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The following report originally published 20 years ago this week here at PWTorch.com.
WWE MONDAY NIGHT RAW REPORT
APRIL 17, 2006
LIVE FROM ST. LOUIS, MO.
REPORT BY WADE KELLER, PWTORCH EDITOR
-After the opening for the show, Joey Styles, Coach, and Jerry Lawler introduced the show. Well, Lawler didn’t say anything, but his name was mentioned by Styles.
-Vince McMahon then walked right to the ring for the opening segment. He said the question is whether Mr. McMahon will go to hell. He said last week he may have offended in some small way his own son, so perhaps he offended all of the fans in a larger way. “If that’s the case, I am here tonight to set the record straight,” he said. “Will Mr. McMahon go to hell? The answer is no. Because, quite frankly, I was there earlier this morning.” He said his limo driver got lost and took him to East St. Louis, “and folks, that’s hell.” That got a rise out of the crowd. He said another reason he wasn’t going to hell because his ignorance of organized religious custom shouldn’t be confused with blasphemy. He said he respects all religions. He said he was going to announce his own personal religion. He said he has been practicing it for 40 years, and it’s McMahonism.
“The concept of McMahonism is that I am the master and god of all sports entertainment and all that participate in any manner.” He said anyone who participates in the ring or attends as a fan must worship him. He said it’s a new religion, but he wondered what would have happened had it been around for a lot longer. He showed an image of himself on the Sistein Chappel by Michaelangelo. He said he wondered what would have happened if he walked down Mt. Sinai with Moses. He said the Ten Commandments would have included, “Screw unto others before they screw unto you. Do not covet your neighbor’s wife, unless she’s really hot.” Coach laughed uproariously, as did some guys in the crowd caught on camera who are going to have a lot of explaining to do. He showed an image of the Last Supper if he was present, with everyone groping each other. He wondered if it had spread to Asia what would have happened, or been present at Shea Stadium with Pope John Paul.
He also said he had a bigger endowment than Adam. The crowd began a “boring” chant. Vince said, “I assure you this is not boring.” He said McMahonism is the theology of the future and of the masses. “Boo me all you want, but there’s a point to all of this,” he said. “The point is each and every one of you are here tonight, which means we have freedom of choice and freedom to worship any religion you want.” He said he is offering fans to join him as he opens the doors of his church and publicly invites them to join him in McMahonism. He invited fans to be disciples of McMahonism. He said there is one doubter who will resist, and that is Shawn Michaels. That got a quick pop. He said when he is done with Michaels, he will fall on his knees and worship at his feet. “If I’m telling a lie, then strike me down! Come on, strike me down!” No lightning. “Show me a sign. Show me a sign!”
Michaels then arrived from behind McMahon and superkicked him, knocking him out cold. Coach said if you’re not a believer in McMahonism, you’re not going to go very far. As for surviving in WWE, there’s a lot of truth to that. Finally, after a replay, McMahon showed some signs of life. Michaels ran back to the ring and DX chopped over him. The announcers agreed that was another sign of something. Overly long segment. Memorable with a decent payoff, but it felt more like Vince’s weekly reaction to his critics than something that was ideal for ratings and business.
[Commercial Break]
-Hunter approached McMahon backstage and told him to maybe take it easy on the god stuff. Vince took exception to the comments Hunter made where he referred to him as a feeble old man. Hunter said he never called him feeble. Vince said this week he was putting Hunter in the ring against Edge & John Cena.
1 — ROB CONWAY vs. KANE
Before the match, Conway said he is no one’s punching bag and the next man to disrespect him will be dealt with. Kane’s music blared out and he walked to the ring. Styles had to acknowledge the strange voices that Kane (and everyone else) hears regarding the opening date of his movie. It’s June 26, by the way. Remember that date. Kane chokeslammed and pinned Conway within a minute.
WINNER: Kane in 1:00.
