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TOTAL BELLAS (SEASON 4, EPISODE 8)
MARCH 10, 2019
AIRED ON E!
On tonight’s show: Nikki Bella will face Ronda Rousey at the PPV, and will Brie and Bryan break their lease in San Diego? The show begins with footage from Raw from the week after the Bellas turned on Ronda. Nia Jax appears briefly. They show the promo where Ronda made the remark to Nikki about “the only door you ever knocked down was the door to John’s bedroom.” Nikki apparently thinks she’s a better performer than what she really is – based on the fact that she used to date Cena. OMFG, Paul Heyman appears on this show… for like 25 seconds. Yeah, that was five minute in. And then Nikki does a cut away where she says “getta” like five times in a row, which makes my brain hurt. Apparently the only reason Brie doesn’t wanna continue a story with Ronda on TV is because she’d be away from Birdie. Moving on, the family gathers at a restaurant for sushi. Brie and Bryan are late because Bryan is one of those idiots that does everything slow. If you have to drive – yes, you hate those people. Anyway, this is a clip from YouTube where Brie and Bryan switch positions in the car. Meanwhile, the family is rolling sushi. Nikki, who said “getta” five times already in this episode, is supposedly a perfectionist. Nah, she’s just a nag. Commercial, yay!
Brie and Bryan are talking about living in San Diego. Bryan isn’t convinced that he wants to live in San Diego. Evidently Brie moves around based on Nikki’s whims. Bryan briefly contemplate shaving his beard and keeping the mustache for Movember. Moving along, Nikki and the Mom do a workout. Nikki tweets while doing some sort of compression chamber. Apparently as a famous person she gets her feelings hurt whenever some rando criticizes her online. Moving on – it’s another segment available on YouTube about Brie and Bryan breaking their lease. Evidently Brie like living in Phoenix, until summer hits every year and it’s 120˚F. For whatever reason, they refer to John Cena as “Nikki’s ex” instead of calling him by name, which is just weird.
Coastal footage airs, so, we’re back from commercial. Brie and Bryan discuss this “where we’re going to live” thing again. Not feeling like the house that you had the financial ability to buy feels like a home is a rich person’s problem. Whatever life decision Brie wants to make, Bryan will support her – you know, because he’s not inflexible or incapable of empathy like John Cena. Speaking of John Cena, his ex is on this “I’m a perfectionist” kick again. Nikki is tired of “being the punching bag” when it comes to fan criticism, but she feels entitled to be in the main event.
The entire family, sans Brie and Bryan, is gathered together for an axe-throwing competition. There’s a trick to how you have to hold the axe to get it to stick in the wall. Oh, holy sh–, we’re back on this Nikki is a perfectionist (and yet doesn’t know how to pronounce or define a significant number of words in the English language). Brie and Nikki show up at Raw. Fit Finlay, Nattie, and Alicia Fox briefly appear. Brie and Nikki chat backstage. Brie is annoyed because she missed something that Birdie did (that will be eclipsed later in life by an actual accomplishment). The Bellas are at Raw for the contract signing for the match at the women’s PPV. Nikki slaps Ronda in the face during the contract signing – and they act like this was a spontaneous act instead of something that the two women agreed upon beforehand. Yes, really.
Ronda’s response to the slap was “Come Sunday, I will end you. I give you my word.” Nikki says she’ll continue with the story even if Brie doesn’t want to. Moving on, the whole family is going to ride of go-carts, well, except for Nikki. Yes, she’s training for this big (scripted) match with Ronda Rousey. Brie, Bryan, and JJ race. After they race, they leave Nikki a voicemail where everyone shouts the word “shame” over and over again. Then more footage of Nikki training. She talks like she’s going to win the match. Then Brie and Bryan look at a house in Phoenix. “I don’t think you’re crazy, I just think you change your mind a lot,” says Bryan to Brie when she asks if he thinks she’s crazy. The tease is that she then announces that she’s ready for baby number two. Commercial.
Brie thinks that once they buy a house in Phoenix then they should start trying to get pregnant again. Nikki and the Mom sit at Nikki’s place and discuss how exhausted Nikki is. Evidently Nikki is supposed to find “balance in her life.” Brie and Bryan then show up with Birdie. The family then gathers on the beach where Brie announces that she’s retiring after the PPV and that they’re moving to Phoenix. Nikki is apparently aghast that Brie didn’t discuss this with her beforehand.
Next week: Nikki will have her match, she will try to do something uplifting for Brie, and can the Bella twins fix Johnny Ace’s vocal cords?
NOW CHECK OUT LAST WEEK’S REPORT: 3/3 TOTAL BELLAS REVIEW (Ep. 7): Bryan composting toddler poop, Nikki gets wrong brand of licorice, Brie contemplates being a valley, Bellas turn on Ronda Rousey
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