1/31 AEW DARK ELEVATION TV REPORT: Lance Archer, Brandi Rhodes, Jay Lethal, Soho & Rosa, Serpentico vs. Penta plus Bryant’s signature asides

AEW DARK ELEVATION REPORT
JANUARY 31, 2022
TAPED 1/26 IN CLEVELAND, OHIO
AIRED ON YOUTUBE.COM
REPORT BY DAVID BRYANT, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR 

Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Henry, Paul Wight 

Ring Announcer: Justin Roberts 

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– Hello, my little family of readers, and welcome back! It’s great seeing you again. (I cannot see you.) Thank you so much for reading both PWTorch and my weekly Dark Elevation report! I know you guys have a ton of wrestling-related options, and I sincerely appreciate that you chose this one. Once again, I will do my best to make this a fun ride for everyone. So, sit back, buckle up, and stop reading this in your car; you’re gonna have a wreck!

-Tonight’s Dark Elevation taping came to us from The Wolstein Center in Cleveland, Ohio, which is right off the beautiful shores of Lake Erie — the only lake that sounds like it belongs in a horror movie but looks like it belongs in a rom-com. The show started with a distant wide shot as blood-red numbers flickered across the two big screens above the stage. Drums pounded, pyro exploded, and Lance Archer dragged out the incapacitated body of someone he murdered backstage because accessorizing is an essential part of any wrestler’s wardrobe.

Wrestling legend, Jake Roberts, accompanied Archer to the ring. (This was an intense entrance, BTW. And I don’t know what you think, but I personally dig Archer’s character, look, and hair. I am very much anticipating the upcoming Page-Archer match and think it will surprise a lot of naysayers.)

(1) CHASE OLIVER vs. LANCE ARCHER (w/Jake “The Snake” Roberts)

The ravaged carcass Archer dragged to the ring turned out to be his opponent, Chase Oliver. (At least he got a ring entrance.) Archer grabbed Oliver by the scruff and threw him into the ring like a recalled lawn dart. This is despicable behavior, but thank God there’s a referee there to intervene and ensure a fair, clean fight.

The referee started the match because that’s how sports work now, and Archer ran at whatever was left of Oliver in the corner. Oliver half-dodged, half tumbled out of Archer’s way, and Archer hit the turnbuckles unphased, turned around, and slammed a big boot into Oliver’s chest. Archer yanked a decimated Oliver back to his feet and promptly re-decimated him with an open palm chop.

“Nice thunderous chop there in the corner!” Wight exclaimed, going on record as a homicidal maniac.

Archer chokeslammed Oliver like he was Ariana Grande dropping Pete Wentz for a breakup album, and astonishingly, he did not pin him. Instead, Archer propped Oliver up on the top turnbuckle, pulled him immediately off the top turnbuckle, and dropped him to the mat with a Blackout. The referee counted to three, and Archer picked up the win.

WINNER: Archer in 71 seconds

(David’s Analysis: Well, that was murderific, but it was also educational. I learned I can win all of my skating competitions if I train hard and Tonya-Harding the other skaters two minutes before they step on the ice; referees are totally down with that.)  

– After the match, Archer grabbed a microphone and said, “Cleveland, shut the hell up. I did not come here for you! You’re nothing but sheep. You cheer and chant for everybody they put out here. I came back for everything in All Elite Wrestling—”

Archer then turned to a particularly raucous crowd member and said, “Shut up! No, You suck!”

“That’s a way to win friends,” Schiavone said gregariously.

“I came back for everything—”

The crowd interrupted Archer again, this time with a “Shut the **** up” chant, and the camera cut to Jake Roberts’ beaming smile.

“Hangman is so full of **** it’s like he’s got a mouthful!” Archer continued. “But it just so happens that Hangman has ‘the’ championship in All Elite Wrestling. So, Hangman, you’re on my list, and everybody dies on my list!” (Good point. Has anyone checked on Oliver?)

Archer dropped the mic and stared into the camera’s soul, and I buttoned the top button on my shirt because I’m pretty sure he saw me…

(David’s Additional Analysis: That was a short, ardent, and to the point promo that should’ve been on Rampage or Dynamite. I hope they replay it. Archer has a lot to prove in two weeks’ time. Another site ran an article claiming it was a mistake picking Archer to face Page for the AEW Title. I disagree with that article. I think it’ll be a blistering, smashmouth, fury-filled contest, but the only way to know if I’m right is to tune in on Feb 9 to see what these two men do in the ring. If I’m wrong, I will gladly refuse to admit it.) 

– An advert for AEW Dynamite aired, declaring, “We’re just getting started!” It was well put together. (Remember all those years ago, way back in 2019, when some of AEW’s video packages looked like they were edited on a neon-blue iMac in a run-down computer lab in an elementary school in Roopville, Georgia? Pepperidge Farm remembers.)

(2) BRANDI RHODES (w/Arn Anderson) vs. KILYNN KING 

KiLynn King is someone Dustin Rhodes has said good things about and is more than a little underrated, in my opinion. Unfortunately, she stands no chance against the dauntingly talented First-Ballot-Hall-of-Famer Brandi Rhodes.

King was given her full entrance, which is nice to see. (It shows that despite most of her career being spent on Dark and mired with 50-50 booking, they do respect her backstage and recognize the potential she possesses at the young age of twenty-five.)

