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KELLER’S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
JANUARY 4, 2007
TAPED IN RICHMOND, VA.
[HOUR ONE]
-A well-produced video feature aired recapping last week’s three-on-one World Title match with Batista vs. Edge & The Edgeheads.
-The Smackdown opening aired followed by a quick introduction by Michael Cole.
-Teddy Long wheeled out Vickie Guerrero onto the rap. She said if Batista or Undertaker so much as lay a finger on Edge, “your World Heavyweight Champion,” their chances of regaining the championship go up in smoke. Long shook his head in disgust behind her. His demeanor continues to be excellent throughout this stretch of being Vickie’s wheelchair pusher. She announced a Beat the Clock challenge where the winner faces “your World Champion” at the Royal Rumble. She announced some of the contestants: Rey Mysterio, Finlay, Batista, and Undertaker. She the introduced, with a glorious series of adjectives, Smackdown’s new color commentator, Jonathan Coachman. They cut to a crowd shot of a guy in the crowd who looked like he just heard that his favorite team traded their all-star franchise player away for a third round draft pick. Coach jogged to the ring with a big smile and shook hands with Cole.
1 — FINLAY (w/Hornswoggle) vs. MVP — Beat the Clock Challenge Match
During the ring intros, they went to a clip of William Regal refusing to his Hornswoggle with brass knuckles at Vince McMahon’s command followed by McMahon slapping him and saying Regal failed him. Coach said that shows him that Mr. McMahon believes in tough love, but in the end, he loves his family more than anything. A clock counted up in the corner of the screen, indicating the “time to beat” for future one-on-one matches. Nearly two minutes in, with MVP in control at ringside, they cut to a break.
[Commercial Break]
Back to the match at 5:08, FInlay had MVP in a leglock on the mat. The camera angle showed Coach and Cole commenting on the match in the background at ringside. MVP came back with a keylock/headlock type hold. Coach’s commentary, early on, clearly doesn’t carry the kind of credibility that JBL, Tazz, and Jerry Lawler have, such as when he said, “You have go for the cover every opportunity you have the cover.” It’s subtle, but when a color commentator who hasn’t wrestled is giving strategy advice to wrestlers who have, it lacks the credibility of someone with first-hand experience of years in the ring. Coach would be better off limiting commentary to analysis and observation and not anything that sounds like advice. MVP nailed Finlay with a running big boot in the corner at 9:30. Hornwoggle tossed a shillelalgh into the ring. MVP grabbed it. The ref yanked it away. Hornswoggle tossed a second stick to Finlay, which he used to knock out MVP and score the pin.
WINNER: Finlay at 9:46.
STAR RATING: *3/4 — Good enough TV match.
-Afterward, Vince McMahon made what Cole described as “a rare Smackdown appearance.” He walked out to the ring to his music and hugged Hornswoggle enthusiastically. Finlay looked on suspiciously as Hornswoggle smiled at his dad’s approval.
[Commercial Break]
-A clip aired of Jamie Noble’s date with Michelle McCool last week when his attempt to pull the table cloth out from under their plates failed. Coach said, “Sometimes when you’re nervous, those things happen.”
2 — CHUCK PALUMBO (w/Michelle McCool) vs. KENNY DYKSTRA (w/Victoria)
Coach said it must’ve been tough for Palumbo to watch his girl on a date with another man last week. Coach added, though, that had Palumbo beat Noble that wouldn’t have happened. Victoria beat up Michelle early in the match. The man tagged in leading to eventually Palumbo hitting a superplex and tagging out to the women again. Michelle dove at Victoria off the top rope with a crossbody block. When Dykstra yelled at Michelle from the ring apron, she roundkicked him to the floor. Victoria seized the moment to kick Michelle in the gut and hit a dropdown inverted bodyvice for the win. After the match, Palumbo threw another fit. He yelled at Michelle, “I’m so sick of you; you can’t do anything right. You cost us the match.” He left without her, riding his bike to the back as Michelle sulked in the ring. Coach said Palumbo may regret that decision. He said he knows he wouldn’t leave her in the ring.
WINNER: Dykstra & Victoria in 6:00.
