MCMAHON’S IMPACT WRESTLING REPORT
March 15, 2018
Taped from Orlando, Fla. (Universal Studios)
Aired on Pop TV
Announcers: Josh Mathews & Sonjay Dutt
Immediately following tonight’s Impact Wrestling, tune in to the PWTorch Livecast. Mike McMahon and Andrew Soucek will discuss tonight’s show with callers. Listen at www.pwtorchlivecast.com and call the show at 515-605-9345 or email email@example.com
— The Impact Global signature aired.
(1) SAMI CALLIHAN (w/OVE) vs. FALLAH BAHH
Bahh had total control of the match early on. Callahan bit Bahh’s foot when he tried to stomp him. Callihan tried for some chops. Bahh climbed to the top rope fo ra Bonzai Drop but Callihan kicked hits legs out. Callihan got underneath Bahh and hit a Death Valley Driver for the win.
WINNER: Sami Callihan
After the match, OVE continued the beatdown on Bahh. They grabbed a chair and Callihan had the baseball bat, but Eddie Edwards ran down and made the save.
— Matt Sydal talked about all of us meeting his spiritual guide later tonight.
— An old Feast or Fired match was shown.
— McKenzie Mitchell interviewed Austin Aries in a sit-down interview backstage. They talked shortly about Aries’ book and his diet. Alberto El Patron broke in on the interview. El Patron told McKenzie to leave. El Patron told Aries that Impact was his show. El Patron said he calls himself the champion because he never lost the title. El Patron said he takes respect and honor very seriously. He said he respects Aries a lot. El Patron said he’s proven to Impact fans that the company has a good champion to go against “the champion who never lost the title.” El Patron said he has a welcome present for Aries. El Patron had his assistant wheel in a bottle of wine and then he unveiled a huge steak. Aries looked like he was going to be sick. El Patron cut off a piece of the meat and tried to give it to him and Aries instead took out a banana that he had. El Patron asked if he was going to be rude?
El Patron broke off another piece and it was really red. El Patron ate another piece of steak right in front of Aries. He said he was sure he didn’t want to try it. El Patron said, where he comes from, when someone turns down a gift like that, things happen. El Patron picked up the whole steak and shoved it in Aries’ face; he slapped it away and stood up ready to fight. El Patron said he didn’t know anything about the vegan stuff. El Patron apologized, but you could tell it wasn’t genuine. El Patron offered to buy one of Aries’ books, and Aries gave him one for free. Aries said he doesn’t need El Patron’s money because he’s making the champion’s purse now. Aries opened the wine and had a drink.
— Braxton Sutter tried to talk to Allie backstage, but she wasn’t interested.
— Jimmy Jacobs came to the ring with Kongo Kong. Jacobs said that innocent people needed to get hurt because Joseph Park would not produce Abyss, and until he does, “you haven’t seen nothing yet.” Jacobs said his monster would be on a path of destruction until Abyss came back to face Kong.
James Mitchell came onto the stage. Mitchell walked to the ring and introduced himself to Jacobs. Mitchell said Jacobs reminds him of himself. Mitchell said that he has admired Jacobs from afar. Mitchell told Jacobs that he loves Kong, and he loves that Jacobs story. Mitchell told Jacobs that he has given him reason to bring back his son, Abyss. Mitchell said that Jacobs’ future can be summed up in two words: “click, doomsday” … Abyss’ music hit and he came to the ring. Kong and Abyss brawled in the ring while Jacobs and Mitchell spilled to the outside.
Mitchell challenged Jacobs and Kong to a Monster’s Ball match next week.
(2) TAYA VALKYRIE vs. ROSEMARY
Rosemary tried for a splash but Taya caught her in the corner. Rosemary started the match really with a lot of fire. Taya went for an STU but kicked her. Taya missed a moonsault. Rosemary knocked Taya out of the ring. They brawled on the outside and the referee hit the 10 count.
WINNER: Double count-out.
— Eli Drake was backstage making a phone call. No one answered so he tried making another call.
“Chris, what are you doing man?” … He was talking to Chris Adonis. Drake said they had a plan, but Drake then seemed upset about something. Drake told Adonis not to worry about getting fired. Drake started yelling at Adonis, who must have said he wasn’t coming. Drake screamed at Adonis that he was fired.
— McKenzie Mitchell interviewed ECIII backstage.
— Josh Mathews and Sonjay Dutt reset the show from their studio.
— Brian Cage was eating up in the stands. Lashley approached him and said that he didn’t need Cage’s help last week. Lashley said if Cage wanted to be in the same ring, let’s fight. Lashley doesn’t need to be saved. Cage got up, stared at Lashley for a second and then walked away.
— LAX was in their clubhouse playing dominoes and they said they were excited to watch the Feast or Fired match. Homicide gave Konnan a briefcase, and Konnan said the stacks of money were too short. Homicide and Konnan argued and Konnan said there was always money missing when Homicide was around. It was all a ploy to help Santana win the game. Konnan said they would all sit and watch the match and then head to the club.
— Matt Sydal came to the ring and he thanked for fans for their support, but he said there was one man who showed him the path of enlightenment. Sydal introduced Josh Mathews as his one, true spirit guide. Sonjay yelled and screamed about Josh Mathews being a traitor.
Mathews said that he has tried to enlighten all the fans for years, and no one listened. Mathews said that Sydal is the North Star of enlightenment. Mathews said that Sydal has sat under his learning tree. Mathews presented Sydal with a gift … Mathews presented Sydal with a mask of his “spirit animal. Sydal then gifted Mathews the Grand Championship.
(3) FEAST or FIRED Match
The match includes: Eli Drake, Petey Williams, KM, EC3, Moose, Cult of Lee, Rohit Raju, Tyrus, and Taiji Ishimori.
Eli Drake made his ring entrance and then the match began. Sonjay Dutt was on commentary alone after Josh Mathews was revealed as the spiritual adviser to Mat Sydal.
Ishimori hit a Golden Moonsault on the outside. In the ring, Petey Williams grabs a case.
Petey Williams grabbed Case No. 2
Back from the break, Sonjay said that no one got a case. Moose powerbomed Raju and then splashed four guys in the four corners of the ring. Moose climbed for a case and he grabbed the second one of the match.
Moose grabbed Case No. 4
Josh Mathews rejoined Sonjay on commentary. Mathews said that he was going to pull double duty and he a spiritual adviser as well as being on commentary. Mathews said he can be objective but told Sonjay to call him “champ.” Sonjay said that he would tell Keith Mitchell to cut off Mathews’ mic if he got out of hand. Raju was taken out by the Cult of Lee in a double-team move. Tyrus stepped over Eli Drake and tried for a briefcase but ECIII hit him with a low blow. ECIII climbed over Tyrus and grabbed a case.
ECIII grabbed Case No. 3
ECIII took out Tyrus with his case before leaving the ring. Drake hit a German Suplex on Trevor Lee.
Eli Drake grabbed Case No. 1
Drake’s music played as the four case winners were on the stage. Mathews said that the cases would be revealed next week.