KELLER’S SMACKDOWN REPORT
OCTOBER 26, 2007
TAPED 10/13 IN KANSAS CITY, MO.
BROADCAST ON THE CW
WHAT HAPPENED: 1ST HOUR
-Okay, whoever designed and approved the Smackdown fist, you’ve all had long enough to get your money’s worth out of it and save face. It’s time to get rid of it. It’s time for a fresh look for Smackdown and drop the ice-blue color theme that still reminds me too much of Thunder.
-Michael Cole and JBL introduced the show and hyped the odd couple tag match with MVP & Matt Hardy vs. Rey Mysterio & Finlay. Then they went to the ring for MVP’s VIP Lounge. MVP told the other three they are his guests and they should accordingly. MVP talked about the stips in their match at Cyber Sunday. Finlay got in Rey’s face and talked about their previous battle. Finlay shoved Rey when he tried to interrupt. Finlay said a no DQ match favors him. Then MVP and Hardy argued about their stips, but then claimed they can get along better than Rey and Finlay. They went on and on without any good one-liners or cleverness. Hardy said he and MVP are “the most fully functioning dysfunctional tag team in the history of the WWE.” That’s what you missed if you didn’t see this. Rey jumped Finlay after the next Finlay insult. MVP and Hardy called the action as Rey and Finlay brawled and destroyed the MVP Lounge set. Hardy picked Rey as the winner of their fight. Rey got the upper hand, so Hardy bragged. MVP offered a handshake. Hardy pretended to accept, then pulled back, laughed, and walked away. It’s what you’d expect from those four in this situation and it served a purpose of hyping the TV main event, so that’s good, but it dragged over the course of eight minutes.
-Batista was interviewed backstage. A clip aired of Batista spearing JBL last week and then JBL angrily declaring he would be the referee at Cyber Sunday. batista aid JBL got what he deserved last week. Batista, who apparently didn’t get his make-up on this week as he looked ten years older than usual in the face, declared he is not afraid of the Undertaker even though he’s never beaten him. “There is a first time for everything,” he said. What, being afraid or winning?
-Cole and JBL again plugged the tag main event.
1 — MARK HENRY vs. KANE
JBL claimed Henry is the strongest man in the world, and that it’s not a slogan, but rather something Henry’s proven several times. Cole said Henry hasn’t been on Smackdown since Undertaker “literally took his soul.” Does anyone in the wrestling world know what the word “literally” actually means?
WINNER: Kane via chokeslam in 3:00.
STAR RATING: I couldn’t bear to watch. I closed my eyes, so I just went by Cole’s commentary. Someone is getting blamed for that crummy PPV headline match against Taker, as if it was a mystery that Henry was incapable of having a decent match and he should be blamed at this point. Having him lose to Kane in this short of a match is a slap in the face to people who paid to see him main event against Undertaker several weeks back.
-Cole and JBL talked at ringside about the mystery referee choice. A video played on Mick Foley for those who didn’t know his history. Cole and JBL were both wearing a sticker for JBL on their suit jackets. JBL plugged his interview with Undertaker later.
-The Diva Search video aired with Todd Grisham being dominated. Then they aired a video of the contestant who got voted off on Raw crying and saying it was fun while it lasted. Then the two remaining contestants stood on the stage with Cole. Brooke said Eve was huge and they didn’t need another male wrestler. The crowd booed or was silent. Eve then cut a promo on Brooke saying she’d beat her in a fight and her cute face will only get her so far. Cole’s body looks like it’s trying to swallow his head, by the way.
-The SaveUs222 video aired. Then Cole plugged Cyber Sunday. It’s clever to place those two next to each other to give the impression they’re related so Chris Jericho fans aware of the “rumors” might order Cyber Sunday to maybe see him.
-Ring intros took place for the big tag match. MVP came out first. We learned that Cole was on the debate team in high school.
2 — MVP & MATT HARDY vs. FINLAY & REY MYSTERIO
Cole speculated on whether a hammer lock that Hardy applied was a hint of the style we might see in an MMA match on Sunday. That was among the most stupid things ever said on wrestling television. Ever. JBL made fun of Cole calling everything “highly unorthodox.” After seven minutes of methodical, dragging action, they cut to a break.
At 12:00 Rey stepped back to avoid a Finlay tag. JBL said Cole has “pendantic commentary.” When Rey applied a head scissors, Cole called it a unique move. Cole asked about an MVP mat hold. JBL said the head scissors has been around since Jim Brunzell and the Von Erichs. “It chokes out the air. You saw what it did. It’s self-explanatory,” said JBL, who had no patience for Cole’s faking it this week. At 14:00, Rey’s knee brace gashed Hardy’s forehead. He bled super-heavily. Cole and JBL speculated about the effect the cut could have in a boxing match on Sunday. “What if it’s MMA,” exclaimed Cole. Rey paused before going after Hardy a minute later. He dropkicked him into the middle rope and set up a 619. MVP blocked it, but Rey dropped MVP into the middle rope and then gave both Hardy and MVP a 619. It wasn’t realistic that MVP, fresh from the ring apron, would just sit there like that to get hit. Finlay hit Rey with a Shillelagh. MVP then finished Rey with a Playmaker for the win.
