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McMahon’s Impact Wrestling Report
Feb. 16, 2017
Taped at Universal Studios
Announcers: Josh Mathews and “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero
– Impact opened with a recap of last week’s teleportation, which sent the Hardys to Tijuana, Mexico where they’ll face Super Crazy and Psicosis tonight.
– Another recap video aired that highlighted the return of Davey Richards, and last week’s heel turn when he cost his former partner, Eddie Edwards, the TNA World Title in a match against Lashley.
– Mathews and Pope welcome us to the show as Decay makes their ring entrance for tonight’s opening contest. Moose and Brandi Rhodes make their entrance together after Decay as highlights of Moose saving Brandi last week are shown.
(1) ROSEMARY & CRAZZY STEVE (w/Abyss) vs. BRANDI RHODES & MOOSE
Madison Rayne is also on commentary for this match. Rosemary and Brandi start the match. After a brief conversation in the corner, Rosemary tags in Steve and that forces Moose in the ring. Steve jumps Moose from behind after distraction from Rosemary to begin the match. Moose hits a shoulder tackle. Moose hits Steve with a splash in the corner but he tries for a second one and Steve pulls down the top rope, sending Moose to the outside. Abyss attacks Moose outside the ring, running him into the steps. Back in the ring, Steve has Moose controlled with a rear chinlock. Moose powerbombs Steve over the top rope on top of Abyss on the outside. Brandi hits Rosemary with a missile dropkick off the second rope. Moose and Brandi hit Steve and Rosemary with simultaneous Game Changers for the winner.
WINNERS: Moose & Brandi Rhodes in 6:00.
After the match, Brandi and Moose celebrate in the ring while Decay sells on the outside.
– Backstage: Eddie Edwards walks down the hall and said he isn’t there to talk, he’s there to beat Davey’s ass.
– Back from the break, highlights of the tag match were shown.
– Backstage: Brandi and Moose were celebrating their win backstage. Brandi thanked Moose, who told her that she could call him any time and he’d have he rback.
– Highlights of Lashley beating Eddie Edwards last week are shown, including Davey Richards costing Edwards the match.
– In-arena: Eddie Edwards makes an entrance. As his music plays, he bolts to the ring and grabs a mic.
Edwards said he was there for one reason, and that was to beat Davey Richards’ ass. Edwards said that’s something he thought he would never say, but last week was a true low point in his career and in his life. Edwards said that having his wife attacked was a line you do not cross. Edwards screamed for Davey to come out and take his ass whipping like a man.
Angelina Love emerged from the back. She said it doesn’t work that way. Love said that Eddie doesn’t get Davey when he wants, he gets Davey when Angelina says he gets Davey. Angelina asked where Eddie was when Davey tore his ACL? She asked where Eddie was when she was nine months pregnant? She said that Eddie was too busy doing his own thing, chasing the World Title. Angelina then introduced “The American Wolf” Davey Richards.
Mathews said that Richards did what he did out of jealousy. Angelina said Davey carried Eddie … Eddie interrupted and told her to give Davey his balls back. Richards said he created the Wolves, and he picked Eddie out from the bottom. Davey said that he was already a name and Eddie was a nobody. Davey told Eddie to walk away, or he was going to come down and expose him. Eddie charged at Richards, and the brawl began on the aisle. Security poured out from the back to separate them. Eddie grabbed a mic and said this isn’t over. Edwards demanded a street fight tonight.
– Mike Bennett is throwing a bachelor party for Braxton Sutter, who has no interest in being there. Bennett introduces Sutter to the most random collection of guys I’ve ever seen, including some old guy who he said was 28.
– Back from the break, the Hardys are walking through the lobby of the arena in Tijuana. Matt and Jeff walk backstage and ask for the promoter, because they are there to procure the Mexican tag team championship of the world. They find someone named Ryan, who speaks english, but they start speaking spanish.
– Mathews promotes Laurel Van Ness and Braxton Sutter’s wedding next week.
– Clips of Laurel Van Ness’ bachelorette party from last night are shown. Allie is there, and she seems to be throwing a surprise party. Maria screams that the room is disgusting. Maria is screaming at Allie for the decor and the cupcakes. Maria breaks the news to Allie that Laurel is there and it’s her party, because she is marrying Braxton next week. Allie looks sad.
