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KELLER’S AEW DYNAMITE REPORT
APRIL 13, 2022
AIRED LIVE ON TBS
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tony Schiavone, Excalibur
Ring Announcer: Justin Roberts
-The AEW Dynamite opening theme aired. Then Jim Ross introduced the show as pyro blasted in the arena and the camera panned the crowd.
(1) C.M. PUNK vs. DUSTIN RHODES
Punk’s ring entrance played. Schiavone said fans were blowing the roof off the place. Excalibur said nobody thought this match would be a possibility three years ago when AEW launched. Schiavone briefly referenced Dustin’s promo on Rampage, that fewer than half of Dynamite viewers saw, that set the stage for this match. Dustin came out to cheers wearing a full body suit that could make for a sharp looking red, white, and blue neck tattoo. Ross talked about him being a 33 year veteran. Schiavone talked about how he’s kept himself in shape and is focused. Ross said he admires his journey of survival, and this opportunity might not come around again for 53 year old. Excalibur said Punk is highly motivated. A loud “C.M. Punk!” chant broke out. Punk offered a handshake. Dustin accepted. Ross said he grew up in Pittsburgh and went to high school there, so it was an emotional night for him. Excalibur hyped the upcoming matches and Tony Khan’s big announcement. Ross said the line-up sounds like a pay-per-view. A dueling chant broke out for both wrestlers. They cut to a break at 6:00 after methodical back and forth action with Punk in control. [c/ss]
Dustin made a comeback at 11:00. He punched away at Punk in the corner as fans chanted along. Dustin’s knee began to give out over time. He hit a Code Red for a two count. Punk came back with a figure-four mid-ring. Dustin rolled over, forcing Punk to grab the bottom rope to force a break. Fans chanted “This is awesome!” Ross said, “Isn’t weird to say that wrestling fans of today love wrestling?” Dustin gave Punk a Crossroads and then a piledriver for a very near fall. Both were slow to stand. Dustin threw some punches. Punk went for a high round kick, but Dustin ducked. Punk went for an GTS, but his hamstring game out. Dustin went for a sunset flip, but Punk said down on Dustin’s shoulders for the win. Punk and Dustin shared a moment together afterward. Dustin helped Punk up and they hugged. Ross called it heartwarming.
WINNER: Punk in 18:00.
(Keller’s Analysis: Nice match. The crowd was into it. I would have traded two minutes of the match to have some promos with both verbalizing what this match meant to them. Dustin is a good promo, so why relegate his setting the stage for this match on Rampage with less than half the viewership?)
-Afterward, Hangman Page’s music played as Punk was heading up the ramp. They had a staredown before Punk left. Hangman held up his title belt.
-They went to a clip from earlier in the day of Wardlow arriving. “Smart” Mark Sterling and security greeted him. Sterling explained that security would be accompanying him everywhere. He said he’l need to wear handcuffs wherever he goes in the building. Sterling said he can have help changing if he needs it. Sterling said MJF had a message: “Eat sh–, pig. Thanks, bug.” Wardow said, “Oink, oink, bitch.” (How is he going to get his suit off with those handcuffs on?)
(2) BRYAN DANIELSON & JON MOXLEY & WHEELER YUTA vs. DANTE MARTIN & BROCK ANDERSON & LEE MORIARTY
Danielson came out first. Then Yuta. William Regal accompanied Yuta onto the stage, then joined the announcers on commentary. Darius, Dante, and Moriarty were already in the ring. They cut to an early split-screen break. [c/ss]
Moriarty made a spirited comeback against Bryan and got some nice cheers. He applied a Border City Stretch mid-ring. Six-way action broke out. When the ring cleared, Moxley was left with Martin. He finished him with a Paradigm Shift. Excalibur said Yuta has taken to the Blackpool Combat Club like a fish to water.
WINNERS: Danielson & Moxley & Yuta in 7:00.
-The Young Bucks, Adam Cole, Kyle O’Reilly, and Bobby Fish were standing together backstage. O’Reilly asked the Bucks were so subdued. He said they’re The Undisputed Elite. O’Reilly said he’s going to advance in the Owen Hart Cup tournament. Cole said they’ve all lost individually lately, but as a team they can’t be stopped. He told the Bucks all of their other friends are gone. Cole said they should issue an open ten-man tag challenge (what’s the super-cool Spanish term for that match?) to remind everyone how elite they are. Cole asked the Bucks to at leawst consider it. [c]
-A vignette aired on Samoa Joe’s feud with Jay Lethal, Sonjay Dutt, Satnam Singh.
