AEW REVOLUTION 2023 PREDICTIONS: Bryant tells you who deserves to win and who will actually win each match

By David Bryant, PWTorch contributor


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Hey, y’all! It’s me again. I know I’ve been out of action for a bit, but that’s only because I loaned it to Andretti. However, today, I am back, and I am here to predict the results of AEW’s upcoming Revolution PPV with 100-percent accuracy, maybe.

Now, while I’m not a psychic, I did vacation in New Orleans last summer, where I made out with a boy who turned out to be a know-it-all, and that’s pretty much the same thing. So, while you may not think I’m a serious person, these are very serious predictions, which means you can take this article all the way to the bank. (Nothing will happen, and they might look at you funny, but you can do it!)

The first match I want to talk about is Miro and why he does not have one. (Just kidding.)

(Sort of.)


RICKY STARKS vs. “THE OCHO” CHRIS JERICHO

Stipulation: JAS banned from ringside

With the Jericho Appreciation Society banned from ringside, we are practically guaranteed interference at ringside (and I’m hoping it’s Daddy Magic in a DraftKings T-shirt.) But, even if we get a clean match, I’m still expecting the same outcome: “The Ocho” (which is Spanish for the number eight) will lose this one.

Honestly, I’m a fan of Chris “The Number Eight” Jericho, and if he wins this, I won’t be mad, but I’m using all of my wishful thinking to believe in my heart of hearts that Ricky Starks will walk away the victor. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say Starks deserves to win this bout, and frankly, AEW needs him to win this bout. AEW needs a breakout star, and Starks is more than ready to jailbreak.

Better men than me (MJF) have recently compared Starks to The Rock, and if used correctly, Starks might just live up to that comparison. However, being “used correctly” is a key part of that sentence.

Things are only useful if you use them.

Imagine if The Rock had remained Rocky Mavia and stayed mired in The Nation of Domination (the most offensive idea McMahon had since all of them.) He would have been as useful as pair of inside-out scissors.

WINNER: Starks

Speaking of scissors…


THE ACCLAIMED vs. THE GUNN CLUB vs. JAY LETHAL & JEFF JARRETT (Hmm.) vs. ORANGE CASSIDY & DANHAUSEN (Really?)

Stipulation: A Four-Way Tag Team Match for the AEW World Tag Team Championship

As anyone who has read my old AEW Dark Elevation Reports knows, I am a massive fan of The Acclaimed and have never said a bad word about them. As such, I am rooting for this incredibly hot (in more ways than one) tag team to regain their rightful championships. But will they? I’m not so sure. In fact, I think The Gunn Club will win. Why? Let’s narrow down the possible outcomes together.

Here is my reasoning as to why I don’t think Lethal & Jarrett will win: This match has all of the makings of a TNA classic; however, while I personally treasure my Jeff Jarrett autograph, I don’t see AEW putting its prestigious tag titles on Double J, even if they were blackmailed for $300,000.

Here is my reasoning as to why I don’t think The Acclaimed will win: The Acclaimed do not need the titles. You know, I actually feel like this team is so over right now that they could bring out a pair of cardboard belts, tell the audience they were the real tag belts, and half of the fans would believe them. Plus, they have Billy Gunn, and he’s almost as good as a title. Also, did you know that Road Dogg is younger than Billy Gunn? Time doesn’t.

Here is my reasoning as to why I don’t think Cassidy & Danhausen will win: LOL

Here is my reasoning as to why I think The Gunn Club will win: The Gunns aren’t the most gifted tag team AEW has ever produced, but I don’t think they’re nearly as bad as their worst Twitter critics make them out to be. It is also worth noting that AEW rarely hotshots its titles. In fact, they seem to take pride in not doing so. Seeing as The Gunns just won these titles, I don’t think they’ll hotshot them right back over to The Acclaimed, and who else in this match are they going to give them to?

