10/22 TOTAL DIVAS REVIEW (Ep. 4): The one where Carmella is traumatized about people having opinions about her dating Graves, get heckled, and lusts about Corey’s privates, plus Goats, Eggs, Jock Straps

By Sarah K, PWTorch contributor


OCTOBER 22, 2019

We’ve been promised some sort of girl’s trip where you know someone will get drunk and say something stupid and start a fight. Anyway, the show opens reminding us that how dare people have opinions about Carmella dating a divorced father of three children, Sonya is trying to feud with Ronda and not getting that it’s a work, and whatever Trinity’s storyline is. Oh, and I assume that Nattie continues to cry about the death of her dad – and, no, that is not an engaging story after three episodes.

Remember that weird storyline where Ronda left the title in the ring and there was a feud with Becky and Charlotte. Yeah, they show us a snippet of that, and then Nia narrates some story where Ronda doesn’t understand that no one ever talks shit about anyone in wrestling (which, holy shit, is not true – Google “shoot tape”). Anyway, because Nia Jax is so deep in the weeds of being a Sports Entertainment Superstar. she’s going to explain to us that there is no such thing as criticism and, unless you’ve worked for WWE for ten years, you are not allowed to have opinions that don’t involve peppering people with compliments. If you understand this is antithetical to ALL of Nia’s behavior in episode one of this season, you are not alone. Ha ha ha. So, Nia comes up to Ronda backstage and tells her, “That was disrespectful.” Nattie tries to explain Nia’s behavior. No segue, Naomi and Sonya are backstage to introduce this girl’s trip thing. Sonya has Special Olympics appearance, so she can’t go. Enter the Iconics. They do their shrill yelling thing. Oh, FFS, they snuck in Bella Twins footage.

Oh, Christ, this segment doesn’t end, so when Naomi is done explaining this girl’s trip, Carmella and Sonya are whisper-talking backstage somewhere. Shhh, Carmella is going to meet up with Graves. Moving on, Naomi shows Jimmy Uso the house she’s rented for the girl’s trip. She explains that this trip is supposed to make the Iconics not homesick. Jimmy Uso says what we’re all thinking: They’re from Australia; how is Pensecola, Fla., supposed to be Australia? Random goat footage. It’s a Ronda segment. Ronda explains to Travis that Nia bitched at her. There’s a lot of weird angle shots of Ronda and Travis talking shit with goats. Ronda mentioned having broken rules that she’d never heard of. Yup, that’s corporate sports entertainment. Commercial.

We return with Carmella and Graves. Graves does not know how to make breakfast food, so he offers to make Pop Tarts. Carmella explains that Corey’s new home is a hop, skip, and jump away from the place where he had his family uprooted to. So, like, it would be totally awkward to run into anyone from his “old life.” Yes, this dumb dumb just said of a divorced father of three children: his old life. He’s not in f—ing witness protection. They order eggs. Eggs. You know, something you can grab out of the fridge and cook in pan. No segue, Ronda and Travis are in Vegas to look into having a clothing line. Travis thinks Ronda should do the apparel thing. Yeah, he could have convinced her of that when she was wearing that bush league gear on WWE TV. Oh, also, Ronda wants to have babies.

Moving on, Liv Morgan and Naomi are decorating the rented house with “Australian” flags… that turn out to be British. There’s a stuffed kangaroo, and for whatever reason there are balloons in the pool. Back to Danbury, Conn. Feel free to laugh out loud as I did when the caption said “Corey Grave’s apartment,” and if you ever lived in a cheap apartment complex, you’ve seen the inside of a two bedroom apartment. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. As I mentioned, his ex-wife is on Instagram, and you know, she decorated the house a couple towns away (LOL). Anyway, Graves is making Carmella leave the apartment. Carmella is having anxiety that people who know him may see them together. They go to a chocolate shop. As they leave the chocolate shop, someone yells “homewrecker” at the two of them. Carmella, who spent a significant portion of time being a wrestling heel with James Ellsworth, says nothing as things are being shouted at her, and then complains about how offended she was during the cutaway. I wonder how much that extra was paid to shout that? But I digress…

