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BEING THE ELITE EP. 212 – “This Episode is About 30 Minutes Long”
POSTED ON YOUTUBE.COM
JULY 13, 2020
REPORT BY ZACH GRAHAM, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR
Watch it HERE
-Matt and Nick Jackson, Kenny Omega, Hangman Page, and Brandon Cutler were sitting in an office together. Cutler was stretching and Nick sat up and told everyone to check the spam folders in their emails for something. Everyone grabbed their phones as Nick urged them to do so faster. Nick said they got an email from Chili’s. Nick stood up and excitedly said Chili’s wants them to do a commercial and sing the song. Nick said this is huge and they all started celebrating. Kenny Omega started reading the email which said they were looking for four vocalists. Brandon Cutler sank down a little in disappointment at the thought of being left out, but Kenny said they need a percussionist as well. Cutler celebrated and Omega agreed with him.
Kenny asked if there were really that many zeros on what they’ll be paid. Omega excitedly said they’ve been looking for a way out and now they’ve found it. Nick said they don’t even like wrestling, so this is great. Omega then realized the email was sent to them a week ago and they need to reply in the next hour. They all frantically told Cutler to go print it off so they can send it back to them. Matt Jackson looked nervous as everyone else discussed this commercial idea.
Matt looked at the camera and, speaking in an aside with the camera, that these guys don’t realize that they’re taking on too much. Matt said he tried it once with his coffee shop and it tanked. Matt said he isn’t sure if it’s a good idea since they’re already so busy and he needs to get them out of this situation. He started mumbling “think quick, think quick” over and over before walking off camera. Nick, Hangman Page, and Omega were talking about what they could buy with all this money. Nick looked over at Matt and asked him what he’d do with the money. Matt sat back down in his chair and took a sip of his drink, acting as if he was up to no good.
-Being the Elite open aired.
-A graphic flashed showing that 57 minutes had gone by. Page opened the door looking for Cutler to bring the papers, Matt had his back turned to everyone, but looking directly at the camera. Cutler sprinted into the room and started handing the papers around. Matt still had his back turned to them as everyone signed it. Page handed the papers to Matt and they all yelled for him to sign it. Matt dropped the pen then acted as if his back hurt too bad to pick it up. Matt then tried to read through the fine print to waste time, but they all continued yelling at him to sign it before the deadline in just a few minutes. Matt turned away from them and put his head under the desk as if he were looking for something. The camera cut and Matt sat back up with a face full of fake blood and blood all over the contract. Nick asked him what happened and Matt said he got a paper cut. Everyone was upset with him saying Matt ruined their lives. They all yelled at Matt for ruining their lives. Kenny started fake crying as they tried to guilt Matt. Nick threatened to go on a singles run as the Merch Freak, which is what the fans want. They continued to ramble and yell at Matt while calling him names.
-Broken Matt Hardy was inspecting and talking to a wheelchair when Frankie Kazarian walked up and said he’s been looking for Matt for about a month now. Kazarian said they were having some beers, then suddenly he started talking in this weird accent. He said his friend got a new camera, they took a picture together, and he charged him $25. Hardy laughed. Kazarian said the woman with the TSA asked him for his I.D. and he gave her an 8 x 10 photo. Lastly, Bill Watts screwed him out of a pay day, but he’s never even worked for Bill Watts. Kazarian asked what happened to him. Hardy said the solution is very simple, he’s broken. Hardy said he’s going to call him Fractured Frankie. Kazarian didn’t like it and asked what he can do to get out of it. Hardy said he can procure some of the magical waters out of the lake of reincarnation to reverse the effects. Kazarian said he needs to drink a little shot of it or what? Hardy said no, he can just have it poured on him. Kazarian said he wanted Matt to bring it on their next loop and Hardy agreed.
-Kenny Omega was lying in the training room for a massage. The camera slowly backed out to show Colt Cabana just outside the office. Hangman Page opened an office door just behind Cabana and pulled him in to the room. Hangman shut the door and told Cabana not to go in there with Kenny. Page said Cabana does not want to go in there. Cabana argued that it’s been a week. Page agreed, but said he knows the look Kenny has in his eyes and Kenny looks like he’s about to commit a murder. Page said he heard Kenny on the phone. Page then gave a direct quote from Omega who said “I’m about to kill a man.” Cabana shrugged off Page’s direct quote from Omega. Page then said there was more and quoted Omega again by saying “and his name is Colt Cabana.” Cabana didn’t seem sure that this was real, but Page assured him it was. Page warned him to not go in there. Page said if Cabana needs to do his bit, he can do it with Page and he will chase him down the hall or whatever, but avoid Omega. Cabana said Kenny is the only one he liked doing that with. Page then suggested that Cabana set up a will, get a power of attorney, and maybe go to Costco to get a casket. Cabana agreed and said he has a coupon for one of those. Nick and Christopher Daniels walked through the door. Cabana was hidden behind the door and Nick asked Page what he was doing. Page awkwardly said “uh, nothing.”
