SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
The following report was originally published ten years ago on the PWTorch VIP website…
KELLER’S TNA IMPACT REPORT
MAY 7, 2009
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV
-A video package aired centered around Mick Foley as the new TNA Champion, Samoa Joe’s new attitude, Bobby Lashley walking around with that Lashley “I have some gas” facial expression, and the general anarchy growing within the Main Event Mafia. It announced the ten-man tag team main event. “Mafia Re-loaded” is the title of the show.
-Mike Tenay introduced the show as the Main Event Mafia walked to the ring, led by Kurt Angle and his two bodyguards. Angle addressed Foley right away. He said last week he made it clear that if you screw with the Godfather, you get the thorn of the rose. He said he did everything he said he was going to do. He looked him in the eye and kicked his ass. He said the only reason he didn’t take his job as executive shareholder is he wanted him to keep some of his dignity. He said he will be in the main event at Sacrifice. He said if he gets pinned, whoever pins him will be in charge of the most prestigious group of champions ever to be assembled in the history of professional wrestling. He said he wanted to address some rumors going around regarding a ten-man tag match tonight with the Mafia. He wanted Foley to explain why he’s giving a match of that magnitude away free on TV. The fans applauded. He also wanted to know why he didn’t directly tell the Mafia about it. He said he may book the matches, but the Mafia runs the show. So if they are indeed in the ten match tag match, “Mick Foley, you need to get your fat, crazy out here right now and tell us what the hell is going on.”
Foley’s music played and he walked out with his TNA World Title match. Tenay said Angle doesn’t want second-hand information from TNAwrestling.com or rumors, he wants to hear directly what the Mafia is scheduled for. Foley was joined by Christopher Daniels. Foley said there will be a ten-man tag match in the Impact Zone. He said he’s giving away a match of that magnitude because “we need a show of power.” He said until last week he felt he was immune from the Mafia’s influence. He said he thought they had seen the last of Sting after the beating he gave him at Lockdown, so he’s a tougher man than he realized. Foley said acted the way he did to save a friend, and he bragged about getting 25 stitches. Angle interrupted and boasted that he won an Olympic Gold Medal with a “broken freakin’ neck.” Foley bragged up his partners: Daniels, A.J. Styles, Samoa Joe, and “the founder” Jeff Jarrett. Angle said if he brings them out, it’ll be their funeral. Foley said at Sacrifice, he will retain his title and pin Angle to do it, so he’ll walk out as the Godfather of the MEM. Jarrett’s music played. He walked out with Styles.
Jarrett confronted Foley: “What the hell are you doing? The next decision you make will be over my dead body.” Foley tried to talk Jarrett down. He admitted he said some things he shouldn’t have, but it was always business and not personal. Jarrett said, “This is business: Kiss my ass!” He began to walk away. Angle said, “Before you guys commence to kicking each other’s asses, you might want to get ready for the ten-man tag match tonight.” Angle held his arm out and his hand was shaking, presumably a perpetual issue due to nerve damage.
-Lauren caught up with Samoa Joe in the parking garage arriving. She wanted to know who just dropped him off and sped away in a cool car. Joe didn’t answer and Lauren, as usual, seemed to care much too much about something she shouldn’t have any reason to care about. Why not ask him where he got his last haircut, too, with the same sense of urgency? “Joe, Joe, what did you have for dinner! Why won’t you tell us!! WE NEED TO KNOW!” Why does she need to know these things?
1 — CONSEQUENCES CREED (w/Black Machismo) vs. SUICIDE — Non-Title Match
Don West made his case why he believed Suicide was Daniels. Tenay was less skeptical and accused West of buying into anything Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley say. Nice action in the early few minutes, which also counted as the “last few minutes.” Suicide won with a double knee jaw jammer off the middle rope.
WINNER: Suicide in 3:00.
STAR RATING: 3/4* — A nice three minute start to a full-fledged match.
-A video package aired on Foley talking about taking risks to seize dreams.
-Matt Morgan visited Foley’s at his desk. Jeremy Borash held the mic for Morgan. He said he needs Foley to book him in a match so he can showcase his god-given talent in the ring tonight to impress the Mafia. Foley said how about he take out their security duo – Sal and Big Rocco. Morgan said pick either one, it doesn’t matter to him, then left. Borash asked Foley why he wanted Morgan to be aligned with the Mafia. Foley said that’s a good point so he may need to tweak the match.