Locker-Room-Leader Brandi Rhodes made her entrance through the center of the stage. (I know some people are going to crap on this, but oddly enough, I’m going to defend it. I prefer this entrance over her coming out through the face’s tunnel to a chorus of boos like last she did week. That made no sense. This, at least, makes some sense. A lot of people take issue with Cody Rodhes’ entrance location, but I personally believe their issues have more to do with the grandiosity of Cody’s entrance rather than its location.) Anyway, back to the action. Rhodes flipped her hair with both hands and then pointed toward the face tunnel where Arn Anderson came out. They made their way to the ring together, and the reaction tonight was a bit mixed. It was nowhere near as bad as last week’s, but it was still markedly mixed.

“…walking to the ring—” Schiavone was interrupted.

“Saunters!” Wight clarified. “She saunters to the ring.”

Anyway, Genetic-Jackhammer Brandi Rhodes posed for the crowd and smiled at the hard camera. The referee rang the bell, and Rhodes walked to her corner to talk to Anderson, who covered his mouth in case King was a CIA-level lipreader.

Rhodes and King began with a collar and elbow tie-up, but King quickly shifted that into a side headlock. Rhodes shoved King into the ropes; King rebounded off the ropes; Rhodes dropped to the ground, and King lept over Rhodes. Rhodes came back with an attempted clothesline, but King ducked underneath and went for a waistlock. However, Rhodes walked them toward the ropes, grabbed the top rope with both arms, and bounced against the rope while holding herself in place so as to use the force of the ropes’ rebound to throw King off.

King fell backward and did a quick tumble before running the ropes herself and getting caught by Rhodes with a planned hip toss. King countered Rhodes’ hip toss with a roll-up and got a quick two-count. (This is going well so far. Nothing has looked awful.) King floored Rhodes with two quick arm drag takedowns, and Rhodes rolled out of the ring. King took this moment to pose for the applauding crowd while Rhodes ran around the ring-steps to point a finger at Anderson — she was apparently furious at him because he is not a fairy Godmother and cannot make the peasants love her. She whispered something coy into Anderson’s ear, and they regrouped.

King delivered a running kick through the ropes to Rhodes on the floor. Rhodes went down, and King went to the outside. King told a stunned Anderson that she didn’t want any trouble, and he cautiously backed off. King then threw Rhodes back into the ring. Rhodes blindsided her with a running knee lift as she stooped to step through the ropes. King collided with the mat, and Rhodes mud-stomped her chest before pulling her up and leaning her against the turnbuckles. Rhodes then chopped King’s chest, slammed a forearm into King’s chest, chopped King’s chest a second time, and then nailed her with a second forearm.

However, Future-Presidential-Medal-of-Freedom-Recipient  Brandi Rhodes swung King to the other side of the ring, ran toward her, and hit her with a back elbow. She then grabbed King’s head and took her to the ground with a snapmare takedown. King sat up, dazed, and Rhodes immediately dropkicked her back to the canvas. She then covered King to get a two-count. (This is all looking much better than last week.) King caught Rhodes unaware and slugged her in the chest with a kick followed by a knee lift. King then lunged toward Rhodes, and Rhodes caught her. She hit King with a kick to her stomach and then a kick to her upper knee. Rhodes then executed a step-up enzuigiri. (That looked every bit as good as her step-up enzuigiri last week, which the commentators praised. It’s one of her better moves and maybe something she should consider using near the end of her matches as a quasi-finisher.)

Anyway, Even-Bigger-Legend-Than-The-Great-Summer-Rae Brandi Rhodes stood up, smirked at the crowd, and when they booed, she flipped her hair. (Which is definitely something a face would do.) Rhodes then covered King but did so in a way that seemed like she was trying to get the crowd to boo her. (King has wrestled like a face this whole match, too, BTW.) Anyway (I keep getting distracted ), King kicked out at two!

“I think when she rewatches the tape, Brandi’s gonna want to focus on a more aggressive cover.” Wight made good points tonight, as always. “I know she wants to get her presence across in the ring, but you’ve gotta make sure you have the cover down first.”

Rhodes jumped off the top rope and onto King, who caught her midair and let out a ferocious scream! King then tried to bodyslam Rhodes, but Rhodes fought her way out of it, landing on her feet. Rhodes then attempted a bicycle kick, but King caught her leg. Rhodes put up a single finger, trying to beg off King (She’s gotta be aware that’s a heel move, right?), but King was having none of it and powerslammed her to the mat. (This looked just like one of Henry’s old powerslams, and Henry acknowledged as much on commentary.) King hooked Rhode’s leg and almost got a two-count. It wasn’t one of those “barely there” two-counts either. It was a solid two-count with some nice tension.

King let out a scream of frustration but looked more determined than ever. She hit Rhodes with a forearm; however, Rhodes struck her with her own forearm in exchange. They continued to trade forearms as the crowd chanted “Yay!” and “Boo!” (I’ll let you guess who got which chant.) King hit Rhodes with a spinning back kick, planting her foot in Rhodes’ midsection. However, King ran the ropes and took too long to execute her next offensive, allowing Rhodes to hit her with that bicycle kick she was trying for earlier. Rhodes sent King into the ropes and knocked her to the floor with an uppercut. Rhodes looked at the hard camera, shouted something I didn’t catch, and then went for the Strech Mark. King tapped out.

