MCMAHON’S IMPACT REPORT 3/2: Lashley vs. Barnett for the World Title, Jade vs. Rosemary, Lee vs. Everett


McMahon’s Impact Wrestling Report
March 2, 2017
Taped at Orlando Studios (Orlando, Fla.)
Aired on PopTV

Announcers: Josh Mathews & “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero

[HOUR ONE]

— Impact opened with Lashley and Josh Barnett walking into the arena.

— In-arena: Jade and Rosemary are introduced for tonight’s opening contest, which will be the Jade vs. Rosemary last knockout standing match for the Knockouts Title.

(1) JADE vs. ROSEMARY — Last Knockout Standing match for the TNA Knockouts Championship

The match begins with Jade running and attacking Rosemary on the entrance stage. Jade hits a dive through the ropes to the outside. Pope digs at Mathews calling himself the “greatest announcer of all-time.” Rosemary goes under the ring and brings a trashcan into the ring along with a kendo stick. Rosemary hits a running forearm in the corner. Pope talked about how superior the female athletes in Impact are. Rosemary perches the trashcan on a seated Jade in the corner. Rosemary them connects with a dropkick off the top rope into the trashcan but Jade makes it up at six. Jade powerbombs Rosemary into the trashcan but Rosemary makes it up. Jade comes off the top but Rosemary spits mist into Jade’s face. Rosemary hits a Red Wedding but Jade gets up at 9. Rosemary hits a big elbow on Jade. Rosemary drops Jade with a Red Wedding on the outside of the ring but Jade makes it up at 9-1/2. Jade runs Rosemary into the ringpost. Jade tries to clean out her eyes with water under the ring. Jade spits water into Rosemary’s face and powerbombs her off the apron and onto the steps but Rosemary gets up. Jade and Rosemary continue to brawl on the stage. Jade tried to powerbomb Rosemary again, but Rosemary spits more mist in Jade’s face. Rosemary hits a third Red Wedding, this time on the ramp and Earl Hebner reaches a 10 count.

WINNER: Rosemary in 11:00.

After the match, Jade is fallen on the stage while Rosemary raises the belt high on the ramp. Mathews says specifically that this is the end of the rivalry.

— Backstage: Moose said that last week Cody let jealousy get the best of him. Moose said Cody picked the wrong person to start a fight with.

Still to come: Lashley vs. Josh Barnett.

Next: The Expedition of Gold continues.

[Commercial]

— Matt is in Cameron, N.C. with Jeff, Reby, Vanguard 1, King Maxel and Senor Benjamin. Matt said they are at his personal zoo in order to spend time together. Matt told Jeff to test the strength of Matt’s abilities, which are living inside Jeff’s vessel. Matt tells Jeff to test the powers against Vincent Van Gogh, who is currently housed inside an obsolete mule.

— In-arena: Moose said he doesn’t care what club Cody is a part of. Moose said that Cody is a big, old, ugly bitch. Moose said that Cody would regret the day he decided to mess with Moose. Mathews sort of insinuates that it’s a little cowardly to say this stuff because Cody isn’t there. All of a sudden, Cody runs in from the crowd and jumps Moose. Moose and Cody brawl in the ring and lay out security so that they can continue fighting. Moose powerbombs a security guard over the top to the outside. The brawl then spills to the outside. More security run out and separate Moose and Cody, but Moose and Cody end up getting free and brawling again. Andrew Everett, Robbie E, Jessie Godderz and others are now out for the pull-apart.

Brandi confronts Cody and screams for him to stop. Cody said he was calm and he was leaving on his own. Cody grabbed Josh Mathews and flung him across the mat on the outside. Moose then hits a huge dive on Cody and all the security around him. Cody got up and grabbed Brandi, heading to the back.

[Commercial]

— Back from the break, James Storm is coming to the ring. Josh Mathews said that he has a broken rib possibly, but he’s back on the air. He said any other wrestler in history would leave the announce position right now, but not him. He talked more about how he was the greatest.

