5/11 AEW DARK TV REPORT: Jon Moxley & Eddie Kingston vs. Milk Chocolate, Kris Statlander vs. Julia Hart, Jungle Boy in action, more

BY RYAN HOWARD, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR


SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...

AEW DARK TV REPORT
MAY 11, 2021
RECORDED AT DAILY’S PLACE, JACKSONVILLE, FLA.
AIRED ON YOUTUBE.COM
REPORT BY RYAN HOWARD, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR

Announcers: Excalibur and Taz

Additional Commentators: Jake Roberts

Ring Announcer: Justin Roberts

-Excalibur and Taz on the call, welcoming us to the show, giving us a rundown.

(1) JON MOXLEY & EDDIE KINGSTON vs. MILK CHOCOLATE (Randy Summers & Brandon Watts)

Kingston & Mox didn’t wait for the bell, they quickly steamrolled Milk Chocolate with the double team half and half suplex, The Violent Crown, for the lighting fast win.

WINNERS: Jon Moxley & Eddie Kingston in 35 seconds

(Howard’s Analysis: We’re getting Moxley & Kingston vs. The Bucks down the line, which I am all for. With neither in the world title picture at the moment, having Moxley & Kingston destroying dudes is something that I want on every show possible.)

(2) EVIL UNO & ALAN “5” ANGELS & COLT CABANA vs. SPENCER SLADE & COLE KARTER & ANDREW PALACE

Stu Grayson was not with Dark Order in this one, as the Dark Order contingent worked over Palace with quick tags in the early going. Karter would tag in, but Angels quickly leveled him with a clothesline, enzugiri and finally This Is Going to Suck. An eye rake by Karter got his team the upper hand as Slade grounded the smaller Dark Order member. Angels would fight out of their corner, tagged Cabana, who dished out Flying Apples aplenty, even one off the second rope. Angels wiped out Karter & Palace with a tope as Evil Uno put away Slade with his rad spinning neckbreaker for the victory.

WINNERS: Evil Uno & Alan “5” Angels & Colt Cabana in 4:30

(Howard Analysis: I feel like I say this every week, but another week, another combo of a Dark Order trio picking up the win. They have been undefeated in Trios action this whole year so far. I hope we get a Trios Championship down the line because I really enjoy these guys, but I have no idea what is going to happen with Dark Order after this Hardy Family Offices feud concludes.)

-Backstage Tony Schiavone interviews Diamante about her success in AEW thus far, as she is tired of Kris Statlander, she plans to show her and the rest of the galaxy exactly how it’s done. I’m not sure where this feud came from, especially after Diamante lost last week to Leyla Hirsch in 2 minutes.

(3) LANCE ARCHER (w/Jake Roberts) vs. ANGEL FASHION

Jake Roberts joins commentary for our weekly Lance Archer slaughter. Archer wiped out Fashion before the bell with a somersault over the top into the ring. Jake talks about how Archer doesn’t need Sting, it’s more like Sting needs Archer. Commentary mentions how Nagata is coming to face Moxley for the IWGP US Title, the same title Archer has held. Archer chops Fashion repeatedly and Taz says “that’s one way to lose a nipple” as Jake says he could think of a few other ways, which pops commentary. Fashion tried fighting back, but Archer literally ran through a clothesline attempt and hit one of his own. Buckle bomb and choke slam led to Helli-coaster for the win.

WINNER: Lance Archer in 4:00

(Howard’s Analysis: Archer wins again, but Jake Roberts said this was Sting’s last chance to leave them alone “or else.” I wonder where this is actually leading.)

(4) QT MARSHALL & AARON SOLOW & NICK COMOROTO (w/Anthony Ogogo) vs. JAKE LOGAN & RYZIN & RICK RECON

QT doesn’t even take his jacket off; instead Comoroto lifts the steps up and puts them on the stage, as QT takes a seat. Solow and Comoroto isolated Logan in the early going until he was able to tag in Ryzin, who was a house of fire for a few moments. Unfortunately Ryzin opted to pose, leading to a corkscrew kick by Solow and a massive powerbomb by Comoroto. QT finally picked up the pieces for the win with a Cutter. Post match, QT put the Figure Four on Ryzin, delivering a message to Cody that this isn’t over.

WINNERS: QT Marshall & Aaron Solow & Nick Comoroto in 4:00

(Howard’s Analysis: Dominant win for The Factory as QT gets back in the win column with one move following that fun match with Cody last week on Dynamite. I like this trio as it’s the muscle in Comoroto, the speed of Solow and the boss in QT. I just feel bad Comoroto has to lift those steps up on the stage every week.)

