SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
It’s the final Smackdown before WrestleMania, what many call “The Go Home Show”, but what I like to call, “The Don’t Get Hurt Show”. Mine is better. I’m mildly biased, but mine has a spoonful of humor mixed with a cup of truth, and that makes for better wrestling meat. So get ready to feast your eyes on the most overrated and under-appreciated moments from WrestleMania Eve.
OVERRATED – GO HOME PROMO
I’m usually the biggest cheerleader for the promos team, but this show-opening, WrestleMania hype video felt a little phoned in to me. It was slickly cut, but included way too many contrived, hero b-roll pre-shot footage. Seeing things like Cody Rhodes and Seth Rollins walk up to, and stare down The Bloodline, takes me out of the heat between them. It just puts a bad taste in my mouth, a fake taste. I feel like I’m drinking orange juice after brushing my teeth here, WWE. Sure it’s pretty sweet what you did, but some flavors just don’t mesh together, and you had plenty of material to cull from.
OVERRATED – GIANT IRONY
There is an inherent irony to having a match full of low-card wrestlers, named after a star (Andre the Giant) that would never have been caught dead in such a pre-show-level match. I look forward to either Ricochet, Bronson Reed or Omos winning, since I don’t have any clue who else is even IN this match. As far as I’m concerned, this is a 3-person match with 18 pieces of fat to be whittled down.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – FORGET FIGHTING AND KEEP WALKING
There are a lot of beneficiaries to the new level of production WWE has raised themselves to. One such individual is Kevin Owens. The perfectly symmetric framing of his behind-the-back steadicam shot, showing him emerge into an absolute sea of fans, is something to behold. Forget your mantra of continuing the fight. Just keep walking. Do a few laps. It’s great cardio, and it does wonders for anger management, not that you have a problem, K.O. Don’t hurt me. I could honestly watch this shot all day.
OVERRATED – SNAP ZOOMS
As Kevin Owens is teeing up Randy Orton, the cameraman very abruptly, and jarringly punches in on his face. If this were a movie, this would be known as the (Sam) Raimi zoom, a camera technique reserved for superheroes suiting up, made famous by Ash in the original “Evil Dead.” That’s a whole lot of backstory for me to tell you this was likely a mistake, with the director telling the camera op to zoom in, completely forgetting he was the hot (on-air) camera. If they work the Wilhelm scream into this episode somehow though, I’ll forgive all of it. On a side note, Randy’s viper graphic comes too close to the screen for comfort. I legitimately backed up when it lunged at me. I don’t even have 3D glasses on. Chill, viper.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – RANDY ORTON’S POSE IN THE CINEMATIC ERA
Sweet baby Jesus, Randy Orton’s turnbuckle, “I’m a Greek God” pose was tailor-made for the cinematic era. It’s so impressive to see both the fan reaction he still gets, and the absolutely stunning wide shot of the audience behind him. Special props to every cell phone user that kept their flash on, which made the moment even more paparazzi-like, ya know, if the paparazzi chased muscular people in their underwear around. I can’t praise this camera work in the cinematic era enough. That’s what I’m calling this era for now, in hopes of making it stick. I don’t want any credit, WWE. I’ll settle for a Hall of Fame induction. Too much to ask? Also, am I the only one that thinks Randy’s pose was inspired by his past years of legendary debauchery, and this is what he did every time the cops were called? I have an amazing vision in my head of a cop asking Randy to say the alphabet, only to be met with him just saying “R. K. O.” over and over.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – PLAYING WITH THE CROWD
I find it so entertaining when people like Kevin Owens and Randy Orton derail their conversation to lean into a crowd chant of “Logan sucks.” I have it on good authority that top tier guys have been encouraged to lean more into crowd participation. It’s such a simple thing, but it adds so much. To know you can go to a show, and start a chant that might become part of a conversation or match, just makes you want to be there. That sells tickets. I was going to go to Smackdown tonight, didn’t, and now I honestly feel like I’m missing out. Congrats, Kevin. You’ve made me happy and sad all at the same time. I have to give a special mention to K.O. for pointing out that there was a guy (Shawn Spears) who used to say “10” as the crowd chanted it (with regard to how annoying Logan Paul is). That’s such a fun reward for the smart wrestling fans that remember things like that. It’s not so much an Easter Egg hidden, but it is kind of like the eggs you see in the toddler area of an Easter Egg hunt, out in the open and obvious. That said, it made me crack up. I hope Owens starts a podcast when he retires, because his humor is the stuff comedic dreams are made of.
