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KELLER’S AEW DYNAMITE REPORT
MAY 11, 2022
AIRED LIVE ON TBS
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tony Schiavone, Excalibur
Ring Announcer: Justin Roberts
-After the Dynamite opening aired, Jim Ross excitedly introduced the show as the camera panned the crowd.
(1) ADAM COLE vs. DAX HARWOOD – Owen Hart Foundation Tournament Round One match
Cole’s ring introduction took place. Dax walked out with an ROH Tag Team Title belt and a AAA Tag Team Title belt. They showed Martha Hart sitting in the audience watching. Excalibur plugged the Owen Hart Foundation website. They brawled at ringside a few minutes in, with Cole getting most of the offense. They cut to a split-screen break at 5:00. [c/ss]
Cole controlled the action in the ring during the break. Cole shoved Dax in the head. Dax began to show some fight and landed two unreleased German suplexes. Cole landed one himself. Dax then landed his third. Both were down and slow to get up. Dax went for a top rope move, but when Cole moved, he landed on his feet. He then hit a slingshot powerbomb for a near fall.
Cole came back with a brainbuster onto his knee for a two count at 10:00. Cole caught Dax leaping off the middle rope with a superkick for a two count. Dax leveraged Cole’s shoulders down for a two count next. Excalibur said Dax made Cole pay for an arrogant cover. An “AEW” chant rang out briefly.
When Dax went for a sharpshooter, Cole upkicked him. Dax countered a Panama Sunrise attempt into a piledriver for a near fall. Dax then applied a sharpshooter mid-ring. Cole powered his way toward the bottom rope. Schiavone noted Dax grabbed at his ribs and seconds later he had to release the hold. Cole knocked Dax off the ring apron. Dax clutched his ribs on the floor. Dax rolled into the ring at the count of nine.
Cole applied a sharpshooter mid-ring. Dax reached for the bottom rope, but Cole dragged him back to the center. He then tapped out. They showed Martha Hart reacting to the finish. Excalibur noted that Cole will face the winner of Jeff Hardy vs. Darby Allin which takes place later in the show.
WINNER: Cole in 15:00.
(Keller’s Analysis: Really good match. The pace early required some patience for viewers who aren’t heavily invested in the outcome, and I don’t know that Dax as a babyface has been established enough with a big part of the audience.)
-A video package aired hyping Darby vs. Hardy, with soundbites from each. Darby said nobody wants to see him and Jeff exchange headlocks. He said they’re more stunt men than wrestlers. Hardy said their chemistry will “embrace one another.” Hardy said he’s been studying Darby for a while. Darby said people want to see him go to the hospital, and he wants to. He said he asked Tony Khan to make it a no rules match so they can just be psychotic.
-They showed the hosts of “Impractical Jokers” in the front row, Casey Jost and Brian “Q” Quinn.
-“Hangman” Adam Page made his ring entrance. Hangman joined the announcers on commentary.
(2) C.M. PUNK vs. JOHN SILVER
Punk made his ring entrance first. He wore a New York Islander Tavares jersey and looked at the crowd as if he was wondering if he could be forgiven. He yelled, “It’s clobbering time.” Fans booed. Hangman said, “This warms my cold heart.” Ross asked if Punk cares he’s being booed. Hangman said he doesn’t think he does. (The timing of this is so weird, because Hangman leaned heel last week, and now he’s got to do commentary for a Punk match where Punk is in the one city where he’s a heel.) Silver came out second, accompanied by fellow Dark Order members on the stage.
Punk rolled to the floor seconds into the match and cupped his ears to encourage the boos and catcalls. Silver punched away at Punk in the corner at 2:00. Punk fired back with a clothesline out of the corner. They cut to a split-screen break. [c/ss]
Punk methodically controlled the action during the break and settled into a chinlock. Back from the break, Silver avoided a charging Punk and so Punk crashed in the corner. Silver threw some round kicks at Punk. Punk went for a backslide, but Silver slipped free and landed several more kicks followed by a brainbuster for a two count. Ross said this has turned into “one hell of a wrestling match.” Ross said Punk has bitten off more than he perceived he would.
Silver played to the crowd. Punk countered a Spin Doctor set-up with a high round kick to the head. Ross said it didn’t catch Silver as much as he’d like. Fans loudly broke into a dueling chant of “Johnny Hungy / C.M. Punk.” Punk then hit Silver with a Buckshot Lariat for the sudden win.
