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This report was originally posted 20 years ago this week here at PWTorch.com…
WWE Smackdown Review
October 2, 2003
Taped on 9/30/03 in Milwaukee, Wisc.
Aired on UPN
Will Smackdown achieve the standard this week?
The Big Picture: Last week, Smackdown featured an excellent match between Rey Mysterio and Tajiri, which saw Tajiri, win the Cruiserweight Title. I think Smackdown would benefit from featuring the Cruiserweight Title and having a good 10-15 minute match every week because there are a large number of wrestling fans that enjoy this type of action. We also saw the beginnings of a feud between John Cena and Kurt Angle, which looks promising. Hopefully a feud with Angle will help Cena improve in the ring. Lastly the card for No Mercy began to take shape last week with the announcement of two matches. Brock Lesnar will face The Undertaker for the WWE Title and Vince will face Stephanie in an “I quit” match. If Stephanie loses the match she will no longer be the GM of Smackdown, which is good news for wrestling fans everywhere. I’m looking forward to this feud about as much as I would to spending a weekend with some Ring of Honor marks, debating about which chant should be started first at the next show that comes to town. I can already hear Steph’s screeches, even though I am thousands of miles away from where Smackdown was taped. One thing I wanted to note was how WWE began to use Eddie in the right manner again. I think Eddie Guerrero is most entertaining when he does things like hit another wrestler over the head with his Title belt and then put the belt on top of his opponent and pretend to be knocked out as well. I love his facial expressions when he pulls off stunts like that. If the WWE continues to use Eddie Guerrero in this manner, I believe he can be a main event wrestler.
Points of Argument: Last week I asked which wrestlers you would trade to create some fresh feuds on Raw and Smackdown. The votes are in and the trade that was suggested the most was RVD for The Undertaker. Now, I don’t see this trade happening anytime soon, but if it were to happen there are several pros and cons. One person who wrote me suggested that Undertaker should be built up as an unstoppable force in his quest to win the WWE Title from Brock Lesnar. In the end, Brock Lesnar would retain the title because of his cheating heel tactics. Under this scenario, Taker would than begin to develop an interest in the transformation of his brother, Kane. Taker would be traded to Raw and become the person to put an end to Kane once and for all. I think another feud between the transformed Kane and Undertaker would be much better than the Shane-Kane feud. I also think Raw needs another top player and Undertaker could fill that role. RVD would be a positive addition to the Smackdown roster because there are so many wrestlers that he could feud with. John Cena, Kurt Angle, Eddie Guerrero, and Matt Hardy are all opponents that would deliver great matches against RVD. This would be a great trade for both Raw and Smackdown. Undertaker would provide a credible challenger to the Raw Title that has been missing since its inception. RVD would be placed on a show where he could work with several wrestlers who mesh with his in ring style. It’s too bad this trade won’t happen anytime soon because of politics and the current story lines.
Let’s take it to Tazz and Cole at ringside!
But first, on to my weekly picks…
Book of the Week: The Professor of Desire by Phillip Roth. This is a great novel, with takes an interesting look at the human psyche. I think it is great that Phillip Roth’s novel The Human Stain is being made into a motion picture.
Game of the Week: Grand Theft Auto 3 on PS2. A great game and who doesn’t play this game and pretend that the hookers you beat up are Stephanie McMahon?
DVD pick of the week: Scarface: Anniversary Edition. This is an incredible movie and I think it’s great they have finally put out a DVD that you don’t have to flip over to watch the entire movie. I don’t know where to start about how great this movie is, but the ending is worth the price of admission alone. This movie is packed with a ton of extras, including commentary from your favorite Def Jam artists. Word Life!
By the way, what is up with these crappy Halloween costumes that are on WWEShopzone.com? Only people who are retarded, living in the basement of their parents house at the age of 40, or lacking female companionship would wear these things, which means every Ring of Honor fan who follows the promotion around on a bus will be wearing one at the next show. I get flooded with emails advertising this crap. Maybe I ought to forward them over to Rob Feinstein, so he can make some money at his merchandise tables at the next show.
