In Your House Show – McNEILL’s Deadblog of WWE Roadblock

By Pat McNeill, PWTorch columnist

WWE Roadblock (c) WWE

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StaffMcNeill07_120Time for WWE Roadblock from Toronto, where the road to WrestleMania is blocked by Dean Ambrose. Bray Wyatt says he’s more than a man.

Generic WWE special music welcomes us to the Ricoh Coliseum. And then The New Day welcomes us to Toronto. The Mini-Tron is in full effect.

If you’d told me last year that the WWE Universe would be fully involved for three guys in pink and blue outfits wearing unicorn horns, I wouldn’t have believed you. A couple of weeks ago, the company said “screw it” and stopped trying to get fans to boo these guys. Big E. Langston and his two dads give us a Booty O’s skit. Sheamus and Wade Barrett are the opponents. My, how Sheamus has fallen.

Apparently, this feud has been playing out over social media. Sorry I missed it.

Oh yeah, and this show lasts two-and-a-half hours. So, yes, even WWE knows that three hours for a wrestling show is a little bit excessive.

We have Cole, JBL, and Saxton on commentary. JBL compares the League of Nations to the Four Horsemen. Um…no. Sheamus & Barrett are doing fine tag team work, though. The crowd is chanting “you can’t wrestle” at Barrett, so I must be mistaken.

Big E. starts throwing around belly-to-belly suplexes like Magnum T.A. at a Crockett taping. Kofi’s in trouble. It feels like Cole wants to throw it to a commercial, but he can’t. Kofi gets hit with the Some Sorta Botched Maneuver and Barrett has Big E. beat when Xavier distracts the ref. Big E. hits the Big Ending, and the New Day wins.

New Day will be fine as babyfaces, as long as no one messes with the act.

Some guy with messed-up hair tries to interview Paul Heyman. Heyman does a babyface promo, complete with a Mick Foley hometown pop.

Last Monday on Raw, Chris Jericho turned on A.J. Styles. On Thursday night, Jericho burned his Y2AJ t-shirt. Good thing WWE didn’t sell many of those shirts, seeing as they’re flammable.

Next up, Chris Jericho & his electric jacket in action against Jack Swagger. Jericho heels on the Toronto crowd, calls himself a Canadian icon, and says he’s ashamned to be Canadian. “You want to know why I moved?” I’m guessing it’s because Florida has no state income tax. Which is why all the other wrestlers live in Canada.

Jack Swagger actually gets some Canadians to yell “We the people.” Yes, both wrestlers are wearing black gear. Why do you ask?

We get a C.M. Punk chant as Jericho goes on offense. This corresponds with Jack’s big comeback. Jericho kicks out of the Swagger Bomb. They escape each other’s submission moves. Swagger blocks the Codebreaker, but Chris wins with the Walls of Jericho. Then he grabs a “Get Well Bret” sign from a fan and rips it. That dirty heel.

The Rock will be at WrestleMania. They didn’t mention it in the commercial, but I hear Triple H and Roman Reigns will be there, too.

Up next, The Revival defends the NXT Tag Titles against Enzo Amore & Colin Cassady. As much as I like Dash Wilder & Scott Dawson, I have to ask: “The Revival?” Geez, I don’t know.

Apparently there are some NXT viewers in Toronto. Good to know. Enzo does the dab. These guys will do just fine on the main roster next month, when they’re feuding with The Ascension on Superstars. Seriously, can we get some heel teams on the main roster?

Cole mentions “NXT Takeover: Dallas.” One of these teams will be on the show. JBL quotes Ron White, a move that’s obviously pandering to PWTorch Senior columnist Bruce Mitchell. Both teams are made up of childhood buddies. Cole says something stupid, but JBL doesn’t go after him. I understand. This show isn’t even half over. You have to pace yourself.

JBL compares the champs to Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard. Actually, they’re more like Arn Anderson & a shorter Barry Darsow. I don’t see a Tully on that team. Enzo is doing a pretty great Ricky Morton impression. Cass takes over, but Dawson breaks up the Rocket Launcher. The Revival hits Cass with a flapjack on the floor. We’re getting “This is awesome” chants. I can live with that. Doomsday Codebreaker finishes Enzo. JBL loves him some Revival. NOW we’re half-way through the show.

Greg Hamilton interviews Natalya about challenging Charlotte tonight. She is interrupted by Slick Ric and Sequinface. Nattie goads Charlotte into putting the title on the line. Okay then.

I like Charlotte’s entrance. “Come on, dad, you’re holding up the show.”

Cole actually references the Charlotte vs. Natalya match from NXT in 2014. JoJo makes the championship announcements. Somebody put wrestling in my Divas match. Charlotte seems much happier as a heel than as a babyface. It runs in the family.

