SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
OVERRATED – CODY, THE SOUTHERN POPCORN MOGUL
Cody Rhodes should never dress in tan or white-colored suits. When the lights get bright behind him he actually vanishes momentarily, like that classic “Simpsons” meme where Homer disappears into the hedges. Also, the light-colored suits just make him look like a Louisiana popcorn mogul. All he needs is a monocle and he could give Orville Redenbacher a run for his buttery money. Yep. That’s the first thing that popped into my head and even I don’t know why those two analogies combine to create the love child of this southern-looking mogul, but here we are. Also, his tie looks like the color of baby diarrhea after said youngin’ starts eating solid foods. I’m not hating on Cody, mind you. I’m a die hard fan, but he’s doing absolutely everything right so I have to lower myself to dinging him on fashion choices just so I have something to say.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – LOGAN PAUL IS IN HIS ACTING PRIME
Logan Paul couldn’t be more born for this business if he was sired by a McMahon and an Anoa’i, with a whole lot of Hart in between. I thought this segment was excellent, and Logan Paul told a great story, going from cocky and overconfident, to letting Cody Rhodes get completely under his skin. Cody and his Prime endorsement boss, Logan Paul have an undeniable chemistry. I love how he and Logan managed to build out a history together with debuting the same night, and Paul framing it as his story,
not Cody’s. Come to think of it though, kudos to Cody for not finding anyone he DOESN’T have chemistry with. I especially like the added stakes of winning the United States Championship making Cody a Grand Slam Champion. Both sides have something to gain and something to lose (if they go title versus title). That’s good storytelling.
OVERRATED – LESS THAN PHENOMENAL PROMO
I thought that this promo with A.J. Styles and Kayla Braxton felt more flat than a globe in QAnon. I think Styles came off canned, scripted, whiny, and didn’t drive the King of the Ring storyline effectively further. He may be phenomenal in the ring, but his character feels more stale than a Ritz cracker left on the counter for six weeks. I think it would have been way more effective to just do a hype package reminding us of his skills and accomplishments. Styles could also benefit from a fresh-voiced manager acting as his mouthpiece.
OVERRATED – NAOMI’S FADED GLOW
The crowd participation of Naomi’s entrance tonight, compared to France, has to be soul-crushing for her. She had every single person in France fist bumping and chanting glow. Tonight she gave it one quick attempt, failed, and abandoned ship. She had to know that the Red Bull-infused French crowd was a rare occurrence. But she really looked bummed out, like she was expecting the same response.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – NAOMI’S GLOWING SUPER KICKS
Naomi versus Nia Jax was a super solid matchup. The office felt stiff and choreographed. If I had one complaint it would be that Nia needs to sell offense better. She constantly looks bulletproof and unphased. Dings aside, how stellar are Naomi’s super kicks? They sound great, look aggressive, and feel powerful. Well, at least I assume they feel powerful. I haven’t taken one to the face personally. When it comes to boots to faces, Naomi’s got more kick than a triple espresso mixed with Teremana. That’s probably terrible, actually. Which gives it even more kick, so the analogy lives.
OVERRATED – BARON CORBIN’S HEAD EXAM
Right before Baron Corbin was interviewed by Byron Saxton, it seemed like he had two people examining his head for some sort of skin cancer or fatty tumor. This was never explained. I eventually noticed a makeshift barber pole in the background, so clearly he got himself a fresh clean head shave, but that was very confusing. Confusion aside, his promo did nothing for me. It felt a pity party that none of us wanted to attend.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – CARMELLO HAYES UPGRADES THE PARTY
As a continuation to the above, I loved this segment once Carmelo Hayes joined the pity party and upgraded it to a rave. This guy has “it factor” coursing through his veins. Him stepping into and improving this vibe of this segment felt like Steve Aoki walking into a boring Chuck E. Cheese party, and flipping it into the most epic bash any mouse house had ever seen.