Back from break, Carmella acts all upset that a rando shouted a thing at her. Oh, Nia shows up to the girl’s trip, so, now it’s confirmed someone is going to say something to start an argument. Anyway, Billie Kaye doesn’t drink, and everyone else does shots. Then Nia mentions that she bitched at Ronda. It is not explained well. Back in Danbury, Carmella acts sad in the car. Graves tries to console her and she eats chocolate. They go to a dance studio. A lady asks if she can take their picture and put it in the paper. And three episodes after she’s introduced Corey Graves as a really nifty boyfriend, Carmella finally actually says the words “he has three kids” and acknowledges that they have “feelings.” Yeah, no shit. They have the dance lesson. That lasted about 20 seconds and we’re back to Carmella being traumatized that people have opinions about the woman who dates the divorced guy with three kids. Commercial.

So, Ronda and Travis are going to sit down and talk about the clothing line, and also try things on. There’s somehow no mirror, so Ronda tries on the clothes and Travis takes pics of her on his phone while telling her that she’s sexy and attractive. All appears to have gone well. “We will be apparel tycoons,” says Ronda. “I would ask you if you want your own jock strap line, but I feel that no one would ever fit into yours.” Oh, this is magical in all sorts of weird ways. Now, back to the girl’s trip. They go out and have drinks, and Billie doesn’t drink. Apparently that’s awkward. Anyway, Nia goes on about bitching about Ronda not being a robotic WWE machine team player. They drop Billie and Peyton off at the house, and everyone goes out (to I assume a bar). There’s dancing, yelling, games. Commercial.

The next day, Billie and Peyton decide to leave the house, since this isn’t relaxing for them. Yeah, as someone who doesn’t drink, I had a set of coworkers who always thought it would be an awesome idea for me to spend $4 on an 8 oz. glass of Coke that was half ice and sit at the bar and watch them drink after work… and then arrive home at who knows what hour. Dragging people who don’t drink to a bar to sit around while other people drink? No one likes that.

Moving on, somewhere backstage Ronda and Travis are hugging and Nattie is getting something for her gear. And for whatever reason Ronda is prattling on about that time that Nia sniped at her. They show footage of Ronda beating up Dana Brooke, and then beating up a ref. Hey, remember Renee Young on commentary? Ha ha. Back to Pensecola, some guys show up at the house because Liv Morgan invited them. Yes, Liv Morgan seems to have all the crappy and crass ideas. Anyway, Naomi is worried about these randos f—ing up this rented house. Cue footage of beer pong, kegs, and drinks being knocked on the wood floor… and Naomi cleaning it up like a responsible adult. Maybe we should stop inviting Liv Morgan to things? No? Liv Morgan spills more alcohol. Again, Naomi cleans it up. Nia thinks Naomi needs to calm down and chill… Nia breaks a vase on purpose. Then everyone pretends like playing drunk games with Solo cups in broad daylight is the greatest time ever. SMH.

Carmella and Graves go out to eat. They drive to the place together and enter separately. This is an elaborate set up with a trail of rose petals. Wow, I hope those three kids of his are getting some special birthday presents. Anyway, Carmella babbles on about them being out as a couple and how she shouldn’t eat too much so that they can still have sex after dinner. Trust me, they do not discuss sex in adult terms or on flowery romantic language. There have been two references specifically to Corey Graves’ “dick” in this episode. So, uh, women’s empowerment, or whatever! Yes, “one way or another I’m seeing that beautiful dick tonight.” Yes, after one date, Carmella is going to walk out to the car with Graves instead of leaving separately. There appeared to be zero people in the parking lot, so whatever. Moving on, Ronda and Nia hug backstage. Nia explains whatever she explains, which didn’t really need to be explained, except otherwise how would she have anything to do on this show? Fight over.

Next Week: Daria and her blonde girlfriend will go house shopping, Nia Jax goes to the PC and maybe screws up her knees trying top rope stuff, and obviously Ronda will appear on the show.

CATCH UP… 10/15 TOTAL DIVAS REVIEW (Ep. 3): Ronda gets wrong where chicken eggs come from, Corey Graves and Carmella’s new relationship, Sonya doesn’t want to wear a dress

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