WINNER: Rhodes in 4:00

(David’s Analysis: You know… I wanted to hate this match, but I can’t. It wasn’t bad. It’d be easier to write this report if it had been atrocious because then I’d have more to make fun of. However, while it is not a classic by any stretch (mark) of the imagination, it was entirely acceptable and inoffensive. King made sure there was plenty of action, and I didn’t see Rhodes botch anything of significance. That said, I’ve gotta ask, is Rhodes sure she’s not a heel? Why doesn’t she just go full heel? A face doesn’t yell at Anderson for their own mistakes, taunt the crowd, or do those kinds of hair flips. It’s okay that she does those things because she’s good at doing those things, but she should do them as a heel. That’s just my honest advice because, believe it or not, I wanna see The-Eight-Wonder-of-the-World Brandi Rhodes succeed at what she’s doing.)

– After the match, Wight said, “Don’t go anywhere. We’ll be right back with Jay Lethal.” However, there was no commercial break, and Instead, they cut straight to Lethal’s match. That felt odd. Is there an epidemic of people searching for Dark Elevation on YouTube and then not watching it?

(3) JAY LETHAL vs. CASEY CARRINGTON

The roaring soundscape of Jay Lethal’s music hit, and Lethal came out to blue and white lights flooding the stage. The director cut to shots of fans applauding Lethal in the crowd as Schiavone hyped Jay Lethal vs. Ricky Starks for the FTW Championship on this week’s Rampage.

Casey Carrington (Who sometimes goes by Casey Carrington IV or CCIV) awaited Lethal in the ring. A chyron noted this was Carrington’s AEW debut. (I don’t know his age or anything, but he looks younger on TV than he does in the online wrestling clips I’ve seen. He’s pretty talented, though. Given how talented Lethal is, this should be a good match, too.)

Lethal and Carrington circled one another, with Carrington sizing Lethal up while Lethal played it cool and glanced out to the crowd. Both men pounced into a collar and elbow tie-up, which Lethal shifted into a side headlock. Carrington managed to shove Lethal off, but he responded by crashing into the ropes and rebounding into a shoulder tackle. Carrington went down, and Lethal pointed to the sky doing his signature vintage mannerisms. (Did you know Lethal has held twenty different titles? I didn’t either, but Schiavone knows!) Lethal ran the ropes. Carrington leapfrogged Lethal and then attempted an arm drag. Lethal counted that with an attempted arm drag of his own; Carrington countered that with another attempted arm drag; Lethal countered that attempt with yet another attempted arm drag which was finally successful. In fact, it was so successful that Lethal arm dragged Carrington out of the ring to the floor!

Lethal picked up speed and executed a tope suicida through the middle rope onto Carrington and LANDED ON HIS FEET! Lethal then celebrated with the Ric Flair (*facepalm emoji*) strut and then “wooed.” The crowd “wooed” back. Lethal tossed a stunned Carrington into the ring and went for a cover, but Lethal didn’t hook Carrington’s leg, and he kicked out at one. The director cut to a replay of Lethal’s suicide dive onto Carrington, which showed Carrington crash, hard, into the barricade. We cut back just as Lethal dropped Carrington with a move I didn’t catch and went for another pin. This time, Lethal made sure to hook Carrington’s leg, but he still kicked out.

Lethal picked up an agonized Carrington and attempted to put him in a side headlock. Carrington elbowed his way out of the headlock but was in too much pain to capitalize on his escape. Lethal grabbed Carrington and set him up for a vertical suplex, but Carrington escaped and hit Lethal with a step-up enzuigiri. Lethal reeled, and Carrington guided him to the middle of the ropes. Carrington rammed a forearm into Lethal’s chest, but Lethal quickly countered Carrington’s temporary dominance with a short arm reversal, whipping him into the ropes. Lethal caught a rebounding Carrington with a hip toss and went straight from that well-executed move into his signature cartwheel dropkick. Lethal briefly celebrated as the crowd applauded the action.

Lethal pulled Carrington back to his feet and put him in a belly-to-back suplex, but Carrington countered this at the last second by turning it into a crossbody block. Carrington pinned Lethal and hooked his leg with all his might, but it wasn’t enough, and Lethal kicked out. Before Carrington could gain any momentum, Lethal snapped him up in a backbreaker, but held on afterward, pulled Carrington up onto his shoulders, held him a torture rack position, and then executed a forward roll, slamming him to the mat. Lethal climbed to the top rope and dove off with a flying elbow. The crowd rumbled with excitement as Lethal rallied for his finisher.

Carrington staggered to his feet, teetered mid-ring, and looked up just as Lethal executed a Lethal Injection. Lethal hooked Carrington’s leg, pinned him to the mat, and the referee dropped down to the canvas, counting to three.

WINNER: Lethal in 3:00

(David’s Analysis: This was short but good. Carrington may look young, but he’s got skills, and Lethal has a little bit of everything. I’m still rooting for Ricky Starks on Friday, though. I like Lethal a lot, but I adore Starks, RN.) 

– After the match, they aired a hype video for CM Punk vs. MJF. I still cannot believe they are giving this match away for free.

(4) ANNA JAY vs. NIKKI VICTORY 

Dark Order’s music hit, and for some reason, I keep forgetting Anna Jay is a member of Dark Order. Dark Order accompanied Jay to the top of the ramp but stayed on stage as she made her way to the ring. Already in the ring was Nikki Victory. Jay waved at Victory in a friendly, non-condescending manner as she entered the ring. Jay then posed for the hard camera and gave the Mother Monster salute. Several little monsters in the crowd joined in.

Before the match, Victory hung on the ropes, looking Hook-levels of cocky. She scowled her way into the center of the ring, held out her arms, and I’m in love with her facial expressions, already! A chyron noted this is her AEW debut. Let’s hope she can wrestle as good as she can act!