-Backstage Cezar Bononi, Peter Avalon, JD Drake & Ryan Nemeth talk about how they are collectively known as both The Pretty Picture and The Wingmen. I’m glad they made that clear.

(5) VARSITY BLONDS (Griff Garrison & Brian Pillman Jr.)(w/Julia Hart) vs. JAYLEN BRANDYN & TRAEVON JORDAN

Julia Hart did a handspring out of the tunnel and is now with The Blonds as they all are rocking letterman’s jackets to the ring. The Blonds worked over Jordan in the early going until Brandyn tripped up Griff, allowing Jordan to connect with a scissors kick. Brandyn & Jordan were only able to control Garrison momentarily before Pillman tagged in and cleaned house. The Blonds quickly hit their assisted powerbomb finisher for the win.

WINNERS: The Varsity Blonds in 4:00

(Howard’s Analysis: The Blonds are back to their winning ways after that four-way tag on Dynamite. Julia Hart didn’t really do anything on the outside, but does fit the look for The Blonds, so I’m interested to see where that goes. The Blonds continue to be a solid team, slowly building and improving, which is perfect for shows like this. Also, if for some reason you haven’t seen the Brian Pillman Dark Side of the Ring yet, make sure you check it out, it was excellent but heartbreaking.)

(6) DIAMANTE vs. WILLOW NIGHTINGALE

Diamante swatted away the handshake and just brutalized Nightingale with forearms in the mounted position. Nightingale tried a fireman’s carry, but Diamante countered into a backstabber and corner dropkick for a near fall. Diamante tried her wheelbarrow, but Nightingale countered into a ripcord lariat. She looked for a pump handle, but Diamante broke free and hit her wheelbarrow stunner into a Code Red for the impressive win.

WINNER: Diamante in 3:00

(Howard’s Analysis: Very impressive showing from Diamante, who I was hoping would be on her way to another match with Leyla Hirsch, but according to the promo cut earlier from Diamante, it’s Statlander who is next, which I’m also fine with.)

(7) DANTE MARTIN vs. AARTON FRYE

Martin used his athleticism with quick dropkicks to gain an early near fall, looked for his 450, rolled through and Frye hit a face buster for a near fall of his own. Slugfest ensued ending in a nice looking backstabber from Frye for another 2 count. Frye wasted too much time, as he missed a springboard elbow allowing Martin to hit a combo of moves that included a double springboard moonsault for two. A corner enziguri set up the 450 Splash to give Martin another victory.

WINNER: Dante Martin in 3:30

(Howard’s Analysis: Another impressive showing by the Top Flight member. I hope this ends up resulting in a possible TNT title match maybe before his brother is back and they reform their tag team. Martin has been really solid on Dark in singles action – this week was no different.)

(8) NYLA ROSE (w/Vickie Guerrero) vs. ASHLEY D’AMBOISE

Nyla launched poor Ashley clear across the ring with a beal before splashing D’Amboise in the corner with a cannonball senton. Another corner splash and clothesline led to a Beast Bomb for the win. Ashley got off one punch I believe.

WINNER: Nyla Rose in 2:00

(Howard’s Analysis: It feels like Nyla has gotten quite a few shots at the title and has come up short, so having her steamroll girls in squashes for a while is the perfect place for her right now. I’ve said this before, but having her do this for a month or two before inserting her back into the title picture is smart.)

-Alex Marvez interviews Dark Order talking about how the Hardy Offices forced John Silver and Colt Cabana to watch Matt choke out Alex Reynolds. They said they will get their revenge on Hardy & Private Party as Evil Uno says 10 will get back in the Top 5 rankings with a win over JD Drake tonight.

(9) RYAN NEMETH & CEZAR BONONI (w/JD Drake & Peter Avalon) vs. LIAM GRAY & ADRIAN ALANIS

Both Nemeth and Gray exchanged some takedowns early until Gray hit a somersault cannonball that wiped out Nemeth, who got a blind tag to Bononi. The big man turned Gray inside out with a lariat and continued to pick Gray apart before Alanis tagged in and took the fight to both Nemeth & Bononi. Gray tried a cross body off the top, but was caught by Bononi, who set Gray up right in position for Nemeth to hit a Rude Awakening for the win.

WINNERS: Ryan Nemeth & Cezar Bononi in 4:00

(Howard’s Analysis: I oddly enjoy these four guys on a show like Dark. Avalon is hilarious and JD Drake is absolutely out of place, but in a good way.)

