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MCMAHON’S IMPACT WRESTLING REPORT
March 9, 2017
Taped in Orlando, Fla.
Aired on Pop TV
Announcers: Josh Mathews & “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero
— Impact opened with a new graphic which highlights the history of the company.
— An opening montage airs, showing highlights of TNA”s past, including clips with AJ Styles and Samoa Joe, as well as Kurt Angle, Hulk Hogan and others. The idea here was to showcase TNA’s history, going all the way back to the Asylum days. The voiceover focused on “the moments” of TNA, and said that tonight new moments are upon us.
— A new opening theme is debuted along with new graphics.
— The show opens cold with Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards brawling in the crowd. Richards chokes Edwards and screamed, “where were you when I needed you?!?” The fight continues as security comes out to separate them. Richards fights off security and tries to suplex Edwards to the floor but Edwards fights free and the brawl continues on the floor near the ramp. Now the brawl ends up on the ramp and more referees and agents run out from the back to separate them. It shoudl be noted the referees are wearing new blue shirts. Security is finally able to separate them.
— At ringside, Josh Mathews and Pope welcome us from their ringside table. Pope said that it’s time, the change is here. Mathews notices a third headset at the table with a third chair. Mathews screams that they’re not doing a 3-man booth, and “this isn’t SmackDown where we do 47 announcers.” Jeremy Borash walks out from backstage while Mathews flips out at ringside. Pope welcomes Borash to the booth. Borash said that he’s out there because there are new owners, and the new owners thought there needed to be more excited and vibrance at the announce table. Borash said the owners thought someone needs to be at teh table who someone actually likes.
Borash said the people don’t like Mathews at all. Mathews now takes out his phone and turns his back while Borash tells him that he’s pissed off a lot of people. Borash said for 12 years, Mike Tenay sat at that table, and Tenay took Borash under his wing. Borash said that Tenay wanted to pass the torch to him. But three years ago, “someone left the WWE … correction, someone was fired from the WWE. And a couple of idiots who no longer work here thought that he was the model announcer. I’ll tell you what the model announce is nowadays … a Ken doll with no balls.”
Mathews asked who Mike Tenay was. Mathews said that he was under the learning tree of Jim Ross. Mathews said he was at the Georgia Dome for WrestleMania, while fans come to Impact “for free!”
Borash called out Mathews for bringing up Jim Ross, and said that Ross thinks Mathews is “an arrogant prick.”
Borash said he has a lot of bombs to drop tonight.
Cody Rhodes runs out from the back. He grabs the mic and said that the show can officially start because “the American Nightmare is in the Impact Zone!”
Cody asked who wanted to see himself vs. Moose tonight? Cody is holding a belt.
Borash said that up next, a new tag team is debut.
Cody is still looking for Moose and the DCC’s music hits and they make their entrance as a trio. Borash said that Cody knows Moose is in Japan.
— Back from the break, Reno Scum make their entrance. Rockstar Spud is doing the ring announcing, but not as Aron Rex’s lackey. He’s doing it straight.
1 — RENO SCUM vs. DCC (Kingston & Bram) (w/James Storm)
It’s a 2-on-2 brawl to start the match. Kingston is in first against Luster. Thornstowe tags in against Bram. Kingston attacks Thornstowe from behind. Meanwhile, Mathews and Borash argue with each other on commentary (because we needed that). Luster tags in and Thornstowe hits a move off the top for a three count on Kingston. Mathews called it a fluke.
WINNERS: Reno Scum in 2:00.
— After the match, Storm rolls in the ring as Reno Scum walks to the back. Storm is trying to figure out what happened and Bram and Kingston seem to be blaming each other. Kingston wanted to know why Storm didn’t give anyone a superkick. Bram said Storm didn’t get involved, and he should have. Storm finally gives quick hugs to Bram and Kingston and they leave as a group while their music plays.
— Back from the break, we get a Don West merch deal.
— Highlights of the Laurel-Braxton Sutter wedding mess from two weeks are shown, as well as Laurel crying on the floor in a back room last week.
— McKenzie Mitchell is backstage to talk with Maria, but Maria is not there. Sienna walks in and said that Maria has had a nervous breakdown because of Allie’s selfishness. McKenzie said she thought it was contract related? But Sienna told her not to believe everything to read and that’s fake news. Sienna stole the mic and told Allie that she hasn’t gotten rid of Sienna.