-Lauren interviewed Velvet Sky and Angelina Love. Sky was upset that Madison Rayne wasn’t there because she was hospitalized for three days and bedridden after what Kong did to her last week. Love wasn’t fazed because she bragged about beating Kong for her belt. Sky said that’s not exactly true as she pinned Taylor Wilde. Love told Sky she just has to avoid Kong to win. Sky wasn’t confident.
-Mike Tenay had a sit-down interview (often a ratings-killing format) with the Mafia. He asked Angle if things have gone well since he formed the Mafia in Las Vegas. Angle said families aren’t perfect and problems can result, egos can flare, and guys can get in fights. He said that is family. “We love each other, we respect each other, and we all want the same thing.” He said as long as they have the TNA Title, things are good, but bad things can happen because everyone wants that. Tenay asked what’s left for the Mafia. Angle said they haven’t held every title at the same time, so much has to happen before it’s over. Tenay asked about differences between Jenna and Sharmell. Sting stepped in and said nobody on the face of the Earth would deny there are strong-willed individuals in the Mafia, but at the end of the day they realize they have a single goal and thus find ways to work out their differences, just as he did with Angle. Nash said last week the women acted as a team. He asked Sharmell if things were fine. Her body language said no. Booker sat there uncomfortably. Tenay asked if the TNA World Title means everything to him. Angle said it does, and so what Foley did to Sting he must now to do Foley in return to bring the title back. Steiner said what Jarrett did to him was personal, so he wanted Tenay to tell Jarrett that the Mafia thing won’t be over until they’ve taken over TNA.
-Lauren interviewed Taylor. She seemed chipper. Lauren asked if she was so happy about her secret admirer. She said she’s going to meet this mystery guy for a blind date at a local restaurant. She asked Lauren to come with her so in case it’s a total weirdo she can save her. They discussed what she’d wear.
-Tenay hyped the ten-man main event, then threw to Borash interviewing Jarrett backstage. Borash said Foley has lost his mind putting him in the ten-man tag with a torn hamstring. Jarrett said he’s not going to fall for the trap that Borash is setting. Instead, he’s going to prepare for his match and deal with Foley on his own team. Boras said Foley is booking security guards in matches when they have a locker room full of wrestlers. Jarrett ordered Borash out of the locker room.
2 — MATT MORGAN vs. SAL E. BOY & BIG ROCCO
Morgan wiggled his pecs like it was 1989. He tossed the rotund Rocco across the ring and then chokeslammed him. West touted his raw power and said the Mafia might see this and want to utilize Morgan to watch their backs. Rocco jumped Morgan from behind. Morgan slammed Rocco off the top rope, then finished Sal with the Carbon Footprint in 2:00.
WINNER: Morgan in 2:00.
STAR RATING: 1/4*
-Foley and Borash talked backstage. Foley told Borash to get the word out regarding the tweak in the main event. “I’ll put a Twitter out about your Tweet!” he said. Foley said he wanted word out that Jarrett’s guitar is banned from ringside. He wanted Borash to tell Jarrett personally. He said he also wants word out that the executive shareholder doesn’t want to be bothered.
-Lauren interviewed Eric Young and Jethro Holiday (the former Trevor Murdoch). Young said he made the most of the scraps TNA gave him last week. Lauren asked if he was taking things too personally. He said TNA management made it personal. He said nobody knows Beer Money like he does. Lauren asked Jethro for comment, but he just blew snot on the floor and Lauren “ewwwwed!”
-Team 3D walked out to their ring entrance and joined Tenay and West at ringside. Tenay said he senses they have respect for Beer Money. Ray said Beer Money brought out the best in them and have earned their stripes. He said they’re the tag team of the future.
