SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
“MIZ & MRS.” – EPISODE 1
JULY 24, 2018
AIRED ON USA NETWORK
The show opens with Miz and Maryse sitting in their own house doing one of those cutaway commentary shots. Miz, being the consummate heel, complains about the chair. Footage is shown of both Miz and Maryse in WWE, you know, in case someone who doesn’t watch pro wrestling is watching this. A brief history of how Miz met Maryse during the Diva Search. Then Marjo is introduced. Yes, that’s Maryse’s mom. She’s French Canadian, and a bit of a foil to Miz. At the time this was filmed, Maryse was like three weeks before her pregnancy due date. Pregnant Maryse goes backstage at some WWE event. Everyone touches her belly. Sadly, whoever edits Total Divas has to have edited this footage together because in the span of six minutes we’ve been to like eight different settings.
So, they’re doing a pregnancy photo shoot. It’s an “implied nude photo shoot.” So, this is the footage from the teaser where Miz supposedly shows up to the photo shoot naked. If Miz was one of the Bella Twins, it would be almost impossible to watch his performance of pretending not to know that the pregnant woman is the one with the implied nudity in the pregnancy photo shoot. But he’s a ham, so it’s more or less charming. He’s shown in a dressing room undressing, concluding with his black underwear falling to the floor. Indeed, Miz walks in on Maryse, a makeup lady, and presumably the photographer completely naked.
Back from commercial, Maryse is bleeped when she exclaims “what the f— is going on.” The fine difference between a nude photo shoot and an implied nude photo shoot is then explained, much to Miz’s chagrin. Miz stammers to explain his embarrassment in the cut out. Miz then explains that the national average for penis size is 5-7 inches. I don’t want to tell you about the article I just skimmed to fact check that. Seven inches is statistically generous.
Anyway, the Miz wants the company editing the show to give him a big black box for purposes of censorship. Miz then actually poses nude for the photos – alone, which is a little weird. His back is facing the camera, so, all you really see is his ass, well, except for the fact that it’s covered with a black box. Anyway, Maryse has tears of laughter as this transpires; particularly amusing is when Miz is directed to “suck in your stomach.” In the end everyone is a good sport about it. And Miz makes a bunch of faces, because he’s a big ole ham.
Moving on to the MTV Champs All-Star set. They sit in a trailer and discuss the fact that they bought a house in Austin, Texas. Miz would like to drive something like the RV from LA to Austin. Maryse would like to make it there alive. Comedy spot of the scene is that Maryse cannot pronounce Winnebago. Maryse wants to fly instead of drive. Mike, being practical, says they cannot afford a private jet. There’s some gratuitous dog licking the Miz’s face footage.
Back from commercial, they show up at Raw. Nia Jax and Ronda Roussey are backstage to discuss baby stuff. Maryse shows Miz a bus, which she would prefer over an RV. Miz agrees to the bus. Renee Young then fawns over Maryse and her baby belly. They then shoot something for Renee’s Instagram live. Maryse isn’t feeling so hot, so Renee is discharged to go find Miz. For those of you with leftover Total Divas bingo cards: Titus O’Neil sighting. Miz is found in his gear. Miz is then running around in his gear trying to find Maryse, who may or may not have had a contraction.
Miz rushes into catering, where he expects her to be giving birth. Maryse is seated at a table eating a cookie. Miz is both relieved and somewhat unamused. He was really expecting a birth, I guess. Anyway, that’s it for this episode. And then random footage of the rest of season is shown, they move, something terrible happens to a cake in a car, there are horses, food, dogs, a lot of Marjo, and ultimately a baby.