Now, had FTR not committed the ultimate sin of being mildly dissatisfied with something benign, I’d surmise The Gunns were meant to be transitional champions so as to allow FTR to obtain the tag team titles without pinning one of AEW’s most popular acts. However, given that FTR is still under a TK–shaped bus somewhere, that’s clearly not happening at Revolution. Therefore, I think The Gunns will retain unless someone else wins because all of my reasons here are kind of flimsy (except for Cassidy & Danhausen’s reason. I stand by that reason.)

WINNER: The Gunn Club (Maybe.)


THE HOUSE OF BLACK vs. THE ELITE

Stipulation: For the AEW World Trios Championship

Okay, now, first off, there are good arguments to be made for either team winning this one. On the one hand, if The House of Black doesn’t win, they’ll mess with your power bill, but on the other hand, if The Elite doesn’t win, they’ll mess with your dog.

The safest bet would be to go with The Elite because these titles are still brand-spanking new, and I think Tony Khan sees The Elite as a high-profile name that can be leveraged to legitimize his new Trios division.

Then again, on the third hand, if I were going to have a team beat The Elite, this team would be the team I’d pick. The House of Black is basically Judgement Day but without Dominik’s wrestling skills or a BDSM storyline in which the name Dom is ironic. Plus, The House of Black has the coolest mask in the business, the superpower of saving on electricity, and they can turn cheerleaders into the Children of the Corn.

Still, on the fourth hand, I’m not entirely convinced either way. This one is definitely a toss-up for me. I’ve tried to decide who will win this one; believe me, I have. I asked my trusty magic eight-ball which of these two teams would win, and it said, “Yes.” I asked an Ouija board, and it said to call 1–800–980–8637, and because I hate cold calling people, I flipped a coin.

The coin said The House of Black would win.

WINNER: The House of Black


JAMIE HAYTER vs. SARAYA vs. RUBY SOHO

Stipulation: Three-way (not that kind) for the AEW Women’s Championship.

I am a huge fan of Ruby Soho, and so I want Ruby Soho to win this match. However, I’m also a realist, and Jamie Hayter shouldn’t lose the Women’s Championship so soon, and she definitely should not lose it before Britt Baker has had a chance to turn on her.

I feel like AEW could have (and should have) done more with this storyline. I want to hear what Toni Storm thinks about how she lost the belt; I want to see Baker show more trepidation over her friend outshining her, and I wish they had kept Soho’s loyalties more ambiguous.

I don’t see Saraya winning because I think AEW would want to see her remain injury free a little bit longer before putting their entire Women’s Division on her back. I think that because this is the same company that waited nine months to put the title on Punk and because they still haven’t pulled the trigger on a Danielson title run. Therefore, I feel like Tony Khan is at least cognizant of the risks of putting all your eggs in a single basket whose handle you haven’t tested.

I don’t see Soho winning this one because, while they should take her more seriously, they don’t. In my opinion, Soho is easily one of the most charismatic women in the division; she’s fun to watch in the ring and she has a unique look. However, they have simply not utilized her as a marquee act. Maybe Khan is just biding his time, and I hope that is the case, but I doubt it. Therefore, I’m going to predict that Hayter will retain.

WINNER: Hayter


CHRISTIAN CAGE vs. “JUNGLE BOY” JACK PERRY

Stipulation: No Holds Barred Match

I am looking forward to this match, and I hope we actually get a full match this time. During this feud, both men have promised they will win a singles title this year, and as long as it’s not another new title, I’m excited about that prospect. I wouldn’t mind seeing Perry win the TNT Championship, seeing Christian win the All-Geographically Challenged Championship, and then seeing the two of them battle it out to combine the belts into one belt so we have fewer belts.

Whatever happens, I hope Perry wins this match. Perry is the definition of unrealized potential, and it’s time they realized that.