(10) KRIS STATLANDER (w/Best Friends & Orange Cassidy) vs. JULIA HART

Despite being out with The Blonds earlier in the night, they weren’t out here for Julia in her match. Both referee Bryce & Statlander took turns “booping” each other as Taz questions where Bryce’s finger has been, which I’m going to just move on from. Statlander caught Hart coming off the ropes and lifted her in the air, giving her a boop as well. Statlander missed a corner attack, allowing Julia to show off her flips, but she threw a kick, Statlander ducked and hit a face buster. Big Bang Theory drove Hart right on her noggin to give Statlander the victory.

WINNER: Kris Statlander in 2:00

(Howard’s Analysis: Dominating win from Statlander, who continues to impress since her return. I guess a match with Diamante is on tap, presumably on Elevation or Dark and that should be a solid match when it happens.)

(11) JUNGLE BOY (w/Marko Stunt) vs. MARTY CASAUS

Taz singing along to Tarzan Boy is one of the best things in all of wrestling and you can’t change my mind. The former Marty the Moth is looking for a better result than he had against Brian Cage a few weeks ago. Jungle Boy used his speed early with a few head scissors and dropkick that connected flush. Marty was able to catch Jungle Boy with a clothesline to the outside and teased a dive, but opted to pose instead. Taz randomly starts singing Tarzan Boy as Jungle Boy was able to hit a tope suicida, but back inside, Marty caught him with a spinning face buster. Taz refers to Casaus as “a very ugly man, but in a nice way”. Casaus tried a choke hold with his thumb, but Jungle Boy escaped with a bounce back lariat that busted Marty’s mouth opened. Casaus caught a DDT off the second rope into a nice Northern Lights Suplex for two. Marty missed a moonsault off the top, leading to the Snare Trap from Jungle Boy for the submission.

WINNER: Jungle Boy in 6:00

(Howard’s Analysis: Taz believes the Tarzan Boy lyrics are “Jungle Life is all about the monkey” which broke Excalibur (and myself). As for the match, this was a good back and forth battle that was a good showing from both men. Marty has looked impressive his first two matches in AEW and Jungle Boy continues to be a highlight whenever he’s in singles action.)

(12) BIG SWOLE & RED VELVET (w/KiLynn King) vs. MK TWINS (Steff & Ashley)

Steff and Swole kicked things off as it was Velvet who caught Steff with a kick to the back of the head off the ropes until Steff got up, tagging her sister, who was quickly picked apart by Velvet and Swole with a double flatliner. Ashley hit a headbutt to the midsection of Swole that folded Swole up in the process, which allowed the MK Twins to isolate her. Swole battled back and got the hot tag to Velvet, who would wipe out both Twins before the match broke down. Just Desserts and Dirty Dancing combo on The Twins lead to the victory.

WINNERS: Big Swole & Red Velvet in 5:00

(Howard’s Analysis: Swole & Velvet back to their winning ways as a team. Really not much more to say as these two are good as a team, but I hope Swole gets some singles wins soon as I’d like to see her in the mix with girls like Statlander, Leyla, Diamante, Nyla, etc.)

(13) JD DRAKE (w/Peter Avalon, Ryan Nemeth & Cezar Bononi) vs. DARK ORDER’S 10 (w/Evil Uno, Colt Cabana, John Silver, Alex Reynolds & Alan “5” Angels)

I know Silver was back with the boys on Elevation, but I’m happy to see him back during the entrance on Dark as well. Very fitting that 10 dished out 10 corner punches in the early going, but Drake was able to battle back with a wild lariat. Taz calls the shirt Drake is wearing a blouse, which he says Team Taz wears shirts like that to the club, but they’re orange. Drake grounded 10 before throwing him to the floor as The Pretty Picture and Dark Order boys had an exchange of words. Back inside, Drake clobbered 10 with a sledgehammer and headbutt before grounding 10 again. Drake fired off stiff chops, looked for a suplex, but 10 countered and tried the Full Nelson as Drake shook him off and nailed a lariat for two. Drake tried for 10 punches of his own, but 10 planted Drake with a powerbomb when he got to 9 punches. 10 wanted his spinebuster, but Drake countered into a nice short lariat. Drake posed too long, leading to 10 to his the spinebuster. Peter Avalon distracted 10 long enough for Drake to look for another clothesline, but 10 countered into the Full Nelson for the win.

WINNER: Dark Order’s 10 in 8:00

(Howard’s Analysis: I don’t think we needed 8 guys ringside for this match, but this was a fun little hoss battle as even in defeat, JD Drake looked really good. 10 continues to rack up wins and I wouldn’t be shocked if he gets another TNT Championship shot down the line.)

