SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
BEING THE ELITE EP. 209 – “Christian AF”
POSTED ON YOUTUBE.COM
JUNE 23, 2020
REPORT BY ZACH GRAHAM, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR
Watch it HERE.
– The episode started with Nick recording his baby rolling over. He called him a cute little baby face.
Broken Matt Hardy appeared and yelled to pause the multiverse. Broken Matt explained that the baby face is the wrestler who is portraying the good guy and the hero of the story. He is the one they want the audience to clap for and cheer for whenever you are in the venue. Hardy said the baby face should be popular and “sell a shit ton of merch.”
– Being the Elite open aired.
– Kenny Omega and Hangman Page were sitting next to each other on a couch. Colt Cabana ran in and said hi to Kenny. He tapped Kenny on the shoulder and comically ran out of the room trying to get Kenny to follow him. Omega was annoyed and said told him that the chasing is their ongoing story and, while it may be a story to Cabana, it isn’t to him. Omega said this is the business he loves and he had to sacrifice things. Omega said Cabana made him a laughing stock. Omega said that people on Twitter are reminding him of things that happened two and three years ago, back when people took him seriously. He said now he’s been reduced to doing comedy sketches with a comedy wrestler. Cabana said they’re fun, right? Omega scoffed and said Cabana ruined his life. He sarcastically congratulated Cabana for being on BTE and becoming a star at his expense. Omega said that’s exactly why he has to put his foot down and he’s not going to be the punch line to Cabana’s jokes anymore. Omega said to take this as a warning because the next time he sees Colt, he’s going to beat him within an inch of his life and he’s going to leave him in a pile of his own piss, shit, and blood. Omega said they’ll have to gurney him to the hospital afterwards because he has so much rage built up that not even a tough guy like Harrington or Rick Knox can stop him. Omega said he’s not joking about this. Cabana said okay and tried to see if he wanted to chase after him. Omega said no and Cabana left dejected. Omega apologized to Hangman, who was on his phone throughout Omega’s tirade.
– Cutler was walking through a tunnel in the venue trying to find Best Friends and Orange Cassidy. They were driving towards him in a golf cart. Cutler said he didn’t want to end up like Sammy so he backed up against a wall and flagged them down. They stopped next to him and Cutler asked if they had a bit. Taylor put the cart in reverse and drove off without saying a word. The camera stayed on them for a long time as they continued backing down a very long tunnel hallway.
– Alex Abrahantes was back for another edition of Speaking Spanglish. He said today you’ll learn how to order two very popular American foods. Santana and Ortiz walked onto the screen. Santana spoke in Spanish and ordered a hamburger and hotdog in Spanish. Ortiz translated to “hey yo cuz, do you want to throw me un hamburger on the grill for me?” He started using hot dog in a sentence saying “hey yo mami, why don’t you come over here and nibble on this hot…” Dasha Gonzalez cut him off as Santana was silently shaking his head no and waving his hands trying to get him to stop talking as well. Dasha yelled at him and said they don’t talk like that. She took off her heel and held it up to hit Ortiz. She said she has another Spanish word for them: chancletaso. Santana and Ortiz yelled in horror and a graphic flashed that said “Chancletaso = Hispanic Kryptonite.” Dasha chased Santana and Ortiz as they ran away from her.
– Brandon Cutler walked in on Peter Avalon and Leva Bates sitting together. Cutler awkwardly sat down and told Avalon that he looks healthy. Avalon thanked him. Cutler said he saw that Avalon is wrestling Orange Cassidy this week, Avalon said yeah he needs to get back out there and work. Cutler said he was offered a match and he said no because he wants to take some time to work on himself. Avalon said he understands and asked if it’s been helping him as he rolled his eyes. Cutler said they had good chemistry together until Avalon blew it. They began arguing again and calling each other losers. Avalon grabbed Bates and they stormed off.
– Private Party was looking at a white board of matches trying to find their names. Nick walked up and patted Marq Quen on the shoulder and apologized to them because they couldn’t fit them on the card. They said there’s only four matches, but Nick said creative has nothing for them. He apologized again and said there’s just no room. Quen said he gets it, it’s a joke! Nick said no, it’s not a joke. Kassidy and Quen laughed, not taking it seriously. A shirtless Jake Roberts snuck through the camera shot, it was never acknowledged. Nick said he’s shooting from this hip and Private Party laughed, still believing it’s a joke. Nick pointed at them and yelled “I’m dead ass!” Private Party stood back shocked.
– Brodie Lee stormed into a room where all members of Dark Order were. He threw a stack of paper at Evil Uno while cursing about all the emails. He pointed at every member of Dark Order saying it’s their fault, but he got in Uno’s face and said it’s his fault most of all. He told Uno to do something about it. Lee left saying he has to take this call. Uno sheepishly yelled after him saying he will handle it personally. Uno asked Reynolds and Silver is they like emails, they nodded. He excitedly said he has a job for them. He said they’ll be so excited because starting tomorrow they’re in charge of recruitment emails, they both celebrated and acted excited. Uno and Grayson walked off as Silver and Reynolds celebrated their promotion.