STAR RATING: 1/4*
-After the match, Kane approached Lilian at ringside and demanded to know why he told everyone about that date (June 26th). He lifted her for a chokeslam. Big Show’s pyro blasted and Kane threw Lilian to the floor without care. Show walked to the ring. Show asked Kane what the big deal was about June 26. Kane grabbed him by the throat. Show fired back and chokeslammed Kane. Show left to his music as Kane lay flat on his back mid-ring. Kane then sat up and laughed.
[Commercial Break]
-They recapped Chavo Guerrero quitting wrestling. Jim Ross interviewed Chavo backstage in a sitdown setting. Ross said he hopes Chavo has reconsidered his decision to quit wrestling. Chavo said he feels his decision was made hastily. He said his family and fans believe he made the wrong decision. But he said the more thinks about it, he let Eddie and everyone down. “I lost to Shelton Benjamin when I promised and felt in my heart I was going to win and bring the Intercontinental Championship back to my family, Eddie’s family.” He concluded he made the right decision.
Ross said it was a major decision and wondered if Eddie would approve of him quitting the wrestling business. He said every decision they made, they made together, in wrestling and in life. He said Eddie would be disgusted with his loss. He said maybe he isn’t cut out to be a wrestler. He said maybe he can be a real estate broker and get his license. (Or Amway!) He said it’s not as glamorous as being a WWE superstar, but at least he wouldn’t be disgracing his family.
Ross said he doesn’t believe Eddie would approve of him quitting the family business. Chavo said it may seem like one loss to others, but it was more than that to him. “I just feel like my wrestling career has come to an end,” said Chavo, trying to stir up some tears. He shook Ross’s hand and looked away sadly. Chavo just isn’t a natural on the mic, and this was an awkward, overly long, boring segment.
[Commercial Break]
2 — SHELTON BENJAMIN vs. CHARLIE HAAS
Coach said he was going to take the initiative to ring announce since Lilian was too distraught to continue working tonight. This was a match where Rob Van Dam got to choose a surprise opponent for Benjamin, and he chose Hass. If Shelton won, RVD’s Money in the Bank contract would be at stake at Backlash. If he lost, he’d have to put the IC belt on the line at Backlash. Haas had a new look with a beard and red and black tights. He got in the face of a shocked Shelton, then took early control. Shelton, though, came back and got in sustained offense. Shelton imitated RVD’s Rolling Thunder senton splash. Lawler said it wasn’t very good. Coach, absurdly, said it was better than RVD’s. Shelton went to the top rope and went for a flip splash, but Hass moved and then surprised Shelton with a leverage pin.
WINNER: Haas in 8:00.
STAR RATING: **1/4 — Average. Decent. Nothing more, but it told the story it needed to tell.
[Commercial Break]
-After replaying Shelton’s loss, they showed footage from during the break of Maria hosting the Kiss Cam where she encouraged various audience members to kiss.
-Armando Estrada walked in and told Vince he is converting to McMahonism as long as he grants his man, Umaga, a match against Shawn Michaels. “Why should I make a match like this?” asked Vince. Armando said Umaga is a killer and he will put Michaels back on the highway to hell. McMahon said he’s on and his match is next. Shelton then barged in and asked for his help. He said he never anticipated his old partner would be his opponent.
Vince asked what he expected him to do. Shelton got on his knees and said he saw a light which led him to his office. “It led me to you, and right them, I knew McMahonism was the way,” said Shelton. McMahon said he might be able to do something for him. “I do kind of like people on their knees before me,” said McMahon. Shelton froze. Lawler said, “I’m not gonna touch that.”
[Commercial Break]
-Umaga’s ring entrance took place.
[Commercial Break]
-They went to recap of Vince McMahon’s opening speech.
ARTICLE CONTINUED BELOW…
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3 — UMAGA (w/Armando) vs. SHAWN MICHAELS
Umaga shook off some early Michaels chops and knocked him over the top rope to the floor. At 2:00 McMahon strode to the ring. He set up a chair at ringside with a mic in hand. Umaga dominated with his “savage style.” At 4:00 Michaels fired back with a boot and some chops. Umaga, though, outpowered Michaels into two corners with hard whips. Michaels took nice bumps and made Umaga feel like a monster heel. Michaels began his comeback at 5:00 including a flying elbow to Umaga’s face to finally take him off his feet. Michaels nipped up and went to the top rope. He hit his top rope elbow, then signalled for his Sweet Chin Music.