WINNER: Punk in 8:00.
-Hangman headed to the ring, angry that Punk utilized his signature finisher. Ross said Hangman was pissed. Hangman got in Punk’s face. Punk asked if he was mad. He said it sounds like he’s taking this a little personal. Punk said he doesn’t know why the fans of Long Island don’t like him. He said when it comes to them and him and the title, it’s not personal, it’s just business. He said he used to wake up every morning and ask himself if he was a good guy. He said this morning he woke up and asked himself, “Are you the champ? And my answer was yes.” He said Hangman said last week he wouldn’t shake his hand, but he’d destroy him. Punk said what he did to Silver is a blueprint for what he’ll do to him at Double or Nothing. He said he’ll shake his hand after he beats him at Double or Nothing, whether he’s conscious or unconscious. Hangman gave Punk a middle finger gesture and then left the ring.
-Schiavone interviewed Jamie Hayter, Britt Baker, and Rebel backstage. Baker complained about having to wrestle against a mystery opponent. She said she doesn’t care, though, because she’ll win. Schiavone said if they both win, they’ll face each other in the semi-finals. Baker said if that happens, it’ll be a fair fight and “the better female will win.”
(3) DANHAUSSEN vs. “PREMIERE ATHLETE” TONY NESE (w/”Smart” Mark Sterling)
Danhaussen made his ring entrance. Justin Roberts said he claims to be over 6-7 and over 300 pounds and is “very nice, very evil.” Ross said he’s a strange duck.” Excalibur said it’s the long-awaited debut of Danhaussen. Nese flexed. Danhaussen threatened to cast a spell. Sterling protested, which distracted Danhaussen briefly. Nese then hit him with a running forearm and a running knee in the corner for a sudden three count. Ross said, “What an auspicious debut for Danhaussen.”
WINNER: Nese in under 1:00.
-Sterling asked fans if they are shocked. He said he’s not. Sterling said to Nese, “This guy got an entrance, but you didn’t. What do you think of that?” Nese hit Danhaussen with another running knee. Sterling said Danhaussen has to pay the price of all the “internet meme wrestlers.” Hook marched determinedly to the ring to his music. Nese and Sterling left as Hook checked on Danhaussen. Ross said fans have embraced Hook as rapidly as anyone he can remember in a long, long time. He said he’s a talented athlete. Danhaussen offered a handshake to Hook. Hook shook his hand. Fans popped. Hook then quickly left the ring. Excalibur wondered if they will see Hookhaussen after all.
-Excalibur plugged the Wardlow-MJF contract signing is up next. [c]
-Wardlow was escorted to the ring by security. He was handcuffed. The big screen on the stage said, “Boo Wardlow.” Chris Jericho’s voice then narrated a video package with a graphic that said: “Next season on Dark Side of the Ring…” Then clips aired of the MJF-Wardlow saga, Taz, Jake Roberts, and Barry Horowitz (who called Sean Dean a jobber).
Ross said he’s not sure what to say about what they just saw. Schiavone said it was propaganda.
MJF made his ring entrance. He wore a New York Islander jersey and a scarf. The announcers talked about how MJF is actually cheered in Long Island and how baffling it is. MJF entered the ring and asked for them to cut his music. MJF said, “I love you crazy sons of bitches.” He said unfortunately they now have to talk to Wardlow. Boos. They sat on the end of a long table, President Putin style. MJF said it’s a David vs. Goliath story. He said he’s slightly smaller, but more jacked and skilled and Salt of the Earth and Jewish. He called Long Island the most magical place in the world. He called Wardlow “a big, dumb, stupid oaf.”
MJF said he has to go over the rules of their match. He said if Wardlow can beat him at Double or Nothing, he’ll let him out of his contract with him. He said they have the opportunity to show the world what Long Islanders are all about. He said under no circumstances would he want everyone to stand up and boo Wardlow out of the arena every time he tries to talk. He repeated it for the people in the cheap seats. “You’re poor, but you’re still beautiful.”
MJF told Wardlow the floor is his. Fans stood and booed. MJF said it’s so weird that he can’t hear Wardlow. He told Wardlow, “You’re kind of the worst.” He added, “And karma is coming your way when it comes to these conditions after everything you did back in the day to my best friend, ‘The American Roller Coaster’ Cody Rhodes.” Fans ohhh’d. MJF said, “Guys, you don’t want me to talk about 2024? Don’t worry about it. Neither does the guy in the back.”