Natalya has dedicated this match to her uncle Bret. Meaning, Natalya’s going to lose. The announcers mention how Charlotte has many of the traits of her father. Right. Call me when Charlotte’s dancing naked on the bar at the Marriott after Raw. (No, seriously. Call me when that happens.)

This match is okay. It’s also getting a serious does of the Who Cares from the live audience. This may be because nobody in the WWE Universe thinks they’re about to put the title on Natalya. Charlotte and Natalya do a long figure-four spot. Natural Selection, but Natalya kicks out. JBL actually recognizes the significance of the kick-out. Good on him.

Natalya hits a powerbomb and the crowd wakes up. Ric distracts Nattie and Charlotte wins with her feet on the ropes. Three heel wins in a row. Yay.

Coming to WWE Network: Podcasts, road trips, cartoons, Mick Foley singing about his scrotum. And WrestleMania.

I apologize. Apparently an actual band did the Roadblock song.

If you’ve forgotten why Brock Lesnar is here to kill Bray Wyatt, time for a recap of the Royal Rumble. “Brock Lesnar’s been screwed by the Wyatt Family.” WWE Studios won’t be making that film.

“When It Reigns, It Bores” sign in the crowd. Can’t want to see that shirt on WWEShop.com.

Bray says he and Luke Harper are fighting Lesnar tonight. Is Bray allowed to make handicap matches like that? I wonder if that will work on Saturday’s UFC show.

JBL runs down Lesnar’s resume. Former NCAA Champion, former King of the Ring, former UFC champion, defeated Shute to win the state title in the final scene of “Vision Quest.” He’s done it all.

Yes, it’s Brock Lensar vs. Luke Harper. We have to protect Bray Wyatt, in case Bray gets a match at WrestleMania. Harper is bigger than Brock, but it’s suplex time.

It’s a suplex here, and a suplex there. Hera a plex, there a plex, everywhere a suplex. F5 finishes it. Bray Wyatt doesn’t even make it to the apron. So, when does Lesnar get his hands on Bray?

Guess who else is here in Toronto tonight? Sami Zayn is in the house. Who is he wrestling? Stardust. Oh, my. Cole actually references the IWS. (RIP, Llakor. We miss you.) JBL and Cole compare Stardust to The Missing Link.

I don’t think Stardust is making the main card at WrestleMania this year. Hopefully, Cody Rhodes makes the cut. Again, this is good stuff, but the crowd has no interest in watching Sami sell.

I can imagine Mr. McMahon having a seizure listening to JBL run down Cody’s amateur background.

Sami fights back. A couple of fans walk by with their “Trump/McMahon” political signs. They must mean Shane. No way Vince lowers himself to Vice-President. Stardust hits the disaster kick for a nearfall. Sami wins with the Helluva Kick. The cameras cut to the crowd. The fans look exhausted. Come on, people. We haven’t even hit the two-hour mark.

Time for Triple H to make his one title defense in ten weeks. Hunter vs. Dean Ambrose. Staredown. Roman Reigns has tweeted out his support of Ambrose. How nice.

Dueling chants. Cole points out that Hunter’s last title defense was in 2009, and mentions The Game’s long layoffs. Staredown. The crowd, of course, chants for C.M. Punk some more. Ambrose comes after the champ with a series of nose-related offensive spots. Hunter has punches. Hunter’s punches look a lot better than his brother-in-law’s punches.

Ambrose goes after the knee of Hunter. Yes, an actual strategy. Hunter goes after the injured ribs of Ambrose. LeBell Lock by Hunter. Rings of Saturn. Dean will not give up.

Ambrose hits his own series of punches. Those were okay. They block each other’s finishers. Terry Funk clothesline by Dean gets him a nearfall. The crowd is getting behind Ambrose. Dean sets up for a suicide dive, but Hunter catches Dean with a forearm. Ambrose escapes the Pedigree once, twice. Figure-four leglock by Dean. Well, it’s better than Miz’s version. Hunter punches his way out.

Sharpshooter on Hunter. I don’t know exactly how Ambrose winning the title screws up WrestleMania. Except that Hunter and Lesnar won’t have opponents and would have to face each other again. Okay, nobody wants that.

Dirty Deeds. Ambrose has him. The ref starts counting three and stops, because Dean’s feet are under the bottom rope. The crowd does not like this. Hunter starts his comeback. Dean throws Hunter out and hits the suicide dive. Hunter starts trying to take a powder. Top rope clothesline to the floor. Now Dean has to get Hunter back into the ring.

Or he could try an elbow drop through the Spanish announce table, and miss Triple H. Back into the ring, and Hunter wins with the Pedigree.

I’ve seen worse shows. Heck, I’ve seen worse pay-per-views. As a house show, this works. Hunter can go in a big match. If you had any questions about whether Ambrose can headline big show, this should answer those questions. See you during Raw tweets, and on the Raw post-game show Monday night.

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