-Matt Hardy and Private Party were together. Matt said he wanted them to be ready for the title match on Wednesday, so he thought they should do some drills. Matt asked them to do a headlock. They did a headlock and tried to turn it into a suplex, but struggled. Matt said that was obviously a botch, but that’s okay. The camera went into Matt’s shoulder and went it faded back out Broken Matt was in the ring and Matt Jackson was taking the place of “regular” Matt Hardy frozen in time.
Broken Matt then explained the term “botch” which he described as a sequence of events or a particular maneuver that does not go as originally planned. Hardy also included a footnote which was: the word botch was not introduced from the wrestling community; it grew from the internet age. As Hardy was talking in the middle of the three in the ring, he kept hitting Marq Quen while gesturing with his hands. Quen, who was trying to stay still, was unable to and could be seen laughing the entire time, which caused Marq Quen to smirk throughout as well. The camera then moved back onto Matt Jackson’s shoulder and zoomed back out to show “regular” Matt Hardy back.
Matt then asked Private Party to try again, so they locked up in the middle of the ring then knocked each other down when Quen ran the ropes and shoulder tackled Kassidy. Hardy yelled in a moment of frustration then encouraged them to get it together. Hardy looked into the camera and said they’re going to be there all night.
-Brandon Cutler walked in and sat down in the office next to Omega. Cutler was complaining about being tired and not sleeping at all. Omega told him that he has the good stuff. Omega said it’s straight from Japan and it’s what all the boys in New Japan are using. Matt Jackson walked in. Cutler and Omega yelled at him to leave. Matt then went to leave, but was too curious, so he asked what they had. Cutler called them “M bombs” and Omega said the M stands for melatonin. Cutler and Omega high-fived and Matt said he’s heard of that and said it leaves a really chalky after taste, so no thank you. Omega said this is a gummy. Omega said it’ll knock your ass right out. Matt said he heard it gives you lucid dreams, so no thanks. Omega laughed him off. Matt said he didn’t want to put a foreign substance in his body. Cutler and Omega laughed at him and told him your body makes melatonin so this is all natural. Matt grabbed the bottle and appeared to be giving in to temptation, but before he grabbed one, he closed the bottle and yelled at them. Matt said he isn’t a pill popping junky like them. Omega and Cutler were offended and asked why Matt thinks he’s better than them. Matt scorned them for trying to get him hooked on sleeping pills, but he won’t do it. Matt said he’s better than them because he’s Christian AF. Matt then told them to get the heck out of his office.
-John Silver and Alex Reynolds walked into a room to find Kris Statlander laying on the floor with a crutch under her arm. She held the crutch up as a weapon. She threatened to use it against them and started acting as if the crutch were a laser gun. Silver yelled at Statlander to stop shooting him. Reynolds stopped Silver and got Statlander to lower the gun. The camera cut and suddenly Statlander no longer had the crutch in her hand. Reynolds then told Silver she could be a huge recruit for them. Silver disagreed. Reynold helped Statlander up off the ground. Reynolds pitched the Dark Order to Statlander. Silver insulted Statlander’s bandaged leg. Reynolds said all she needs to do is drink a little Kool-Aid. The camera cut again and Statlander was suddenly holding a “bootleg” Chuck Taylor action figure. Silver asked who makes a bootleg Chuck Taylor action figure and Statlander said her injury has been lonely. Statlander dipped a fork into the Kool-Aid powder and poured it on her action figure. She held the figure up to her ear and said it told her that Silver and Reynolds are “spooky perverts.” They yelled at the action figure and Statlander said they’re a little too weird for her. Statlander then hopped towards the door to leave.
-About three minutes of footage of Brandon Cutler at ringside was shown during the Lucha Bros, Butcher, & Blade vs. Young Bucks & FTR match.
– MJF and Wardlow were walking down a hallway. MJF was complaining about the “marks” on Twitter who don’t understand that he’s still undefeated because he hasn’t been pinned or submitted. MFJ and “Big Money Matt” Hardy bumped into each other walking opposite directions. They looked each other up and down. MJF complimented Hardy’s suit, Hardy complimented MJF’s scarf. Hardy looked down at MJF’s shoes and he noted they’re custom leather shoes. Hardy said he understands that MJF has to deal with internet nobodies like he does. MJF agreed. Hardy said he needed to say something. He looked down and counted the stack of $100 bills in his hand, then looked up at MJF and said “they certainly don’t make narcissistic millionaire assholes like they used to.” MJF was annoyed and smirked. Hardy turned to Wardlow and said “But you, you’re quite efficient, much more efficient than tires.” MJF said at least his nose doesn’t look like a puzzle with missing pieces. Matt said it’s been broken a lot, but he can fix it as he waved his cash in his hand. They both scoffed at each other and kept walking the way they were before running into each other. As Matt walked by, Wardlow took a second to look back at him.
