SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
The following report was originally published ten years ago this week on PWTorch.com…
KELLER’S WWE RAW REPORT
APRIL 27, 2009
LIVE ON USA NETWORK
-The Raw opening aired, then Lilian Garcia introduced Raw G.M. Vickie Guerrero. Vickie came out and proudly said her husband Edge beat John Cena for the World Title. She then introduced Randy Orton, the new WWE Title holder.
-Randy Orton walked out to the ring to his intro music with Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase. Orton said he did what he said he was going to do. He said everyone watching in their 20s or younger have big dreams, but odds are they’ll amount to nothing. He said those in their 30s or older, “chance are you already are nothing.” Will this actually get people to boo him consistently, or will people cheer a winner even if he’s arrogant, especially if he’s matched against unpopular lead babyfaces Triple H and John Cena much of the time? “I am a success. I have made history. I have created a legacy that has resulted in the destruction of the entire McMahon family.” A video package aired of Orton beating up the McMahon family.
Vickie announced that Orton’s first title defense will be against either Batista and The Big Show, whoever wins a match later. She said until then, on behalf of herself and all WWE fans, congratulations. She gave her signature wide smile. Orton said, “You people need to know something. I am all that you have left. You don’t need to like me, but you have no choice but to respect me.” He warned the locker room that if they don’t respect him, they’ll end up like Triple H and he doesn’t care if they’ve been around ten months or ten years. MVP’s music then played.
He introduced himself. He congratulated Orton on his title win, but added that he’s the U.S. Champion and he doesn’t answer to “nobody.” Ted DiBiase stepped up and said, “MVP, I know you’re new to Raw, but you don’t seem to be that bright.” He said unless he wants his first night on Raw to be the worst of his life, he ought to turn and leave on his own power while he can.
MVP told DiBiase to check himself because Orton didn’t give him permission. “Randy, I don’t have a couple of Abercrombie & Fitch models to do my talking for me, so I’m going to tell you straight up to your face – this isn’t a dictatorship. Last time I checked, this wasn’t the Randy Orton Show. Last time I checked, I got drafted to Monday Night Raw. I didn’t come here to be talked down to. Neither did anybody in this arena.” Great comeback. I think I saw a blown up black and white image of Cody at the entrance to AF the other day. He said if Show and Batista don’t beat him at Judgment Day, he wants the chance. Cody Rhodes took the mic and asked Orton for permission to put him in his place. Vickie interjected herself and announced that MVP would face Orton for the first time ever later on the show. Cole said MVP is ballin’ on his first night on Raw, stepping into the face of the new World Champion.
-WWE Fact: Last week Raw was watched by more people than any NBA Playoff game – by over 100,000 viewers. Impressive stat. They went to Cole and Lawler at ringside. Cole touted the viewership for the Raw Draft and WWE.com’s supplemental draft. They ran down the new wrestlers on Raw – 15 in all. They ran down three on the list: Triple H, Hornswoggle, and The Brian Kendrick. They’re not booking Kendrick vs. Hornswoggle, are they? Oh, Kofi. Good. Lawler touted Kendrick as “a breakout superstar on Smackdown over the past year.”
1 — THE BRIAN KENDRICK vs. KOFI KINGSTON
Kendrick walked out and complained to Lilian, calling her “doll face” and saying he’s only going to tell her once – “It’s not Brian Kendrick, it’s The Brian Kendrick.” Fast-paced opening back-and-forth minute. Lawler said he just realized in this type of match he and Cole are going to have to talk faster. Kendrick took control on the mat at 1:00. Kofi came back with a flurry of his “controlled frenzy,” as Cole likes to call it. Kendrick came back with a Sliced Bread attempt, but Kofi avoided it and crossbody blocked him. Kendrick rolled through for a near fall. Kofi got up and hit a tornado roundkick for the win.
WINNER: Kingston in 2:00.
STAR RATING: 3/4* — Lots of nice action packed into a very short match. Too short.
-Cole and Lawler were shown on camera again talking about the emotionally charged night Backlash turned out to be. Cole said John Cena literally chased Edge throughout the arena. They showed freeze-frames of Big Show interfering, costing Cena the match by chokeslamming him through the massive spotlight contraption. Lawler called it a “7,000 watt search light.” Lawler said they still don’t have an update on Cena and he may not be around for a long while.
-Vickie approached Show in the back. They hugged. She thanked him for what he did last night. She said she knows he didn’t do it for her or her husband Edge, but because he’s so professional. He thanked her for putting him in the no. 1 contender’s match. Show moved in for a kiss, but she didn’t reciprocate. He said, “Is this how it is now? Just professional.” He said it’s going to get lonely on Monday nights. Vickie said for the sake of Raw, it has to be just professional. He said that was fine, but she seemed to be struggling with her vow.
-A clip aired of the Khali Kiss-cam segment with Santina and Beth Phoenix.