If Perry were pushed as a marquee act (but with someone else writing his promos), he just might be AEW’s key to winning over a large female fanbase. He is literally Luke Perry’s son, and most of Gen-Z thinks of Luke Perry as the heroic dad on “Riverdale.” (I love that show. It is so good, and it is so awful. It takes place in the most dangerous high school on Earth, jumped the shark in episode 1, and continued to jump every other shark in the All–Atlantic ocean for six straight years. Where else can an underage kid run a speakeasy, own a black cheerleading uniform to wear on days when students are murdered, and outsmart the cops to take down a cult that traffics in human organs?)…

Wait. Where was I? Oh, yeah, Luke Perry.

While most of Gen-Z thinks of Luke Perry as the heroic dad on “Riverdale,” what they don’t know is that Luke Perry was also once a heartthrob worthy of all the covers of “Tiger Bop” and “Sixteen Beat.” If Jack Perry inherited any of that, and it looks like he did, he could make AEW a lot of money with a fanbase that has a lot of expendable income. (Seriously, “Pop Crave” had them reselling Olivia Rodrigo tickets for $8,000. I was so mad, and I am so poor.)

Also, not to objectify anyone, but I’d like to start a petition for Perry to resume wearing the smaller trunks he wore in earlier episodes of Dynamite. I’m not saying those magic trunks will increase ratings or improve Perry’s promos, but I think Anna Jay and I would both agree that it is simply the right thing for him to do.

Having Jack Perry win this match is also the right thing for AEW to do, and I like seeing people and organizations do the ring thing. Therefore, I’m predicting “Jungle Boy” Jack Perry will win.

WINNER: Perry


SAMOA JOE vs. WARDLOW

Stipulation: For the TNT Championship

I assume this will be the final match in AEW’s Wardlow vs. Joe saga. As a result, it makes booking sense for Wardlow to come out on top. Wardlow is younger, shows a tremendous amount of promise, and has deeper ties to the AEW brand, whereas Joe has deeper ties to the ROH brand. It just makes sense for Wardlow to win.

Going into Double or Nothing 2022, Wardlow was on top of the world, and it is a shame that MJF’s shenanigans cost him what could have been a legacy-building, summer-long feud. However, that doesn’t mean all is lost. If Wardlow were to get his promos on point, drop his “Wardlow’s World” catchphrase, and consistently receive the kind of booking someone with his look and presence deserves, he could recapture the lightning in a bottle that escaped from him sometime last year.

In 2022, I said that I see Wardlow as a future AEW World Heavyweight Champion, and I still see Wardlow as a future world champion. Maybe not today, maybe not next year, but soon and for the rest of –– Oops, wrong movie.

Anyway, I see him as a future champion, and I think Samoa Joe also understands that Wardlow is a valuable part of AEW’s future.

Joe grew up in an era when the business was notoriously selfish, and I think seeing that selfishness tarnish great legacies has caused a new generation of older stars – stars like Joe – to be more self–aware. People who grow up surrounded by selfish bullies either become bullies or try to end the cycle. Matches such as Joe vs. Adam Cole at Double Or Nothing 2022 and Joe vs. Darby Allin on the Jan 4 episode of AEW Dynamite have led me to believe Joe is actively choosing to break that old-school cycle of brazen selfishness.

Wardlow has a wealth of potential within reach, and Joe has a wealth of capital to invest in the right stars. This Sunday, I believe Joe is going to choose to invest in Wardlow.

Winner: Wardlow


JON MOXLEY vs. “HANGMAN” ADAM PAGE

Stipulation: A Texas Death Match (but in California)

Leading into this match, AEW chose to tell a very unique story. You see, Adam Page is astounded and furious that Jon Moxley does wrestling moves in wrestling matches. He was so surprised to get clotheslined during a match in which his own finisher contains a clothesline that he decided the only way to resolve such a grievance was with a Texas Death Match.

I sure hope somebody took the time to tell Page what the “death” part of a “Texas Death Match” means because I’d hate for him to be surprised when he finds out that a fight to the death contains fighting, especially since he’s probably going to win this one.