He brought up Shawn Spears and asked him how many times he’s gong to whip Wardlow. Spears flashed his ten fingers at Wardlow like his “Perfect Ten” gimmick in NXT. He said if he can manage to get past ten whippings, he’ll have to wrestle Spears in a cage. He called Wardlow a dipshit for laughing because he’s 0-2 in cage matches. He revealed he will be the special referee for that cage match.
MJF said if gets past that and wrestles him at Double or Nothing, if he loses to him, he can never sign an AEW contract. He asked Wardlow if he wants to still sign. Wardlow acted nonplussed and tried to sign the contract. He had handcuffs on and said he couldn’t grip the pen. MJF agreed to let security remove the cuffs. “Sign the contract, pig, sign the contract,” MJF said.
Wardlow stood and signed the contract. Wardlow didn’t let security cuff him again. Instead, he beat up the security guys as MJF cowered behind Spears in the corner. Wardlow cleared the ring, then looked at Spears who had a chair in hand. Wardlow punched a charging Spears. MJF then tried to dive out of the ring, but Wardlow caught him. Sterling leaped onto Wardlow’s back to prevent a powerbomb. MJF and Spears walked up the ramp as Wardlow removed his shirt and then powerbombed Sterling through the table. [c]
-A vignette aired on the Samoa Joe feud with Satnum Singh, Jay Lethal, and Sonjay Dutt. Samoa Joe said when he is done winning the Owen Hart Tournament, he will come after them and settle things his way.
(Keller’s Analysis: That calm, intense Joe is much more intimidating and scary than when he’s yelling and frothing at the mouth. Few are more intimidating than Joe when he’s staying calm and just pierces the camera with those intense eyes.)
(3) “ABSOLUTE” RICKY STARKS vs. JUNGLE BOY
When Jungle Boy came out, Ross talked about him getting bigger. Taz joined the commentators. As they fought to ringside a few minutes in, they cut to a split-screen break. [c/ss]
JB applied a Snare Trap mid-ring a few minutes later. Starks reached the bottom rope to force a break. Starks went to ringside and grabbed his FTW Title belt. Swerve Strickland ran to ringside. As the ref ordered him to the back, JB rolled up Starks for a visual fall. When JB stood to check on the ref, Starks hit his finisher for the win.
WINNER: Starks at 10:00.
-Afterward, Luchasaurus came to the ring to check on JB. Ross said Strickland had no business at ringside. Luchasaurus didn’t seem sympathetic to Swerve as he tried to explain himself. Keith Lee’s entrance theme played. He stood next to Swerve. Meanwhile, Powerhouse Hobbs and Starks stood together at ringside. JB and Luchasaurus stood together, joined by Christian, in the ring. Ross touted Hobbs’s more streamlined physique. [c]
-The Jericho Appreciation Society entered the ring. Fans sang along. Angelo Parker and Matt Menard talked a bit on the mic. Ross asked why they were yelling. Jericho said there are a lot of hometown heroes there tonight. He said he is one of them. He said he was born down the road. He said he moved away pretty quickly “because this place is a dump.” He told the booing fans they know it’s true. He threatened to throw a fireball in the face of a heckling fan. “Because I’m a wizard!” Jericho said. “We did exactly what we said we were going to do.” He claimed they eliminated Santana, Ortiz, and Eddie Kingston. He told them to stay at home.
Daniel Garcia said sports entertainers beat pro wrestlers every single time. Jon Moxley’s entrance music played and he walked out. Excalibur said Moxley and Kingston are friends. Bryan Danielson, Wheeler Yuta, and William Regal then came out. Jericho said it’s “four of you and five of us.” Santana, Ortiz, and Kingston then showed up on the ring apron behind them. Kingston had red burn marks all over his eyes. Fans chanted “You f—ed up!” as Jericho & Co. were surrounded. They were attacked from both sides. Regal even got a punch in on Jericho, which popped the crowd. J.A.S. retreated up the ramp.
-A vignette aired on Serena Deeb with Dustin Rhodes, Ross, and Schiavone commenting on her challenging Thunder Rosa at Double or Nothing.
-They went to the announcers on camera who hyped the Hardy vs. Darby main event and Storm vs. Hayter up first.
