MCMAHON’S IMPACT WRESTLING REPORT
March 1, 2018
Taped from Orlando, Fla. (Universal Studios)
Aired on Pop TV
Announcers: Josh Mathews & Sonjay Dutt
Immediately following tonight’s Impact Wrestling, tune in to the PWTorch Livecast. Mike McMahon and Andrew Soucek will discuss tonight’s show with callers. Listen at www.pwtorchlivecast.com and call the show at 515-605-9345 or email firstname.lastname@example.org
— The Impact Global signature aired.
— Highlights from last week’s episode aired.
— The Impact opened montage aired.
— ECIII made his ring entrance. Josh Mathews and Sonjay Dutt welcomed us to the show, pointing out that we were seven nights away from Crossroads, which is scheduled for next week.
(1) ETHAN CARTER III vs. TYRUS
The bell rang and ECIII shouted at Tyrus, before the big man shoved him into the corner and ECIII went to the outside to stretch. Mathews plugged a Border City Wrestling show this weekend, as well as Destiny World Wrestling. Impact will be taping both shows for GWN and Twitch. After getting back in the ring, Tyrus dropped ECIII with an old-school bodyslam and atomic drop. Sonjay Dutt tried to build up Alberto El Patron vs. Austin Aries as the biggest dream match in the history of pro wrestling. ECIII pried at Tyrus’ mouth. Tyrus hit ECIII with a splash in the corner. ECIII tried for a One Percenter but Tyrus threw him down. Tyrus then picked up ECIII for a One Percenter. Tyrus chokeslammed ECIII for the win.
WINNER: Tyrus in 8:00.
McMahon: Well, we know that ECIII is leaving Impact Wrestling for a return to WWE, and it was pretty evident in this match. ECIII didn’t get much offense in at all on Tyrus, and for the first time in, well, his career, Tyrus finally looked like a big, dominating monster. Tyrus reversing ECIII’s One Percenter and then scoring a clean win was a pretty clear indication that ECIII is on his way out — which we know — and that Impact might have some big plans for Tyrus; otherwise, why allow him to get that clean win over ECIII and not someone else?
— Joseph Park was backstage on the phone with Grandma Jenny, telling her that Abyss was not coming back.
— An OVE camera was going through trash backstage, it appeared, finding torn up posters. Callahan turned the camera to OVE and he said that OVE takes things personally. OVE said they have people everywhere, and OVE isn’t just a group, it’s a religion. Callahan said that OVE was going to hurt Eddie Edwards to prove a point.
— Sonjay Dutt and Josh Mathews reset the show in front of a green screen (similar to what Pope and Mathews did during the World Title Series episodes).
McMahon: Ugh, this looked sloppy and cheap. Also, Mathews throwing “back to the Impact Zone,” where he’s doing commentary, just felt weird. I know Impact isn’t running commentary live in the arena (I wish they would) but at least pretend.
(2) EL HIJO DEL FANTASMA vs. BRAXTON SUTTER
After some fast action in the first minute, Sutter settled in to control the pace and slowed the match down. Sutter controlled Fantasma in the corner and began kicking him over and over. Mathews plugged Schitt’s Creek. Fantasma hit knees and a jumping superkick to send Sutter to the outside. Fantasma hit a dive through the middle rope to the outside on Sutter. Fantasma was clotheslined on the apron and Sutter went for the cover with his feet on the ropes for a two count. Sutter hit a powerbomb and pulled tights on the pin for a two count. Fantasma got the win a few minutes later.
WINNER: El Hijo Del Fantasma in 6:00.
McMahon: Dutt seemed to praise Braxton Sutter as “a brand new Braxton.” Mathews and Dutt speculated why Sutter was acting like a heel — wasn’t he doing this for a few months now? — and Sutter ended up getting the loss despite cheating twice.
— Sutter took the mic and asked if that was it? Sutter said that Allie wasn’t out there for a reason, and he said that Allie ruins lives. Sutter said he has been kicked, spit on and disrespected at Impact. Sutter said that he doesn’t care how many managements they go through. He’s the biggest star in the company and he’s been disrespected. Sutter said he didn’t even get a ring entrance.
Brian Cage came to the ring and clotheslined Sutter right away. Cage picked up Sutter and hit the Drill Claw.
McMahon: R.I.P. Braxton Sutter. … Sure, he cut the promo, but Sutter lost the match despite cheating twice and then was sacrificed for Brian Cage. There’s nothing wrong with that, either. Sutter’s character has been lifeless on Impact for months.
— A video aired on Matt Sydal and his new found spiritual guidance he’s been talking about.
— McKenzie Mitchell interviewed Sydal backstage about how Ishimori vs. Sydal will happen next week for the X Division Title. Ishimori asked Sydal to put up the Grand Championship as well, so we could get a guaranteed double champion next week.
(3) JOSEPH PARK vs. KONGO KONG (w/Jimmy Jacobs)
Park charged Kong and Kong tackled him. Kong threw punches in the corner and then choked Park. Park battled back with punches but they did little to affect Kong. Park threw a shoulder tackle but Kong came back with a splash in the corner. Kong flipped onto Park in the corner. Kong hit a splash off the top rope for the win.
WINNER: Kongo Kong in 2:00.
Jimmy Jacobs got into the ring and said he asked real nicely for Abyss. Kong picked up Park and began choking him with a cloth. Jacobs said it didn’t need to be this way, and he asked again if Park was going to bring out Abyss? Jacobs asked again, Park screamed “no!” through being choked. Jacobs said that he was just getting started.
