SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
•Final impact – HOLY #@% THEY SHOT JOHN E. BRAVO
Yeah so… I’m going to go against my true nature and skip straight to the ending segment for this one. After Rosemary orchestrated the events that led to the murder of Father James Mitchell and the near destruction of Havok and Su Yung, all in a bid for revenge for the death of her “bunny” Allie, Rosemary realized that vengeance rang hollow. In a desperate attempt to escape her emptiness she embroiled herself with John E. Bravo, bringing her closer to Taya Valkyrie and drawing half of the roster to her via Wrestle House with events culminating in the wedding that closed the show.
There were several skits throughout the episode with the people most involved with the story. First Havok assisted in the resurrection of Father James Mitchell who was to preside over the wedding, something that left Havok shaken. I liked her emoting in this. Nevaeh, who was there to support Havok, had a bad felling about the wedding. Later, Fallah Bahh was stopped by Reno Scum at Hernandez’s behest and ordered to turn over the wad of money he stole. Fallah admitted to stealing the wad but claimed he no longer had it, passing the blame on to John E. Bravo. Fallah had a bad feeling about the wedding (and revealed he had stashed the cash down his pants).
Bravo later confronted Fallah, revealing he knows what Fallah has been up to and that the jig was up. Johnny Swinger overheard and cheerfully said he had a bad feeling. (I like how Bravo wasn’t stupid and was able to figure things out.) Finally, Taya Valkyrie (who has been AMAZINGLY supportive of Rosemary by putting aside her own self-interests and being a true friend) warned her about Bravo’s recent change of personality. Rosemary said she could handle things. Alisha ran in on the scene worried she was late, and Taya had a bad feeling. Alisha, God bless her, wondered out loud why people kept saying that, sort of breaking the fourth wall because she wasn’t in on the gag. Josh Mathews had a bad feeling and played up the fact that this was a wrestling wedding storyline. This whole story has been done with a wink and a nod.
Then came the wedding. Some of the guests were in costume. Fallah as the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, XXXL as the Nasty Boys among others. Father James Mitchell presided. Crazzy Steve gave Rosemary away which I thought appropriate. Swoggle was the ring imp (which I just got typing this out). As Father James Mitchell said his part, he would pause at the moments where weddings would normally get interrupted and everyone waited apprehensively for a tick before moving on. Again, they were playing heavily into the trope. The vows were exchanged but before they could kiss, the lights went out, a gun shot rang out, the lights came back, Bravo was down and bleeding, and Dreamer overacted.
I found this whole entire thing hilarious, but I don’t know if I was supposed to. If this was supposed to be a straight up parody then it succeeded, albeit in a very ham-fisted way. If it was supposed to be dark comedy, then it totally missed the mark due the aforementioned ham-fisted way it was handled. If this was supposed to be dramatic, then Dreamer made it farcical. At the very least I am interested in next week’s fallout and what I’m sure will be a who dunnit mystery (my money is on Mundo the dog).
•Rich Swann (c) vs. Eric Young, Impact World Championship match – PUSH
The show started with a brawl between Rich Swann and Eric Young. Eric did a lot of damage to Swann and demanded to be given his rematch. Scott D’Amore, to his credit, vehemently refused until Swann accepted. Rich Swann then beat Eric, hopefully ending their feud. I’m ready for them to move on. Later, Swann was celebrating with Willie Mack and the Rascalz when Moose showed up claiming that he is the top champion as he is the the TNA champ while Swann was a secondary champ. At first blush, there doesn’t seem to me much change in Moose’s character after Bound for Glory only now he has this camera angle the presages his arrival, complete with an ominous score. If you ever saw the Neverending Story and how they portrayed the thing that hunted Atreyu, or the thing in Evil Dead, then its similar to what I’m talking about. It’s meant to inspire dread and foreboding, but I’m not sure how much dread Moose inspires, so all I get it foreboding (difference being that the former is “Oh no, here comes Moose, my hero is in trouble” while the latter is “Oh crap, here comes Moose, now my hero need to waste time dealing with this.”). Willie Mack stood up to Moose, but Moose said a confrontation will happen when Moose says so. “When” happened later in the parking lot when Moose waylaid Willie while he was taking a picture with a fan. As far as Swann goes, he walked into his dressing room only to find Sami Callihan and Ken Shamrock waiting for him. They left without incident, but not before they let Swann know that there was a reckoning coming. Swann’s exuberance vanished as he recognized the target he now wore.
•The Knockouts Tag Team Title announcement – HIT AND MISS: HIT and MISS?