2 — BRAXTON SUTTER (w/Allie) vs. MARSHE ROCKETT vs. DJ Z vs. CALEB KONLEY
Sutter is the only person to get a ring entrance for this match. Rockett argues with the fans at ringside early in the match. Sutter throws a kick to Rockett’s face. Sutter and Rockett spill to the outside as Konley and DJ Z battle in the ring. DJ Z dives on Sutter and Rockett on the outside. Rockett throws Sutter with a turnbuckle powerbomb. Konley rolls up Rockett with an inside cradle for a two count. Rockett is dropped with a triple dropkick. Then all three gang up on Rockett in the corner. Konley kicks Sutter. Konley then hits a dive on DJ Z and Rockett on the outside. Sutter gets nailed with a head kick and a back suplex by Konley. ZZT connects on Konley. Rockett levels DJ Z with a kick. Borash said someone showed up backstage. Allie climbs the second rope and flies to the outside to take out Rockett. In the ring, Sutter pins Rockett.
WINNER: Braxton Sutter in 5:00.
— After the match, Mathews said that this is atrocious and an injustice. Borash called Allie and Sutter the first couple of pro wrestling. Laurel Van Ness walked out from backstage, still in her wedding dress and with makeup smeared all over her face. Sutter looks horrified. Mathews said this is so sad. Laurel looks like a character in a horror movie.
— A video airs with the Hardys. Apparently, the Hardys are fighting Smoking Joe, the kangaroo, later tonight.
— Sienna makes her entrance. Mathews said Sienna told us Maria had a nervous breakdown, so she probably won’t be in Impact ever again. Borash wishes Mike and Maria the best.
3 — SIENNA vs. RACHAEL ELLERING
Ellering and Sienna lock up to begin the match. Borash tells us that Ellering is a world powerlifting champion and was trained by Lance Storm. Mathews continues to try to interrupt Borash and they argue. Ellering lands a kick on Sienna. Sienna throws a kick to Ellering’s head. The crowd chants for Rachael. Ellering lands a suplex and follows that with forearms. Ellering hits a springboard spinning legdrop for a two count. Sienna hits a silencer for the win.
WINNER: Sienna in 4:00.
— Mathews is screaming at Borash that no one cares about the names of the moves.
— Back from the break, Bruce Prichard heads to the ring. Mathews again yells and screams about how much he hates Bruce Prichard. I want to break my television.
Prichard introduces himself. He said that Impact is not the same Impact he remembers and knows. Prichard said that Impact had hope and it was on the cusp of greatness. Prichard said they had a group that wanted to achieve greatness. Prichard said they were really close, but it didn’t happen.
Prichard said TNA is dead. He said the new owners brought on a different name, Impact Wrestling. Prichard said that the people at the top look for people who have achieved greatness. So, the owners of Impact Wrestling called Bruce. Prichard said that he was there with Hulkamania ran wild, when Stone Cold opened up his can of whoop ass and he smelled what the Rock was cooking. Prichard said he knows how to making wrestling great and he knows how to make an Impact. Prichard said you need to start with the face of the company.
Prichard introduces the Impact Wrestling World Hvt. Champion, Bobby Lashley. Prichard called him, “Walking Armageddon.”
Lashley walks out from the back. Mathews said there isn’t a man on the planet who can beat Lashley for the World Title. Lashley thanks Bruce for acknowledging his greatness. Lashley run downs the people he beat, and also mentions that he represented President Trump at WrestleMania.
Prichard said that there is no one in the back who can challenge or defeat him. Alberto El Patron walks out from the back. Mathews said that Patron was a former WWE World Champion. El Patron shakes hands with Prichard. The crowd begins a “si!” chant.
Alberto takes the mic. Lashley told Alberto not to make the mistake of catering to the fans, and El Patron tells him to shut his mouth. El Patron told Lashley that he hasn’t beat him.
Out comes ECIII. He said El Patron can’t demand a title shot on his first day, he needs to earn it. ECIII said that he has carried the company on his back for two years. ECIII challenged Lashley for tonight. Lashley points out that he has beaten up ECIII week after week, and told him to go to the back of the line.
Lashley told El Patron to step over and tell him what he wants. El Patron grabbed the mic and said that he wanted to “dance.”
Prichard said let’s do it, and let’s do it tonight!
Meanwhile, ECIII looks confused as El Patron’s music hits.
— Mathews, Pope and Borash reset. Borash is on the phone and said that a legend just showed up backstage and he’ll be out here in a minute.
— McKenzie Mitchell is backstage with Eddie Edwards. She talks about her “journalistic integrity” (lol) and asked if he expected this from Davey Richards? He said his wife is at home tonight and talked about how low Davey stooped. Angelina Love walks in and said all anyone talked about was Eddie when Davey was hurt. Angelina said that Eddie forgot about Davey, too. Angelina said Davey has one more message for him, and she slapped him. Edwards asked Angelina why she hits harder than Davey?