…And now, on to Smackdown!
1st Quarter Hour
Cole announces a huge tag team match with Taker & Angle facing Cena & Lesnar.
Viva La Raza! Eddie Guerrero makes his way down to the ring in his low-rider to defend the US Title.
(1) Eddie Guerrero (w/Chavo) defeated Matt Hardy to retain the U.S. Title via pinfall.
As cool as Matt Hardy is he looks like a member of the 3 Live Kru in that T-shirt. Cole says Eddie has revenge on his mind and so do I against the A-Train for not being on Velocity last week. Eddie starts out with the advantage, but is selling a rib injury. Eddie hits a nice belly to back suplex on Hardy and follows that by what looks like a knee to the chest, but is called an elbow by Cole. Moore interferes, which allows Hardy to take the advantage. Hardy puts the boots to Eddies injured ribs. Eddie fights back, but Hardy nails him with a nice sit down powerbomb for a two count. Eddie goes for a punch, which is countered into a side effect for a two count. Guerrero fights out of a submission and nails Hardy with a neck-breaker. Eddie still can’t take the advantage, as Hardy knocks him down again. This match needs to get out of first gear. Eddie avoids an elbow drop and connects with three vertical suplexes. Eddie goes to the top rope, but is met by Hardy. Hardy hits a suplex from the second rope, which is called a superplex by Cole. I’ll stop pointing errors out now. Hardy goes to the second rope, but Guerrero meets him there with a huracanrana for a two count. Guerrero reverses a side effect into an arm drag, but Hardy knocks him down. Moore tries to come in with the belt, but Guerrero stops him. Eddie throws the belt at Hardy and pretends to be hurt when the ref turns around. The ref takes away the belt, but is distracted by Moore. This allows Chavo to nail Hardy with the belt, which is followed up by a frogsplash from Eddie Guerrero for the pin.
Grade: 2 (Nearing the standard). This was a good, athletic contest, but it never got out of first gear until the end of the match.
(Commercial break)
2nd Quarter Hour
Highlights are aired from MSG, where tickets for Wrestlemania went on sale last weekend.
A little boy interviews John Cena. Cena tells him he has street cred. Cena says Angle is jealous of him. Cena says that tonight, Angle will stand in his shadow.
Eddie Guerrero and Chavo run into Show backstage. They ask him why he attacked Guerrero last week. Show says he doesn’t like Eddie. Show says he likes Mexican food, I’m shocked. Show throws them both to the floor like a couple of jobbers from Velocity. This segment sucked.
(Commercial break)
Chavo tells Eddie he was just humiliated. Eddie pushes Chavo into the wall and tells him to calm down. Eddie says he is going to take care of this Guerrero style.
(2) The Bland Bros. (w/Maniqua) defeated The APA via pinfall.
The APA begin the match beating down the Bland Bros. Eventually, Bradshaw tags in and pounds on Doug Basham. Bradshaw goes for the Scott Hall slam and connects, but Doug throws him out of the ring where Maniqua attacks him. Danny tags in and puts the boot to Bradshaw. Doug chokes him, while Farooq preoccupies the ref. Bradshaw powers out and suplexes Danny Basham. Farooq comes in and cleans house APA style. The ref is knocked down and a certain LOUNGE columnist is pissed. Maniqua gives Bradshaw a vicious boot to the face on the outside. Meanwhile in the ring, The Bland Bros. give Farooq the ball and gag for the victory.
3rd Quarter Hour
After the match, Bradshaw gives Maniqua a wicked looking clothesline from hell.
Grade: 1(Below standard) I still don’t find the Bland Bros. very exciting, but it was great when Bradshaw gave Maniqua a clothesline after the match.
(Commercial break)
Damn, The Hair Train is on commentary. A-Train says in an 80’s metal voice that he will prove he can beat Benoit.
(3) Chris Benoit defeated Charlie Haas via DQ when Train interfered.