STAR RATING: *
-Backstage Vickie complained to Long that she wanted cream in her coffee. Chavo Guerrero walked in and confronted Vickie, asking if she realizes what she’s doing to the Guerrero family. He said the relationship she’s having is tearing the family apart. She asked what he wanted; after all, she put him in the Beat the Clock Challenge. Chavo fumed and said he wants to roll back the hands of time. Boy, isn’t that true on numerous levels for him. He said he wants something he can’t have and then left. Not sure what that meant.
[Commercial Break]
-Cole noted that Finlay’s Beat the Clock time is 9:46.
3 — CHAVO GUERRERO vs. FUNAKI — Beat the Clock Challenge
Coach and Cole wondered whether Chavo would be able to set a short time against Funaki. They also analyzed whether it’s best to set the time early or try to beat a established time later. Chavo tried to win early, but Funaki put up a good fight and scored some near falls. Cole called an enzuigiri during the match, but I wonder if he has any idea how it’s spelled because his pronunciation is what causes people to spell it “insigory” and “insougory” when sending in reports to this site. Chavo hit a Gory Special with 3:44 left in the countdown.
WINNER: Chavo at 6:02.
STAR RATING: *
-They showed Batista heading toward the entrance tunnel for his match next.
[Commercial Break]
4 — BATISTA vs. CURT HAWKINS — Beat the Clock Challenge
Cole said during Batista’s ring entrance, “Simply put, this is Batista’s way back to the World Title.” Batista smiled when it was revealed Hawkins was his scheduled opponent. He snapped his fingers and indicated he could beat him just like that. Vickie interrupted and said Long had an announcement regarding his match. Long reluctantly revealed he’d have to also face Zach Ryder. Batista’s enthusiasm diminished, but he still looked confident and determined as Ryder came out to his ultra-generic intro song. Batista fought off an attack from both sides by both Edgeheads at once.
[HOUR TWO]
They eventually were able to double-team him and keep him down for most of the 6:02 that he had to Beat the Clock. Near the end, Batista made a comeback and set up a Batista Bomb on one of his opponent’s, but the other grabbed his leg and held on until the time ran out. Cole and Coach figured that the Edgeheads were given specific instructions to simply run out the clock to knock Batista out of the competition. Batista, after the time ran out, slammed his fist repeatedly against the mat in frustration.
WINNER: Time expired at 6:02.
STAR RATING: * — The match served its purpose well.
[Commercial Break]
-The Raw Rebound aired.
-MVP bragged on the phone to someone about his match earlier. He then vowed to break through the glass ceiling and make his match. He said he’s going to do what Triple H couldn’t do: “I’m going to retire Ric Flair,” he said.
-Coach and Cole were shown at ringside. Cole interviewed Rey Mysterio from the back, asking how he can prepare not knowing who his opponent is. Rey said he can’t. He said not being the biggest wrestler, he usually likes to study his opponent before his match. He said he has to be fast and furious to beat the clock. He said he has worn the World Title once before and he will do anything in his power to do it again. Good, basic promo that sets the stage for his upcoming match and builds up the value of the World Title.
[Commercial Break]
5 — DEUCE & DOMINO (w/Cherry) vs. JIMMY WANG YANG & SHANNON MOORE
Cole reintroduced Coach as his “new partner” because JBL has gone to wrestle on Raw. Notably, Cole didn’t add any positive editorial comment to having Coach as his new partner. He was very dry and minimal with the introduction. You’d think that’d be a place to introduce some comment – positive or negative – to establish a tone for their on-air relationship. It’s as if he’s not excited about and has nothing yet defined about what kind of color commentator Coach will be, so he just leaves it alone. Coach asked Cole why Moore is called The Reject. Cole answered literally that it’s because Moore calls himself that. Coach said that doesn’t answer his question. He asked why, and said he needs to learn these things. It’s the most friskiness that Coach showed all show. One thing that makes Smackdown entertaining is the long tradition of color commentators giving Cole a hard time.
WINNERS: Moore & Yang in 4:00 when Moore pinned Domino.
STAR RATING: 3/4* — Short, but fine.