3 — BEER MONEY INC. (James Storm & Robert Roode) vs. JETHRO HOLIDAY & ERIC YOUNG
As the match began, Tenay said: “Recently well-known commentator Jim Ross that within the wrestling business today he does not see red-hot tag team wrestling returning anytime soon.” Ray said, “If tag team wrestling is not a priority in the company that Jim Ross works for, then shame on them. Tag team wrestling is definitely a priority in TNA.” It’s good to see TNA accentuating a difference between them and WWE like this, and the mention of Ross directly certainly perked up some ears. Ray touted Rob Terry as a monster newcomer as part of the new British Invasion tag team. West said he backs Team 3D in this tag tournament concept. At 3:00 Beer Money double-teamed Holiday for a near fall. Ray said TNA is the one place in wrestling where tag team competition thrives. Young climbed to the top rope and hit a legdrop on Storm. Roode broke up the pin. Beer Money finished Young with their DWI (Driving While Investing) finisher. Ray and Devon stood up and applauded them for their win. Ray said they took the next step and they’re proud of them. Beer Money looked at them skeptically. Not sure what’s up with Team 3D being so supportive, in a borderline patronizing way, of Beer Money.
WINNER: Beer Money Inc. in 4:00.
STAR RATING: *
-Lauren interviewed Ryesha Saeed and Awesome Kong about facing Sky later. Kong blurted out, “Dumb blond! Dead blond!” She talks like George “The Animal” Steele.
-This can’t be an accident anymore. They opened up the second hour at a commercial break once again. They’re losing viewers because of this. There’s almost always a leap in rating at the start of hour two, but how many are they losing to other shows during that time when viewers shop the channel guide for a new show to watch?
3 — VELVET SKY (w/Angelina Love) vs. AWESOME KONG (w/Ryesha Saeed)
Tenay talked about Kong talking on Impact for the first time ever. The ref sent the seconds to the back. Kong gave Sky an Implant Buster. “Beautiful implants, by the way,” West said. Kong gave her a second Implant Buster. West gave Kong a hard time for doing it two more times. She put Sky on a stretcher, but before the ref count count to ten, Kong gave her another Implant Buster, and another. She dragged her onto the stretcher and the ref quickly counted toward ten. At seven, Kongs tepped him and gave her an Awesome Bomb. Some fans chanted, “One more time!” The ref counted to ten.
WINNER: Kong in 3:00.
STAR RATING: 1/4* — I know they want to build Kong up as a killer dominant force, but there’s nobody else in the division being treated as being even in her league.
-They went to Dr. Stevie’s latest session with Abyss. Stevie was shown on camera now. Why wasn’t he from the beginning? Did we ever get an answer? Abyss asked Stevie what he thinks of Michael Scott. Stevie told him to stop talking about “The Office.” TNA’s just rubbing it in Jerry Lawler’s face that he never heard of Dwight Shute, but they also just plugged their competition at that very moment on NBC. Daffney walked into the room. Stevie said she’ll participate in the first-ever Knockouts Monster’s Ball a Sacrifice. Stevie asked Abyss to transfer his aggression to her and to be in her corner. When Abyss didn’t answer, Stevie stood and wrapped his belt around his fist. Stevie said he wanted a yes. Abyss said yes.
-Machismo and Creed walked out. Creed had a mic in his hand. Creed called out Daniels. Daniels walked out. Creed credited him for helping to establish the X Division which gives guys like him a slot in TNA. Machismo blurted out, “You Suicide?” He sounded more like George Steele than Macho Man there. Creed said they can’t stand the Guns, but they think they’re onto something. Machismo interjected, “You Kabuki!” He interrupted again and said he’s “Suicide, a shape-shifter.” Now he began sounding like Eugene. Creed told him to just admit it. Daniels said, “This is what you called me out here for? If you worried a little more about how to beat Suicide rather than who’s under that mask, you might not have gotten your ass kicked tonight.” He told him to get his head screwed on straight and told him not to call him out again. Machismo called him Kim Chee. He said Savio Vega (a backstage agent for TNA currently) was Kwang. Daniels said, “Jay, I don’t have time for jokes. And as far as TNA goes, right now you’re the biggest joke there is.” He knocked Lethal’s hat off. Lethal said, “No, Daniels, you’re the jerk. He slapped him. Creed stood between them. Then the Motor City Machine Guns stepped out onto the stage as their music played. Shelley said it’s a family show so keep things family-friendly. He said some families play videogames for fun. He said Creed and Lethal do that, too, although they’re not very good at them or life. Shelley said the X Title is “a lot less sexy” now that Daniels, dressed as a videogame character, took it from them. He said, “For you, Daniels, it’s game over. Ha ha ha!” Sabin said next week they’ll demask and expose him for who he really is – Suicide. Plus they’ll give the fans what they really want – “tickets to the Gun show.”
