IMPACT WRESTLING TV REPORT
MARCH 8, 2019
TAPED IN LAS VEGAS, NEV.
AIRED ON PURSUIT & TWITCH TV
REPORT BY JACK IRENE, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR
Announcers: Josh Mathews, Don Callis
We continue the Las Vegas tour with a stacked episode featuring a debut, a collision of two of the best tag teams, and a Dark War.
(1) RICH SWANN vs.. ETHAN PAGE
Rich Swann kicks us off with his earworm of a theme song. The biggest loser in Impact, Ethan Page, is his opponent to some very good heat. Fast start with Rich Swann front flipping over a downed Page and dropkicking him. Page gets control for a second but Swann’s flashy offense gets the best of All Ego. Back and forth and Page hits a big reverse suplex for the two count. The crowd is really hot for this match, giving Page brutal heat and chanting for the X-Division champion. Page is in control for a bit and the crowd HATES him. I can’t express that enough. Swann begins to come back, luring Page outside and flying over the ropes with a flip. Swann comes back in with a long-range frog splash. Swann goes up again but loses his balance and Page crotches him. He picks up the champ and brings him down with a Snow Plow variation for the near fall. “USA” chants to the evil Canadian. What is going on? Strike exchange in the middle of the ring, ending with a Lethal Injection from Swann. Phoenix Splash from the second rope for the win. Swann celebrates but oVe’s music plays and out comes the jackals. Callihan says tonight is the night to decide. He points out that Swann admitted he considered him family. He throws the shirt at Swann, and says “family is EHHHHHHVEERRRYTHING” and gets him to embrace. The X Champ puts the shirt on to a chorus of boos. They stick the thumbs up and before they can put them down, Swann superkicks Callihan and takes out oVe. He rips the shirt off.
WINNER: Rich Swann by pinfall. (***)
(J.I.’S Thoughts: The crowd for this match was INSANE. Las Vegas is hit and miss for crowd noise, but this match proved that they can be great when they want to. It seems to be completely up to them because it’s not like this was a heated battle between two characters. It was a random opener but wow they were invested. This match was really fun due to this, and the post-match was even better. The crowd ERUPTED when Swann swerved on oVe and that added a lot of heat to a feud that needed it.) [c]
– Ortiz and Santana are asking about the rematch with the Lucha Bros. that Konnan said he would ask for. They subtly blame Konnan for their losses. Konnan says they should stay in your lane and let him do his J.O.B.
– Josh and The Golden Announcer review Johnny Impact’s injury last week, and Brian Cage’s loss. They say both men were taken to the hospital.
(2) ACE AUSTIN vs. JAKE ATLAS
I like Ace Austin so I’m happy to see him on Impact. He has some innovative offense early on. Atlas catches him with a big bicycle kick to gain control. Ace nails an awesome kick off the ropes similar to Johnny Impact’s. Austin hits a pedigree with his feet (I don’t know how else to describe it). He hits a standing blockbuster variation called “The Fold” for the win.
WINNER: Austin. (**1/4)
(J.I.’S Thoughts: A decent debut with Austin impressing with some unique moves. Atlas got a bit too much offense for this really to wow me, but still a solid match.)
– Rolando Menendez is video messaging Johnny Impact. This guy is a really bad actor which could be the point, but regardless I’m not sure I like it. He makes Johnny look like an Academy Award winner. I guess he is supposed to be a bad dirt sheet writer. Johnny says Cage will get his shot but he has a neck fusion. [c]
– Reno Scum cuts a promo on Fallah Bahh and KM straight out of the ’80s, I liked it.
Alisha Edwards is out to make a major announcement. She says her contract expires at the end of the month and she needs to decide what to do next in life. She enjoys whacking people with kendo sticks but thinks it may be time to start a family. The Desi Hit Squad interrupts. Rohit thanks Alisha for wanting to be a housewife. He says she is a genius for wanting to actually do her job. Raj Singh is also impressed that she is stepping away, and says every woman should follow her home. Gama Singh says women are only good for cooking and serving men. He gets slapped. Eddie Edwards comes down and beats up the Desi Squad with Kenny. He gets blindsided but Eli Drake strolls down to the ring at a slow pace. He shakes their hand but swerves on them giving Rohit and Raj a Gravy Train. Gama escapes before he can eat one. This was pretty fun and a flashback to something from the Asylum. In my opinion, Impact needs to do more things like this. As for the Drake/Edwards feud, it seems that Edwards now owes Drake a favor.
– Backstage with Rolando Menendez again, Cage snaps on him for not minding his own business. He pushes him away and tells him to stop stirring the pot (in a much more vulgar fashion). [c]
– Alisha and Eddie are arguing. Drake approaches and Eddie thanks him immediately. Drake says he isn’t looking for that, he wants a tag team run. Alisha is mad that Eddie won’t take the offer, as Drake is the only guy that wants the put up with him.