“Nikki looks like she ate some bad soup,” Wight said.

“She needs to try that soup on Seinfeld,” Henry mused. “They got some good soup on that show.

Both competitors jumped into a collar and elbow tie-up before trading hammerlocks. Victory looked to be getting the upper hand, but Jay countered with a drop toe-hold, sending her crashing face-first into the canvas. Jay and Victory sat up on opposite sides of the ring and stared each other down. (That was a kinda cool moment.) Jay implored Victory to “come get some,” and Victory obliged with a second collar and elbow tie-up. Victory managed to strongarm Jay into the turnbuckles, cornered her there, and delivered multiple kicks to Jay’s chest until the referee forced them to break things up.

Victory nailed Jay with a forearm to the chest and then executed a snapmare takedown. Jay sat up but was too stunned to get up, and Victory ran into the ropes, executing a basement dropkick to take Jay down for a near fall. Victory looked frustrated as Jay faltered her way into the turnbuckles, hanging on them in the scarecrow position. Victory ran toward Jay, but Jay sidestepped Victory, and she crashed hard as a result. Jay seized the advantage by quickly delivering a running back elbow that crashed into Victory even harder than Victory crashed into the turnbuckles. Jay struck Victory with a forearm and Irish whipped her into the opposite corner. As soon as Victory hit the ropes, Jay hit Victory with a spinning leg lariat.

Jay grabbed Victory in a wristlock, pulled her to the center of the ring, and executed a Dangerous Jay Kick. Victory doubled over in pain, and Jay snapped her up with a Queen’s Slayer. Less than a second later, Victory tapped out.

WINNER: Jay at 78 seconds.

(David’s Analysis: This match was really, really short and hard to comment on beyond saying pretty much everything looked good. I heard the commentators say Victory is twenty-three, and it’s impressive she has such wonderful command of her character so early in her career. The entire match, Victory did a good job looking like someone you’d want to see get kicked in the face. I hope to see her back again.) 

– After the match, Jay posed for a selfie with a fan at ringside.

(5)  DANTE MARTIN & MATT SYDAL & LEE MORIARTY vs. THE FACTORY (Q.T. Marshall & Aaron Solow & Nick Comoroto) (w/Anthony Ogogo) 

(I know Q.T. Marshall is not a background character on the Simpsons, but I somehow still feel like he is.)

Q.T. Marshall & Aaron Solow & Nick Comoroto came out first with Anthony Ogogo in tow. Marshall led his team to the ring.

“I have to admit something,” Wight said. “I love The Factory’s music. Every time I hear it, I’m like, ‘Somethings about to happen!’ But then Q.T. Marshall walks out and, I’m like, ‘Damn.’” (That shade blocked out the sun.)

Matt Sydal, Dante Martin, and Lee Moriarty walked out onto the —

OMG. Now, Wight and Henry are making jokes about “twinkies,” and they need to be careful because Hook is probably backstage. Speaking of, Dante Martin led his team down the ramp, looking out at his adoring fans. Moriarty skipped behind him, and Sydal acted normal because he’s normal.

Before the match, The Factor viciously attacked team Martin, and as soon as the referee was satisfied that enough damage had taken place, he rang the bell. Moriarty and Solow were the two men left standing after the pre-match brawl, so they started things off. There wasn’t a collar and elbow tie-up or anything, though, because Solow was still whaling on a brow-beaten Moriarty.

Solow scooped Moriarty up for a bodyslam, but Moriarty landed on his feet and wrapped Solow in a waistlock. Solow executed a standing switch, but Moriarty broke free only to get caught in a side headlock. Moriarty used what leverage he had to press Solow into the ropes, sending him flying across the ring. Moriarty dropped to the canvas while Solow ran across him in one direction and then leapfrogged Solow when he ran across him the other. Moriarity then rolled across Solow’s back, grabbed his arms, and went for a cover, getting less than a one-count. Immediately after, Moriarty hit a crossbody and went for a pin of his own, also barely getting a one-count. Moriarty held Solow in a wristlock and led him to his team’s corner like a dog. There, he tagged in Sydal, and they both applied wristlocks to Solow before tripping him. Sydal performed a standing cork-screw shooting star press onto Solow.

Solow begged off and tagged in Comoroto. The moment Comoroto stepped through the ropes, Sydal nailed him with a dropkick, but he acted unphased. Sydal then motioned to his other teammates, and both of them ran into the ring so they could all three give Comoroto dropkicks, and the referee said, “Why not?” (I’m getting an ice cream headache without also getting to eat ice cream.) Martin and Moriarty ran at Comoroto because there were no rules, and he dropped them both with a double clothesline. Sydal ran at Comoroto, and he hit him with a shoulder tackle. Comoroto put Moriarty (who is not the legal man) in a front facelock and then caught Martin (also not the legal man) in with just one arm. Comoroto literally lifted Martin over his head one-handed like he weighed less than a twinkie itself, and he continued to hold him up there. (Holy $h!#) With Moriarty in a front facelock and Martin held over his head like a platter of drinks on New Year’s eve, Comoroto went for a press slam, but Sydal nailed him with a crossbody. (Why is the face team beating up the heel competitor three on one?) Then, Martin, Moriarty, and Sydal all three pinned Comoroto at the exact SAME TIME, and the referee dropped to the canvas to count. (For the love of—) Comoroto kicked out of all three men at once and rolled out of the ring to talk to his teammates. (Probably asking why Justin Roberts forgot to mention this was a Texas Tornado match.)