-Alex Abrahantes introduced this week’s Speaking Spanglish word of the week. Abrahantes said this word can mean a variety of things. The first is a way to describe feeling some type of discomfort and the second way it so describe someone that you may be perhaps at odds with. Abrhantes then introduced Santana and Ortiz. Santana answered the phone in his pocket and spoke in Spanish and used the word of the day while speaking. The word is “payne.” Santana hung up the phone and said, while they’re talking about payne, he’ll tell Santana who really is a payne. They both looked around to make sure nobody was listening, and Ortiz said Dasha Gonzalez. Ortiz then swore he told her that to her face, but Santana didn’t believe him. Dasha was shown eating her lunch and she perked up as if she heard them say her name from a long distance. She grabbed something by her side and threw it. Santana and Ortiz were now sitting in a golf cart, then a scissor lift, then in a tree. Each time Santana challenged Ortiz that he didn’t say that to Dasha. Ortiz didn’t back down. The sandal that Dasha threw was shown flying through the air and hit Ortiz in the head. Ortiz screamed about the shoe hitting him in the eye. Another sandal flew through the air and took out Santana as Abrahantes closed out the segment. Dasha flashed back on the screen catching her sandals.
-Matt and Nick Jackson were in the crowd. Matt said it’s time for AEW Dark and they’re going to watch Brandon Cutler and Peter Avalon front row to make sure that they are really a tag team and working on their chemistry. They said Cutler has no idea that they’re out there. Nick said he’s extremely tired and noted that it’s 1:00 AM.
-Graphics aired showed The Elite (Young Bucks & Kenny Omega) vs. Jurassic Express this Wednesday at on Fight for the Fallen.
Super Panda turned on a light and told Luchasaurus it’s time to go because he has a big match. Luchasaurus sighed and said he isn’t sure. Luchasaurus said he needs more time. Panda said he’s 65 million years old, how much time does he need? Luchasaurus said the Young Bucks put him on the map and this is their company. He said “what if I stiff Kenny or something?” Panda assured him that he isn’t going to stiff Kenny, he’s been to Japan. Panda sarcastically asked Luchasaurus if he thinks he hits harder that Ishii? Luchasaurus sighed again. Panda said he knows how to beat them, he has the blueprint. Luchasaurus still didn’t seem interested. Super Panda started singing Eye of the Tiger to motivate Luchasaurus. Panda changed the words to Eye of the Dino, which sparked Luchasaurus to get up and go train. A montage then aired of Luchasaurus “training” by cleaning the house, but Panda kept showing him how to do it with “proper” technique. Panda then sparred with Luchasaurus who took the techniques Panda had taught him while cleaning and used them to stop the attacks. Luchasaurus and Panda were now outside by the pool. Panda said he has one more drill. Panda told Luchasaurus to do a Canadian Destroyer into the pool. Luchasaurus was nervous, but Panda challenged him so got up to try it. He got in position then admitted he was scared. Panda said the only way to beat the Elite is to fight fire with fire and to destroy their destroyer. Luchasaurus took some deep breaths to build up the courage to do it, but the camera cut away before he tried.
-Brodie Lee was on the phone and said it’s not an oversight it’s a f— up. He said you guys f-ed up. John Silver and Alex Reynolds walked up and apologized. Lee hung up the phone. Silver and Reynolds apologized about Adam Page last week. They said they have a surprise for him. Silver sarcastically asked Lee if he’s ever heard of Jungle Boy. Lee asked if they got Jungle Boy a.k.a. Jack Perry. They said they got him, he’s drinking the Kool-Aid and everything. They walked into a room where a long haired man was sitting on a stool. They spun the stool around to reveal Griff Garrison. Lee told him to shut up before he even spoke. Lee yelled at Reynolds and Silver and said that’s Griff Garrison, not Jungle Boy. Silver asked who the hell Griff Garrison was and Lee pointed at him and stormed off yelling. He walked back into the other room and demanded some papers. Evil Uno and Stu Grayson were talking and Uno quickly pulled out a wad of papers out of his suit jacket and handed them to Lee. Evil Uno asked who Griff Garrison was and Lee yelled it back at him and hit him with the papers. Uno let out a high pitched scream as he fell down. Lee then stormed out of the room.
FINAL THOUGHTS: This was a very accurately named episode as it was just under 30 minutes. Not the most creative name, but it was accurate. There was quite a bit of filler to get to 30 minutes, so I’m not sure the joke was worth it. Random footage of Cutler at ringside just doesn’t do much to add to the show for me, but maybe that’s just my personal preference and people love it.
I love these Dark Order segments because they’re really funny, but Dark Order doesn’t seem like a group that should be funny. They’re not seen as comedy on AEW Dynamite at allEvil Uno’s high pitched screech was hilarious, but doesn’t fit the tone of Dark Order on Dynamite. If you’re going to start plugging Being the Elite on AEW Dynamite, maybe you need to find one consistent voice to portray your characters as or people who check out BTE won’t understand why it’s a totally different character. Dark Order played hapless idiots with a leader who’s frustrated by their stupidity. Kenny Omega is always extremely cheesy on BTE and that continued with his fake whining about the acting contract getting ruined by Matt’s fake blood. There are some people that stay consistent, but in total the tone of this show is dramatically different than Road To, AEW Dark, or AEW Dynamite. I think promoting it on AEW Dynamite is a good thing, but new viewers who decide to check it out won’t understand why some characters are complete opposites of their Dynamite portrayals, but others are exactly the same.
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