2 — SANTINA MARELLA & KELLY KELLY & BRI BELLA & MICKIE JAMES vs. MARYSE & BETH PHOENIX & ROSA MENDEZ & JILLIAN HALL
Lawler said Santina appears to have recovered from the embarrassment of being stripped topless last night. Lawler said Bri was one of their luckiest picks. Bri hid under the ring, but then both Bella Twins stuck their heads out from under the ring apron. And then Hornswoggle popped up between them. Hornswoggle chased Mendez away from the ring. Jillian and Maryse chased Hornswoggle back under the ring. When they bent over to go after him, he sprayed them with a fire extinguisher. Santino then surprised Jillian with a roll-up for the win. As Santina celebrated on the ring apron, Hornswoggle looked up her skirt and he looked horrified at what he saw. Lawler said Hornswoggle will be scarred for life. Hornswoggle fell over backwards. Lawler said he might have had a mini heart attack. Santina acted bashful when she realized what happened.
WINNER: Santina & Kelly & Bri & Mickie in 3:00.
-Lawler and Cole hyped the Orton-MVP and Show-Batista matches.
-A commercial hyped WWE Superstars on WGN: Ted DiBiase vs. Carlito.
-Lawler and Cole talked about the acquisitions of Mr. Kennedy, The Bella Twins, and Matt Hardy.
-Matt Hardy walked to the ring with a cast on his right arm. They played the audio of Matt begging Jeff for forgiveness and then saying he quit, as freeze-frames of those final moments aired of Matt tied up to the table and being smashed through it by Jeff. Hardy stood with a pouty face center-ring. He sneered and said Jeff proved to him that he’s nothing but an insensitive, heartless, uncaring barbarian. He said as a result he suffered a broken hand, “a brutal break in his second metacarpal.” Too much blogging and Facebooking and MySpacing and texting, I’d say. Matt said he’s never quit anything in his life, but after Jeff broke his hand, he had no other option. He moped as he said he is wrestling under protest tonight.
3 — GOLDUST vs. MATT HARDY
It’s about time they utilize the underutilized Goldust. Dustin’s gotten himself into much better shape these days. Matt won by hitting Goldust, as he argued with the ref, from behind with his cast. Lawler said he’s now wondering whether his hand is really broken.
WINNER: Hardy in 1:00.
-Randy Orton’s ring intro took place. He walked to the ring with the WWE Title belt over his shoulder. Cole talked about Orton finding out later whether he’d be facing Show or Batista at Judgment Day. MVP’s ring intro then took place. Even being live, WWE times out Raw much better than TNA does with Impact, as they are starting the second hour with the bell about to ring for this marquee matches, whereas on Impact last Thursday, TNA was at the start of a commercial break at the top of the second hour, losing who knows how many viewers.
4 — RANDY ORTON vs. MVP
Lawler called out Cole for saying Orton is looking to establish himself at the top of the pecking order with a win tonight. He told him he’s already there, and that last night established that. Cole said Triple H will be out of the picture for a long time after what happened last night. Lawler said Batista was out four months, so it could be a similar timeframe. He said it depends on where the kick landed. Cole touted Raw as the most watched show on cable television. At 3:00 Orton charged at MVP. MVP moved and Orton went head-first into the middle turnbuckle. MVP then kicked Orton over the top rope to the floor. They cut to a break as Cole touted a potential upset in the works.
-A commercial for ECW teased that it’d reveal whether Christian beat Jack Swagger for the ECW Title.
In the ring, Orton had MVP in his obligatory mid-ring mid-match chinlock. They showed that during the break, Orton DDT’d MVP off the second rope to take control. At 10:00 MVP made a comeback and went into his finishing sequence leading to a near fall. MVP missed with a big boot in the corner. Orton dumped MVP over the top rope to the floor. Shane McMahon charged into the ring and began swinging a kendo stick at Orton repeatedly. Orton collapsed to the mat. Shane climbed to the top rope and hit a flying elbowdrop. DiBiase and Rhodes ran out with chairs to chased Shane back into the crowd. Orton returned to his feet and glared at Shane, who was standing on the edge of a luxury suite in the stands staring down Legacy from afar.
WINNER: Orton via DQ in 11:00.
STAR RATING: **1/4 — Fine match. Glad they didn’t job MVP in his first Raw match. Although there’s no shame in losing to Orton, it would have defined him down as something other than top tier.
-They replayed DiBiase and Rhodes saving Orton from Shane. They showed the exterior of the arena in Bridgeport, Conn. Then Lawler and Cole narrated photos of Show throwing Cena through the searchlight at Backlash. Cole said they don’t know how long Cena will be out of action. Then Lawler and Cole talked about the Raw acquisitions of Big Show, Maryse, Chavo Guerrero, and The Miz. Cole and Lawler reacted to Miz declaring that he’s going to be a future world champion.