The referee (who suddenly cares about rules) began to count out Comoroto and ordered him to get back into the ring while all three of the other team’s members were still standing right behind him, looking at him in a threatening manner. (WTF is going on?) Finally, Marshall tagged himself in and entered the ring just as Martin and Moriarty got back on the apron. Marshall kicked Sydal in the stomach and punched him in the head. That sent Sydal into the middle rope. Marshall went for a short-arm reversal and a clothesline, but Sydal ducked, hit a tilt-a-whirl headscissors, and a spinning back kick. Marshall teetered and tottered in circles before collapsing against the turnbuckles. Sydal ran at Marshall but caught him with his shoulder and threw him onto the apron. Solow tried to rush Sydal, but Sydal slugged him off the apron and jumped up onto the top rope to execute a springboard something or other, but we’ll never know for sure because Ogogo grabbed his foot and pulled him off the ropes.

The referee had his back turned, but being a stickler for the rules and all, he demanded to know why Sydal had fallen. When he wasn’t given a satisfactory reason, he ejected Ogogo from the match. (So, all three members of team Martin can pin a guy at the same time, but if Ogogo trips someone, it’s the end of the world? Who booked this?) Marshall ran across the ring and punched the other members of team Martin off the apron, probably frustrated by the injustice of it all. Marshall then grabbed Sydal, pulled him upright, and slammed him headfirst into the top turnbuckle. With Sydal on the mend, Marshall hustled to tag in Comoroto.

Comoroto cornered Sydal and slammed a fist into his chest; he then immediately tagged Solow into the match and used Solow as a weapon, throwing him into Sydal. Solow grabbed Sydal’s neck, guided him deeper into the ring, and executed a vertical suplex. This was good for a two-count. Marshall put his boot on the top turnbuckle, and Solow slammed Sydal’s head into it. He then tagged in Marshall.

Q.T. Marshall (a man who thought bowling-shoe ugly was a TikTok challenge) planted Sydal across his knee with a backbreaker. He then looked out at the crowd, smug and smiling. With Sydal still down, Marshall got back to his feet and tagged in Comoroto. Comoroto went for a delayed vertical suplex, but Sydal countered. Undeterred, Comoroto went for a second delayed vertical suplex, and Sydal countered him a second time. Comoroto went for yet a third delayed vertical suplex, and Sydal countered him for the third time, and finally, Comoroto gave up and tagged in Marshall. Marshall ran to the face team’s corner, lashing out at both Martin and Moriarty, and knocked Moriarty to the floor. Marshall grabbed Sydal in a front facelock and tried to accomplish the vertical suplex Comoroto had already failed at multiple times. Marshall also failed, and Sydal countered his vertical suplex with a hurricanrana. Martin stretched out a hand for Sydal, and Solow reached for Marshall. The crowd clapped encouragingly and were very enthusiastic to see Martin tagged into the match.

“Here comes the human-highlight-reel himself,” Schiavone said as Kofi gave him the side-eye.

Martin jumped over the top rope, nailed Solow with a forearm, then a second forearm, and then grabbed him by his leg and flipped him into a reverse suplex. Martin ran toward the apron and kicked Comoroto so hard he fell to the floor. Solow tried to grab Martin from behind, but Martin spun around and dropkicked him like his center of gravity was a backyard trampoline. (I know it’s been a couple of weeks since we tried to guess, but I’m sticking with the idea he got bit by a radioactive spider.)

Comoroto jumped into the ring and ran toward Martin, but Martin pulled a Bad Bunny and held down the rope, causing Comoroto to overshoot him and crash to the floor. Martin then ran toward Solow, who was propped up in the corner, but Solow caught him with his shoulder and tossed him out onto the apron. Like a supernatural being (as in he can do things that are super and not natural), Martin delivered a sky-high apron enzuigiri and a galaxy-high flying crossbody off the top rope. (He almost jumped out of the frame.) Martin pinned Solow and got a two-count.

Suddenly, everyone was in the ring. (A sentence that sums up this entire match, actually.) Sydal hit Marshall with a knee lift, and Moriarty hit Comoroto with a dropkick. Both men were knocked to the floor, and Moriarty and Sydal jumped over the top rope and attempted a flying crossbody on both Marshall and Comoroto at the same time. However, both Factory members had other ideas. Marshall clocked Sydal with his forearm, and Comoroto caught, yes caught, Moriarty in midair and ran him back-first into the ring post.

Crazy stuff was also still happening in the ring — Martin blocked a kick from Solow and nailed him with a forearm. Martin then sat Solow on the top turnbuckle, Martin climbed to the top turnbuckle, planning something, but Solow shoved him off the ropes. However, instead of falling off the ropes (because Martin is Spider-man), he did a high, elegant backflip off the ropes and landed on his feet. Martin then backed all the way into the opposite corner and sprinted toward Solow, only for Marshall to jump into the ring and hit him with a pop-up forearm right in front of the referee (who is “goldfishing” the hell out of this match), knocking him senseless. Martin was about to collapse, but before he could, Comoroto speared him like he was trying to saw the man in half with his shoulder blade. (That’s gonna hurt tomorrow… and probably next week.) The moment Martin hit the mat, Solow hit him with a double stomp off the top rope. (If a man as talented as Martin dies in a match on Dark Elevation, I will be so pissed.)