Make no mistake, Moxley will put up an astounding fight, and it will contain an uncomfortable amount of blood and a long, fraught apology to Renee Paquette, who will probably still make him sleep on the sofa. However, I just don’t see Moxley winning this one.

All things considered, it might be wise for AEW to set up a blood drive in the parking lot of the Chase Center. Moxley probably busted himself open getting the mail this morning, so I can’t imagine what’s going to happen to his forehead when he actually wrestles in a California death match, but whatever it is, it won’t be pretty, and it won’t end in victory.

WINNER: Adam Page


BRYAN DANIELSON vs. MJF

Stipulation: An Iron Man Match for the AEW World Heavyweight Championship.

Did you know steel is approximately 1,000 times stronger than iron? Well, it is true, and it has nothing to do with this match.

Also, this is the match I’m looking forward to most of all. Danielson can go the distance, and his hour-long match against Adam Page for the AEW World Heavyweight Championship is probably the best match in the history of AEW Dynamite. Whether you agree with that opinion or not, there is no question that Danielson is up to the challenge of going 60 minutes, but is MJF? I’d wage the answer to that question is a resounding yes.

For all of his unprofessionalism, MJF is a consummate professional. He is an artist who takes pride in his art and would not show up to work unprepared. Yes, he is taking on a lot with this match, but he is a student of the business, and he is fully aware of what this match will demand of him. I imagine he has been preparing like a workhorse, and I almost imagine that preparation will pay off. MJF is going to defeat Bryan Danielson at AEW Revolution 2023 to retain the AEW World Heavyweight Championship.

Don’t get me wrong, I would love to see Danielson become AEW’s world champion, and that’s going to make MJF’s victory hurt even more, but that doesn’t mean his victory shouldn’t happen. MJF is one of the best heels this industry has seen in decades, and he should hold the AEW Championship for an irritatingly long period of time. The most heelish thing about MJF isn’t just that he brags about being the best in the world but that he can back it up by showing off his “Big Burberry Belt” anytime he wants.

Because of that, and because of how well Danielson understands the art of wrestling, I doubt Danielson would take the win in this match even if it was offered to him. You don’t stop a great thing in its tracks, and MJF is a great thing, and he is right on track.

WINNER: MJF


And finally, I have no idea what will be on the Zero Hour pre-show. They may announce something on Rampage, but this article is being written before Rampage airs. So, I’ll just pretend I know what is happening on the pre-show and pull stuff out of my ass like I’m Dr. Heiney in an unethical backstage skit.

My pretend pre-show will be headlined by a TBS Title match that will blow away the crowd because I’m assuming the crowd will be made of very tiny sticks.

JADE CARGILL vs. TBA

Stipulation: For the TBS Championship

I’m not sure who TBA is or why all their photographs look like silhouettes, but despite TBA being a long-time veteran of McMahon’s WWE booking, they’re losing this one because bookers never seem to take them seriously and are always replacing them with someone with an actual name at the last minute.

WINNER: Cargill

My second pretend pre-show match will involve Hook because I want it to.

HOOK vs. SAMMY GUEVARRA

Stipulation: Pudding match

What?

Oh, come on! Please? I had to sit through so much of that pudding match crap in the early 2000s. Please just give us this one thing! Consider it amends for Billy & Chuck.

WINNER: The Pudding

In conclusion, this PPV is looking like AEW’s best card since AEW Revolution 2022.

Suffice it to say, I am excited about AEW Revolution 2023. Last year’s AEW Revolution was my favorite PPV of the entire year (and not just because the others were PLEs.) So, if you have the money to spare, this is a purchase I would recommend.

And remember, whether I’m right or wrong, I’m still psychic-adjacent because that know-it-all from New Orleans called me a psycho, which is literally just the word “psychic” but with less “ick” and more “oh!”


David Bryant’s totally normal amount of selfies can be found on his Instagram account @IamDavidBryant, and even more can be found on his Twitter account, which is also @IamDavidBryant because David Bryant is not good at naming things.

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