-The Miz walked out and cut a mid-ring promo. “This kid is good, Michael,” he said. Miz said fans are looking at the single-most valuable draft pick in all of WWE, The Miz. He said he’s a television icon. He said he was on the face of the MTV network for years. He said last year he was on Raw, Smackdown, and ECW winning tag team titles. He said if you Google his name, he’ll have more hits than each of the fans. He listed female celebrities and said their names are all in his phone. He said he’s come to Raw to make an impact (copyright TNA Wrestling). He said he’s going to take on the biggest and baddest superstar on Raw and take him down tonight. He called out Cena, then said, “Give me a referee.” He said, “So what’s it going to be, Cena? Spotlight’s on you. Miz is ready. Step up to the plate, come on out!”
Cena’s music played. Lawler excitedly said, “Can you believe this?!” Some gullible fans popped. Lawler said after 15 seconds, “Or is he?” Miz stood with a smile on his face. “What is it, Cena? Are you scared of me?” He asked if he’s going to face him like a man. He asked what he had to do to get him in the ring. “Do I have to belittle you?” he asked. He mocked his “you can’t see me” phrase, saying he indeed can’t see him. He said he’d wait for him. “I’ll wait because he’s always saying you can’t see me. The fact is I can’t see you because our movies aren’t in theaters long enough.” Okay, that was awesome. The crowd ohhhed. Good for Cena, Vince McMahon, and WWE allowing a heel to say the thing a heel would say in that situation, rather than protecting a sacred cow.
Miz said tonight he challenged Cena and he declined, thus “that makes The Miz the winner by forfeit.” I challenge Miz to a fight in my backyard right now. He’s not here. Ha! I’m now 1-0 against Miz, too. Lawler said, “Now that’s preposterous.” Miz asked Lilian to announce him the winner. She wouldn’t, so he got in her face, took the mic, and said it himself. Good money promo from Miz. People pay to see guys like that get their asses kicked.
-WWE touted their sellouts in various countries last night, then they went to a video showing photos of WWE on tour around Europe.
5 — CARLITO & PRIMO COLON vs. JAMIE NOBLE & CHAVO GUERRERO
This is that match half way through hour two that lasts as long as they have time for based on how everything else has gone – short or long – during the show. Carlito finished Noble with a back stabber at 3:00.
WINNER: Carlito & Primo in 3:00.
STAR RATING: * — Just a filler tag match. There should be more they can do with Noble than this.
-Josh Matthews asked Batista backstage if he feels responsible for Triple H losing the WWE Title to Orton last night. Batista seemed to take offense at the question that had to be asked. He said he does feel bad and so he’s going to go out and “eat Big Show” and then hurt Orton, “just like he hurt me, just like he hurt you, just like he hurt your family” and then take his championship. He walked away.
-A video aired hyping Backlash with highlights from the event.
-Lilian introduced Vickie again. She stepped onto the stage and said she had an announcement, but first a video to remind everyone of ongoing current events. Clips aired of Orton’s punt kicks.
-She said as a result of that and other events, next week’s Raw main event will feature Randy Orton vs. Shane McMahon. A new post-draft policy, besides enforcing the brand separation, appears to be hyping main event matches at least a week ahead of time. We’ll see if it lasts.
-Big Show’s ring entrance took place.
-A USA Network add for “Burn Notice” referred to the show as “the most watched show on cable.” Uh, isn’t that Raw? Do they mean the most watched scripted drama series on cable? Or the most watched non-sports-entertainment show?
-A commercial for ECW tomorrow night gave away that Christian won the ECW Title. That’s strange. Earlier they said tune in Tuesday to find out who won, and then an hour later they reveal it.
6 — THE BIG SHOW vs. BATISTA — No. 1 Contendership At Stake
Batista’s full ring intro aired. Batista escaped an early chokeslam attempt. Show avoided an early Batista Bomb attempt. At 1:00 they cut to a break. That’s soon to break into a TV main event, especially coming right after another commercial break, but considering it’s Show and Batista, maybe it is a blessing.
Show clubbered Batista after the break. Batista fought back at 5:00, but Show clubbered him to the mat with a forearm. Show yanked Batista’s ribs into the ringpost. The crowd chanted for Batista.
Show kidney punched Batista and then settled into a bearhug. The crowd got restless and some “boring” chants rang out in the arena. Batista fought back with a few clotheslines and a spinebuster. Batista shook the top rope and signaled for the Batista Bomb. He stomped the mat and waited for Show to rise. Show caught him with a chokeslam out of nowhere (Batista shouldn’t have telegraphed the move with stomps!). Batista rolled to the floor. Cena made his way onto the stage. He seemed drunk or something, basely able to keep his balance. Maybe he went on a bender because of the title loss. Just speculating. Show walked toward Cena as Batista re-entered the ring. The ref then counted Show out, who tried to get back into the ring but was a seond late. Batista caught Show with a post-win spear, then his music played. They showed Cena smiling from a distance at Show, who was fuming mad at the distraction that cost him a title shot.
WINNER: Batista in 11:00.
STAR RATING: *