-Borash approached Jarrett backstage. Jarrett didn’t have patience for Borash and demanded to know what this was about. Borash pulled out notes about all the bad things happening to Jarrett courtesy of Foley. Jarrett said Foley is a lunatic who has lost his mind. He asked what he’s supposed to do about it. Sting walked in and said he could tell him what to do about it. He complained that Foley didn’t give him a rematch and now Foley is in a four-way. He said if he pins Foley, he wants to be in the four-way. They shook hands on it. Jarrett told Sting he has to sacrifice something himself. Sting said he’s ready to make the ultimate sacrifice to get a title shot at Sacrifice.
-Lauren interviewed Angelina Love, who was throwing a fit over Kong destroying all of her friends. Love’s phone rang and she said she needs this person to show up next week. She told the person she doesn’t care if Spike doesn’t allow man-on-woman violence. Lauren demanded to know who she was talking to. Tenay said he has an idea. Cute Kip! We can only hope.
-West plugged upcoming TNA dates. Tenay plugged the main event ten-man tag match up next.
-A video package on the history of the Main Event Mafia’s six month history, then the Main Event Mafia ring entrance took place, followed by Samoa Joe, whom West called “a wildcard” and questioned whether his teammates can trust him. Daniels came out next, followed by Styles. Last, of course, was “The Founder” Jeff Jarrett. Foley walked out with a barbed wire baseball bat in hand and the TNA Title belt over his shoulder, and he accompanied Jarrett to the ring. Jarrett tried to figure out what he was up to.
4 — SAMOA JOE & JEFF JARRETT & A.J. STYLES & CHRISTOPHER DANIELS & MICK FOLEY vs. KEVIN NASH & BOOKER T & KURT ANGLE & STING & SCOTT STEINER
West said this is the first time ever all five Mafia members have teamed together. Daniels opened against Steiner. Angle tagged in against Daniels at 1:00. Styles then relieved Daniels and took early control on Angle. Angle raked Styles’s eyes to stop him, then tagged in Booker.
West touted the trust the Mafia have in each other, unlike their opponents. He said people pay to see the Mafia, not anyone else. They cut to a break as Booker went for a pin on Styles.
Nash beat on Styles after the break. Sting tagged in seconds later. West touted the rapid tag strategy of the MEM. Steiner and Booker took turns, too. Joe broke up a pin on Styles, showing a sign of loyalty toward Styles. Angle held Styles center-ring and went for an Angle Slam. Styles ducked and hit the Pele Kick. Styles tagged in Foley, who gave Sting a neckbreaker. Angle surprised Foley from behind with a back suplex. Jarett jumped in and gave Angle a quick Pedigree. Nash went for a Jackknife on Jarrett. Joe broke it up with a running boot, knocking Nash to the floor. Joe dove through the ropes onto Nash. Styles and Daniels dove onto Steiner and Booker. Angle brought the barbed wire baseball bat into the ring. Jarrett low-blowed Angle. Foley then yanked the bat away from Jarrett. Jarrett shoved Foley and kicked him in the crotch, then gave him a Stroke on the barbed wire. Sting then covered Foley for the win, getting himself entered in the Sacrifice main event.
WINNER: MEM in 10:00.
STAR RATING: *1/2 — Okay for what it was. It wasn’t much of a ten-man tag when Styles was in 90 percent for one team and the MEM members were in for only a few seconds at at time. It served it’s purpose, but they could have given it more time so it felt less like an angle disguised as a main event match. They heated up the Jarrett-Foley rivalry while giving the first hint that Joe might be a loyal teammate after all.
-It’s an interesting strategy to sneak a late commercial into the show and have fallout from the main event. I like it in part because it’s a break from what’s usually done and gives the booking a chance to accentuate and follow-up on the main event. In this case, Sting stood mid-ring afterward and talked about now being part of the four-way at Sacrifice. He said his sacrifice is going to be that if anyone pins him, that’s it, he retires. “It’ll be the last time you ever see Sting wrestle,” he said. West called it the ultimate sacrifice. Sting set the mic down next to the barbed wire baseball bat and shined a spotlight on it in the darkened ring as the show ended.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Okay edition of Impact. More good than bad, but nothing great or terrible (although Morgan vs. the security guys came close). It advanced some storylines effectively with a big announcement at the end, although I doubt many are going to buy that this will be Sting’s final match.