— Mathews continues to bicker with Pope backstage. Yay!
— Cody Rhodes is back at ringside, looking for Moose. Borash grabs the mic and said Cody knows Moose is in Japan, because they talked about it earlier? Cody asked Josh who “this stooge” was? Cody is carrying his GFW Next*Gen Title. Borash said that this is grandstanding and it’s ridiculous. Cody hops the rail and leaves through the crowd. Mathews keeps asking where Moose is, and Borash yells that he’s in Japan.
— A video aired where Lashley talks about how they’re going to make Impact great. He’s very much a babyface in that video, talking about how hard he works.
— Dutch Mantel emerges from the back. He introduces himself as “Ze … wait a minute, I can’t say that.” Mantel said he used to be Zeb Colter in an alternate universe. Dutch is cutting the promo from the stage on his electric scooter. Dutch said he wasn’t there to talk about himself. Dutch said the ink was barely dry when they called up Dutch and told him the situation, asking him if he was interested in making Impact great? Dutch said he was there about eight years ago when Impact was great. Dutch said a picture was worth a thousand words, and he’d rattle off some names. Dutch included AJ Styles, Samoa Joe, Bobby Roode, Sting, Kurt Angle, Kevin Nash, Christian and Booker T in his list of names. Dutch said that the reasons all those people left were because one of the things they felt was lacking in the old TNA was a lack of leadership. He said those people also left for a lack of vision and a lack of respect. Dutch said that the paying customers also left. Dutch said that bringing the people back were the first thing you could do to make Impact great. Dutch said that he only gives advice, but he has a boss. The fans are his boss. Dutch gets the crowd to say “We the people will make Impact great” and thanks the fans before ending his promo.
— Matt Hardy brings Jeff Hardy to his zoo to fight Smoking Joe Frazier, the kangaroo. Jeff and the kangaroo battle for a bit, and then the kangaroo tries to fight Matt. Jeff thanks the kangaroo. The Hardys then teleport, but somehow, it’s Decay that appears out of nowhere backstage in the Impact Zone. They pick up the tag team titles, and Rosemary the Hardys are now deleted! Abyss yelled, “it worked!”
— Borash announces that July 2nd, it will be the 15th anniversary of Impact and Slammiversary will air live.
Mathews complains that Borash made that announcement, and said he has a “stooge phone” that tells him what’s going on.
4 — ALBERTO EL PATRON vs. BOBBY LASHLEY — Impact World Hvt. Title match
During introductions, Mathews brings up that El Patron’s fiance, Paige, is also a superstar. Borash handles ring introductions for the main event.
The match begins as we get back from the break. Mathews and Pope continue to argue, which is just awesome and not getting aggravating at all! Trust me!
Lashley whips El Patron into the turnbuckle and Lashley chokes El Patron on the bottom rope. El Patron hits a flying forearm off the top rope for a two count. El Patron throws real quick punches on the turnbuckle. Lashley hits a neckbreaker for a two count. Lashley setups up for a spear but El Patron counters with a dropkick. El Patron tries for the cross armbreaker in the ropes but it’s broken by the referee count. Lashley hits a sidewalk slam for a two count. ECIII walks out onto the stage to watch the match.
Back from the break, Lashley and El Patron trade chances to end this match quickly. Lashley inadvertently clotheslines Brian Hebner out of the corner. El Patron locks in the cross armbreaker. Brian Stiffler runs in the ring as El Patron pulls it tighter. Lashley tries to fight out of the hold. Lashley powerbombs El Patron to break the hold and covers for a two count. El Patron tries for the cross armbreaker again but Lashley counters. Lashley hits a huge spinebuster and rolls El Patron over for a two count. El Patron hits a DDT. El Patron sets up in the corner and accidentally kicks Stiffler after Lashley pulls him in front of the kick. Lashley rolls to the outside and grabs the belt. El Patron lands a superkick and picks up the title, nailing Lashley with it and covering him as Stiffler counts three.
WINNER: Alberto El Patron in 18:00.
— After the match, ECIII is shown on the stage shaking his head. Spud announces El Patron as the new champion. Both referees get up and now they’re arguing with each other. El Patron celebrates on the turnbuckles. Now a third referee, Earl Hebner, runs out from the back. Lashley grabs Stiffler by his shirt. Bruce Prichard walks to the ring now.
Mathews said that they’re out of time, but chaos is still in the arena as officials and Prichard discuss this at ringside. Lashley is unhappy with Impact officials at ringside. The show ends with El Patron raising the title on the ramp.