Roman Reigns is one of the most divisive and talked about WWE performers in history. The company makes desperate play after desperate play to make him their number one star – thus far to no avail. How do they do it? What do they do?
I’m Tom Colohue and this is the Monday Night Reigns-o-meter.
Monday Night Reigns-o-meter
PWTorch fans, I won’t lie to you; things didn’t start off great for our brave and handsome hero this week. Roman Reigns’s first mention was in a name drop. Kevin Owens made himself look tough by pointing out he’s beaten Roman Reigns. Of course his record is about 1/23,674 but hey, who’s counting?
Then a whole lot of nothing happens. Raw instead focusses on other stars, such as Samoa Joe (still not my favorite samoan Joe) and Charlotte and… erm… did I mention Charlotte? I mean other people are there but, oh, New Day! They’re stars right?
You know 2015, when we had all the Roman all the time and everybody hated it? I miss Roman.
But it’s all okay, because Roman Reigns, the eternally tough, strong, and armor-plated Roman Reigns is always ready for a fight. He’s in the main event. He gets to take on Braun Strowman in a contract signing. That’s right, he’s going to aggressively sign some paper in Braun Strowman’s direction!
Don’t get me wrong here. I get contract signings. John Cena, A.J. Styles, Alexa Bliss, Seth Rollins, Charlotte, they’re some great people to have for a contract signing. Putting together two of the least vocally talented men on the roster? Tell me why this is happening again? Oh, because Strowman thinks that Reigns is a coward, despite absolutely no evidence to the fact. Good old heel logic.
Good news! I’m about to eat some crumpets because I’m British don’t you know? Is this really what Raw is like without Roman or Seth Rollins? Wow.
Reigns and Strowman get all of 10 minutes to build towards their match at Fast Lane, which seems likely to be billed as a “first main event of the evening.” Some of that is swallowed by a replay of Strowman’s dodgy drop kick to the knee (he’s a big guy to be fair so it’s still very impressive) Roman gets beaten up in replay. That’s great.
Mick Foley gets himself some heat as a face so that Reigns can rescue him in the time honored tradition of “J.R. gets beat up so Steve Austin can save him.” A fight breaks out and Roman jumps clear over the ring steps. That’s unusual, and I like it. The announcers don’t seem to recognize it as being important.
We follow Roman and Braun through the crowd, where Roman wins some style points for being all Attitude Era. Roman is beaten up in the languid style, then makes a comeback in the “I can actually move around without getting tired” style. He spears Strowman through a barricade, taking out a tech guy while he does.
Note that nobody comes to help said tech guy. Methinks he might just have been guarding the dodgy barrier.
A crowd chants for Roman in 2017. Hell has officially frozen over. He then gets thrown into a turnbuckle with such force that he legitimately hugs it off the ring. That’s how talented Reigns’s hands are. He can hug you with such force that you genuinely fall apart.
Thankfully for our hero, he manages to Cena his way to his feet, signing the contract for the match because he’s a legit badass.
– A Kevin Owens name drop
– Absolute lack of anything Roman related
– Getting beaten up in replays again
– Getting beaten up by Strowman
– Going through a barrier (he went through too)
– Breaking the ring
Did Roman Reigns beat the odds?
Yes, in the Sami Zayn “not dying is clearly winning” style.
Hell of a spring on that turnbuckle though.
NOW CHECK OUT LAST WEEK’S ARTICLE: MONDAY NIGHT REIGNS-O-METER #7: Tracking Roman Reigns’s ability to beat the odds and come out on top