OVERRATED – LOGAN GOES TO SANDALS
Seeing Logan Paul in the WrestleMania arena, with no fans, and no fancy lighting, is so deflating. This is the first time they’ve shown the arena on WWE television, and this is what they give us? I feel like I’m looking at another pandemic-era WrestleMania…without the Thunderdome fans. That was just kind of sad to see. Why on Earth would they show that wide shot? That’s like watching a movie about someone stranded on an island, and cutting wide to show a hotel in the background, probably a Sandals, with drinks included.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – GRAND THEFT ORTON?
I’m sorry, but did Randy Orton just try to steal a car? And DID Kevin Owens steal a golf cart? While stealing is wrong, and largely frowned upon by every sector of the government, law enforcement, and religious ideology, I find this hilarious. They said Lincoln Financial Field was across the street. They’re going to risk jail time just to get there faster? Well at least Randy has his pose down for when the cops show up with guns drawn. For some reason though, stealing cars seems forgivable in pop culture. Dom Torretto has stolen many cars in the “Fast and Furious” franchise, and we still (sort of) love him. I don’t think this grand theft Orton will get him canceled, but I’m not helping with the bail.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – REALISTIC CAMERA MOVEMENT
As sloppy as the camera work seemed while A-Town Down Under chased Randy Orton and Kevin Owens, I dug it. You could tell the cameraman was desperately trying to chase the action, and barely got a shaky shot of them in the distance. That felt real, and I’m here for it. Special mention to Randy for laughing and asking if the golf cart could even hold their weight. I’m fairly sure he was calling Kevin overweight, but fat jabs aside, it made for a great Benny Hill-esq moment. I can’t wait to recut this to that song.
OVERRATED – THE ANDRE IRONIC MEMORIAL BATTLE ROYAL
This promo for the battle royal verbally described Andre the Giant as larger than life, unmatched in power, and someone who towered over the competition. These are all descriptors, that I’d bet money, no one in this match will ever live up to. This is like having an Aretha Franklin singing tournament with a bunch of backup singers. You can’t put a veneer of greatness over something that shines as bright as a rusty door knob. Now, if this were the Gangrel memorial battle royal for wrestlers who suck (see what I did there?) that would make sense. That said, I’m fairly sure he’s still alive, but something to look forward to when he (sadly) goes out with a whimper, quieter than a crowd during a J.D. McDonagh match. On a side note, I didn’t remember that Andre was the very first inductee into the Hall of Fame. There’s something sweet and poetic to that. It’s like a flower, under a rainbow, with a puppy frolicking nearby, if the puppy was the same breed as the dog from the 90s classic, “Beethoven”.
OVERRATED – A THREE-MAN BATTLE ROYAL
Clearly only the people who got proper entrances stand a chance at winning this battle royal – Ricochet, Bronson Reed, and Omos. It’s officially a three-man battle royal. What a shame, J.D. McDonagh didn’t get an entrance. I guess he won’t be taking care of Ricochet after all.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – OMOS GETS STUCK
Did Omos’s hood get stuck during his entrance?! MVP looked like he was trying to yank a saddle off of a Clydesdale. For a second, I was worried he might not get it off, and then Omos would be forced to wrestle as the only wizard in “Lord of the Rings” who hit a second growth spurt…in their 30s. One might even say he…OMOS got stuck. I know, I know, that was OMOS a good joke. I’ll do better moving forward. I know I’m OMOS losing your attention here so I’ll stop. I don’t want to get so close to the edge that I OMOS fall off. I’m done now. OMOS, anyway.
OVERRATED – OMOS LOSES HIS LUGGAGE
What is with Omos’ grungy leopard print-like pants? He looks like his luggage got mixed up with someone else’s, and he was forced to make lemon water (not full lemonade) out of lemons. Nothing is worse than lemon water. It’s such a tease. It’s like a non-alcoholic beer. What’s the point? I think I just called Omos the human-embodiment of non-alcoholic beer. On a side note, I would have loved to see Pretty Deadly attack him verbally for poor fashion choices before physically attacking him.
OVERRATED – ANGEL GARZA’S SELF-ELIMINATION
Go back and watch Angel Garza’s elimination again. He gets thrown, pauses, daydreams a bit, and then leaps up and over the rope eliminating himself. His selling of the elimination throw was more delayed than a golf cart with Bronson Reed driving. I’ve seen better falls from grandmas in the park. Both are funny, but only one of those makes me care.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – THANK YOU IVAR
I’d like to thank Ivar for his absolutely beautiful roundhouse kick that nearly knocked the J.D. off of McDonagh. One more for good measure, please and thank you. This match is a mess as a whole though. Between eliminating team members in unison, to not even realizing who is in the match until they’re eliminated, this is a better joke than most of WWE’s comedy segments in the 2010s. Also, thank you to Bronson Reed for taking a devastating shot at McDonagh, and Omos for presumably ending his career. Way to work like a team, gentlemen. It was OMOS enough, but you didn’t eliminate him yet. Put me out of my misery already, guys.
