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KELLER’S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
DECEMBER 18, 2012
LIVE ON USA NETWORK
-They aired a video package of the end of Raw with Big E. Langston debuting. They also recapped the Sheamus vs. Big Show developments and hyped Sheamus & John Cena vs. Big Show & Dolph Ziggler was scheduled as the TV main event.
-The Miz walked to the ring to host Miz TV. Miz introduced Dolph Ziggler and A.J. Lee, who walked to the ring with Langston. Ziggler and A.J. kissed on their way to the ring. Josh Mathews, Michael Cole, and JBL introduced the show. JBL said A.J. is crazy.
Miz said: “I’m going to make this simple. One question, three letters: Why?”
(WK Reax: When Miz said stuff like that as a heel, I thought he was trying to be a heel by using tired cliches and non-clever statements presented as original and witty. So the heat was on him for not being as cool as he thought. Now he’s a babyface and he’s saying things like “One question, three letters” as if he just invented a really neat way to present a question. It’s not just this. He just hasn’t changed since going heel and his heel act doesn’t translate “as is” into a babyface act.)
A.J. shot back: “Really?” She asked Miz to ask John Cena why he toyed with her head. She said if Cena explained that, it all might make more sense. She said when Cena kissed her, she thought it was the start of something special and they would have a beautiful life together. She said she even made him gifts. She threw to a clip of Vickie Guerrero showing Cena some bows with Cena’s face on them. Cena dismissed them as pathetic, the wrong color, and “obviously a hack job” that Vickie created to incriminate A.J.
Back in the ring A.J. was distraught because she said she worked very hard to create those bows. She said she cared about him and wanted to support him, but she kept turning her down. A clip aired of A.J. offering to join him at ringside, but Cena telling her to stay in the back.
A.J. said Cena wanted to keep her hidden like she was his dirty little secret. She said Cena was supposed to be different than Daniel Bryan and C.M. Punk. She said she loved both Bryan and Punk, they used her and threw her away like she was trash. “He was supposed to be better than that!” she said. “John Cena broke my heart.” She said she enlisted Ziggler to help her break Cena. She smiled and looked at Ziggler.
Miz asked if Ziggler called her trash a couple of weeks ago, and he asked Ziggler if he’s “all aboard the crazy train.” As Langston stepped toward Miz, Miz said he needs to change his question from why to who. A.J. said he’s a friend and he doesn’t like when people call her crazy. Miz said, “Well, why don’t you skip around this ring a couple of times while I think of an apology.” Ziggler said, “Aww, Miz, as usual, hilarious, yet completely clueless.”
Ziggler said A.J. isn’t crazy (he asked her plug her ears before he said “that word”). He said A.J. gave her the hottest kiss in the 20 year history of Monday Night Raw. He said he doesn’t need a Slammy, because he is the holder of the Money in the Bank contract. He said just like the t-shirt says, he stole the show and he stole Cena’s girlfriend. Miz said he hopes he can satisfy each of A.J.’s personalities. He said they deserve each other. He made fun of A.J.’s string of boyfriends. He called Ziggler “the sixth member of One Direction.” Langston didn’t like that, and he knocked Miz over and then gave him his finisher. A.J leaned over and told Miz, “Show… Off…”
-The announcers reacted to the segment. For some reason people walked right past the camera shooting them at ringside.
-They cut backstage to Booker T who was approached by Teddy Long. Long asked Booker to take a look at Brad Maddox and maybe give him an opportunity. Booker asked Long what is wrong with him. Booker said that’s the kid who screwed Ryback. He scolded him for bringing him to Smackdown. He said he’s trouble. Long said he has a big social media following and asked if he’s seen his YouTube show. He asked if he’s afraid of a little controversy. Long said he has talent and he’s hungry, looking for a match trying to earn a contract. Long said he, of all people, knows a man deserves a second chance. Booker said he doesn’t have to go there. Booker put him in charge of telling him he’ll find out when he gets to the ring.
-WWE Fact: Last night Raw was the most socially active show on cable TV, beating The Voice, Hawaii Five-O, and Monday Night Football.
(1) Damien Sandow (w/Cody Rhodes) pinned Sin Cara in 6:00. Rey Mysterio’s music played, but he didn’t walk out. The announcers wondered where he is. They said they saw him earlier. At 2:00 Cody yanked Cara off the ring apron, giving Sandow an opening to take control. As JBL listed a lot of famous men with mustaches, Cole noted he had one on WWE TV for a while.
(Quotebook – JBL: “Prince had a mustache.” Michael Cole in response: “A very slender one. Looked like dirt on his face.”)
At 6:00 The Shield walked to ringside and showed off Rey’s mask. JBL said that explains Rey’s disappearances. Sandow finished off a distracted Sin Cara with the Terminoose.
-Afterward The Shield triple-teamed Cara and went after his left knee. The crowd chanted “Feed Me More.” The Shield left with Cara pounding the mat in agony. So he does make noise.
-A (not a) commercial aired hyping Flo Rida and Miss Piggy talking about Tribute to the Troops.