Solow snatched up Martin’s leg, covered him like he was trying to push him through the canvas, and only got a two-count. (Spider-man!) The crowd exploded, and the members of The Factory looked at each other in an attempt to figure out how Martin managed to kick out of something so impossible. (They clearly haven’t read my parentheticals.) Comoroto held Martin in a backbreaker as Solow climbed to the top rope, planning to jump onto him again. However, Moriarty shoved Solow off the ropes and sent him tumbling to the mat. Moriarty jumped into the ring, and Marshall tried to take him down with a clothesline, but Moriarty ducked, executed a windmill kick into Marshall’s face, and executed a Pepsi-twist on Comoroto. Comoroto fumbled away from Moriarty only to be caught off guard by Sydal executing a flying Meteora off the top rope. Solow attempted to windmill kick Sydal, but Sydal ducked, and Solow cleared him. Solow battled to get to his feet, and just as he managed to, Sydal hit him with a roundhouse kick, and then Martin performed his absolutely death-defying finisher, The Nose Dive, to get the pin.

WINNER: Sydal & Moriarty & Martin in 8:00

(David’s Analysis: That was a lot.)  

(6) RUBY SOHO & THUNDER ROSA vs. JOSELINE NAVARRO & MEGAN MEYERS 

This is the second week we’ve gotten to see both Ruby Soho and Thunder Rosa in the same match on Dark Elevation! Those two are fantastic. Having those two in the same match is like having all nine Cullinan diamonds… and then choosing to wear them on Dark Elevation.

Rosa’s music hit first, and she came out, looking enthusiastic and pointing to her fans. Rosa stood in the center of the stage as the music switched from hers to Soho’s. Soho came out with the enthusiasm of a bug-eyed cartoon auctioneer. (And you know what? I’m here for it.) Both women made their way down the ramp as the director cut to people in the crowd applauding. The director also cut to a close-up of Rosa’s white, blue, and gold makeup, which looked flawless.

Joseline Navarro and her tag team partner, Megan Meyers, were already awaiting their arrival in the ring. A chyron noted these two women were making their tag team debut tonight. When announced, both competitors walked to the middle of the ring and acknowledged the hard camera together.

Rosa and Navarro started things off with a collar and elbow tie-up. Rosa quickly snapped Navarro in a waistlock, but Navarro spun around Rosa’s body and captured Rosa in a hammerlock. Rosa reversed the hammerlock and pulled Navarro into the face’s corner to make a tag. Soho and Rosa executed a double back leg sweep which tripped Navarro and took her to the mat. Soho then jumped into Rosa’s arms, and together, they performed a pretty impressive assisted senton. This was good enough to score Soho a two-count.

As soon as Navarro kicked out, Soho applied a front facelock but struggled to maintain control, with Navarro managing to bulldoze Soho toward the ropes. Once they reached the ropes, the referee called for a clean break, and both women obliged. However, the moment the referee turned his back, Navarro (who is being dastardly) slugged Soho. Navarro dashed toward Soho, hoping for a second blow, but Soho nailed Navarro with a forearm this time. Soho moved to take full advantage of her effective offense, but Meyers grabbed Soho from behind and nailed her with a forearm of her own. Soho crashed to the canvas, and Meyers flipped her hair with a level of haughtiness even World-Renowned-Hair Flipper Brandi Rhodes would envy. Navarro tagged in Meyers.

Meyers instantly whipped Soho to the canvas with a snapmare takeover and held on. She then applied a firm chin lock, but Soho fought like an absolute beast until she could get to her feet. Soho then executed a roll through escape, tumbled toward the face’s corner, and tagged in Rosa. Rosa came out of their corner like a bat out of hell! She ran at Meyers with a clothesline, tripped Meyers with a drop toe-hold onto the middle rope, and then slammed Meyers with a running dropkick to her back. (Great sequence there. Also, great commentary. I could listen to Wight, and Henry chat all day.)

Rosa stepped around Meyer’s crumpled body and slugged the daylights out of Navarro on the apron. Fully in control, Rosa swept Meyer’s legs, propped her on the bottom rope, and delivered a Shibata dropkick to Meyers. (Before executing this particular move, Rosa made eye contact with Meyers, pointed at her own eyes, and telegraphed her contempt perfectly. Thunder Rosa is so good at what she does; she’s a one-woman show. I can’t wait for her to finally win AEW gold. And if she doesn’t eventually win AEW gold… I will write a very, very strongly worded email and send it directly to my drafts folder.)

Rosa dragged a still conscious and struggling Meyers into the middle of the ring, hooked her leg, and pinned her with a look of determination, but Meyers kicked out at two! (It took so much force to kick out, she screamed as she did so!) Entirely undiscouraged, Rosa swept up a defiant Meyers and set her up for a Fire Thunder Driver. However, Meyers punched Rosa’s knee to escape. (I’ve never seen someone escape the Fire Thunder Driver like that, but it makes sense — she’s being held upside down, and her captor’s knee is right there.)

Rosa hurried back to the face’s corner and tagged in Soho. Meyers chased after Rosa, but by the time she got to her, Soho was already at the ready and kicked Meyers through the ropes as she got into the ring. Soho then grabbed both of Meyers’ legs, took her down with a double leg takedown, and catapulted her into a dropkick executed by Rosa. Despite how fun that looked, it was only good for a one-count because Navarro (still being dastardly) broke up the pin. Rosa stepped in to even things up, and Navarro charged at her with a clothesline, but Rosa ducked the clothesline! Rosa then whirled around, kicked Navarro’s stomach, doubled her over, and delivered a stunner worthy of Stone Cold Steve Austin himself!

“Wow!” Schiavone said.

“There you go,” Wight agreed. (I hope Wight makes another appearance on “Busted Open Radio” soon.)