OVERRATED – OMOS’S UNAIRED ELIMINATION
Let me get this straight. Omos gets one of only three entrances, and then he’s eliminated during a commercial break with no picture-in-picture?! Oh I see, he clearly fell by accident. How hilariously Titus O’Neil of him. I wonder if he was supposed to win this and just spoiled everything. It’s worth watching his fall another time, and another. I want a t-shirt with this image and “Omos won!” written on it.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – MEATMANIA
There is something absurdly entertaining about seeing Bronson Reed, Ivar and Otis go at it in the ring. I want a MeatMania shirt. Maybe we should revamp 205 Live as 405 Live. I’d watch it just to see if the ring survives. Also, we had an earthquake today in the Philly/central NJ area. Now I know what (or rather who), caused it. Clearly the tectonic plates can’t sustain the meat madness of these human wrecking balls going at it.
OVERRATED – TOZAWA GETS LAWN-DARTED
That was a really nasty-looking fall by Akira Tozawa. I’d pin the blame more on Ivar for an overly reckless throw, than a sweaty Otis missing him. He basically lawn-darted him onto his head. I met Tozawa earlier today at WWE world, and he couldn’t have been nicer. I really hope he’s okay. On a lighter note, we should give Otis some props. He Omos caught him. Commit me now folks because this isn’t going to get any better. Bronson Reed winning makes sense. It gives him a little prominence during WrestleMania week. He has plenty of time to do more later.
OVERRATED – THE BLOODLINE CONTROLS THE SUN?
I’m sorry, but does The Bloodline control the sun now? I’m pretty sure it was dark out when Randy Orton tried to steal a car, and now (since they don’t say earlier today) it’s daylight with Jimmy Uso and Solo Sikoa walking into the arena? Man, that Netflix money really can buy anything. Now we know what they’ve been pointing at this entire time! It’s all been foreshadowing for the big reveal that they control our own heat-gifting star. Apparently they also have a solid Hollywood-grasp on lightning for Dwayne Johnson. I’m surprised he has the budget for that, what with all of his cow-print vests and all, but I digress.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – PAINT-BY-NUMBERS BOOKING IS EFFECTIVE
This Logan Paul, Kevin Owens and Randy Orton cat-and-mouse game is paint-by-numbers booking, but it’s so effective when you have a heel like Logan who plays his role so well. It’s like a good pizza recipe. We know it. We love it. We just want different toppings on it sometimes, but the basic formula stays the same. Because it works. Ugh, now I’m hungry. I gotta stop doing this to myself more than D.I.Y. needs to stop patting themselves on the back.
OVERRATED – CARLITO
Are they calling an audible on swapping out Dragon Lee for Carlito at WrestleMania? Carlito had a solid fan reaction last week but I hope they’re not going that route. He’s slow, clunky, and well past his prime. Gone are the joyous apple-spitting days. I’d much rather have an exciting talent like Dragon Lee in a WrestleMania match with something to prove.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – ANDRADE LA SOPRESA
I loved hearing the commentators remind us that Andrade el Idolo and Zelina Vega were a team back in NXT. I didn’t put much stock in what they were saying though, so Andrade’s fiery face turn was a very pleasant surprise. It’s smart to realign him with Zelina, who is much stronger on the mic than him. That seemed to get a great crowd reaction. I’ve been thinking Andrade’s return has been missing some fire, and man oh man, did that set things ablaze. I really, REALLY hope they add Andrade into the tag match in Dragon Lee’s place. I feel like I just got someone else’s Amazon order, and it was something way better than I bought. Finders keepers!
OVERRATED – NAOMI’S GLOW-INDUCED EYE DAMAGE
I’m wondering if all the glow damaged Naomi’s eyes, because her glowing purse says “Damage Control Sucks.” Naomi, don’t you know Damage CTRL hates vowels? Unless this is a purposeful rebellion against their consonant-forward moniker, this just makes me think you’re not paying attention. I don’t know if you need Ritalin, a cup of coffee or an eye exam, but we need to figure this out. On a side note, Bianca Belair is keeping up this new and very unwelcome trend of cow-print attire. Did WWE hire a farmer to make costumes backstage? Does T.K.O. have a bovine surplus they’re trying to liquidate? I don’t understand why this trend has to keep MOOOOVING. I think we’ve milked it for all it’s worth. It’s time to put this trend out to pasture. If cows can get over in WWE, so can cattle puns. Hey, maybe they could sponsor MeatMania! #Synergy
UNDER-APPRECIATED – JADE CARGILL THINKS WRESTLEMANIA IS IN TEXAS
I thought Jade Cargill sounded much more confident on the mic tonight than in her debut. I liked her “eye of the storm” line a lot. I’m still confused as to why Jade, Bianca Belair, and Naomi are dressed for the rodeo, but I’ll let it slide. Maybe someone ribbed them, and told them WrestleMania was in Texas this year. Damage CTRL strikes again!