(2) KINGSTON vs. JESSIE GODDERZ
Jeremy Borash introduced Godderz as “Mr. Pec-tacular” before the match. Kingston fires off a chop. Kingston throws right hands in the corner, as Earl Hebner warns him for a closed fist. Godderz hits a suplex but Kingston pulled Godderz’ throat down on the top rope. Kingston misses a spinning back fist and Godderz follows with a kick to the head. Godderz hits a springboard forearm for the win.
WINNER: Jessie Godderz in 4:00.
After the match, the lights went out and when they came back on, the rest of the D.C.C. were in the ring but Godderz had escaped and he was on the ramp. Godderz said that he had D.C.C.’s number.
– Sutter is at his bachelor party. Some guy named Kyle said he needed to loosen up, and he had something for that. The joke here, apparently, is that Kyle is a drug dealer. Sutter tries to leave and Bennett tells him he can’t. Then, Bennett got a little angry, and said if Sutter leaves, Bennett needs to go home. A fat guy then climbs a ladder, rubs his exposed belly and jumps onto the drug dealer, who is on the coach, crushing him.
– Meanwhile, at Laurel’s bachelorette party, the girls are all sitting around and apparently bored. Allie said she has an idea, and she busts out a pinata. Allie tries to pull out a few more decorations and party stuff but Maria screamed that nobody cares about the stupid decorations. Sienna then asked if they could open some bottles of wine.
– In-arena: Tyrus is hosting the Fact of Life segment. Tyrus brought out someone who he said “wasn’t my friend, and he’s not yours.”
Drake entered with a sling and seemed to be awfully upset that Tyrus was sitting in his chair. Drake took off the sling and slammed it down. He took the mic and said that no one deserves to hear his voice, but he said Tyrus needs some truth. Drake said his arm was fine. Drake blamed Tyrus for accepting a 3-on-2 match against D.C.C. last week. Drake said he left Tyrus last week because something needed to be made clear. Drake said he pays him to watch his back. Drake told Tyrus that he’s the one who wrestles in the main event, and Tyrus is the guy who watches them. That’s how it’s going to be.
Drake said he owned the Fact of Life show, and more importantly, he owns Tyrus. … Tyrus grabbed Drake by the neck and said no one owns him, and next week, he’ll see him in that ring.
– Back in Tijuana, someone on the staff at the show finds Konnan, and tells him that the Hardys are here. Konnan said he has no money to pay them to be on the show, and the messenger said the Hardys don’t want any money.
Konnan meets with the Hardys backstage. Matt said that they are there for titles, not for pesos. Hardy said that money is for marks. Konnan said that they have their match, as long as they don’t want any money. Konnan tells his guy that they hit the lottery, and to go get as much bootleg Hardy stuff as he can, and sell it quick.
– At the bachelorette party, Maria asked if Allie brought a gift? Maria said Allie was stupid and forgot. Laurel opened a gift from Maria, and it’s the most see-through thing in the history of lingerie. Maria told Allie to get bridesmaid dresses. Maria also told Allie she would be a ring bearer next week. Maria then threw some cupcake frosting at Allie and she left with Laurel and Sienna.
– Backstage in Mexico, Matt said it was time to procure the championship. Matt tells Vanguard 1 to map out a strategic exit plan, because they will need to take the titles with them after they win.
(3) MATT HARDY & JEFF HARDY vs. SUPER CRAZY & PSICOSIS – Mexican Tag Team Championship match
Clips are shown of the match, with music playing in the background. Backstage, women enter Vanguard 1’s locker room. In the arena, Matt hits a twist of fate on Super Crazy which sets up Jeff’s swanton bomb for the pinfall. Matt and Jeff hold up their new belts.
WINNERS: Matt & Jeff Hardy
After the match, Matt and Jeff are trying to escape as Konnan and his guy try to find them. Matt and Jeff teleport, using Vanguard 1, from Tijuana back to the Dome of Deletion in North Carolina. They put the belts in a sack, where Matt said they will remain until the seven deities give him more direction. Matt then had a premonition that next week the expedition of golf continues. Matt and Jeff will be trying to become the Mid-Atlantic Tag Team Champions next week.
– A video highlighting Brooke’s return to Impact is shown.