-Tony Schiavone stood on the stage and introduced Tony Khan for the big announcement. Khan walked out and took the mic from Schiavone. He introduced the president of New Japan Pro Wrestling, Takami Ohbari. Fans cheered. He shook hands with Khan. Cole interrupted on the big screen and said he’s one of the biggest stars to ever wrestle in Japan, and this announcement wouldn’t be possible without him. He announced that on June 26 in Chicago, Ill. at United Center, AEW and NJPW present a special event titled “Forbidden Door.” He said he will face Iishi in an Owen Hart Qualifying match. That got a nice pop. He said the finals will take place at that event. He said a member of the Undisputed Elite will win that tournament. He then said a special friend wants to come out and say hello. Jay White’s music played. Khan acted shocked. (I would say his acting is endearingly bad, perhaps?)
White said it’s very fitting he’d be here for an announcement like this. He said the last time New Japan held a large joint event, he single-handedly sold out Madison Square Garden. He said it’s not about New Japan or AEW, this is about the Undisputed Elite and Bullet Club. “Because it’s still our era,” he said. Then he left.
-Backstage Sterling and Jade Cargill stood next to her favorite Baddies, Red Velvet and Keira Hogan. Jade called Marina Shafir a “bitch” (but not *that* bitch, apparently) and said she’d see her Friday.
(3) BUTCHER vs. WARDLOW
Butcher came out first. MJF’s music played. He announced from an upper deck that Wardlow doesn’t get music. Security led Wardlow to the ring in handcuffs, then uncuffed him. The bell rang and the two stared each other down from opposite corners Then they collided twice and barely budged. Butcher threw an elbow to the side of Wardlow’s head. Wardlow punched back. Butcher bit Wardlow’s forehead. Wardlow came back and knocked Butcher to ringside. They showed MJF and Shawn Spears eating popcorn and watching. Ross said it was enough to turn him off from popcorn. Butcher whipped Warlow into the side of the ring and ringside barricade. Wardlow landed four consecutive powerbombs for the win.
WINNER: Wardlow in 4:00. [c]
-A promo aired with Eddie Kingston hyping his match against Danny Garcia on Friday. He said Santana, Ortiz, and Chris Jericho won’t be allowed in the building when he beats Garcia. He said everything he does to Garcia is meant for Jericho.
(4) JUNGLE BOY vs. KYLE O’REILLY – Owen Hart Tournament match
After some back-and-forth action, they cut to an early split screen break. [c/ss]
Schiavone marveled at how fundamentally sound Jungle Boy is. O’Reilly gouged JB’s eyes, but JB stayed on offense and hung O’Reilly upside down in the corner and landed a slidekick to his head. He applied a Snare Trap. O’Reilly crawled to the bottom rope to force a break. O’Reilly came back with a superplex. JB leveraged O’Reilly’s shoulders down for a near fall. O’Reilly slammed JB onto his head and then landed a top rope flying kneedrop to his ribs for the win. Ross noted that was O’Reilly’s first singles match in AEW.
WINNER: O’Reilly in 13:00.
(Keller’s Analysis: Good match just as you’d expect with those two being given 13 minutes.)
-Christian walked out and talked with a dejected JB. He put his arm around his shoulder and consoled him.
-Alex Marvez interviewed MJF and Spears. MJF said that’s true, but there’s a lot more money where that came from. He said when he decides that you are his pray, it doesn’t matter how big or bad you are, it just takes one bite. Spears then produced MJF with an envelope. A very sweaty Jake Roberts walked in and accepted the envelope. He said some chase women, but he chases cash. He said the time is right. Lance Archer walked in and knocked the envelope out of Jake’s hand and said he doesn’t need the money, he just wants Wardlow. He said if anyone gets in his way, they’re dust.
(5) HOOK vs. ANTHONY HENRY
Hook made his ring entrance. They showed Tony Nese and Sterling chatting at ringside. Hook’s hair has become a parody of itself. Excalibur gave Henry the least complimentary compliment one can give, saying “He’s no slouch.” Hook suplexed Henry early and then paraded around the ring to some cheers. He followed with a running lariat to the back of Henry’s head. Danhaussen showed up at ringside, interrupting Hook’s momentum. He tried to cast a spell. Hook locked on Red Rum instead for the win.
