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Roman Reigns is one of the most divisive and talked about WWE performers in history. The company makes desperate play after desperate play to make him their number one star – to limited but vocal success. How do they do it? What do they do?
I’m Tom Colohue and this is the Monday Night Reigns-o-Meter.
Monday Night Reigns-o-meter
At this festive period on this glorious year, I gathered all my family together in the hope that my little boy would repeat his first words to me to everybody else. You see, these weren’t any old words. These were the same first words that I had said to my mother 29 years previous way back in 1988. What were those words? Those magical words? Roman Reigns.
Now, this may seem ridiculous but please, suspend your disbelief. If Matt Hardy works for you, then surely you can believe in the time-bending power of Roman Reigns. And when you look for holes in this truest of stories, like the fact that I don’t have a child, remember only that questioning me is the same as throwing out that C.M. Punk chant just so that Elias knows you don’t care about him, his development, his talent, or his ambition.
You keep chanting for that guy Kane chokeslammed out of the company almost four years ago. He’s definitely coming back. I’ll bet my solid gold Roman Reigns blimp on it, I will.
My first words were also C.M. Punk; look how hip I am.
But when you eat your turkey, drink your eggnog, and wash it all down with a cool glass of “why am I watching Monday Night Raw on Christmas Day for the love of God what am I doing with my life,” remember always that nothing is more important than putting my boy Roman over.
You’ll forgive me to indulge myself tonight but this is the end of the year – a very good year for wrestling and a very good year for me. I’m within distance of 1,500 followers on Twitter, which sounds like nothing until you realise that this time last year I had 66, and more than anything I’ve spent my year talking to the most passionate, the most dedicated and, at times, the most deluded wrestling fans in the world.
Pick the ones that fit you; I can’t do everything.
And as Reigns-o-meter jokes seep into Wade Keller’s weekly Raw recap, I know that I’ve infected his brain. I know that he wakes up at night screaming the words Roman Reigns, as I do. Crying into his beer-stained beard and taking facefuls of water from his My Little Pony sippy cup.
You probably shouldn’t fact check that, either, if I’m honest. The only thing I’m certain of is that he definitely has a sexy beard.
So as the elves sing Merry Mizmas, please do join me in celebration of wrestling in all its glory.
Especially all the matches that featured people wrestling in Santa suits. I mean, they’re the reason I drink.
Tonight, Roman Reigns took on his greatest rival: another Samoan named Joe. It’s all smoke and mirrors, I tell you. Everyone’s favourite Shield member (except everyone who works at WWE apparently) Dean Ambrose is out for nine months which effectively puts an end to The Shield reunion and also results in Seth Rollins becoming a champion again.
Make of that will you will. Wouldn’t call it a good sign though, personally.
Joe and Joe have grappled on a number of occasions and it’s always a spectacle high on intensity. I was excited for this one. The match that we got was pretty good and picking up the pace until Roman did something we don’t often see of Roman. He broke the rules. He beat Joe into a mess. It was amazing.
Roman Reigns doesn’t often snap, but when he does it is a thing of beauty and something that the fans lap up with avarice. Roman’s snap against Triple H led him to his first world title in an arena in which Roman was over huge. His second snap against Braun Strowman, in which he literally tried to murder the poor monster among men, was lauded as a turning point for the character and let’s not forget when he snapped against The Undertaker.
Ken Shamrock, eat your heart out; Roman is THE guy. His snaps are the best snaps.
That was basically all we got of Roman this week, after a week devoid of Roman last week, but that’s okay. We all need a break sometimes, unless we’re Finn Balor of course.
No odds this week. Roman didn’t really fight any odds. I think that might have been the best Christmas present I got.
Merry Christmas to all and a happy new year.
NOW CHECK OUT THE PREVIOUS COLUMN: MONDAY NIGHT REIGNS-O-METER #44: Tracking Roman Reigns’s ability to beat the odds and come out on top