(2) JAMES STORM vs. JESSIE GODDERZ

Godderz has control of the offense early in the match. During the match, Pope and Josh are talking more about potential announce changes rather than paying attention to the match. Mathews said a lot of people want to see Don West replace Pope. Godderz tries to lock on an Adonis Crab while the announcers pay no attention. Kingston runs down and distracts Godderz, allowing Storm to get in control. Storm rolls Godderz to the outside and Kingston gets in some shots. Mathews is back to talking about announce changes, and said that Jeremy Borash needs to go. Pope says to focus on the action. Godderz hits a series of clotheslines. Kingston ends up in the ring and Godderz tosses him, but there’s no DQ. Godderz locks on an Adonis Crab but the referee is too occupied trying to roll Kingston out of the ring. Bram runs in and clubs Godderz with a chair. Storm hits a Last Call for the win.

WINNER: James Storm in 6:00.

After the match, D.C.C. celebrates while Godderz rolls to the outside.

Next: Trevor Lee vs. Andrew Everett for the X Division Title.

[Commercial]

— Back from the break, Trevor Lee is making his ring entrance.

(3) TREVOR LEE vs. ANDREW EVERETT — X Division Title match

The further we go into the show, the more heelish Mathews is acting. Now he’s talking about how he likes that Helms and Lee cut Everett out of the group because this is all about making money. He never explains how Everett was losing Helms and Lee money, though. Everett hits a dive on the outside and then goes back in the ring and hits a second dive. Everett hits a springboard moonsault off the top and to the outside. Everett rolls Lee into the ring. Everett and Lee collide and both are down. Lee gets back to his feet first and throws punches at Everett. Pope said that the new owners will be at Impact next week and changes are happening. Mathews now all of a sudden sounds nervous. “Keith in the truck” is now getting heat from Josh for telling Pope and not him. Pope tells Mathews to go tweet about his greatness. Meanwhile, the match (remember that?) Lee is stomping on Everett. Lee tried for a German but Everett landed on his feet. Everett connects with a springboard dropkick. Everett hit a huge frankensteiner but Helms grabbed the official, to prevent the count. Pope said that Lee’s neck might be broken. Everett goes to the top rope and tried for a shooting star press but Lee got his knees up and rolled Everett into a pin while holding tights.

WINNER: Trevor Lee in 7:00.

After the match, Lee gets his hand raised on the outside by Helms.

— Back at the Hardy zoo, Jeff is walking around a bunch of mules looking for Vincent Van Gogh. Jeff said they are all obsolete mules. A llama comes over, and Jeff tells “Dali” to get away. Vincent Van Gogh tells Jeff to get a shark and keep it in his salt water pool. Jeff then begins eating the food he was feeding the mules. Jeff has a premonition and said they will be outnumbered so the whole platoon much go now. Jeff said they need to go right now, and their next journey will be outnumbered. Vanguard 1 then teleports them.

[Commercial]

— The teleportation is complete, and they’re at a flea market. Jeff said the place is infested with fleas, so a wrestling match must be close. Matt said it was good that they did not teleport to a bingo hall. Matt and Jeff go outside where there is a bunch of fans, and Matt is asking where the tag team champions are?

— Still to come: Lashley vs. Barnett.

[HOUR TWO]

— OK, so we’re back with the Hardys. Matt and Jeff are asking everyone if they are the tag team champions. Matt demands to see the promoter, and they tell him that they must face their tag team champions tonight. Elsewhere, Senor Benjamin is asking a team for their autograph. The promoter said that the No. 1 contenders won a tournament. Senor Benjamin is shown using a taser on the No. 1 contenders. The promoter said there was no budget to pay them. Jeff said that money is for marks, and this is an expedition for gold. Matt and Jeff walk up on the tag team champions. Matt said they are the new opponents. “The Ecktourage” doesn’t seem too happy about this.

Senor Benjamin sets up fireworks. The Ecktourage enters the arena, followed by Matt and Jeff. This match is coming from MCW Pro Wrestling. It’s another music-video style match, with rapid-fire highlights being shown, essentially. The No. 1 contenders wake up and bring Matt out of the arena, bringing him out back and beating him up with a bunch of weapons. That leaves Matt alone in the ring. Backstage, Jeff and Senor Benjamin threaten the old No. 1 contenders with fireworks. They chase them out of the building and shoot fireworks at them. In the ring, Matt gets hit with a low blow. Jeff is now back in the ring. Matt hits a Twist of Fate and Jeff lands a Swanton Bomb on both members of Ecktourage for the win. During a press conference after the match, they teleport back to North Carolina.

— Moose is being checked out by doctors. Drew Galloway walks in and said he comes in peace. Galloway said that fans think he’s ducking Moose. Galloway said trash has been talked, and he’ll give Moose a match tonight for the Grand Championship.

