SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
TOTAL BELLAS (Season 6, Episode 10)
JUNE 3, 2020
AIRED ON E!
So on this episode, Artem will propose and both twins will figure out that they are pregnant. So, everyone arrives in France. I believe they rented a house. Creepy Brother, his wife, and the Mom are there as well. Bryan is not there. For some reason the clip of Brie giving Artem the engagement ring is a clip on YouTube. No, watching this did not enrich my life. Artem gets misty-eyed talking about his parents. They act like Artem’s parents showing up is a surprise party. Anyway, the look Artem’s dad has on his face entering this scene is priceless.
“Oh, wow, they look alike,” is the caption under Artem’s dad. I feel for this man. They go to some wine cellars. They taste wine. Watching someone pimping aspects of a business isn’t really that entertaining. Artem drags the Mom away from the festivities to ask for her daughter’s hand in marriage. Okay, so, everyone learns that Artem is proposing. Brie makes this proposal thing more complicated than necessary, because I guess it’s also doubling as a birthday dinner. Look, this show is garbage, I was scrolling through my Instagram wishing this show would be cancelled. Artem wants the proposal to be perfect, because I guess this has to be like a movie and not candid?
What’s really funny is that a John Cena Experion Boost commercial just played. You know, because the reason Total Bellas was ever interesting was to see what a god damned weirdo John Cena was. Anyway, Artem’s brother Anton will be there. Brie is having a hard time keeping the proposal a secret. I guess they’re eating at a castle or something. Again, I was scrolling through IG wondering why this show hasn’t been cancelled. Artem brings Nikki to a room where musicians are playing classical music and rose petals have been arranged elaborately on the floor. Artem and Nikki dance together while flashback footage plays with Artem doing a voice-over. There’s some babbling, and then Artem gets down on one knee and proposes… and commercial. Yup, these jackasses put in a commercial.
Of course, she says yes, and then they hug. Nikki wants to look at the ring. Then the rest of the family barges in and cheers. Everyone hugs. Everyone is then gathered around a table eating. There’s babbling about family, then they all sing “Happy Birthday.” Back in America, Bryan has returned from Smackdown with less hair. This is a surprise for Birdie. Someone still needs to brush that child’s hair. Brie isn’t in love with the look. Then she describes her flight home and how she thinks she might be pregnant.
Brie finally takes a pregnancy test. She’s pregnant. Brie and Nikki talk about France, and that each of them gained five pounds there. Yeah, this isn’t a progressive feminist message. Brie shows Nikki the pregnancy test. That’s where this one ends even though we know they’re both pregnant.
Anyway, on next week’s show: Nikki will also be pregnant, and then Bryan will be that weird asshole that doesn’t want to know the kid’s gender until it’s born. Yes, only complete psychopath’s don’t wanna know.