Have I gone nuts? There was a shooting on Impact so, yes, but that’s besides the point. The MISS part came when a bunch of eager children were standing outside an office (Tasha Steelz, Kiera Hogan, Alisha, Havok, Nevaeh, Tennille with Kaleb with a “K”, and Jordynne Grace), wanting to hear more about the Knockouts Tag-Team Titles, waiting for teacher to fill them in. Kaleb with a “K” let them know that it was posted online that there will be a tournament in three weeks. Basically, the women weren’t worth the bother to be told that info face to face. The HIT part comes from the fact that we weren’t exposed to the self-congratulatory segment the WWE would’ve set up (With Stephanie’s involvement, natch). Steelz & Hogan and Havok & Nevaeh left happily knowing that they had partners, leaving Tenille and Grace sizing each other up before they came to their senses and walked away disgusted with the thought of tagging together (they are so going to end up tagging together). Alisha, God bless her, was left all alone, a fact Hogan and Steelz noticed and came back to tease her about. Grace came to her defense setting up a tag match for later in the show.
•Brian Myers vs. Tommy Dreamer – Hardcore Halloween match – MISS
Dreamer. Hardcore. Thumbtacks with candy corn (they are delicious, I WILL FIGHT YOU!!!). Swoggle with tongs to Myer’s “Shorty G”. That’s all you (probably didn’t) need to know.
•Heath and Rhino are hiding something – HIT
Apparently, the original ending to the Bound for Glory Call Your Shot Gauntlet was supposed to have Heath winning but he was injured and an audible was called. In the end, Heath is still getting his contract, but they need to hide the injury until it is signed. So, they did this whole song and dance number pretending that Heath was A-OK. These two have really good chemistry together and Rhino the ECW hardcore monster has been played out. I really like this role for him. He also declared that he has a year before calling his shot but that it will be for the tag titles. And good on them for turning lemons into lemonade with this angle. Hopefully they can do the same with the Kylie Rae situation down the line.
•XXXL vs. The Rascalz – PUSH
We’ve been here before, only this time XXXL won after Acey Romero took out Zachary Wentz before spiking Dezmond Xavier with an impressive uranage. Then Larry D hit a frog splash on Dez that had me fearing for both wrestlers’ lives. Later. XXXL confronted the Motor City Machine Guns. Alex Shelly, apparently legitimately injured, hinted that he’ll be out for at least two months. XXXL showed up and attacked him and Chris Sabin.
•Lawyers III: The Return of the Barrister – HIT
What the Hell is going on with all these lawsuit angles recently? Deonna Purrazzo retained representation and her barrister is threatening to sue Impact unless they give her back the championship because (insert “stupid, heel logic” here). Scott D’Amore went to the ring and basically cut a promo that totally disassembled “stupid, heel logic” for all time and gave Deonna her rematch next week. Su Yung then game out and murdered everyone.
•Rohit needs a hug – HIT
Rohit Raju was celebrating his victory alone as no one showed up to his party. While Rohit finally has the gold he wanted, he has alienated the rest of the locker room with his antics. You don’t need anybody else Rohit, you have me.
Where was I? Oh yeah, this may serve as a character-building moment for Rohit.
•The North and Good Brothers – HIT
This may have been my favorite segment of the show. I have not been digging the Good Brothers, Doc Gallows and Karl Anderson since they’ve arrived. They remind me too much of Scott Hall and Kevin Nash, in a bad way, in how they’ve bigfooted some of Impact’s established acts like the Rascalz and even the Motor City Machine Guns to an extent. This segment started with Ethan Page holding court with a bunch of trainees (I presume) and he is being his usual over-the-top self when the Good Brothers arrive. He takes a shot at the money Impact wasted on the Good Brothers who have nothing to show for the investment and the Good Brothers begin to demean Page, making fun of his karate background. To his credit Page wasn’t taking ANY of Gallows’s shit and he calmly walked up to him and slapped the taste out of his mouth, which led to a brawl. I want to see a good stiff match out of these two teams in a one-on-one setting.
•Jordynne Grace & Alisha Edwards vs. Tasha Steelz & Kiera Hogan – PUSH
Poor Alisha, God bless her, at least she really tries. She wanted to show that she can hang with Kiera Hogan and Tasha Steelz refusing to tag out in order to prove herself, and while she isn’t horrible… she’s not good either. A miscue with Grace cost them the match. Grace wasn’t pleased, especially when it looked like Alisha might have been placing the blame on Grace. Things got a bit heated and physical but never came to blows. I think these two will be opposite each other in the tournament.
•Final impact for realsies – PUSH
I’m going to have to go with a PUSH for this episode. The shooting angle was definitely something and if it were done in the WWE, I’d be concerned that it would be strung along until it ran out of steam without any resolution. I have faith that Impact will give us a conclusion at least. While not a bad PPV, I don’t think Bound for Glory felt like their “Wrestlemania”, and this show didn’t feel like the refresh most of their first post-PPV shows are. This might be because of Halloween and the wedding, coupled with them wanting to but a bow on the Young and Swann feud. Maybe, next week’s episode will feel fresher.