SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
BEING THE ELITE – EP. 199 – “PT. 1”
POSTED ON YOUTUBE.COM
APRIL 13, 2020
REPORT BY ZACH GRAHAM, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR
– Matt Hardy introduces himself standing in front of his mower of lawns, a ladder, and his chair of wheels. He says he is here to give the audience the rules to a squash match:
- Rule 1 – Three minute time limit
- Rule 2 – Job guys can only perform one offensive move. (If the match is contested under tag team rules one combination move is allowed)
- Rule 3 – Job guys must NOT be in better shape or more tan than top talent.
- Rule 4 – The finish only occurs when the over act performs a finishing maneuver once used by The Legion of Doom, Acolytes, or Steiner Brothers.
Hardy finished by saying “Let the squash match commence.” The rules were shown altogether in one graphic.
– As SCU made their entrance, a poorly sang rendition of Iron Man by Black Sabbath was being sung.
– Justin Roberts voiced over an introduction that said “Now approaching the ring at a combined weight of 418 pounds, the established stars that will win and beat the piss out of these enhancement talents, SCU”
– Scorpio Sky was the official.
(1) SCU vs. TEAM HIGH RISK (Simon Lotto & Steven Andrews)
As the bell rang, SCU attacked Team High Risk as Excalibur, on commentary, praised the “impressive rendition of Iron Man by the BTE Compound Children’s Choir.” After a couple of tag team moves, Kazarian and Andrews were left in the ring to officially begin the match. Kazarian stopped and bumped fists with Scorpio Sky, which Excalibur didn’t appreciate and called foul on. Lotto tagged in and Team High Risk took down Kazarian with a double clothesline and a moonsault. After taking down Kazarian, Lotto and Andrews stopped to showboat to the camera. Daniels entered the ring and knocked down Lotto while Kazarian took down Andrews.
Kazarian put Andrews up on his shoulders and Daniels hit the Doomsday Device on Andrews. Kazarian lackadaisically covered Andrews and Sky counted the pin fall especially slow for added emphasis
WINNERS: SCU in 2:00
(Graham’s Thoughts: They utilized a drone for some shots during this match including the entirety of the finishing sequence, which was a cool new camera angle to have since these are all being taped outside.)
– The Being the Elite intro aired.
– Matt and Nick Jackson were in the ring with their kids. Nick ran into a corner and tried to roll over the top rope, but didn’t do it correctly and crashed to the mat. Matt said that the ring they’re in is the old PWG ring that they rented. He talked about having over a decade’s worth of memories in this ring. He said that some of the audience’s favorite wrestlers have been in that ring and now they get to share those memories with their kids.
– Footage aired of the kids hugging each other like the Best Friends and Orange Cassidy. They were jumping off the ropes and performing a series of moves on both Matt and Nick.
– Luchasaurus was standing on a softball diamond as somber music played in the background. Luchasaurus was still only wearing swim trunks and a sport coat. Luchasaurus walked off and sat in the dugout, he was then shown in a park. He walked up to a locked gate before pulling out his phone to make a call. Jungle Boy was shown squatting by a stream when his phone rang, his ringtone was a monkey. Jungle Boy picked up a banana and held it to his ear. Luchasaurus talked to him and said it’s been a rough couple of weeks for him and he needs to hell him something. Luchasaurus hesitated then said he lost his tail and wanted to see if Jungle Boy may know where it is. Jungle Boy quickly looked around where he was, but didn’t say anything. Luchasaurus asked if Jungle Boy remembered having the talk, Jungle Boy pulled open his trunks and briefly looked at his crotch in confusion. Luchasaurus quickly said not THAT talk, but they need to have that talk with Marko. Luchasaurus said the talk about staying home and not doing anything stupid. Luchasaurus apologized and said he shouldn’t have even brought up his missing tail, told Jungle Boy not to worry about it, because he will find it himself. Jungle Boy nodded in approval. Luchasaurus asked if he should call “them” because they were like father figures to them because they may know.
– Kenny Omega was in a gym working out. He said he’s sick and tired of talking about his injured hand because it’s almost completely healed. He said he’s here to answer a question he gets every week, what is his pre and post-match rituals. Pre-match he does one rep maximums in the gym for one, maybe three time max. Then, he takes no less than 1,000 grams of caffeine. This it the secret to his muscles looking so big, round, veiny, and full. This interview is being conducted just after a match, so now he’s going back to the weight room, he’s going to lower the weight a little and lift “until failure.” Kenny said he isn’t afraid to fail and he’s going to lead by example. He takes a sip of his water then lays back to bench press. Kenny has ten pound weights on both sides of a bar and bench presses it a couple of times while talking about how bad he wants it and describes his fatigue. After 8 reps, he calls for someone to help him get the weights racked. In walks Colt Cabana who’s eating a bag of chips and drops a couple of Kenny’s face as he’s pinned underneath the bar. Cabana uses one hand to pick the weight up for Kenny. Omega, not yet aware that it’s Colt due to the chips and salt in his eyes, thanks him then turns around to realize it’s him. Kenny realizes it’s Colt and screams at him then tries to chase him, but Colt throws his bag of chips and hits Kenny in the eye as he makes his escape.