As McMahon distracted the ref, Armando held Michaels’s leg. Umaga then hung Michaels upside down in the corner and kicked and choked him. Umaga shoved the ref, prompting the DQ. McMahon told Armando to call off his man because he wanted to finish off Michaels. As McMahon held up a chair, lighting struck the chair (it appeared the pyro shot off from the ringpost, actually). It happened a second time. McMahon then carried his chair to the bacik. He changed his mind and decided to head back to the ring. As he made his first move, more pyro blasted and a wall of fire appeared on the stage.
WINNER: Michaels at 6:00.
STAR RATING: *1/4 — There was never a doubt they wouldn’t do a DQ finish since they certainly wouldn’t job Michaels to Umaga even with interference from McMahon, and they aren’t going to have Umaga lose under any circumstances this soon in his push. It’s intriguing to see where the McMahon angle goes with him realizing there may be a higher power than McMahonism.
[Commercial Break]
-They showed that during the commercial break, McMahon sped away in his limo.
-The WWE 24/7 “This Week in History” segment, they showed Rock throwing Steve Austin into a river and then holding a funeral for him from the April 19, 1999 episode of Raw. Austin then arrived in a monster truck and drove right over “Rock’s 40 thousand dollar luxury car,” proving he didn’t drown in the river.
-Back live, Matt Striker stood center ring with a chalk board and teacher’s desk behind him. Striker said what just aired between Austin and Rock is a demonstration of what’s wrong with this nation. He said they are absolutely awful. He says he knows this because he used to work as a professional teacher. He said during his time in the classroom, he horrified that his students could tell him what happened on Raw, yet they couldn’t tell him about the Bill of Rights. He said that was in New York, so he can only imagine what happens in a place like St. Louis where the illiteracy rate is through the roof. He said, “The Gateway to the West is more like the Epicenter of Ignorance.”
He accused the fans of being more concerned with being cool than smart. “Your teacher has a rule. School is cool,” he said. “If you disagree with me, if you can’t digest that, I am forced to give each and every one of you an F.” He told the fans to take out a pencil. Then Carlito’s music played. Yep, one too many mentions of the word “cool” for his liking. Styles noted that fans have decided to side with Carlito so far in his feud with Chris Masters. Coach said he didn’t understand why. Lawler said it was because Masters is a meathead. Carlito took Striker’s apple, then said he was a kid who always thought it was more important to be cool. He said his teachers didn’t get it.
He said they used to lecture him and send him to detention. He said one time he got so fed up, he spit a bite of an apple in his teacher’s face. He said he got expelled. As a result, he became the coolest guy on the island. Boy, teachers everywhere are going to love this segment. Carlito said he wanted to relive that moment because Striker looked a lot like that teacher. Striker said he has an “an-al-o-gy.” Carlito said, “Anal what?” Striker said, “Carlito is to spitting an apple as Striker is to giving you the absolute beating of your life.” Carlito spit the apple in Striker’s face. Striker punched Carlito. Carlito threw Striker to the mat and stomped away at him. Masters then applied the Masterlock on Carlito from behind.
[Commercial Break]
4 — ROB VAN DAM vs. SPIRIT SQUAD – Five on One Match
Styles said thanks to Shelton’s conversion to McMahonism, if RVD loses the match, he’ll have to put the briefcase on the line after all. RVD fended off Spirit Squad successfully for a minute, but eventually he was overwhelmed by the fivesome. Thhey did to him what they did to Big Show, the High Spirit lift and drop. Mikey then hit a top rope legdrop as the other members held RVD in the air, leading to the pin. As a result, the match at Backlash will be winner takes all.
WINNERS: Spirit Squad at 2:00.