The crowd or the audio sweetener begins a shave your back chant as Benoit has the early advantage. Train tells Cole he is no ordinary man and truer words have never been spoken. Benoit still has the headlock cinched in on Haas. Haas applies a headlock, but Benoit reverses the move into a surfboard. Train says, ” If Benoit gets behind me, he can ride.” Discuss. Haas ducks an attempt at the crossface and tosses Benoit out of the ring. Benoit had his attention turned towards Train and Haas nailed him from behind. Haas nails Benoit with a nice clothesline for a two count. The Hair Train is ruining this match with his insipid commentary. Benoit comes off the ropes, but is met with a dropkick for a two count. Haas drapes Benoit’s feet over the top rope and nails him with a series of running knees. Cole informs the mentally handicapped that Haas is working on Benoit’s ribs. Haas applies an abdominal stretch as Benoit screams. Benoit fights out and hits a German Suplex, but Haas is able to counter the attempt for a second. Haas applies the Haas of Pain, but Benoit reaches the ropes. Benoit gives Haas a snake eyes and takes control. Benoit applies the sharpshooter, but Haas makes the ropes.
4th Quarter Hour
Benoit applied the crossface and Train came into the ring and caused a DQ.
Train continued to attack Benoit and then applied the crossface and talked some ish (Credit JG)
Grade: 2(Nearing the standard). This was a good match, but the commentary sucked. A-Train sounds like the lead singer of an 80’s metal band. Someone should work with him on his interview style. We were also informed that we can pay 34.95 to watch Benoit and The Hair Train wrestle. Only in the WWE folks.
(Commercial break)
VKM makes his way down to the ring with Sable. He says everyone needs a second chance. Obviously UPN deleted the asshole chant because Vince turns to the crowd and there is just some basic crowd noise playing in the background. Sable looks great tonight and I don’t know how old she is, but she is one hot MILF. Vince says he hopes that Stephanie does the right thing and respectfully resigns as GM of Smackdown. Vince insults the crowd and says they are all quitters. I can’t wait to hear Steph’s response. A HUGE pop arises out of my television speakers when Steph comes out. These people are sick (Vince and Steph). Does Steph really need breasts that large?
Steph says her answer is no. She will not change the WWE Championship match at No Mercy, nor will she quit. Vince says she will quit, if not tonight, then at No Mercy. Vince adds a stipulation and says that Steph must quit her job as GM of Smackdown if she loses the match at No Mercy. Vince says Steph doesn’t realize what she’s doing to him. She’s making him fight his own daughter. Blah, blah, blah. This is already going on for too long. I still can’t get over how big Steph’s boobs are. I’m shocked she can even make it to the ring with those things. She might be able to use them to suffocate Vince and make him quit at No Mercy. Vince really gets himself worked up and Sable tells him that he shouldn’t think of Steph as his daughter, but as a disrespectful little bitch.
5th Quarter Hour
Steph tells her to go to the back and do what she does best, lie on her back. Sable slaps Steph and we have a catfight! Vince pulls Steph off of Sable and gives her a slam. Steph cries and so do I. Mercifully, Taker comes to the ring and puts a stop to all of this. He punches Vince and Lesnar tries to attack him from behind, but Taker gives him a boot to the face.
God are you there? It’s me, Sean. God, why do you allow Vince and Steph to ruin Smackdown? I just want to see some descent matches.
(Commercial break)
Show is backstage and a Mexican guy has a delivery of burritos for Eddie Guerrero. Show takes the Burritos and begins eating them one by one. Show tells “Jose” to make sure that Eddie Guerrero gets a burrito that he spit in. Rush Limbaugh gets in trouble for his comments on Donovan McNabb, but the WWE gets by with racist crap like this. The man delivering the burritos was your stereotypical Mexican.
(4) Tajiri defeated Billy Kidman to retain the Cruiserweight Title.