-They showed Chavo on the screen with the Beat the Clock time, then plugged that Undertaker was up next.
[Commercial Break]
6 — UNDERTAKER vs. MARK HENRY — Beat the Clock match
Taker came out first, followed by Matt Striker’s music. Cole said Taker had to be encouraged by that opponent. Striker walked out wearing a referee shirt and said he has a small correction to make. He said he isn’t wrestling, he’s the referee. He said his opponent is the World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry. This match was so good last time, can’t wait to see if they top it. They exchanged punches early, then took it to the floor. Taker sent Henry into the ringside steps. Cole said a countout does not count as a Beat the Clock win. Taker followed with a guillotine legdrop on the ring apron. Back in the ring, Henry reversed Taker into the corner and clotheslined him. Henry headbutted Taker. With two minutes left, Coach asked where the desperation was to get a win quickly. Taker came back with a DDT. Taker then walked the top rope and came off with a forearm, but Henry caught him. Coach questioned that move from Taker this late in the match. Taker fought out of Henry’s grip with 30 seconds left. Taker hit a chokeslam for the apparently three count with nine seconds left, but Striker stopped just before three, rolled out of the ring, and the buzzer sounded. Striker claimed it was only a two count as he retreated to the back. Taker responded by bodyslamming and legdropping Henry. Taker expressed frustration as they cut to a break.
WINNER: Time expired at 6:02.
STAR RATING: 3/4* — It was passable action.
[Commercial Break]
-Cole introduced the new backstage interviewer, a former Diva Search contestant. She interviewed Matt Striker, who said if Taker ever puts his hands on him, he’ll single-handed beat him to oblivion along with Big Daddy V, who then stepped into the picture. Coach then said, “I think Matt Striker has written a check he can’t cash.” Boy, if we’re in for cliches like that every week passed off as witty analysis, watching Smackdown is going to be treat.
-Coach and Cole hyped the Royal Rumble line-up: JBL vs. Chris Jericho, Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy, and a defense by Edge against the Beat the Clock winner. Coach said it’d be either Chavo Guerrero or Rey Mysterio. He left off the possibility that it’d be Rey’s opponent, yet to be revealed.
[Commercial Break]
7 — REY MYSTERIO vs. EDGE (w/The Edgeheads)
Coach said Edge is going to get his own hands dirty to try to avoid facing Rey Mysterio at the Rumble. Edge ducked through the ropes early to stall and let the clock countdown. Then he bailed out to ringside seconds later, laughing when he hit the ground. He rolled into the ring, then out again. It’s always fun when a heel is booked to be clever while being a chicken, taking advantage of whatever the rules allow. Rey finally caught Edge with a head scissors and a dropkick. He set up the move that’s not a senton that Cole always calls a senton. Edge came back and slid Rey out of the ring to the floor where the Edgeheads taunted him. The ref counted to six before Rey returned to the ring with 3:40 left. Batista ran to the ring and took out Ryder and Hawkins, making sure they couldn’t interfere as the match progressed. He clotheslined them over the security railing. Rey set up a distracted Edge for a 619, but Edge ducked. Rey schoolboyed Edge for a near fall with 3:00 left. Rey scored another two count after a crossbody off the middle rope. Edge came back by slamming Rey into the top turnbuckle. Edge stomped on Rey as the crowd popped and turned toward the stage. The camera followed and showed Undertaker on the stage. The lights went out. When they came on, Edge was knocked out leaning on the middle rope. Rey hit a 619 and scored the pin.
WINNER: Rey Mysterio at 4:37.
STAR RATING: * — Nicely done, giving Rey a big win that his fans can be excited about while not hurting Edge, and involving Batista and Undertaker acting justifiably considering how Vickie stacked the odds unfairly against them.
FINAL THOUGHTS: This isn’t always the most dynamic or progressive show, but it’s really booked solidly with smart, logical storylines and well-defined top level characters. The Beat the Clock Challenge is one of the better “concept show” gimmicks.
NOW CHECK OUT THE PREVIOUS FLASHBACK: KELLER’S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT 12/26: Styles vs. Owens in Chicago, Daniel Bryan addresses recent controversies
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