WINNERS: MVP & Hardy in 17:00.
STAR RATING: ** — Never really got rolling.
WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR
-Great timing beginning the second hour with a commercial break after the main event was completed with nothing but JBL’s interview with Undertaker left advertised. Cole and JBL introduced a video on the Undertaker-Batista feud.
-Armando Estrada chatted with Vickie Guerrero backstage about the new WWE Magazine 500th edition. He thanked her for letting them have a ECW Triple Threat match on Smackdown later. Jackie Noble approached Vickie. He said he’s been forced to wrestle Undertaker and Great Khali lately. He said he understands the stress of Vickie’s high profile job. He said he gets lonely too and began to come on to her. He suggested a bedroom pillow match. She came back with a match of Noble vs. Batista instead. Noble accused her of violating his body and his person. He freaked out about being splattered by Batista’s Batista Bomb. “You are driving me crazy!” he shouted as he ran out of the room.
3 — BATISTA vs. JAMIE NOBLE
JBL said Noble makes their ring announcer look smart. “Give the little dummy credit, he will not run,” said JBL. Batista won quickly and decisively with a spear and a Batista Bomb in 1:00. JBL ranted about how he will be voted in as ref and he will make sure Batista leaves without a belt.
WINNER: Batista in 1:00.
STAR RATING: n/a
-A video aired on Steve Austin. JBL plugged his interview with Taker later.
4 – BIG DADDY V (w/Matt Striker) vs. JOHN MORRISON vs. THE MIZ
WINNER: Big Daddy V in 3:00 with an elbowdrop on Mix.
STAR RATING: 1/2* – Not much time to get anything going. Okay while it lasted.
-They showed some Kansas City Chiefs in the front row. Then they went to the Raw Rebound.
5 — FESTUS & JESSE vs. TWO JOBBERS
They joined Festus & Jesse after they were already in the ring, so we barely got ten seconds of there ring entrance music, which is one-third of the reason to watch Smackdown these days. Okay, we got a nice dose of their song after their quick win.
WINNERS: Festus & Jesse in 1:00.
STAR RATING: 1/4*
-Cole and JBL hyped the entire Cyber Sunday line-up.
-In mid-ring, with 15 minutes left in the show, JBL said fans had a chance at the biggest landslide in voting since Nixon-McGovern. And Bruce Mitchell thought the political references on Raw to Hillary Clinton and Rudy Giuliani weren’t of great interest to WWE fans. He talked for a couple minutes about his competition, then introduced a very patriotic video about voting in America – and voting for him. “JBL is a wrestling god, unlike Stone Cold Steve Austin. JBL never had to pull a gun on his boss to ensure his success. Unlike Mick Foley, JBL never had to leap off a roof.” The voiceover hyped JBL as a great American for a greater America. He’s going to run for office some day. It’s in his blood. Back in the ring, JBL said he’s allowing them the privilege of voting for him, adding, “You are welcome.” He then called for two people to bring out “Vote for JBL” t-shirts. Festive old-style political convention music played as JBL insisted Cole put on his shirt. He called Justin Roberts “Lillian Roberts.” Cole put the t-shirt o over his suit jacket. He didn’t want to take off his jacket and reveal what restaurant food on the road has done to his once muscle-shirt-worthy physique.
Undertaker’s full ring intro took place. By the time Taker entered the ring, this segment was ten minutes old. JBL told Taker he’s going to make sure he wins the World Title match against Batista. He held out a t-shirt and ordered him to put on one of his t-shirts. Taker stared at JBL, then took off his jacket. JBL smiled as Taker carefully took off his hat. He did that eye-rolling thing. JBL told Taker that he may just be the referee in that match, but he’s also a Wrestling God. Taker grabbed JBL and chokeslammed him to the mat. Batista’s music then played and he walked to the ring. Taker gave Batista a look of death. Batista speared Taker hard to the mat and left him lying KO’d in the ring. Batista then retreated to ringside and shouted, “I am not afraid of you.” As he walked to the back, Taker – of course – sat up to end the show.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Interjecting JBL was a clever way to create TV time to hype a main event PPV match between a below average talker Batista and a largely silent character Undertaker. It cheapened the effect of the ref voting gimmick by not having Foley and Austin ever appear on Smackdown to sell the idea. It came across as if being on Smackdown wasn’t worth their time. The rest of the show was reflective of Smackdown’s sorry state right now. Edge cannot return soon enough. They need a top level star who can fill TV time in the ring and behind the mic, and the current cast isn’t cutting it.