— Caleb Konley and Trevor Lee were somewhere near a pool, celebrating. The Mumbai Cats showed up. Lee and Konley apologized for attacking the Cats backstage. Konnan walked up. As Lee approached Konnan, the Mumbai Cats removed their masks to reveal that they were actually Santana and Ortiz. LAX attacked Lee and Ortiz and threw them into the pool, trying to drown them.
(4) HANIA vs. ROSEMARY
Rosemary snatched Hania at the start of the match and threw forearms. Hania regained control seconds later with a scissor kick. Minutes later, Rosemary hit Red Wedding for the win,
WINNER: Rosemary in 4:00.
McMahon: Hania announced shortly after this television taping that she was mutually parting ways with Impact Wrestling … it’s safe to say that mutual decision came prior to this match. Hania had some early offense, but Rosemary picked up a pretty decisive and clean win.
— After the match, Rosemary had the mic and said she was the “alpha bitch.” Rosemary said that she would take back what rightfully belongs to the shadow, and she said she wanted the Knockouts Title.
Taya Valkyrie emerged from backstage, after Josh Mathews shouted, “is she here?!?!” Taya walked to the ring as Dutt said there was an unsettled issue between the two. Mathews screamed that this was a “rivalry renewed!”
Taya said she was listening to Rosemary, and she finds it hilarious. “Alpha bitch? There’s only one truth in that statement … the bitch part,” she said. Taya said they should call Rosemary “Taya’s bitch.” Taya then left the ring but soon returned to attack Rosemary. Taya slammed Rosemary on the stage.
McMahon: Man, was Josh Mathews annoying in this segment. From screaming “is she here?!?!” while Taya’s music and video appeared on the screen, to shouting that Taya Valkyrie was “trending worldwide!” seconds after she appeared on screen.
Aside from that, it was fun to see Taya return, finally. They brought her in nicely. Is there something going on with their rating, though? Earlier tonight we had Ishimori calling Sydal a “douchebag” and then Rosemary is calling herself the “Alpha Bitch.”
— A video on Laurel Van Ness aired.
— Laurel Van Ness was going to marry the Knockouts Title, so that she could be with it forever. KM is the minister, so he was walking the title down the aisle (I’m serious).
— Back from the break, KM introduced Laurel Van Ness, who walked down the aisle with no shoes and a wedding vail. KM said that he was an ordained minister. He said he’s married man and woman, woman and woman, man and man, and tonight he will be marrying Laurel Van Ness to the Knockouts Title. KM said it was 2018, so it was a real thing.
KM asked if anyone had any objections? Braxton Sutter emerged from backstage and said that he objects. Sutter said Cage almost killed him an hour ago. Sutter said he realized, when he was close to death, that LVN was the only thing important to him. Sutter said he made the biggest mistake of his life leaving LVN at the altar for Allie. Sutter said LVN looked beautiful. Sutter said he wanted to tell LVN that he loves her. Sutter got down on one knee to propose that the three of them spend the rest of their lives together. LVN screamed “NO!” and KM told him it was an epic fail.
KM asked if anyone else has objections? LVN yelled that no one objected? She screamed at the locker room. A photographer climbed in the ring and pulled off her hat to reveal that it was Allie, who attacked LVN. Allie threw LVN into the podium and LVN grabbed her title and ran.
McMahon: There are no words for what I just saw … no words.
— Another OVE video aired.
— A video aired to hype Austin Aries vs. Johnny Impact next week.
(6) EDDIE EDWARDS vs. SAMI CALLAHAN (w/OVE)
Right at the opening bell, Callahan and Edwards traded dives through the middle rope and Edwards chopped Callahan on the outside. After some interference, the referee sent OVE to the locker room. Callahan kicked Edwards in the face from the apron.
Callahan had Edwards in a rear chinlock as the show returned from a break. Edwards hit a suplex. Callahan hit a piledriver on the apron. Callahan hit a powerbomb for a two count. Callahan snatched at Edwards’ face in the middle of the ring. Edwards kicked Callahan on the top rope. Edwards hit a superplex for a two count. Callahan hit a springboard neckbreaker for a two count. The crowd cheered for Edwards as Callahan got up and hit a forearm. Edwards hit a forearm. Callahan and Edwards both hit strong-style kicks and both men were sent to the mat. Callahan hit another pump kick, Edwards responded, Callahan responded! Callahan caught Edwards with a HUGE lariat. Edwards was able to reverse a move and roll up Callahan for the win.
WINNER: Eddie Edwards in 16:00.
Callahan got up and attacked Edwards. Callahan hit a shoulder breaker. Lashley was shown coming through backstage to help Edwards and OVE attacked Lashley. Callahan threw a chair into the ring and a baseball bat. Callahan put the chair on Edwards’ chest and slammed it with the baseball bat. Backstage, OVE kept attacking Lashley.
McMahon: This was one of the more exciting matches in a while on Impact. Both Edwards and Callahan took some big risks. This was the type of match that any promotion would have been proud of. This felt like a hard-hitting ROH style match. For a feud that doesn’t have a ton of heat behind it, because it’s only a few weeks old, this match had a lot of drama to it.
Edwards was excellent selling the piledriver as well, grabbing and clutching his neck throughout the match. Really well done all around.
Overall, this show was pretty good. There were some segments that had me rolling my eyes — the LVN segment, for example — but matches like the main event got the show back on track.