– Moose and Killer Kross are backstage for an interview. He is wearing a suit that looks relatively normal. Kross now enjoys his fashion sense. Next time Kross is denied a shot at the belt, he will send him back to the hospital. Moose reserved the best steakhouse in Vegas to celebrate and gets denied by Mellisa Santos. [c]
– The Rascalz are smoking. They talk about how they’re going to beat the Lucha Bros. They agree that the key is taking the masks of the luchadors. Dez has Kikutaro’s mask as an example of what they will do to them. They die laughing over Moose’s pink suit. Wentz is worried that Dez ripped Kikutaro’s face off so they aren’t going to wear the masks to the ring.
(3) THE DARK WAR: TEAM SU vs. TEAM ROSEMARY
Allie, Su Yung, and an Undead Maid of Honor are out with James Mitchell. Kiera Hogan comes out to her horrible theme song, followed by Jordynne Grace, and finally the return of Rosemary which receives a huge pop. She has an awesome new attire and her entrance alone just reminded me of how much she has been missed. Really chilling stuff. The lighting is red for this match. Rosemary kicks it off with the Undead Maid after teasing a clash with Allie. Jordynne Grace and Dark Allie are next and the latter eats a huge german suplex. Quick tag to Kiera followed by some double team offense for a two count. Team Su cheap shots her to gain control. COMMERCIAL. Allie works on Kiera for a bit, as Jordynne Grace gets the crowd going on the apron. Allie tags in Su Yung and they continue to gang up on The Girl on Fire. The crowd chants “Let’s Go Hogan” which I haven’t heard in a while. She gets a rally going with a quick flurry of offense on Allie who was just tagged in. Kiera finds Rosemary for the tag and it’s her and Allie in the middle of the ring. She nails a reverse DDT sending The Bunny outside. Chaos erupts. Su accidentally mists the maid. Big spear to her and she pins her to gain Allie back from the dead. Allie attempted to break up the pin but only came close enough to look straight into the eyes of The Demon Assasin. Rosemary puts her on a leash and drags her out of the arena.
WINNER: Team Rosemary by pinfall. (**3/4)
(J.I.’s Thoughts: This wasn’t the crazy match I expected but the crowd ate Rosemary up, and the ending was great. This feud was a little stale for a bit, but Rosemary really made it heat up. This was great storytelling and was overall enjoyable.)
– Glenn Gilberti is looking for Don Callis and Konnan directs him to his office. He barges in and starts picking a fight. It’s actually Killer Kross in the room. Glenn Gilberti immediately apologizes and gets attacked as the screen goes black. [c]
– Gilberti has seen disoriented backstage. He hears “Vinny Ru” in his head talking about how he used to write for Vince McMahon bro. He walks in disappointed to find a random guy. He sees a guy in white pants and suspects its Jeff Jarrett, but its the doctor from earlier. Finally, he sees a blonde man by two long haired guys and asks for an opening in AEW. Scott D’Amore catches him and tells him that Callis is in plain sight on commentary. Disco takes this as an invitation to commentate. He heads out to the booth.
The Smokeshow is out to announce her debut match. Josh Mathews is in the ring asking who had potential in the Talent Search. She said Glenn Gilberti was the most pathetic one to apply. He gets in the ring and says she won’t be able to wrestle. He says women’s wrestling hasn’t been good since bra and panties match. She slaps him. He advises her to go home and go shopping. She challenges him. [c]
– Scarlett Bordeaux vs. Glenn Gilbertti announced for Against All Odds in three weeks.
– Tessa Blanchard wanted a title shot, but instead, she must fight Jordynne Grace to receive her rematch.
(4) THE RASCALZ vs. THE LUCHA BROS!
Fenix and Dez kick it off with cool flashy stuff. The Lucha Bros destroy Dez but Wentz breaks up the pin. Dez bites Penta’s fingers and sends Fenix into his partner. Wentz comes in and goes nuts. He nails Fenix with a knee off the ropes. Pentagon comes in and starts teaching Wentz a lesson. The Rascalz gang up on Penta for a near fall after Fenix breaks up the pin with a huge dropkick. Dez and Fenix trade strikes. Fenix hits Wentz with the big spinning kick into the Pentagon Driver for the W.
WINNER: The Lucha Bros by pinfall. (***1/4)
(J.I.’s Thoughts: This was a really good sprint match with some innovative spots.)
– Konnan meets with The Lucha Bros backstage asking for a rematch which they simply decline. This angers Konnan and he warns them to give him a date next time he sees them.
FINAL THOUGHTS (8 of out of 10): Wow, I thought this show was great. No GWN flashback, good wrestling, great angles, a hot crowd, great story advancement. This was a perfect example of what Don Callis is capable of as the booker of Impact.