Kidman takes Tajiri to the outside with a headscissors and then nails him for a springboard splash. Kidman tried to vault over the ropes onto Tajiri, who was in the ring, but was met with a wicked kick. Tajiri goes to work on Kidman arm with an arm bar. Instead of discussing the match, Cole and Tazz talk about good ol’ Vince. Tajiri nails Kidman with a kick to the shoulder for a two count. Tajiri drapes Kidman’s arm over the top rope and kicks it. Tajiri takes Kidman back to the ground and applies another arm bar. Kidman tries to power out, but Tajiri stops him. Tajiri is met with an elbow in the corner and Kidman takes the advantage. Kidman nails Tajiri with an enzuigiri after ducking a handspring elbow. Tajiri gets up and boots Kidman in the ribs. Kidman gets up and connects with a bulldog. Tajiri connects with a kick and goes for a bulldog, but Kidman counters it into a sit down powerbomb. Kidman charges Tajiri in the corner, but Tajiri applied the Tarantula. Tajiri went for his execution kick, but Kidman ducked and nailed him with a dropkick. Tajiri kicked Kidman in the balls and was able to deliver his execution kick for the pin.
Grade: 3(Achieved the standard). This was another great, athletic contest between two superb athletes. I can’t express how great it is to see the Cruiserweight Title defended each week. Tajiri and Kidman are both solid workers in the ring.
6th Quarter Hour
(Commercial break)
Scenes air from The Rundown. It looks like the same stuff they aired last week. In my opinion, this movie was good, but not as great as I’ve been hearing. I’d give it three out of five stars.
Show makes his way down to the ring. Show looks constipated.
(5) Orlando Jones defeated The Big Show via countout
I still don’t know who the hell Orlando Jones is. What is his motivation? Why is he important? Oh, that’s right. There is not time for character development on Smackdown. Show beats the crap out of Jones when he’s not holding his stomach. Show just bails out of the ring and makes his way to the back.
Grade: N/A (This was pretty funny stuff with Show holding his stomach and running to the back to drop the kids off.
Bonus: 2
(Commercial break)
Zach Gowen is on the cover of WWE magazine and he is holding his own leg. Cole interviews Zach live via satellite. Zach says he’s not 100%. Zach says he can’t wait to get back in the ring. Zach says he appreciates everyone’s concern, but he’s tired of the sympathy. Zach says he knows wrestling is for him. Zach says that next week he will prove it in the ring.
Show is taking a dump! Eddie comes in holding his nose and tells Show how bad his crap smells. Eddie tells Show he shouldn’t have messed with him. Eddie tells Show his cousin Jose put some special sauce in Show’s burrito. Eddie has taken away all the toilet paper.
7th Quarter Hour
*** Questions for the next half-hour:
1) Will we see Spanky this week? I’m sure his next shoot interview will be more interesting than the one on the 8/24/02 ROH tape.
2) Will we ever get to know more about Orlando Jones?
3) Which Halloween costume will you pick out from the Shopzone?
Eddie tells Show he’s got something for him to wipe his ass with and kicks the door in. Show holds the door and site back on the toilet as fart sounds go off in the background.
Cena is going to bust out some Thuganomics. Cena says he’s the one who makes it okay to root for the villain. Cena is great on the Mic.
Bonus: 1
(Commercial Break)
The rest of the wrestlers involved in the match make their extra-long entrances to the ring. Taker is wearing another beautiful creation from the Shopzone. As Derek has said before about other WWE shirts, you wear this thing and its guaranteed you will never get laid.
(6) John Cena & Brock Lesnar defeated Kurt Angle & The Undertaker
The crowd chants, “You tapped out” at Lesnar. Cena and Angle start the match. Angle takes Cena down in a headlock. Cena powers out, but Kurt is able to nail him with an arm drag and apply an arm bar. Angle charges Cena in the corner, but is met with an elbow. Cena charges Angle, but is met with a clothesline. Taker comes in and goes to work on Cena’s arm. Taker goes for the old school and nails it. Taker tags Angle back in, but Cena gives him a thumb to the eye and stomps Angle in the corner. Angle fights back, but Lesnar pulls the top rope down, which sends Angle to the outside. Lesnar drives Angle into the side of the ring as we go to the commercial break.
