IMPACT WRESTLING HITS & MISSES 5/5: Best Skit in History of Wrestling, Sami Callihan promo, OVW vs. XXXL, Jessicka Havoc’s Locker Room Talk, Deaner vs. Kwaranteen, X Division Championship match

Overall – HIT: Don’t go into this show expecting quality in-ring action; it is probably one of their weakest from an in ring action perspective, with no matches that were standouts (well, except for The North’s “title match”). On the other hand, they did a lot to set storylines in motion and had a lot of entertaining skits. Impact also announced a tournament for the number one contender to Tessa Blanchard’s Impact World Championship. Stay tuned to the end for my thoughts on the tournament.

Sami Callihan in-ring promo – HIT: What a way to start. After passing out to Shamrock’s ankle lock at Rebellion, I was intrigued with how they were going to it follow up, and how they were going to deal with the fallout of Sami turning against OVE. Sami shifts the narrative of his loss by accusing the ref of “helping” him when he didn’t tap out. He says he took out OVE because he doesn’t need their, or anyone else’s help either. Ken Shamrock then comes out and gives kudos to Sami for not tapping out to him while the greats, Big Show, Bas Rutten, and The Rock all have. Shamrock offers Sami an option, continue their feud, or get out of each other’s way so they can go after the Impact championship. A wild Elgin appears. Being summoned by the very mention of the championship, he wants both men to know that the line starts with him. A brawl ensues with Sami and Shamrock acting as unlikely partners for a moment. Is this a Sami face turn? Sami vs. Elgin? Elgin vs. Shamrock? Sami with Shamrock? Dogs vs. cats? I’m sold.

OVE vs. XXXL – HIT: I liked this match. It was pretty bog standard with no real frills but sometimes that is just what the doctor ordered. We got to see some of what Larry D and Acey Romero can do, and Madman Fulton had an impressive strength spot when he carried Acey on his shoulders. Larry D wins with his right-handed punch.

Locker Room Talk with guest Jessicka Havok – HIT: “She’s dark. She’s boring. She’s Havok!” Madison Rayne really tempted fate by needling Havok until Havok reminded Madison the she’s… you know… FREAKIN’ KILLED PEOPLE!!! Madison pivoted to talking about Nivaeh’s appearance last week and Havok did confirm that the two have a past together. Then Madison surprised everyone by introducing Kimber Lee. The Impact women’s division is getting more interesting by the week, and I’ve really liked how they’ve been reloading lately. It is a fun skit and Swinger was great being the absolute worst human possible.

Cody Deaner in Kwaranteen – HIT: We get to catch up with Cody Deaner and how he is getting along during the pandemic. While there may be some who’ll be upset at Impact lampooning a serious situation, this was enough tongue in cheek to be really entertaining.

Johnny Swinger vs. Suicide – PUSH: Impact needed to kill seven minutes. That all there was to this. Suicide wins with a Swanton bomb.

Moose interview – HIT: Moose reveals to the world his superpower: gaslighting. He is willing himself into being the TNA Champion and won’t hear any evidence to the contrary. Hey, more power to him. The role of interviewer fits Josh Mathews well. He makes a good straight man for the more colorful personalities like Moose.

Joseph P. Ryan vs. Cousin Jake – PUSH: Impact needed to kill ten minutes, so we get a rematch from Rebellion between these two. Bit more of a story here since Ryan beat Jake by cheating, and did so again here, this time with a handful of tights.

The North vs. The Creeps, Impact Tag Team Championship match – BEST SKIT IN THE HISTORY OF WRESTLING: Alright, maybe I’m being a bit hyperbolic, but I really enjoyed the absurdity of this segment. It was more of a skit than an actual match in the irreverent vein of what you see on Being the Elite on YouTube. I loudly guffawed at the part Kurt Angle was mentioned. I can’t really do this skit justice, if you are fans of Ethan and Josh, track it down and watch it for yourselves.

Rosemary at the Bar – HIT: Rosemary’s future is literally charted out for her as she ponders what she wants to do next when the fates themselves cast the Tarot Cards for her. She seems pleased as she reads them, but they come with a warning to not be too greedy. It is a warning that I’m sure will go unheeded that will ultimately cost her dearly. I can’t shake the feeling we are in for a heel (at at the very least, darker) turn for Rosemary.

Rohit Raju promo – HIT: This is what I’ve been waiting for, a turning point in Rohit’s character, an opening to where I can take him seriously. During the Moose interview, a tournament for the number one contender for the Impact World Championship was announced. Moose bowed out and Rohit Raju replaced him. Rohit cut a great fiery promo, stating that he is done playing around as good soldier and semi-conic relief in the Desi Hit Squad and is hungry for more. I hope this means it’s an actual change and not just more Sturm und Drang from him ultimately leading to another humiliating loss. I like Rohit, and I think he’s capable of more.

Chris Bey vs. Ace Austin vs. Willie Mack, X Division Championship match – MISS:Chis Bey hasn’t spoken all too often since joining the roster, but he got a chance to cut a promo for his match in the main event and boy does he show charisma. Confidence is key if you want to be a top guy and Bey seems to have confidence in spades. Ace Austin later cut a promo angry that a newcomer is getting a shot at Willie and his title, so he invokes his rematch clause making this a triple threat match. Mack continues to struggle with his promos. The match itself was fine, but I was hoping for a little more from these three. Unfortunately, I’ve got to bring up Josh Mathews on commentary. Two times, Ace Austin hit The Fold on one of his two opponents. Because of the sequence of events leading up to the move, two times I bite that it could be the finish of the match as Ace goes for the pin. Two times Josh Mathews says “this is it, Ace Austin regains” totally showing their hand that the pin was going to be broken up. I know this has always been an issue with him, but I don’t know why its been so glaring as of late. Maybe it’s because a crowd biting on a false finish gives him cover. At the end of the match, Willie retains by hitting Ace with the Six-Star Frog Splash.

Bonus: Impact World Championship Number One Contender Tournament

I like to start from the end when I look at one of these tournaments and work my way backwards. Because of this, I have a couple of likely scenarios based on who can legitimately challenge Tessa Blanchard. The two most likely to challenge her are Michael Elgin and Sami Callihan, with Elgin being my top choice. Elgin gets more bragging right and I think it’s too soon to go back to Sami and Tessa, So I’ll start with Elgin.

Elgin’s opponent in the finals would most likely be Ken Shamrock, and he’d likely plow through Trey Miguel to do it. Shamrock beats Rhino and Madman Fulton (who he already shares history with having feuded previously).

Sami winning the whole thing makes for more intriguing matchups. He goes through Rohit (who I’m currently high on, for this week at least) on his way to the finals. On the other side, Fulton and Shamrock also meet because of their shared history. This can set up a Shamrock-Sami rematch where Sami gets his win back, or more interestingly, Fulton gets his win back from Shamrock (showing Fulton’s growth) and then we get the discarded OVE versus Sami.

There is always a possibility there isn’t a winner in the Elgin and Sami match which opens the door for Rohit Raju to sneak in as a longshot since he’d get a bye and I can see him winning in an upset against  a depleted Shamrock or getting help from Sami against Fulton if OVE is what caused the bye in the first place. This makes sense if the goal is not to headline a PPV with the championship match and instead have the resolution on TV so Tessa can pad her successful defenses record.