(14) THE ACCLAIMED (Max Caster & Anthony Bowens) vs. SONNY KISS & JOEY JANELA

I’m not going to try to type out Max Caster’s rap, but go out of your way to watch it and try not to laugh. He popped his booty repeatedly at Sonny Kiss and Taz was cracking up the entire time, it was hilarious. Joey outsmarted Caster with the offense early on as Janela looked into the camera and said “he’s a good rapper, but Enzo’s better”. Sonny and Bowens tagged in with Kiss dishing out a springboard handspring slap in the face. Sonny was taken out with a nice neckbreaker leg lariat combo from The Acclaimed as they isolated Sonny until Sonny was able to go through Bowens legs to tag Joey, who cleaned house. Joey tried a springboard from the ramp into the ring, but Bowens shoved him back and Joey landed on his knees, screaming in pain. They have to bleep a word as The Acclaimed took out Sonny and threw Janela back into the ring. Caster hit an atomic drop on the knee and dragon screw for a near fall. Joey fought back with an awkward double DDT, which allowed him to tag in Kiss, who cleaned house. Against his better judgment, Kiss tagged Janela, who climbed to the top for an elbow drop, only to collapse off of it. This led to a grounded cloverleaf, but Kiss broke it up. We then got a double top rope elbow spot where Joey and Caster both hit top rope elbows on the others partner. That confuses me, since Joey was literally not able to connect with one a minute earlier. Bowens sent Sonny to the floor and locked on the cloverleaf again, leading to Max hitting the Mic Drop off the top for the win.

WINNERS: The Acclaimed in 12:00

(Howard’s Analysis: This was a weird match. I dug half of it, but didn’t care for the second half. Joey selling the leg was fine, but missing a top rope elbow made sense. Hitting it a minute later didn’t. This was back and forth most of the time and I’m glad The Acclaimed won, but it was just an odd finish.)

(15) BEAR BRONSON vs. BRIAN CAGE (w/Hook)

We’re told Bear Boulder will be out for a few months and Bronson has to go it alone for a while. This is quite the test for his first singles match in AEW. Cage dropped Bronson with a nice flatliner in the early going as Cage tried a German suplex, only for Bronson to dropkick him outside. Bronson took a shot at Hook, who ducked, which allowed Cage to steamroll his opponent. Back inside, Cage looked for a powerbomb, but Bronson got a backdrop and sat all his weight down onto Cage’s chest. Couple of right hands and clotheslines connected as did a Boss Man Slam that gave Bronson a two count. Cage battled back with some kicks, missing a home run shot as Bronson hit a Back Drop Driver for two. Bronson got caught up in the corner, as Cage hit a Cheeky Nandos superkick and an electric chair for two of his own. Cage annihilated Bronson with a discus lariat; hit a crazy impressive powerbomb before hitting a Drill Claw on the massive man for the three.

WINNER: Brian Cage in 7:00

(Howard’s Analysis: If you like big dudes beating the crap out of each other (and who doesn’t?) this is the match for you. This was the best match of the night and Bronson brought the fight in his first singles match. Cage continues to be one of the best on the AEW roster. His power is amazing. I seriously can’t say enough good things about this match; it was a lot of fun.)

(16) POWERHOUSE HOBBS (w/Hook) vs. MIKE SYDAL

Hobbs dared Sydal to throw some shots, so Sydal used his speed to do just that until Hobbs absolutely steamrolled Mike with a running cross body. Hobbs mounted Sydal with clubbing blows, but Sydal fought back with a superkick into the splits. Sydal hit the ropes and Hobbs did a Vader-esque bulldozer standing splash before hitting Town Business for the victory. Post match, Hobbs laid out Sydal again until Matt Sydal came out to protect his brother.

WINNER: Powerhouse Hobbs in 3:30

(Howard’s Analysis: Hobbs continues to look super impressive and I can’t wait until they push him in the TNT Championship picture. He’s another one of those guys who I can watch steamroll opponents week after week.)

FINAL THOUGHTS: This was a combination of quick squashes that Dark has become known for in recent months with a few longer matches towards the second half. Cage vs Bronson was match of the night by a mile and it looks like we’re getting Statlander vs Diamante soon. Honestly, if you gave me Cage vs Bronson for a month straight on Dark, I’d be happy. Team Taz ruled tonight with Cage & Hobbs looking mighty impressive in their wins, while Taz singing Tarzan Boy will always be the best.

Follow Ryan Howard on Twitter: @TheRyanHoward


NOW CHECK OUT LAST WEEK’S AEW DARK REPORT: 5/4 AEW DARK TV REPORT: Team Taz in action, SCU vs. St. Patrick & Slade, Lance Archer vs. Luther, more

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