(3) BROOKE vs. SIENNA
Madison Rayne is back on commentary. The match begins with Sienna kicking Brooke in the corner after Brooke chased her and Maria on the outside. Brooke comes back with a dropkick. Sienna locks Brooke into a submission. Maria takes a shot at Brooke while the referee is distracted. With Maria now causing a distraction, Sienna chokes Brooke. Madison Rayne comments that she likes Sienna’s new feminine look. Maria yells at Brooke and Brooke grabs her hair. Sienna hits a fallaway slam. Brooke slips out of an AK-47 and rolls up Sienna for the win.
WINNER: Brooke in 6:00.
After the match, Sienna looks shocked while Brooke rolls to the outside to recover.
– At Sutter’s bachelor party, Sutter is again trying to leave. The old guy, George, then brings in a porn and wants to put it on but Bennett said he had that part covered. Bennett then introduced a stripper named Roxy. She has bad teeth, hairy armpits, a raspy voice and is a little overweight. Bennett slams the door and tells George to get the DVD.
– Backstage: Eli Drake grabs a cameraman and looks into the camera, telling Tyrus that next week, he’ll his hands on him, but it might be more than that. Drake said Tyrus might find himself wrapped around a 32-inch bat. Drake said he’ll beat on him with a bat until his career is over.
– In-arena: Lashley is introduced for a promo. He tells the crowd that he’s still the World Hvt. champion. Lashley called himself the baddest man on the planet. Lashley said he loves to fight and he lives to battle. He said he doesn’t care if it’s wrestling or MMA, there isn’t a fighter alive who can hang with him.
That brought out the debuting Josh Barnett. Mathews introduced him as he walked to the ring, saying he is a former UFC heavyweight champion. Barnett grabbed a mic and said it was good to see “Bob.” Barnett said he heard a lot of bold proclamations. Barnett said he’s been in the corner for a lot of Lashley’s wins, but he’s not living up to the expectations of being a champion. Barnett said he was severely disappointed in Lashley. Barnett said he was there, on Impact, to show Lashley a lesson. Barnett said he needed to bring up Lashley in the ring, so he can be worthy of carrying that belt.
Lashley said he wanted to be the first person to welcome him to the Impact Zone. Lashley said that Barnett has been a top-10 fighter for the last 20 years. Lashley said in MMA there are rules, and in Lashley’s world, there are no rules, so as tough as Barnett is, he shouldn’t come into this world and tell Lashley anything. Barnett snatched Lashley’s arm into an arm bar, but let him go. Lashley said if Barnett wanted a fight, then let’s fight.
Barnett said that if Lashley wants to act like the champ, he needs to put the championship on the line. Barnett told Lashley not to “punk out.” Lashley said he would fight anyone at any time. Lashley said he accepts his proposition, and he’ll see him in the ring.
– Everyone is passed out at Sutter’s bachelor party. So, he gets up and tries to walk out. He walks over to Bennett, who is passed out. Sutter removes the old guy who wanted to watch the porn from the couch and then lays the ugly stripper on his lap, taking a picture with his phone and then, for some reason, calling Maria and putting the phone down?
– Eddie Edwards is out first for the main event. Angelina Love then comes out to introduce Richards, but he runs through the crowd and attacks Edwards.
(4) EDDIE EDWARDS vs. DAVEY RICHARDS – street fight
The bell rings after Richards attacks Edwards and the match almost immediately goes to the outside. Richards throws multiple kicks up against the rail. Richards misses a big kick and Edwards throws chops. Edwards misses a chop and slams his hand off the post. Richards stomps on Edwards hand as Angelina Love slides a chair into the ring.
Back from the break, Richards is in control inside the ring, yelling at Edwards that he chose this before delivering kicks to the midsection. On commentary, Pope keeps eluding to Mathews being in trouble. Edwards hits a huge dive, sending himself flying over the rail. Edwards grabs a chair but Angelina Love climbs in the ring with another chair to distract him. Edwards drops his chair and Richards picks it up, smashing it into Edwards’ face. Love gives Richards her chair, but Alisha Edwards rushes the ring and attacks Richards. Angelina Love takes her out with a forearm.
Angelina Love handcuffs Alisha to the rope. Richards grabs a chair but Angelina Love asks for it. She’s about to hit Alisha with the chair but Edwards covers his wife. Richards takes the chair and demolishes it over Edwards over and over. Angelina Love grabs the second chair and sets it over Edwards’ head. Richards then slams Edwards with a Con-Chair-To. Love low-blows Earl Hebner and Angelina Love makes the three count.
WINNER: Apparent no-contest in 13:00 after the referee was attacked.
After the match, Love and Richards kiss over Edwards’ body.