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Roman Reigns is one of the most dramatic, divisive, and discussed WWE performers in history. The company makes desperate play after desperate play to make him your favorite graps guy – with limited success. How do they do it? What do they do?
I’m Tom Colohueand this is the Monday Night Reigns-o-Meter.
Seriously though, how weird is it to hear cheering and rapturous applause following Roman Reigns’s entrance theme? I still get really confused by it.
As of last week, Roman Reigns returned, in all his superman punching, big vest wearing, ooo-aahing glory. Of course his new sweat pants costume set makes him look more like The Usos than ever, and I struggle to trust anyone wearing sneakers that white, but most importantly he’s back and the fans are chanting his name.
Except that one guy who made every effort possible to boo, because it’s all a work, isn’t it? In a world where both Ronda Rousey and Triple H are now heavily leaning into “it’s all fake except this because this is real, y’all,” WWE would definitely book a fake cancer, right?
Seriously, no. Calm down.
Anyway, we pick up right where we left off, with Roman Reigns as a featured story on Monday Night Raw. Sorry, with Roman Reigns as THE featured story on Monday Night Raw. Roman featured heavily this week, casually putting his hand on Seth’s face and just casually giving him a shove straight out of the spotlight. Seth Rollins is going to WrestleMania to face Brock Lesnar, apparently. He made sure to remind people at the beginning of Raw because I know a lot of people might have forgotten.
Fun fact: Last time Seth Rollins met Brock Lesnar in a WWE ring, he entered and left with the WWE Championship. Why hasn’t that been mentioned? I mean, sure, the dead dick kick happened, but Seth still escaped with the title, right?
Our opening segment would be Roman and Seth, two sweaty superheroes at the peak of their sweaty superhero powers. Roman wants to reunite the family. He wants his backup band back. Roman and the Shield Boys for life. Seth? Not so much. Ambrose hurt him and he’s still sore from the pain. Oh wait, no he’s fine with it. It’s all good.
I mean, would it even be Roman Reigns without achieving a ridiculously difficult feat with ease the second he comes back?
Officially, due to a guitar in the back, The Shield did not reunite at the start of Raw. Curiously enough, this is far from a unique story. Everyone remembers the famous ending to the third season of “Game Of Thrones,” when Rob Stark was unable to become King Of The North because every time he tried to sit in his throne he got whacked in the back with a guitar. It’s littered throughout history at this point. America was originally discovered by James Madison in 1202, only for Madison to be hit in the back with a guitar before he could step off his ship.
Raw would continue with another six-man tag. Braun Strowman continues to need at least three opponents at once in order to look like he won’t immediately demolish the whole ring. Ruby Riott lost, again. I kind of expect she’ll be first in line for a title shot at Money In The Bank after WrestleMania just because that’s what seems to happen when someone loses a lot. Lacey Evans exists. I think that’s the whole story they’re trying to tell there.
Triple H took us on a long emotional journey. I don’t watch Raw to care about people, Trips, behave. I bet the second they pitched the story to Ric Flair he instinctively bladed before he even realized he didn’t need to take a single hit. Honestly, I can’t wait to see Charlotte vs. Batista at WrestleMania.
Coming back to the important things, Rollins tries to make friends with Ambrose again because Roman wants him to. He refers to Ambrose as his soul mate, which naturally set off a half million fanfiction alarms around the globe. Ambrose shrugs him off; still waiting for that glorious healing hug from Roman Reigns that he’s been waiting for since October. Ambrose would go on to lose clean to Elias; as Ambrose has done a lot recently. That hug from Roman can’t get here soon enough.
Speak of the angel, Roman and Seth come down to the ring. Actually, they come down to the ramp and stand there for the length of an entire commercial break, then start to walk down several minutes later to attempt to convince Ambrose to re-enlist.
Long forgotten tidbit: Dean Ambrose is technically the leader of The Shield, or was until the 2014 Royal Rumble when WWE started running video packages calling Roman the leader. I can understand that maybe he’s a little bit angry with proceedings.
Ambrose refuses, not only walking away but refusing to fist bump some guy in an Eddie Guerrero t-shirt as an ultimate act of malice. Baron Corbin, bane of The Shield’s existence for about a year now, would then enter, bringing with him a McIntyre and a Lashley because, for some reason, these three really enjoy each other’s company. One day we’re going to find out some drastic secret, like they all wear the same kind of leather belt or something and that’s why they’re somehow best friends. Yup. It’s the belt thing. Roman and Seth would take the very slightest of beatings before Ambrose would interfere for some reason.
And just like that The Shield reform, in record time. It didn’t take weeks like last time. It didn’t take months like the time before. They just completely forgot that there was a whole rivalry, and even an Intercontinental Title involved.
Naturally, Roman Reigns is always the main event, so I turned Raw off after that. I’d seen Roman so really I’d seen everything I’d need to see for the week.
– Seth Rollins’ Hatred Of Dean Ambrose
– Dean Ambrose’s Hatred Of Seth Rollins
– Baron Corbin
– Bobby Lashley
– Drew McIntyre
Did Roman Reigns beat the odds?
Ronda Rousey did what?!
NOW CHECK OUT LAST WEEK’S COLUMN: MONDAY NIGHT REIGNS-O-METER #84: It’s back. He’s back! Tracking Roman Reigns’s ability to beat the odds and come out on top