(Commercial break)
8th Quarter Hour
Lesnar is in control when we come back from the break. Lesnar drops an elbow on Angle and throws him into the corner. Lesnar drives his shoulder into Angle’s ribs and hip tosses him to the center of the ring. Cena comes in and goes to work on Angle. Cena uses his “Pound and Ground” attack according to Cole. Sounds like a name that didn’t make the cut from President Bush as he eventually decided on “Shock and Awe.” Lesnar comes in and give Angle a press slam. Lesnar pounds on Angle’s back and tries to give him another press slam, but Angle reverses it into a German suplex. Angle makes his way to the corner, but the ref didn’t see the tag. Cena comes in and goes to work on Angle in the corner. Cena connects with a belly to back suplex. Angle applies the ankle lock, but Lesnar kicks him off. Lesnar comes in without a tag and gives Angle a move that looks like Low-Ki’s finisher. Lesnar knocks Taker off the apron and comes back to Angle who meets him with an Angle Slam. Angle tags Taker in and he cleans house. Taker knocks Lesnar out of the ring and signals for the chokeslam on Cena and nails it. Lesnar comes in and breaks up the pin at the last second. Taker charges Lesnar, but is nailed with a nice looking spinebuster. Taker tags in Angle, who gives Cena a belly to belly suplex. Lesnar charges at Angle and gets one as well. Angle gives Cena three German suplexes and applies the anklelock, but Lesnar breaks it up. Cena nails Angle with his chain to for the pin.
After the match, Taker and Lesnar did battle on the outside. Lesnar whips Taker into the steps and begins dismantling the announce table. Lesnar tries to give him the F-5, but Taker counters it into the chokeslam.
Bonus: 1
Grade: 3(Achieved the standard). I thought this was a really good tag match. The action never slowed. Angle and Lesnar are so good in the ring. Anytime they are in the ring together, I think it is a given that the match will be at least a 3-4 match. That being said, I’m still not excited by John Cena’s in-ring performance. I guess the “Ground and Pound” doesn’t do much for me. I think Cena would be best served by learning how to do the little things during a match to connect with the audience at home. If Cena studied Eddie Guerrero during a match it could do him some good.
FINAL THOUGHTS
This was a descent show that didn’t jump out at me as being solid this week. Part of the problem is that in the middle of the show there was a long segment involving Steph and Vince. It seems to me that this feud does nothing, but fuel Vince’s ego. Spanky could be given a match against The Ultimo Dragon at No Mercy or even on Smackdown, but nearly twenty plus minutes were devoted to the segment with Vince and the APA-Basham Brothers match. The highlights of the show were the Tajiri-Kidman match, the segments with Eddie Guerrero and Show, and the main event. The bad stuff was just there. It wasn’t anything offensive, but it seemed unimaginative. It seemed to me that the Guerrero-Hardy match never really got out of first gear and that’s too bad because if I had to book a fantasy card that would be a match that I would give strong consideration to booking. The Benoit-Haas match with A-Train on commentary was particularly painful, despite the solid action that was in the ring. The segment with Zach Gowen fell flat. Why should I care about him? He is a one legged man who hasn’t won a match in months. Furthermore, Gowen has been off of Television. I think a more effective way to bring him back would have been a run in where he made a surprising impact with his return. Smackdown can be good if it finds a way to surround the Vince-Steph feud with better matches and promos.
Drum roll please…
There were six matches for a total of 24 available points to be had for Smackdown this week. Smackdown scored a 15, giving it a D.
(The Torch Karate Master, Sean Radican, is looking forward to the weekend. He can only be found wearing an aqua belt and reviewing Smackdown each and every week. He would like to remind you to always be honest with yourself and others. He encourages you to send any kind of feedback, hate mail, love, or criticism to s_radican@yahoo.com.)
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