(2) Santino pinned Tensai. In talking about Santino winning a power walk contest at a factory years ago in Europe, Cole explained that 11 workers put 10 dollars each into the pot and Santino won it. Mathews declared that Santino “won over $1,100.”
(WK Reax: Let’s say that 11 x $10 equals $1,100. How is that “more than 1,100 dollars?”)
(Quotebook – Michael Cole to Josh Mathews: “You do realize that 10 times 11 is 110, not 1,100, right?” JBL in response: “You’re talking about a guy who had to Google Freddie Mercury last week. No, he didn’t know 10 times 11 is 110. Are you kidding me? This is what I gotta put up with on Friday.”)
Santino hit Tensai with the Cobra, but Santino’s hand hurt. They sold the idea that Tensai’s head is especially hard. Santino avoided a senton back splash by Tensai and scored the pin. Santino celebrated. JBL said Tensai has been snake-bit since he got to WWE. JBL said he still has faith in Tensai, but admitted his career is sputtering. He said he’s trying to find his footing.
-Clips aired of The Shield on Raw last night.
-They went to Kofi “Wow-maker” Kingston, Kane, and Daniel Bryan watching the clip on the monitor. Kane told Kofi to grow eyes on the back of his head because The Shield are in the building and they clearly already took out Rey. He said Rey and Sin Cara may never be the same. Kofi asked Kane and Bryan to be sure to let him get his hands on Wade Barrett. He said payback is definitely in order.
Bryan sneered at Kofi, then asked Kingston if he LOL’d more when he and Kane went to anger management than when Rock threw stuff into the river. Kane explained that Bryan is still upset he didn’t win a Slammy. Kofi showed off his Slammy. Bryan made goat noises and tried to hold back his rage. Kane explained he got to hang out with Ric Flair. Kofi said Flair has the best catch phrase. Bryan said, “No! No! No!”
-Ring intros took place for the six-man tag. Cole said they had confirmation that Rey was attacked by The Shield.
(WK Reax: Wade Barrett walks to the ring like Michael Bisping. Not a bad UFC heel to model yourself after. Bisping would be huge money heel for WWE.)
(3) Kofi Kingston & Daniel Bryan & Kane beat The Prime Time Players & Wade Barrett when Kane pinned Darren Young in 7:00. Cole said they’ve been informed Rey suffered “an extreme neck injury” from the Shield. Cole actually mentioned the specific hospital Rey and Cara were sent to. They stopped doing that many years ago because fans who believed would call the hospital or visit the hospital and ask for updates. I wonder if the Pittsburgh hospital is getting calls from Rey or Sin Cara fans? At 6:00 chaos broke out. Kane chokeslammed Darren Young for the win.
-A (not a) commercial aired for WWE Shop Zone.
-They went to the announcers at ringside. They threw to clips of the finish of the Raw main event between Cena and Ziggler where Big E Langston showed up.
-Sheamus got himself wound up talking about some priests. Cena told him to calm down and focus on tonight. Cena said Langston might be the strongest guy he’s ever been thrown around the ring by. Sheamus said it sounds like his kind of fight. Sheamus asked what the deal was between him and A.J. He assured him no one was around, so he could tell him safely. Cena whispered the story to Sheamus. Sheamus laughs and then looked scared and then asked, “Are you serious?!” Cena said, “That’s totally not all.” He said some more stuff and then looked grossed out and amazed at the same time.” Cena said he just made it all up and left. Sheamus asked, “But is that possible?!”
-C.M. Punk’s ring entrance took place with Paul Heyman walking out with him. They entered the ring. Punk said in 20 years he will be looked back on fondly as the greatest Superstar of all time, yet the fans couldn’t set aside their bias against him and vote for him as Superstar of the Year. He said instead they turned the prestigious Slammy Awards Show into a sham of popularity contest by voting for John Cena. Punk said Cena knows that he is undeserving. Punk said Cena gave his (Punk’s) Slammy to Ric Flair. He told the crowd to keep wooing.
(WK Reax: Heyman’s facial expressions here were priceless, not in a Bogarting distracting way, but a complimentary way.)
(Quotebook – C.M. Punk: “Do you know what’s more impressive than winning a title 16 times in a 95 year career? Winning a title once and not losing it in damn near 400 days!”)
Punk called Pittsburgh a forgotten hell hole and complimented himself for not nursing his injury at home.
(Quotebook – C.M. Punk: “No else in Pittsburgh is entertaining. Those women you call the Pittsburgh Penguins are on strike.”)
Punk said he’ll be back next year and Heyman will still be holding his title high in the air. He said nobody’s going to beat him – not Ryback, not John Cena, not Ric Flair, not The Rock, not Steve Austin. Ryback’s music then played. Cole said Punk may want to head to the picket line. When Ryback entered the ring, Punk tried to hold him back with his crutch. Heyman said that Ryback knows Punk is not medically cleared to compete. Ryback said doctors say he will be. He said he wants to face Punk on the first Raw of the new year and become the new WWE Champion. He began a “Feed me more!” chant.