WINNER: Hook in 2:00.
-Danhaussen entered the ring and said he’s had enough. He said he will fight him if he won’t be cast by him. He poked Hook’s chest. Hook looked at the hard cam and broke into a smile. Hook pushed past him and left the ring. Danhaussen stood in the ring looking perplexed.
(Keller’s Analysis: I’m sensing they let Hook cool off too much over the last month of so. And Danhaussen seems like a really odd choice for an opponent as it moved him into the comedy nonsense realm.)
-Excalibur threw to an interview with Scorpio Sky and Kaz. Schiavone interviewed Kaz who began to issue an open challenge against Sammy Guevara. Sky said nice things about Kaz. He said he needs him to wait just a little longer because he wants his rematch first, but Kaz will be first in line. Kaz said he’s always had his back and he always will. He agreed to step aside for now. [c]
-A vignette aired with Thunder Rosa.
-Sammy Gueara and Tay Conti stood in the ring as fans booed. Sammy said he loves being on top of the world, TNT Champion for a third time and with the love of his life. They smooched. Sammy said he loves her. Sammy said he loves everyone who cheers for them and supports them. He said he will give them his everything forever because they deserve it. Fans booed. “And as for the rest of you, and I hear ya’, those who turned their backs on us, why? Because my girlfriend is hotter than yours? You have one option: Be mad.” Out walked Sky, Ethan Page, and Dan Lambert. Sky said his vlogs are stupid. Ethan told Sammy to shut the hell up. Ethan said there’s not a single person who came to listen to Sammy talk into a microphone. He said Lambert won’t let him beat him up and because Lambert is all about business. Lambert said his grandfather said youth is wasted on the young because you have a big dreams and energy, but lack judgment. He said he tried so hard to earn the fans’ respect by risking everything in the ring, but then “you chose to throw that away acting some like high school douche bag who can’t keep his tongue out of his girlfriend’s mouth.” Conti tongue kissed him. Lambert said he can give Sky his rematch or else he’s sending Sky and Ethan to the ring “to give you the type of pounding your girlfriend dreams about.” Sammy said he doesn’t give a shit about him or his dead grandpa. He said he just wants a match, and they both want it. He said he wants a mixed tag match. Lambert and Ethan agreed.
-Buddy Murphy and Brody King talked about the rain washing away their shame. Then Aleister Black entered and said next week the son dies. They used weird creepy lighting and music.
(6) DANIELLE KAMELA vs. BRITT BAKER – Owen Hart Tournament qualifier match
They cut to an early split break. [c/ss]
Baker won easily with her Lockjaw finisher
WINNER: Baker in 6:00.
-Baker addressed her hometown crowd. She said they finally get a woman in the ring with a mic who knows how to use it. She said the Women’s Division is a mess without her. She took digs at various women wrestlers including Toni Storm. She said Jade Cargill called Pittsburgh ugly. She said the only people who came to see Jade are her Baddies, and being a Baddie is worse than losing to her.
-A vignette aired on the Serena Deeb vs. Jamie Hayter feud.
-The announcers hyped the Rampage line-up later this week and next week’s Dynamite. [c]
(7) ANDREADE vs. DARBY ALLIN – Coffin match
Before the match, Blade and Lee Johnson attacked Darby. Darby fought back against the odds with his skateboard. They fought into the crowd. Johnson ripped up a Darby poster a “fan” held up. The fan just happened to be Sting. (What a conincident that they’d fight right there were Sting was standing and what a coincidence that Johnson would choose to single him out and tear up his poster. That scene was as contrived as that stupid fake popcorn table a few weeks ago Wardlow knocked over in the concourse. This isn’t as bad as dash cams when wrestlers fight in cars, but it’s not far off.) Sting leaped off a high place onto a crowd of heels below. They cut to a split-screen break. [c/ss]
Andrade dominated Darby after the break, beating him up on the stage and at ringside. Andrade tore the lid off the coffin so it’s stay open for him to slam Darby into. Darby dove through the ropes and speared Andrade into the coffin. They both were in it, but Darby rolled out of it and then tried to put the lid on Andrade. Jose the Assistant ran out to block him. Darby backdropped Jose onto the coffin lid. Darby then slammed the lid down and won.
WINNER: Darby in 10:00.
-The Hardys came out and did a Delete signal.