OVERRATED – BARON’S PHANTOM HAIR
I find it strange that Baron Corbin still does the same mannerisms during his entrance as when he had long hair. He still drops his head and sways it back and forth. The only difference? There’s about as much hair on his head as an 8 ball. Maybe this is like that phantom limb syndrome where people can still feel their missing appendage. Maybe he still feels his sweet flowing locks swaying with his drunken master-like entrance. I’m also very disappointed that he stopped and looked at the fan’s sign that said “Rip my sign.” Who doesn’t oblige? What a jerk, amiright? Oh wait, he’s a face now? Well then he SHOULD be ripping the sign since the fan was asking him to. If Carmello Hayes rips the sign that’s going to be bass ackwards. Give the people what they want Baron. I mean, the people don’t want you, so, uh, give the people something that could be considered a appealing.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – CARMELLO HAYES’S SWAGGER
Carmello Hayes has so much swagger that it almost feels like he’s hogging it. Every little mannerism, look, or gesture during his entrance just reeks of (I think I’m) awesomeness. He reeks of so much awesomeness that he makes Edge and Christian smell like a dollar store air freshener.
OVERRATED – BARON CORBIN’S TATTOOS
I’m just now noticing, probably because he’s been gone from the main roster for so long, that Baron Corbin’s tattoos have no rhyme or reason, no cohesion, or semblance of continuity. He looks like the guy who passed out at a party and didn’t take his shoes off, so he was fair game for marker annihilation.
OVERRATED – CHELSEY TREADS CAREFULLY
Can someone please explain to me why, during Piper Nivens entrance with Chelsey Green, Chelsey was walking like she was trying not to fall off of some kind of invisible balance beam? It’s like she was watching her steps to avoid “Indiana Jones” traps. Sure, maybe it was just a new pair of shoes, possibly with stilt-level heels, but it was still perplexing to watch. Seriously, go back and watch it. The absurdity alone is worth it. Side note, I’d also like to know why Green is cosplaying Millie Bobby Brown.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – JADE FEELS THE GLOW
During the Jade Cargill versus Piper Nivens match, Jade delivered an absolutely killer super kick early into the match. It was loud, powerful and impressive looking. Jade is clearly feeling the super kick glow herself tonight. Sure, this is probably just Jade’s 5th move of doom (what’s up Cena?) but it still looked great. I also need to give kudos to Nivens for her running wrecking ball move into Jade in the corner. That looked especially impressive considering she snapped into a spin at the very last minute, which could have gone horribly wrong, but instead, went impressively right.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – CHEAP FINISH TEASE
I liked the ending of Bianca Belair versus Candice LeRae. They could have gone for a cheap finish with Indi Hartwell sneaking in a cheap shot on Belair. Instead, like a fresh glass of lemonade, they went for the refreshing angle, and simply made it a thru line for the story of the match. That was simple yet clever, a description I use to describe myself as well by the way, and it goes against booking expectations built on their own history.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – WHEN WRESTLING IS PURE CINEMA
How good are Solo Sikoa and Paul Heyman together? The friction, the acting, the nuanced distrust, it’s all absolutely A-list and must see (sorry Miz). Segments like this are dynamic-building, pure cinema. Side note: At the start of Tama Tonga’s match with Angelo Dawkins, Corey Graves went on a tirade about how barbaric Tama is and how there’s a reason they weren’t signed by WWE. That is absolutely brilliant character-building commentary.
OVERRATED – WWE CONTRADICTS ITSELF
Why hype Tama Tonga as being this vicious, overly dangerous force, only to let Angelo Dawkins get in so much offense? They should have had Tonga absolutely brutalize Dawkins and live up to the hype Corey Graves has been giving him. Don’t tell me a pepper is the spiciest pepper ever, and then show me a video of someone chewing on it for five minutes. Contradictory messaging.
OVERRATED – RANDY BEATING STYLES
I don’t like that they had Randy Orton advance over A.J. Styles. I don’t like it and you can’t make me (said me to my mom with regard to string beans). I don’t think a legacy (see what I did there) star like Orton needs this rub in the slightest.
I’ll be back Monday for some more raw (I kill myself) commentary.
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