– Tommy Dreamer is packing a suitcase when his phone rings, he looks at the caller ID and looks very annoyed. He answers it and it’s Luchasaurus. Dreamer said that he must need something. Luchasaurus tells him that he lost his tail and needs help finding it. Dreamer apologizes to him for “helping him get in front the eyes of the world before he abandoned him.” Dreamer asked Luchasaurus how he’s able to make a call with his little T-Rex arms. Dreamer sarcastically says “big deal you can’t find your tail. Don’t you think people have enough problems in the world.” Dreamer says he hasn’t heard from him in forever after Luchasaurus abandoned him, then his rate with up 14 times. Luchasaurus tries to defend himself saying that Dreamer doesn’t know what Marko Stunt spends on toys. Dreamer tells Luchasaurus to go see a therapist because Marko is way more over than him. He also suggests he tries to be more like the future of the business like his other partner Jungle Boy, then he hangs up on him.
– “Hangman” Adam Page was on his couch looking at his phone. A tweet from Isaiah Kassidy was shown that said “It’s always ‘How can I get an invite?’ and never ‘How can I help you rob hangman’ SMH.” Hangman looked upset then he called someone and said he has a job for them.
– Brandon Cutler was video called by Peter Avalon who laughed at him for being a loser. Cutler pointed out that they both lost since they were a tag team and Avalon got upset and said that Cutler lost the match not him. A video popped up showing them both being pinned simultaneously as they argued who technically lost the match. The two agreed they need someone unbiased to tell them who lost that match, Avalon recommended Leva Bates, but Cutler said no. Cutler then called Scorpio Sky. Sky sipped on a coffee and told them both that they both lost, which upset them both. Avalon said he can beat both of them. The three then agreed to a triple threat match.
(2) SCORPIO SKY vs. BRANDON CUTLER vs. PETER AVALON
Avalon and Cutler argued momentarily until Avalon made a move towards Sky, who avoided him and Avalon fell out of the ring. Sky shoulder tackled Cutler then threw him into a corner. Cutler avoided a charging Sky and kicked him. Cutler went to run the ropes, but Avalon grabbed him by the ankle and pulled him out of the ring. Avalon entered against Sky and hit him with a step up enzeguri. Avalon went to throw Sky into the ropes, but Sky reversed it throwing Avalon, who slid under the bottom rope kicking Cutler and keeping him on the outside. Avalon turned around and was hit with a pair of kicks and a double stomp to the back. Cutler entered and took down Sky. Cutler and Avalon both kicked Sky and looked for a cover, but decided to try and work together. The two ran the ropes, but Avalon clotheslined Cutler out of the ring instead of working together. Avalon hit Sky with a Tiger Driver for a two count. Sky then avoided a double knee stomp to the back and dropkicked Avalon out of the ring. Cutler reentered and sunset flipped Sky for a two count. Sky countered and scored a two count of his own on Cutler. Avalon entered again, but was taken down by Cutler with a knee drop to the stomach. Cutler got a two count, but Scorpio Sky jumped in to prevent the pin fall. Sky picked up Avalon and hit an F5 dropping Avalon onto Cutler. Sky then pinned both men simultaneously for the win.
WINNER: Scorpio Sky in 4:00
– After the match Avalon and Cutler both absorbed taking another loss. Cutler told Avalon that they’re still tied in losses. Scorpio Sky sat in the corner with a big grin on his face and said they’re both pathetic losers.
– Joey Ryan was shown talking on the phone on the couch. He hung up and answered the phone again for a new caller, Luchasaurus. Luchasaurus said he needed something, but Ryan was in no mood. He accuses Luchasaurus of not answering his calls and leaving him on read after he signed with AEW, but now he needs something. Joey said he was the first person to put Luchasaurus and Jungle Boy together and without him, he would still be Vibora waiting for season 5 (of Lucha Underground). Luchasaurus snaps back saying everyone knows there wasn’t going to be a season 5. Joey silently agrees and asks him what he needs. Luchasaurus tells him that he’s lost his tail. Joey mocks him saying “boo hoo, you lost your tail.” Joey said he lost his life at All In where he came back from the dead with ten thousand people chanting “rest in penis” at him. Joey said he should’ve seen this coming when Luchasaurus began politicking Super Panda out of Bar Wrestling. Joey says he knows that Luchasaurus is 65 million years old, but he needs to grow up, then he hangs up on him. Luchasaurus seems to have gotten an idea as he keeps muttering Super Panda under his breath and walks off.
– Matt and Nick Jackson are back, Nick is working out. Matt tells him to take it easy because all they have on the schedule is squash matches, so no need to over train. Nick responds saying that’s not the only thing coming up. Matt is confused. Nick says that the “granddaddy of them all, the biggest show of the year, the showcase of the immortals” is coming up; BTE 200. Matt said that ever since they were kids they’ve wanted to headline BTE 200. Nick said not only did they want to main event it in a regular match, but “that” match. Matt slams his water bottle down in frustration and asks Nick why he’s still hung up on this. Matt asks Nick why he wants to put his life on the line, he reminds him about his newborn child and asks him what their parents will think. Nick said that this is the match that needs to happen and this is the match that needs to happen and he’s willing to go to the authority figures to make it happen. Nick walks off and Matt is left pacing back and forth. Matt looks into the camera and says we’ll find out if it happens in part 2 of this episode.
FINAL THOUGHTS: This was another fun episode of the show this week. Luchasaurus searching for his tail is interesting and I’m not sure what they’re getting at, but I love the cameos. Again, not sure what this match that Matt and Nick are teasing are. I don’t know why, but I’m starting to think they’re referring to facing each other? I don’t know why I’m thinking that, but that’s the feeling I got after this week’s episode. Matt said we’ll find out if it happens in part 2 of this episode, so does that mean next week will be episode 199 part 2 instead of episode 200, just to mess with the audience? It would be a funny troll so I’m kind of hoping that’s what we get.