STAR RATING: 1/2*
-Maria interviewed Trish Stratus, who was still dressed up as Mickey James. She said she had a surprise for “the other Mickey James next.” Maria was confused.
[Commercial Break]
-Trish told Mickey to come to the ring so she could reveal her big ribboned gift in center ring. Lawler said with each woman looking like the other, Raw has become bizarro world. Mickey walked out and tentatively said she didn’t want her gift. Trish said it took a ton of money to get the gift there. She revealed that Trish’s ex-boyfriend Jack was tied to a chair. She ripped off his mouth tape and he said, “I think both of you bitches are crazy.”
She retaped his mouth and then sat on his lap. Trish said, “If you’re really Trish Stratus, you must be really concerned with what’s going to happen to Jack here. But if you’re not Trish – but you’re Mickey James who thinks she’s Trish Stratus, then you’ll realize you’re not Trish.” She told her then to stop dressing like and acting like Trish. Mickey thought it over and said, “Yeah, I understand. Get your filthy hands off my boyfriend!”
She charged into the ring and got into a slugest with Trish. Trish sidewalk slammed Mickey. Trish blew Jack a kiss, then left the ring. Mickey then checked on Jack and acted concerned for him. She leaned in for a kiss. He leaned back. Then she said, “You cheated on me, you bastard. Nobody cheats on me!” Then she Trish Kicked him. That confused even me just a little. Styles said Mickey may be the most psychotic superstar in WWE history.
-Backstage, Triple H walked up to Edge and Lita. Edge said if things go the way they’ve been going, it looks like he’s going to pin him tonight. Hunter said that could happen, but he doubts it because he expects Cena will stab him in the back. He said he hates Cena way more than he hates him. He said he can blame Mick Foley all he wants, but the fact is Cena kicked his ass and took his title and he hasn’t done a damn thing about it. “Think about it,” said Hunter. Edge appeared to begin thinking about it.
[Commercial Break]
-Another trailer aired for Kane’s movie. Styles had to pretend to be so scared, the hair on the back of his neck is standing. The announcers then ran down the Backlash line-up: Kane vs. Big Show, Vince & Shane McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels, Carlito vs. Chris Masters, RVD vs. Shelton Benjamin, Trish Stratus vs. Mickey James for the Women’s Title, and John Cena vs. Triple H vs. Edge. I liked the graphic style for the photos of the wrestlers. A nice change of pace. A little more gritty than glossy.
-The ring introduction for Edge took place.
[Commercial Break]
5 — EDGE (w/Lita) & JOHN CENA vs. TRIPLE H — Two on One Match
Ring entrances finally ended at 10:58 and the match began. Cena suplexed Hunter and went for an early pin. He got a two count. He then settled into a headlock. Hunter stood and whipped Cena into the ropes. Cena bounced off and shoulder-tackled Hunter. Hunter knocked Cena to the mat a second later, then punched away at his face. Edge watched and made sarcastic approval gestures. Hunter made another DX chop.
Cena came back with a flying shoulder block and two clotheslines. Then he suplexed Hunter and went into the You Can’t See Me bit. Hunter had enough time to recover and slam Cena when he approached. Edge tagged himself into the match, then knocked Cena to the floor. Hunter went after Edge, whipping him into the ropes. There was a miscommunication as Edge was a step off when hitting the ropes. Hunter went on offense with a face crusher. Edge, out of nowhere, kicked Hunter. Cena then re-entered the ring and attacked Edge.
Hunter went for a Pedigree on Cena. Cena reversed it and lifted Hunter for an FU. Hunter escaped and shoved Edge into Cena. Hunter then grabbed his sledgehammer from under the ring at 4:00. He jabbed Cena with it. Edge surprised Hunter with a Spear. The ref counted to three. Styles asked, “Did Edge just outsmart the cerebral assassin?”
WINNERS: Edge & Cena at 5:00.
STAR RATING: *1/2 — Rapid-fire, high-energy, but short and predictable and, after the last two weeks, pretty much played out. I wonder if anyone is going to want to pay to see more of these three against each other by the time Backlash arrives.
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