UNDER-APPRECIATED – PETE DUNNE FLIPS OUT
In this match with New Catch Republic versus A-Town Down Under, Pete Dunne just flipped more than Seth Rollins’ character development. How does someone move like that? How does someone even learn that they CAN do that? I want a blooper reel immediately. Please and thank you. Also, I still don’t understand the name, New Catch Republic. What are they catching? It’s definitely not kneepads, which by the way, they both look like they need. At the very least, they would make Tyler Bate look less naked. He seriously looks like a streaker jumped the guard reel, but got a little too timid to go full monty. If you’re gonna go for it Tyler, go for it. Be the king of your own choices, a lord Tyler, a master B…MOVING ON.
OVERRATED – J.D. MCDONAGH TRIES TO LOOK COOL
When Judgment Day ambushed New Catch Republic and A-Town Down Under, I missed most of the action because I was distracted by J. D. McDonagh’s failed attempt at looking cool with a purple bandana. He didn’t even Omos pull it off. He looks like a 9-year old dressed up as a “Sons of Anarchy” character. The attire is right, but it doesn’t click with the wearer. Also, has anyone noticed that Damian Priest rarely has his Money in the Bank briefcase these days? Red herring, or purposeful omission due to a top-heavy main event scene?
OVERRATED – WRONG GRAPHIC
Did anyone else notice that during L.A. Knight’s entrance they hilariously, and presumably mistakenly, cut to a graphic of the Philly Street fight between The Final Testament and Street Profits with Bobby Lashley? Corey Graves tried like a champ to save it by saying that A.J. Styles and Knight will also do battle this weekend. It was a really good attempt to play it off, but if someone sees you fall down the stairs, you can’t bust a move at the bottom, and dance your way out of embarrassment. We all saw it, Mr. Graves, but you get an A for effort. By the way, I bet every member of Damage CTRL strived for Bs in school, since they hate vowels so much. Maybe they should have named their faction Constantly Consonant. Their finisher could have been the grammar check! Missed opportunities, WWE. Missed opportunities.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – L.A. KNIGHT OMOS CHOKES TO DEATH
L.A. Knight just gave us all a live P.S.A. on why you shouldn’t chew gum and talk at the same time. He very nearly, Omos…choked to death. To make matters worse, he shook his head and made a weird sound, like a Looney Tunes character, shaking off the pain of taking an anvil to the head. This was such a hilarious over-compensation for a screw-up, that I’d put it up there with the legendary Ashlee Simpson Saturday Night Live performance. If you don’t know what I’m referencing, YouTube it, and send me a thank you note for your enjoyment. Back to Knight. When it comes to gum, Knight, maybe you should liken it to your appetite for A.J. Styles…you don’t want none.
UNDER-APPRECIATED – JEY’S YEET-WORTHY SHOT
The very first shot of Jey Uso’s entrance, is by far, the best shot of the night. Seeing the camera pan up, to show a forest of lively fans, swaying with Jey like trees in the wind, is nothing short of jaw-dropping. This guy couldn’t be more over if he pole-vaulted over Lincoln Financial Field. I’m still not sure what “yeet” means, but this has to be yeet-worthy.
OVERRATED – BIGFOOT BACKUP
We all knew Jimmy Uso was going to interfere in the Solo Sikoa versus Jey Uso match. Did Jimmy forget that he screwed Jey out of beating Roman Reigns because he didn’t want Jey to turn out like Roman…only to turn around, and become more devoted to Roman? Inconsistencies aside, it was a good tee-up for a crowd-pleaser moment of Cody Rhodes and Sasquatch, I mean Seth Rollins, running in for the save. Why does Seth Rollins look like Bigfoot and Sabertooth from “X-Men” had a baby…that they dropped on its head? He seriously looks like Chewbacca sold the Millennium Falcon to pursue a career as a male model…alongside Derek Zoolander. Nice touch by Cody to whip out the belt for some revenge. I hope he delivers said belt to Mama Rock at the Hall of Fame ceremony later.
I’ll be back after two cold, but glorious nights of WrestleMania madness. Here’s to hoping that we leave as happy Cody (Rhodes) crybabies…and not actual Cody crybabies. It’s very confusing to describe yourself as a Cody Rhodes fan. It’s an American Nightmare at times. Happy ‘Mania weekend to all!
OR CHECK THIS OUT AT PROWRESTLING.NET: 4/5 Barnett’s WWE Friday Night Smackdown audio review: WMXL go-home show with the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal, Jey Uso vs. Solo Sikoa, KO Show with Randy Orton
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.