– TH2 were back for another segment. Angelico said that it’s no secret that since they arrived in AEW, they have been neglected and deserted. Angelico said he doesn’t know if there’s a heaven or hell, but if there is, hell would be empty because all the devils are right here in AEW. He said two of them are named Matt and Nick Jackson. Jack Evans appeared and said the Young Bucks think they should have their faces etched in stone so they can be remembered forever. He called them the “ruiners or wrestling” and said they are the elite icons of sin. Evans said that TH2 are the elite slayers. Evans called them Saint Evans and Archangel Angelico. Evans said that the Young Bucks may think they are the rebel guerillas of pro wrestling, but they are greater. Jack Evans say you may not put their faces on the wrestling Mount Rushmore, you put their asses on the throne of wrestling’s Mount Olympus. He said thinking you’re better than the two hybrid gods of wrestling is blasphemy. Therefore the ultimate heresy, therefore the ultimate sin, therefore by knock out, pinfall, submission, or death, the Young Bucks will be cleansed of the sin of self-asserted pompous conceit for there are none superior to TH2 so sayeth the lords of wrestling: Saint Evans and Archangel Angelico. Angelico closed the segment with his usual line that when it comes to the greatest, there is only TH2.
– Chuck Taylor, Trent, and Orange Cassidy were standing outside leaning against a tree. Taylor said he has no ideas as he picked up a dead leaf. Trent said what if they do something to Brandon (Cutler)? Taylor asked what he means and Trent proposed they kill him. Taylor said yeah and Cassidy asked how he’d do it. Trent said he’d do something like the plot of Home Alone with really violent traps. Taylor asked if they were just three Macaulay Culkin’s and Trent said yes. Trent explained some of the trap ideas including burning his hand on a hot door knob and stuff like that. Cassidy said maybe they could be a family, drink Coronas, and have cars. Taylor said that’s Fast and the Furious again. Cassidy said yeah, but The Rock will be in it. Trent asked him how Brandon dies in this and Cassidy said shoot because he hadn’t thought about that.
– Footage from Brandon Cutler aired of the match between Omega & Page vs. the Natural Nightmares, followed by footage of the Young Bucks vs Havoc and Sabian. Havoc and Sabian weren’t shown. Only footage of FTR and Butcher and Blade’s involvement was shown.
– Matt was walking down a hallway holding his ribs. Cutler walked up to him wearing Matt’s ring jacket. He said it was a good match. He went to bump fists, but Matt didn’t raise his arm. Cutler asked him how bad the injury was Matt said he’s fine. Cutler held out his hands and offered Matt a red or blue pill. Matt scolded him for offering him drugs and Cutler said he gets it, he’s Christian. Matt said he’s wrong. Cutler asked if Cody got to them to make them Atheists. Matt said no they’re not just two ordinary Christians, they’re “Christian AF.” Matt demanded his vest back and put it on.
Hangman Page wandered up to Matt and sounded drunk. He asked Matt if he wanted to “go do alcohol” because it’ll make him feel better. Matt looked offended as Page tried pouring some of the canned drink into his mouth (it was very clearly a can of Diet Coke.) Matt said of all people, Page was the last one he thought would try to turn him into an alcoholic because they’re Christian AF. Page walked off.
Matt entered his room where Private Party and Matt Hardy were hanging out. They welcomed Matt Jackson to the “Hardy party.” They offered a water bottle to Matt, but noted it isn’t water. Matt said of all people, they’re the last ones to try and turn him into an alcoholic. He turned to the camera and told them to get out of his office.
– The outro video played, now featuring Matt’s cartoon image covered in blood.
FINAL THOUGHTS: This episode was released a day late. On Monday, Kenny Omega took to Twitter to say that they weren’t going to be releasing BTE on Monday as usual. He said they hope to be back some day in the near future, which made it seem like they were taking a longer hiatus, but the episode was posted just one day later.
I probably would’ve cut the Santana and Ortiz bit out this week. Ortiz making a joke about calling a woman over to him for a sexual act to use the word hot dog in a sentence just isn’t the right call. It’s ultimately harmless, as it didn’t insinuate anything coercive or manipulative in my opinion, but given the current climate, it’s just not a joke I’d make or leave in the show.
I can’t stand these TH2 segments. They’re terrible. Stop doing them. Please. This week was another one of random ramblings of Jack Evans. It’s so hard to hear what he’s saying on top of it being complete muttering nonsense. Honestly, half of what he said I couldn’t even try to form into a logical sentence. I hate these segments so much. When I hear the TH2 music to start the segment, I instantly groan out loud because I know it’s going to be an absolute mess, to put it nicely.
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