SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
The Main Event: Impact’s main event (Crazzy Steve & Abyss vs. Santana & Ortiz) was what it needed to be. It was a better, more violent offering than the no-DQ Erick Rowan vs. Randy Orton match on Smackdown, the Kalisto vs. Braun Strowman dumpster match, and the no-DQ six-pack challenge match from the week before. Impact has to do something different to stand out. Having more violent (but not disgustingly violent) hardcore-type matches from time-to-time is one way they can do that. Also, bonus points to the company for once again letting the Tag Titles close out the show.
EC III And Storm’s Mic Work: EC III as a heel has already proved to be a good move. The unfortunate thing at the moment is that both of these guys could use some wins in their new roles (Storm post-DCC, EC III as a bad guy). Still, they put on a pretty entertaining segment that the crowd was into throughout. Carter playing off of his last name could be a smart way to gain some heel heat unless they go too far and actually bring Dixie back to join him. Please, PLEASE don’t let it come to that!
Kongo Kong’s Squash: Another short, effective squash at getting Kong over as a monster. His opponent this week didn’t convulse like the last one after the big splash, but I’ll still take it.
Sydal Goes Over: In what wrestling world should Matt Sydal be pushed over Trevor Lee immediately? Sydal is a good talent, and he should make a solid addition to the X Division. But still, it’s example 1,418 of a former WWE wrestler defeating an Impact wrestler their first night in. Lee is just too good to be a fall guy for someone who hasn’t been a recognizable face in years. Having Sydal going over Suicide or another lesser name would have been fine, but Lee was too much. And uh…does anyone in creative remember that Lee/Andrew Everett angle they had going on?
The Announcing: Of course. I’m not going on a long rant this week about the announce team. It was still awful, but Josh Mathews was 50 percent less annoying this week. This is due to him not having someone to argue with all night. Gotta give them some credit. Still, having him open the show got things off to a lousy start. You could also tell he thought his “JBL-oser” line was way more clever than it actually was.
Authority Karen Jarrett: Just go away. Please?
Magnus Saves Impact: I still can’t tell whether Magnus is supposed to be a face or a heel (the same problem I’m having with L.A.X.). If he’s a face, then someone needs to explain what he meant by his claim that he “saved the company” in the eight-man tag a few weeks ago. Because that match was ONLY about which announcer’s team was superior. And as we saw, that stipulation didn’t even matter. Josh Mathews is back on play-by-play and Jeremy Borash is gone. Thanks for nothing, Magnus!
KM’s Meal: I’m not sure if KM at a “restaurant” and berating a waiter was simply bad, or so bad it’s good. Let’s go bad for now. History may look back on it more fondly.
Swoggle Attacks: Swoggle showing up in a cameo role was fine as a surprise a few months ago, but he keeps on coming back. It’s not quite clear why. Originally, Rockstar Spud was the heel in the feud, but now the roles have drastically changed. Swoggle messed up Spud’s hair for no reason, Spud accidently pantsed Swoggle, and then Swoggle violently beat Spud with a hammer. That sure stepped things up a notch quickly. Just get Spud back in the ring already and stop with wherever this is headed.
Von Eerie’s Debut: For starters, there are way, WAY too many titles that are on Impact television. Von Eerie, Magnus, Moose, L.A.X., Rosemary, Low Ki, Cody Rhodes, Mario Bokara and Fallah Bah all have some form of gold they’re carrying around. Second of all, Von Eerie’s match just wasn’t good. Last week they tried to build up that “she” was coming to the company. For fans who were intrigued by that mystery, they likely were just confused. To add to the mess, Ava Storie was suddenly a heel for no reason, and she still needs to learn how to throw a convincing punch.
NFL > Professional Wrestlers: There are very few things I dislike in all of professional wrestling more than a celebrity or athlete coming in and easily dominating a trained wrestler. Imagine Davey Richards joining the NFL for a game. Would he be able to rush for 200 yards? Could Abyss come into the NBA and score 40 points? I don’t care how good of shape the athlete is in, they are NOT trained to fight so they shouldn’t beat up a trained fighter. Richards shouldn’t have had to sell for two guys who have never been in a ring before. To make it even worse, no one has got the better of him in months. That spot should have gone to Eddie Edwards. Instead, it went to two guys who will never appear on the show again.
NOW CHECK OUT LAST WEEK’S COLUMN: IMPACT HITS & MISSES 4/20: LAX, Crimson Video, Low Ki’s return, Sonjay’s eye, X Division headlines, Josh Mathews returns, Storm-Lashley
ALSO, CHECK OUT THIS WEEK’S POST-IMPACT PWTORCH LIVECAST: STREAM/DOWNLOAD LINK HERE