SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
TOTAL DIVAS, EPISODE 2
NOVEMBER 23, 2016
AIRED ON E!
The show opens with a recap where the “Women’s Championship” replaces the “Diva’s Championship.”
Excuse me if I’m half here, I’m leaving for work almost as soon as this show is over.
We squabble over Maryse being back or not back. Nattie is less than enamored with her presence, or any secrecy surrounding it. We are reintroduced to Maryse on TV as the Miz faced Zack Ryder in a match. Maryse slapped Ryder’s dad for anyone who didn’t remember. Without segue we’re at Nattie’s house and discussing shot-putting. This doesn’t seem at all unnatural… not. Lana keeps calling Nattie. Then we’re with the Bella twins drinking. Brie has gotten a haircut. The twins got the cover of Latina magazine, but the shoot is inconvenient because Brie is ovulating.
Renee, Naomi, and Nattie are at a restaurant. Nattie’s getting a title shot and bitching about Lana calling her. Then Lana shows up. Lana’s had a picture of a questionable pose on the ring apron that’s gone viral. Lana’s still nervous about being a wrestler… which hasn’t exactly transpired since that WrestleMania match, but I digress. Meanwhile back at Raw, Nattie is about to wrestle Charlotte and it needs to be spectacular… except the writer’s didn’t bother to book this match with a story, so we’ll just have to hope that Nattie is over. Back from the break, Nattie actually wins, but it was a non-title match.
Naomi is from Orlando. So, she’s going to go visit the Pulse nightclub where 49 people were killed by a gunman in June 2016. It turns out that Naomi and family and friends used to patronize the establishment. And then we are with the Bella Twins. “Oh my god, Brie, we have to nail the poses!” says Nikki Bella to her sister of their Latina magazine cover shoot. Yeah, compared to the content of the last two minutes: Nikki Bella is an airhead. Oh, hey, back in Orlando Naomi visits Pulse, or more specifically the memorial outside. Thankfully, we go to commercial and not back to the Bella twins… my head may have exploded. Note to E! Network: I will happily view a segment without the Bella twins; their storyline mashed in the middle of that was idiotic.
Lana is at Nattie’s house. Then we’re at the PC working on Lana’s entrance. Oh f—, it’s the Bella twins talking about Birdee Bee, the company where they think they’re going to empower women with underwear. SMH. Brie is mad that Nikki agreed to go to an event. She’d rather go home and have sex with Daniel Bryan, because apparently he can’t fly out to do her. A little sexist, maybe? Okay, none of you were thinking that. Oh no, Brie is ovulating, and apparently is unaware that she will be ovulating again next month. So, they argue. Meanwhile, Lana is at Nattie’s house. Can’t wait until she watches the show and discovers that Nattie hates her. Nattie’s parents stop by, Nattie insists that Lana speak Russian to her dad. Jim Neidhart is going to teach Lana how to shotput. Lana like’s the Anvil’s shoes. Yes, that was awkward weird. Nattie puts makeup on her mom and says the “I don’t know if I need Advil or vodka” line. Meanwhile, Lana throws the shotput ball through a car window.
Of course it was Nattie’s car window. Lana feels super guilty. Nattie finally explodes. She wants some me time.
Naomi is still in Orlando. She visits with a former Pulse employee. They talk about the shooting. It’s sad. Naomi wants to do something for the community. Ugh, we’re back with the Bella twins (sorry, I can’t pretend to pretend to enjoy them tonight). The twins are at a restaurant discussing Brie & Bryan having kids. Nikki thinks they’re moving too fast. Brie apparently needs to talk to Bryan. We’re back at Raw. Renee makes a brief appearance. Nattie’s having a match against Dana Brook. Lana’s mad because Dana has stolen her move (even though she’s only had one match).
Sorry, I was putting on deodorant (and a shirt and pants; I have to go to work, and we have some hygiene standards). Apparently Lana talked to Nattie, and Nattie yelled at her, and then they hug. Back in Orlando, Naomi’s going to do a vigil at a center for LGTB folks. My apologies, I’m slightly deaf so for like two minutes I wondered what the hell a “visual” was — like a photoshoot or a dance? Okay, it’s a VIGIL, duh. I could go on for hours about song lyrics that I’ve misheard over the years… Back from break we’re at Naomi’s vigil. Naomi gives a speech. Holy shit, she starts off with a quote from Harvey Milk. You know, like she’s aware of the world around her and history, which is phenomenally deeper than anything any of the other players on this show have ever demonstrated. I reaffirm my opinion that Naomi is the adult of the show, the one who clearly demonstrates having a conscience.
(Sighs) We segue from Naomi’s vigil to Brie and Bryan driving in a car discussing having kids. Brie wonders if she’s pushing Bryan to be a father. Bryan has some reservations. In a voiceover, Brie is somewhat gobsmacked that Bryan still has reservations about the kids thing, since that’s what she retired to do, and maybe she shouldn’t have? We cut to commercial. You have to imagine that in the four remaining minutes of this show, they either resolve this or we have to wonder about it until whatever episode it’s revisited.
Bryan’s concern that his depression is life-long and won’t be resolved during the course of a month or a pregnancy. However, Bryan is excited about having kids, so he’s ready. Oh good, we don’t have this as a cliffhanger.
Next week: Naomi learns how to ride a motorcycle, Brie wants a sexy photoshoot, and the Miz and Maryse argue about how much money Maryse spends.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!