Eli’s Promo: For the first time since winning the title, Eli Drake looked like a star. The production team did a great job splicing together the footage from Mexico and Drake was his usual, charismatic self. I’ve been saying it for some time, but get the man away from Chris Adonis.He clearly showed in that promo he doesn’t need the former Chris Masters as a backup. He doesn’t need Tyrus either. Just let him cut entertaining promos and make him feel like he’s the hottest up-and-coming wrestler on the planet. They should position him as a man that WWE wishes they had.
Rosemary’s New Look: I’ve never given makeup a hit before in a column, but damn, check out Rosemary’s new look if you haven’t. Cool stuff.
Eli’s Match: Minor hit here. It was fun to see Global Force finally feel global by showing an actual, full match on TV that was recorded in another company (oh, and RIP “GFW” initials). The crowd was much larger and more excited than what we see in the Impact Zone, so that was a nice change of pace. However, we didn’t know who Bronce was because the announcers didn’t bother to tell us a single time the entire night. For all we know, he could have been a complete jobber that Drake was at times struggling to put away. Or, he could have been a major star. It’s baffling that the company just assumed we’d know who he was.
The Opening Match: It would be nice to see KM built as a threat, but the way he’s positioned now makes sense to have him put Johnny Impact over decisively on TV. It wasn’t a great showdown by any means, it simply accomplished it’s goal of making one wrestler look like a star.
OVE are DUMB: OVE came to a club to fight LAX, however, they walked RIGHT BY Homicide, who merely had his back to them. They didn’t recognize him? The production team should have at least had Homicide hide behind a dumpster or something.
Johnny is Dumb Too: First off, I don’t think “douche rocket” is going to be blasting off on a weekly basis as a catchphrase. Second of all, man, Johnny Impact is one of the dumbest men in all of professional wrestling. Has he ever seen a wrestling match? People cheat all the time to win! Therefore, he could have easily lost his No. 1 contendership to KM or Texano. The Texano challenge was even worse, because unlike KM, he didn’t even ask for it! Impact just offered it up for absolutely no reason. Lucky for him he won both matches, not so much luck for AAA…
The Invasion: So, two weeks in a row now the AAA team has been chased off by the GFW roster. That’s not how you start a hot invasion angle. Not only was Pagano, Texano, and El Hijo del Phantasma made to look weak in their first moments together as a unit, but Texano then lost his first match in the promotion after coming up short against Johnny Impact, who had already wrestled! On top of that, Impact (the show, not the wrestler) had a bizarre post-production cut where Texano was in the ring, then suddenly teleported to the entryway. Amateur hour.
Borash Blues: Believe it or not, Jeremy Borash is the weak link on this announce team. No, seriously! They don’t need to can him, they just need to move him off of commentary. For a guy that seems easily excitable, he can’t portray any sort of genuine emotion in the booth. When Texano, a man who had never, ever been on Impact before, showed up, Borash only said, “Texano, from the AAA promotion has arrived,” showing the enthusiasm and surprise-level as if he was halfway into eating a bucket of chicken while watching the segment out of the corner of his eye.
Taya Taken Down: Rosemary and Taya going face-to-face felt like it could have been a key moment in the build to a Bound for Glory match. Instead, it was the start of a brawl that will lead to a six-woman tag match. There’s money in keeping people apart, but Impact has never had patience in this regard. And while Taya had another entertaining squash, she shouldn’t be taken off her feet so soon into her run. Also, it goes without saying, but: go away Karen Jarrett.
Global Forged: One of the hopefuls in this segment said that “wrestling involves acting.” Shut up and fire whoever let that stupid line on air. What exactly does that mean within the terms of their own narrative? Can neither WWE or GFW go one episode without telling us what we’re watching is fake? Completely moronic. But hey, it needlessly got Scott D’Amore on TV again, because that was so great 11 years ago in Team Canada.
No Dezmond: So let me get this straight. Every single week they have time to air Grado’s latest adventure (which I admit has been a guilty pleasure most of the time), but Dezmond Xavier has only shown up one single time since he won the Super X Cup? Priorities, Impact!
NOW CHECK OUT LAST WEEK’S COLUMN: GFW IMPACT HITS & MISSES 9/14: Trevor Lee’s title win, Taya, Low Ki vs. Impact, OVW vs. LAX, Karen Jarrett, Borash, Pagano