Soho put Meyers in a quick wristlock and tugged her toward the face corner. There, she tagged in Rosa. As soon as Soho made the tag, she hit Meyers with her No Future Finisher. Rosa then caught Meyers as she fell, scooped her up, and executed a knee-punch-free Fire Thunder Driver to pick up the win. (Soho, Rosa, Meyers, and Navarro did a great job managing the time they were given here.)

WINNER: Soho & Rosa in 4:00

(David’s Analysis: There’s been a lot of good action tonight, especially in the Dante Martin match, but I have to say I particularly enjoyed this one more. While this match wasn’t as elaborate as Team Martin vs. The Factory, it told a more cohesive and easily digestible story. Despite it taking me twenty hours to write this way-too-long report, I wish they’d given Rosa and Soho a couple of more minutes here — they deserve it.) 

– After the match, Mercedes Martinez’s music hit, and she walked out on stage just as Rosa and Soho were having their arms raised. Martinez mocked Rosa from the stage, offering her very, very fake congratulations. (That looked like the kind of congratulations you often see texted alongside a dozen “vomit-horn” emojis. What even is that emoji? Why do we send it to people when we congratulate them, and why did it eat so much confetti before arriving?) Rosa went to the edge of the ring as Soho and the referee tried to prevent a full-scale fight from breaking out. Martinez pointed to her face and said something along the lines of, “I’m watching you.” Schiavone said, “Let them go at it; let them go at it!” (Martinez vs. Rosa is another match I’m really looking forward to, and I cannot believe how much AEW gives away for free.)

(7) SERPENTICO vs. PENTA El ZERO MIEDO. (w/Alex Abrahantes) 

Serpentico came out by himself again. (Did Luther and Serpentico have a falling out? Was it something Luther did?) Serpentico pointed at the ring as he made his way down the ramp, and the commentators noted that Serpentico was alone.

“You know, and I say this a lot,” Wight said, “pound for pound, Serpentico is one of the toughest guys in AEW.”

Serpentico shot non-edible streamers from his hands, and Penta El Zero Miedo’s music hit. Penta came to the ring with Alex Abrahantes and spat water as his pyro roared to life in spectacular fashion. The director cut to several shots of audience members cheering fervently. Penta played to the crowd by cupping his ear, pointing to people, and even smiling; the crowd ate it up. (It’s actually a little heartwarming to see how excited they were. He deserves this.)

The bell rang, and both men circled one another, but the crowd was so enthusiastic they both took a beat so that Penta could look out at them again. This caused the fans to begin chanting for Penta.

“Oh, he hears them!” Henry said. “That’s reinforcement.”

Penta and Serpentico (who was politely allowing this to happen) went back to sizing one another up. Penta did his hand sign in Serpentico’s face, and Serpentico lunged toward him with a clothesline, but Penta ducked. Serpentico tried for a second clothesline, and Penta ducked a second time. Serpentico viciously chopped Penta’s chest, but Penta no-sold it, and Serpentico began to beg for mercy. Penta told Serpentico to hang on a second, and Serpentico did so (again, politely). Penta pulled off his glove in elaborate fashion and tossed it to Alex, who caught it at ringside. To thank Serpentico for his polite patience, Penta chopped the ever-loving **** out of his chest. After a single chop, Serpentico struggled to remain standing, crouched down, and collapsed onto his side. (Poor Serpentico.)

When Serpentico made it back to his feet, Penta offered him a free shot. Serpentico did the “shhh” thing wrestlers do before chopping someone. (This is not going to end well for Serpentico). He then chopped Penta with what I’m guessing was all of his might, but Penta looked incredulous at best. Serpentico chopped Penta again, and now Penta looked confused like he was a parent watching a clown at his child’s birthday party but did not order a clown. Serpentico chopped Penta two more times, and still, Penta stood there stoically wearing his why-is-there-an-uninvited-clown-here face.

The clown, I mean Serpentico, turned to the referee, exasperated. Serpentico shrugged the most adorable shrug, and I’m just now realizing I would buy a Serpentico Beanie Baby in a heartbeat. (Remember Beanie Babies? It’s okay; no one else does either.) Serpentico turned back to Penta to inquire about chopping him again, but Penta decided it was only fair that he give Serpentico one chop for every five of his. Penta hit Serpentico with a single chop, and Serpentico froze like a living statue in Antarctica and toppled over like a felled tree.

“Aubrey Edwards, the referee, is checking in to see if he’s okay,” Schiavone said.

Worried he might have murdered a man, Penta looked out at the audience, which quickly roared to life with coldblooded reassurance. Serpentico took this moment to attempt to crawl out of the ring and to the safety of his locker room which I assume is a dungeon in Luther’s basement. Penta glimpsed Serpentico’s attempted escape out of the corner of his eye and grabbed hold of his ankle, dragging him back into the ring. (Poor Serpentico.)

BTW, if you think nothing much is happening, RN, you’re kinda right, but it’s very still entertaining. I can’t explain why; however, the crowd is definitely agreeing with me on this. (Ad populum fallacy, FTW!)

Penta tossed Poor Serpentico into the turnbuckles and ran toward him. You could almost see Serpentico’s soul shrink in real-time as Penta executed a running enzuigiri, a monkey flip, and a second monkey flip because why not? He’s only trying to be alive here. Poor Serpentico wisely rolled outside the ring to regroup, but Penta jumped over the top rope, landed on the apron, and delivered a superkick to Poor Serpentico’s head. Penta jumped out of the ring to go after Poor Serpentico, and ringside fans cheered for him. Penta turned to kindly acknowledge his fans’ adulation before grabbing Poor Serpentico and throwing him against the ring post. Penta then landed a chop so stiff that his opponent slid down the pole like a dead stripper. Penta then moved to kick said opponent but missed, and his leg crashed into the metal ring post (Rich Serpentico?)