(4) Ryback pinned Antonio Cesaro in 7:00. At 2:00 Cesaro tried to reenact his intentional countout last night. Ryback picked him and tried to throw him into the ring. Cesaro slipped behind him and shoved him into the ringside stairs. Cesaro then entered the ring and encouraged the ref to count Ryback out. The ref got to nine.
(Quotebook – Josh Mathews on Ryback: “He eats eight to ten large meals every single day.” Michael Cole: “So does J.R., but he doesn’t look like that.”)
Ryback eventually pinned Cesaro clean with the Shellshock. JBL said it’s a big win for him.
(WK Reax: Well, so much for saving a full-fledged Cesaro vs. Ryback match for a big occasion. It seems like underutilizing Cesaro since he hadn’t yet been defined as being someone who’d lose clean and decisively to Ryback in seven minutes.)
-A video aired on Miz flying in an F18, and taking some tests beforehand to prove he could handle it.
-Backstage the camera was filming Kaitlyn as she walked in the hallway. A.J. walked up and wished her good luck. Kaitlyn made a face. A.J. asked what that look was for. Kaitlyn said she does it over and over again, and it makes it really hard to be her friend. A.J. broke down and cried. Kaitlyn tried to apologize, but then A.J. snarled at her. Kaitlyn said she had a title match to get to. A.J. said, “So you’re choosing a title match over a friend?” Kaitlyn said no, she was choosing a title match over a lunatic who needs help. A.J. attacked her, throwing her into a soda machine. Refs broke them up seconds later.
(5) Kaitlyn beat Eve via DQ in 6:00. Cole and JBL really went after Josh during this match. Cole said Mathews had nothing but a blank piece of paper out there instead of a smart phone during Raw. Josh Mathews does seem like someone who’d show up at a finger painting party without his fingers. JBL called Kaitlyn and Eve “Superstars.” Cole said, “First of all, they’re Divas.” JBL objected to Cole referring them as colleagues. He said he’s Michael Jordan and Cole is Will Purdue; they weren’t colleagues, they were “on the same team.”
(Quotebook – JBL: “If you look like Eve, you should be in love with yourself.”)
(WK Reax: I love when someone on the air pulls out the WWE Stylebook and corrects a colleague… I mean teammate. Also, I do enjoy how if JBL knows something someone else doesn’t, they’re stupid, but if someone knows something JBL doesn’t, they’re a nerd for knowing that.)
At 5:00 Kaitlyn climbed to the top rope. Eve held onto the ref’s leg and pulled herself out of Kaitlyn’s path. She ended up tackling the ref and getting DQ’d. JBL called it intentional and brilliant.
-Backstage Ziggler calmed A.J. by saying Kaitlyn is just jealous because she’s with a future World Champion. Big Show walked up and laughed. He leaned on his shoulder and said his future is going to consist of his spending Christmas in a body cast if he tries to pull again what he tried to pull last night. Ziggler said they are teammates tonight. A.J. pointed at Langston and indicated he should watch out. Show said if he gets the slightest inkling that he’s being set up so he can cash in his MITB contract, he will knock him so far into the future, his MITB contract will have expired.
-A (not a) commercial aired hyping WWE Week on USA Network.
-A clip aired of Ziggler’s attempt to cash in the MITB contract against Big Show being thwarted by Cena.
-Brad Maddox walked out and repeated his name over and over, then insisted no one will ever forget his name. He said it begins with his victory tonight on Smackdown. Brodus Clay’s music then started, revealing he was his opponent for the first time.
(6) Brodus Clay pinned Brad Maddox in 2:00. Maddox attacked Clay before the bell. Clay immediately took over control, though. They cut to Booker and Long watching on a monitor in the back. Clay dominated Maddox, knocked him over, said it’s time to call his mamma, then he splashed him for the win.
-As Clay was celebrating his win, The Shield attacked him. Cole said it’s become apparent to him there is no rhyme or reason to the attacks, but they are premeditated. Clay looked like he was just waking up after a very hard night of drinking and throwing up.
-A segment aired with Kid Rock praising the U.S. troops.
-Cole announced that Santa Claus will be hosting Raw on Monday night.
(7) Sheamus & John Cena vs. Big Show & Dolph Ziggler (w/A.J. Lee, Big E. Langston).
Cena rallied at 10:00 against Ziggler, but as he set up the Attitude Adjustment, Big Show interfered. Sheamus charged in and clotheslined Show over the top rope. They brawled in the aisle. Cena went back to an AA attempt, but Zigger countered with a Zig Zag for a near fall. Cena then delivered an AA. Big E leaped in and collided with Cena, then gave him his finisher. Langston stood over Cena afterward. A.J. went to check on Ziggler and then made out with him. They really got into it. JBL: “I think we could do without this.” The world almost found out how insignificant Ziggler is.
NOW CHECK OUT THE PREVIOUS FLASHBACK: 10 YRS AGO – KELLER’S RAW REPORT (12-17-07): Jeff Hardy & Michaels vs. Orton & Kennedy, Triple H vs. Coachman & Regal, Flair vs. Umaga