(4) JAMIE HAYTER vs. TONI STORM – Owen Hart Foundation Tournament match
Hayter was joined on the stage by Baker and Rebel. They showed Martha Hart again. Storm made her entrance. Ross said it’s hard to believe Storm is a 12 year veteran. He said she’s been traveling and working as a wrestler since she was a teenager. Hayter grounded Storm in the opening seconds and applied a headlock. Storm countered into a front chancery. They stood and battled in a Greco-Roman lock-up. Hayter powered Storm down. Storm dropkicked Hayter to the floor and then threw her back into the ring. Hayter kneed Storm off the ring apron as she tried to re-enter. They cut to a split-screen break at 2:00. [c/ss]
Hayter battered Storm during the break including throwing her into the turnbuckle head-first twice. Hayter showboated afterward. Back from the break, Storm took over with a tornado DDT off the ring apron onto the mat at ringside. Storm threw Hayter back into the ring quickly and then climbed to the top rope and leaped off with a crossbody for a near fall. They cut to Martha Hart again, who smiled for the camera. Ross talked about remembering when Martha and Owen got married. Hayter caught Storm with a sudden chokeslam backbreaker for a two count. Storm countered by suplexing Hayter. They battled on the ring apron next where Hayter chokeslammed Storm on the edge on the ring apron. Hayter superplexed Storm into the ring. Storm surprised Hayter with a sudden inside cradle for a two count. After Hayter escaped a backslide, Storm caught Hayter with a quick Storm Zero spike piledriver for the win. They showed an applauding Martha Hart.
WINNER: Storm to advance in 9:00.
-Excalibur plugged Rampage would feature Riho vs. Ruby Soho, Death Triangle vs. Butcher & Blade & Marq Queen, Shawn Spears vs. Bear Boulder, and Scorpio Sky vs. Frankie Kazarian for the TNT Title. A soundbite aired with Sky who said there can only be one face of TNT. Sammy Guevara and Tay Conti interrupted a backstage interview with Kaz. Sammy said Sky is going to backstab him and he can’t trust him. Kaz said he’s been around a long time and he knows who to trust. “So go be unlikable somewhere else,” Kaz said. Sammy said he’d see him later. Kaz told Sammy his vlog sucks.
-Excalibur plugged the Double or Nothing line-up which now includes Nese & Sterling vs. Danhaussen & Hook. Next week’s Dynamite will feature Wardlow taking 10 lashes from MJF, Samoa Joe vs. a mystery opponent, Kyle O’Reilly vs. Rey Fenix, Cole vs. the winner of Hardy vs. Darby, and Hangman Page vs. Konosuke Takeshita with Punk on commentary. [c]
(5) DARBY ALLIN vs. JEFF HARDY – Owen Hart Foundation Tournament match
Darby landed a running dropkick at the bell, then dove through the ropes onto Hardy a second later with lightning speed. He pulled a bunch of chairs out from under the ring and set up several of them at ringside. Hardy recovered during that time and dropped Darby chest-first onto the ringside steps. Hardy whipped Darby toward the ringside steps, but Darby somersaulted over the stairs. Hardy came right back with a clothesline to drop him. They cut to a split-screen break. [c/ss]
They battled over a ladder during the break. Hardy won the battle and slammed Darby onto the rows of chairs at ringside. He then climbed to the top of the ladder. Darby got up and climbed the ladder and pulled on Hardy’s legs and crotched him over the top rope. Darby then leaped off the ladder with a flip dive onto Hardy and the gathering of chairs on the floor. The crowd roared. Both were down and slow to get up. Excalibur said it was tough to tell who got the worse of it, but it appeared to be Darby. Ross touted how loaded the tournament is.
Darby threw Hardy into the ring and set up a Coffin Drop, but Hardy moved to the ring apron. Darby went for the Coffin Drop on the apron, but Hardy moved and Darby took the impact. He gasped for breath at ringside as the ref and Sting checked on him. Hardy put Darby on the stairs, which were set on their side. He then leaped off the top rope with a Swanton, but Darby moved and Hardy landed hard on the stairs. Ross said the anatomy wasn’t meant to absorb that punishment, but neither wrestler cares. Darby dragged Hardy into the ring and landed a Coffin Drop for a near fall. Hardy then leveraged Darby’s shoulders down for a sudden crucfix pin. Ross called it one of the best matches ever on Dynamite.
WINNER: Hardy in 11:00 to advance.
-As the Hardys celebrated, Undisputed Elite gathered on the stage and eyed them. The Hardys yelled back at them.