and Alexander to join forces and #BeatUpMickFoley.
It’s a Cruiserweight Fatal Four-Way match for a title shot, in Quarter 10 of Raw. Oh, good, I was worried WWE wouldn’t take this seriously.
“It’s like watching Power Rangers compete in a WWE ring.” Thanks, Byron. That’s EXACTLY what this segment needed.
Hopefully by now Corey Graves has figured out that Mick Foley wanted Ranallo & Bryan in place of the two guys sitting next to him.
The good news? We’re getting T.J. Perkins vs. Brian Kendrick on Sunday. The other news? We also get Alicia Fox vs. Nia Jax 2.
Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns in a cage match. This might be almost as good as next week’s Clinton-Trump cage match. And it’s NEXT.
Main event time. Remember, a steel cage prevents anyone from interfering in the outcome of the match, as far as you know.
You know, this may not be the best week for Michael Cole to talk up the “ratings war” between #Raw and Smackdown.
Owens vs. Reigns in a steel cage. Remember, you can discuss this match via social media by using the hashtag #EaglesUpTwoTouchdowns.
Reigns wins the brutal bout by leaving the cage first. You know, the same way Mickey Gall beat C.M. Punk.
Kevin Owens & Rusev drag Reigns back into the cage and lock the door. Does ANYONE like Roman enough to stop them? …Guess not.
Just kidding. Srth Rollins jumps from the top of the cage onto Rusev & Owens. Now all four guys are locked in the cage so…fade to black.
That was Raw. Join me & Wade Keller Tuesday night at 10:00 p.m. EST at PWTorchLivecast.com for the Smackdown Live postgame show! Good night!
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