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Roman Reigns is one of the most divisive and talked about WWE performers in history. The company makes desperate play after desperate play to make him their number one star – thus far to no avail. How do they do it? What do they do?
I’m Tom Colohue and this is the Monday Night Reigns-o-meter.
Monday Night Reigns-o-meter
Booker T claimed that Kalisto had, and I quote, “hash tag warrior spirit” on this instalment of Monday Night Raw. Yeah, he’s down with the kids.
Roman Reigns was here again this week, being brave in rescuing his best mate, his blood brother, his cousin from another coven, Kalisto. And you know what, he had to. Kalisto was in position to get a big push, you know? Because anyone who decides to fight a one-armed man is definitely the underdog. What about someone who then gets beat up by said one armed man? Well obviously they’re very strong and courageous. They’re not pathetic, no, no, no. So between fighting Dolph Ziggler two-on-one and now fighting a severely injured Braun Strowman, who’s the biggest bully in the WWE?
And so enter the Roman. To a chorus of boos and wearing his heeliest face, Roman Reigns comes down to the ring. He’s strapped, he’s injured, he’s hurt. He’s still more physically capable than a guy with one arm though, so obviously Roman is the underdog.
Roman checks on his gimp from another pimp, Kalisto, and then… wait. I said Roman checks on his… Roman recognises that Kalisto is… Okay, Kalisto just vanished completely. What a hero. Why was he even there? They could have just as easily made this a backstage brawl. That would have been awesome.
Roman is itching for a fight. He throws some punches. He charges at Strowman in the Baywatch style. Slow motion and clearly not looking where he’s going, you know. He gets kicked about a bit but then starts to drag Strowman’s arm into the ring post. At some point using magic to do so because he clearly does not have hold of that arm.
Reigns waffles Strowman’s arm with a chair some, then stands in the ring, triumphant in his sacred quest to stand in London and get everyone to boo the crap out of him. A noble journey and a noble course for the herald of destiny that is Roman Reigns. I live in Blackpool, hundreds of miles away. I heard the boos.
Michael Cole says: “It is electric.” Which in this case means: “The crowd are taking a collective dump on the company’s top star.” Makes sense. Seriously, where did Kalisto go? Didn’t he get a win over Strowman when Strowman wasn’t even injured?
And so Roman Reigns makes his grand return, ready for his next pay-per-view battle with Braun Strowman. This will be their third pay-per-view match this year and that’s important, because what else can they do while Brock Lesnar, the champion, is off barbecuing live warthogs or something else beastly and manly? Both men are severely injured but neither one cares. Now it’s personal. You know, like it was before.
The worrying thing is they’ve booked Reigns and Strowman surprisingly even. After everything that’s happened, it will be very hard to bury Strowman with any sort of significance. Being second to Roman Reigns is pretty much still top three in the company. What does this mean for the future of the god amongst men himself? It all depends what happens when everybody gets Great Balls Of Fire.
I can’t wait to hear Michael Cole shill the network for that one. “For just $9.99 you can have Great Balls of Fire absolutely free.” Class.
– Braun Strowman, again
Did Roman Reigns beat the odds?
Sold those injuries well though, didn’t he? No, no he didn’t.
NOW CHECK OUT LAST WEEK’S COLUMN: MONDAY NIGHT REIGNS-O-METER #16: Tracking Roman Reigns’s ability to beat the odds and come out on top