[Commercial]

— Back from the break, a recap video of the whole Allie-Laurel-Braxton-Maria saga plays.

— Backstage: they walk in on Laurel Van Ness and she’s balling her eyes out in a storage room of some kind. Mackenzie Mitchell asks what’s going on. Laurel said her daddy spent a lot of money on the wedding. Laurel starts to sob and sing “tomorrow” from the Annie play. Laurel said she hates Braxton and Allie, and swigs more champagne. Laurel screams that she’ll be fine!

(4) MOOSE vs. DREW GALLOWAY – Impact Grand Championship match

Round 1

Galloway begins with chops to Moose. The match spills to the outside and up on the apron. Galloway picks up Moose and hits a Celtic Cross on the ring steps. Moose gets saved by the bell on a possible count-out.

Scores: Galloway, 29-28.

[Commercial]

Round 2

Moose lands a huge shot to start the round with a big boot. Galloway comes back with chops. Moose hits a shoulder tackle and a splash in the corner before dropping Galloway with a powerbomb and a moonsault off the second rope for a two count. Galloway hits a boot on Moose but Moose comes back and tosses Galloway off the second turnbuckle. On the outside, Galloway slams Moose onto the ring apron with a Death Valley Driver. Moose hits a headbutt and then powerbombs Galloway on the apron.

Scores: Moose, 29-28.

Round 3

Moose and Galloway hit double boots to start the third round. Galloway is beating up Moose in the corner. Moose punches Galloway off the top and has him tied up in the ropes, but Galloway tosses Moose off the top and tries for a Claymore, but Moose catches him and lands a turnbuckle powerbomb. Moose hits a Game Changer but Galloway gets his foot on the bottom rope. Galloway hits a low blow and a Claymore kick on Moose. Galloway plants Moose with a Tombstone but Moose kicks out at two. Galloway looks for Future Shock DDT but Moose blocks it. Galloway and Moose trade punches. Moose hits a series of jabs and gets kicked instead of hitting a Game Changer. Moose gets hit with a Claymore but then no-sells it and hits a Game Changer. Both men are down as the time expires and we head to a judge’s decision.

Scores: Moose, 29-28.

WINNER: Moose wins the Grand Championship via decision.

After the match, Moose celebrates while Galloway scowls in the ring. Galloway rolls to the outside and grabs a judge by the tie and tosses his chair. Mathews says this is a travesty and he had it 30-28 Galloway. Mathews screamed about judges determining champions.

— A video airs on Josh Barnett.

[Commercial]

— Back from the break, Barnett is making his ring entrance.

(5) BOBBY LASHLEY vs. JOSH BARNETT — TNA World Title match

The match begins with a very MMA feel to it, as both men grapple to the mat. In the middle of the main-event World Title match, Mathews plugs ShopTNA.com. Lashley shoots for a takedown and grabs a waist lock. Barnett throws kicks and a reverse spinning heel kick. Barnett goes back to grappling with Lashley on the mat, looking for an armbar.

[Commercial]

Back from the break, Lashley is in total control, throwing right hands on Barnett in the corner. Mathews said that Barnett helped Lashley train for MMA and it’s worked, because Lashley is dominant when he fights for Bellator. Barnett throws knee strikes but Lashley hits an elbow. Barnett throws a palm strike out of the corner. Lashley hits a neckbreaker. Lashley tried for a spear but Barnett caught him, rolled through and then had some ground-and-pound. Lashley is trying to block Barnett’s attempt for a cross-armbreaker. Lashley gets to the rope so the hold breaks. Barnett goes for another keylock on Lashley in the corner, while standing. Barnett wrestles Lashley to the mat and gets a keylock but Lashley gets out of it. Lashley hits a quick kick. Barnett throws a kick to the back of Lashley’s leg. Lashley hits a clothesline out of a collision. Lashley hits a spear for the win, as Barnett tries to kick out.

WINNER: Lashley retains in 11:00.

After the match, Lashley rolls to the outside and walks up the ramp with his belt raised high as the show goes off the air.

1 Comment on MCMAHON’S IMPACT REPORT 3/2: Lashley vs. Barnett for the World Title, Jade vs. Rosemary, Lee vs. Everett

  1. “Backstage: they walk in on Laurel Van Ness and she’s balling her eyes out in a storage room of some kind.”

    Sounds pretty kinky even fro TNA, unless you meant “bawling.”

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