Somehow, someway, with the unfettered determination of my cat at 4 am, Serpentico rallied his strength and chased after a hobbling Penta. RichSerpentico nailed him with a forearm, a double hammer, and five right hands. He then celebrated his newfound luck as the referee ordered him to move things back into the ring. Rich Serpentico agreed with the referee and pulled a Penta back in. He then climbed to the top turnbuckle and dove toward Penta, but Penta rolled out of the way. Rich Serpentico landed on his feet but didn’t stay surefooted for long because Penta caught him with his shoulder and launched him into the air with a belly-to-back suplex. Rather than crashing into the mat, Serpentico crashed into the turnbuckles. (Poor Serpentico.)

Penta took hold of Serpentico’s leg and covered him to score a pinfall, but he kicked out. (For the love of God, stay down!) Penta picked up Serpentico, probably planning a double arm hook, but Serpentico squirmed away, grabbed Penta’s arm, and hit him with a thrust kick. Serpentico then whipped Penta into a far corner and ran at him. Serpentico tried to punch Penta, but Penta moved slightly to the left. Serpentico tried to punch Penta a second time, but Penta moved slightly to the right. Serpentico tried to punch Penta a third time, but Penta (did the hokey-pokey and) turned himself around. He grabbed Serpentico by the waist and applied a brief waistlock, but Serpentico made a feverish effort to escape and managed to pull off a standing switch. Penta pulled out of Serpentico’s grasp, and Serpentico superkicked him, grabbed his torso, and executed a flatliner for a two-count. (I’m surprised that wasn’t a one-count given how things are going for Serpentico.)

“That was the closest I’ve seen him come to beating a major guy since I’ve been here in AEW,” Henry said. (That makes me sad.)

The crowd began clapping for Penta, and Serpentico waved a “no, no” finger at them (That was actually a neat little moment there. Serpentico is underrated.) Serpentico went up to the top rope (oh dear) to execute a senton bomb (not good), but Penta got his knees up (sounds right) and managed to turn Poor Serpentico into Bankrupt Serpentico. Penta then executed an immediate sling blade on Bankrupt Serpentico. (This guy’s chest was bright red.) Penta pinned Serpentico and got a one, two — Oh, come on! STAY DOWN! Dogs have a better chance at winning cars than you have at winning this match. Please stay down and save yourself!

Penta and Serpentico traded forearms as the crowd chanted “yay” and “boo” like they did in the Brandi Rhodes match, but this time they were not confused. Serpentico tried to run the ropes, but Penta instantly caught him with a svelte dropkick. Penta celebrated with his signature hand sign, but that momentary lull allowed Bankrupt Serpentico the chance to muster enough resources to deliver a dropkick of his own. Penta staggered, tried to hold himself up on the ropes, and then fell through the ropes and to the floor. (Poor Penta.)

Serpentico tried to rally the crowd for a tope suicida, and they actually started clapping for him. (Good job!) Serpentico ran the ropes to build up speed, and suicide dove to the outside only for Penta to catch him in a perfectly perpendicular position. (OMG) Penta went to press slam Serpentico and then paused when a group of heartless, loveless, maniacal fans pointed to the steel barricade and suggested he press slam Serpentico onto it. (You’re going to hell for that.) Penta carried out the wishes of his conscienceless fans who have needle holes for hearts, and Serpentico crashed into the guardrail.

Everyone (and by everyone, I mean me) felt deep sympathy for Poor Serpentico, a kind but unfortunate man who gives us so much and yet receives so little. Penta then rolled Serpentico back into the ring, doubled him over, put his head near his knees, and executed a Fear Factor. With Serpentico as broken as my heart after prom, Penta hooked his leg, held him down, and the referee counted to three.

WINNER: Penta (w/Alex Abrahantes) in 6:00

(David’s Analysis: That was a really good example of how to have an extremely entertaining match at a reasonable pace without turning it into a spot-fest. Amazingly, the people who gave us that match were two of AEW’s most spot-prone wrestlers. Nonetheless, if you can only catch one Dark Elevation match this week, this is probably the one I’m going to recommend in my “final thoughts” section.) 

FINAL THOUGHTS: First: a quick shout out to Cleveland! I love that city because Cleveland is where I won Mr. Northeast USofA, which means I now have something in common with Sammy Guevara! We both won titles (of drastically varying significance) in Cleveland, Ohio!

Second: If you can only catch one match, check out Penta vs. Serpentico; if you can only catch two matches, check out Soho & Rosa vs. Navarro & Meyers, and if you can only catch three matches, check out Team Martin vs. The Factory. But honestly, if you have the time, watch the entire episode. It might surprise you. Watching Dark and Elevation is like watching a documentary about how much these people love what they do. There is no other reason I can fathom that someone would put this much effort into even the smallest of things. I fully understand why most people don’t watch Dark or Dark Elevation. There are only so many hours in a week! But shows like this kind of make me wish I could add just a few hours more.

Thank you all for reading. I truly appreciate it. And as always, I’m still working on my sign-off, but until next week: remember, when the going gets tough, and the ride gets rough, stop reading this in your car; you’re gonna have a wreck!