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Roman Reigns is one of the most divisive and talked about WWE performers in history. The company makes desperate play after desperate play to make him their number one star – thus far to no avail. How do they do it? What do they do?
I’m Tom Colohue and this is the Monday Night Reigns-o-Meter.
Monday Night Reigns-o-Meter
Lately the promo skills of our buddy Roman have come under some scrutiny. Of course by “lately” I mean “since the dawn of time.” I mean, it’s not like he’s up against a connoisseur of burial of anything, no sirree. Of course, Roman has apparently also forgotten how to tweet without causing a massive religious debate but it’s Roman so “mixed response” is essentially his motto.
Before every match he stares into a mirror, leans in real close and, through gritted teeth, mutters the ever dangerous words “mixed response.”
But on Raw this week, for the first time in seemingly forever, there was no opening promo. It was straight into the wrestling. By forever I mean a week obviously. Roman is literally doing exactly what Cena did last week but with a match that involved considerably less belly-to-back cuddle monstering.
Jason Jordan’s still getting the rub, isn’t he? If only Roman had started his singles career with a number of high profile losses to open Raw.
Last week Roman said that Jason Jordan should have been an easy win for Cena. I’m guessing that’s why they’re fighting? Nobody on the announce team seems interested in telling me.
When Roman orders a coffee at Starbucks, he gets a mixed response.
Oh, apparently Roman challenged Jordan just to show off how much more easily he can beat him. How does anybody think this guy is the face? Really. Hang on, now Michael Cole is saying Jordan requested the match. He just said that Roman did. Read your script, Michael!
Roman Reigns gets hugged from behind – I swear that’s not what Jason Jordan does to everyone – and wrestling happens. Jason Jordan briefly threatens to mess up Roman’s Shield black hair and so Roman does some punching. I’m not going to go too deep into the match because, let’s be honest, it’s not going to hit five stars any time soon, is it?
These are both very able and talented wrestlers but neither of them seem particularly aware of the combos that either of them like to do.
When Roman graduated, he got a mixed response. Some cheers but you could still hear the booing, you know?
As you might expect, given that Roman Reigns is doing everything that John Cena did yesterday, Roman takes the win and then welcomes his No Mercy opponent down to the ring. Jason Jordan vanishes, his work done, just like last week.
And then the promo war continues. Roman calls Cena out for having bad matches. I mean, Cena’s only the only person left in the company to have a five star match since WrestleMania 13. Pssh. That doesn’t mean anything. Roman’s the best.
Cena spends about five times as long as Roman talking. Meanwhile, Roman plays the strong, silent type in that typical Roman I’ll-let-you-finish-before-I-punch-you style. I’m starting to think that Cena’s facing a real squash come No Mercy.
When Roman asked his wife to marry him, he got a mixed response. She chanted, “Let’s go Roman,” then “Roman sucks.”
When explaining that revenue is great, Roman is careful not to mention ratings. That wouldn’t help his case. Then he suffers the biggest kick to his career yet, a reference to something that happened well over a year ago with a drug test.
Straight fire, I tells ya. This promo wasn’t as good as their last two. And why is nobody punching anybody else? Just kick him in the head.
So Roman won a match but also lost a promo. Bit of a mixed response, eh?
– Jason Jordan
– John Cena
Did Roman Reigns beat the odds?
Depends if he beat the drugs, really
NOW CHECK OUT LAST WEEK’S COLUMN: MONDAY NIGHT REIGNS-O-METER #34: Tracking Roman Reigns’s ability to beat the odds and come out on top