SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
The following report was originally published ten years ago this week on PWTorch.com…
KELLER’S TNA IMPACT REPORT
MAY 14, 2009
ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV
[Q1]
-A video package opened the show recapping the Sacrifice storyline of each challenger putting something precious on the line. The narrator asked who would be the next to put everything on the line. The show title then flashed: “Nightmare at the Asylum.”
-After the TNA Impact opening aired, Mike Tenay introduced the show as pyro blasted in the Impact Zone. He asked whether the Motor City Machine Guns will prove that Suicide is Christopher Daniels.
-Mick Foley’s ring intro then took place. He walked out with the TNA World Title. Tenay described Sting’s putting his career on the line as an “impulsive” decision, answering critics this past week who wondered why he put so much on the line when he had a title rematch coming anyway. Tenay said they’ve heard rumors all day of an incident that happened between Foley and Jeff Jarrett earlier in Nashville, Tenn. He said Jarrett hadn’t arrived at the Impact Zone yet. Foley said the fans all know what’s at stake May 24 at Sacrifice when he puts the TNA Title on the line. He held the belt in the air. He reminded viewers that Angle puts his Godfather leadership role in the Main Event Mafia on the line and Sting has put his career at stake.
He said he wants to talk about something different, though. He held up the Jeff Jarrett DVD box. He said if fans notice something is missing, it’s Jarrett. He said this will be the first time ever in the company’s history that he isn’t part of Impact either on camera or behind the scenes. He said he feels partially responsible. He said regarding rumors of an ugly incident in Nashville earlier, there is a DVD of that. He said some of the footage is too dark for some viewers. He said he had to decide whether to air it. The crowd cheered him to put it on. Foley said he was brought on board to make difficult decisions and he’s decided that the fans have earned the right to see what is on the DVD. He said during the course of the night, the fans will be privileged to see what the world is talking about. He said throughout the night his thoughts will be on Jarrett. Tenay wondered what could be on that DVD.
-Jeremy Borash interviewed Booker T, Scott Steiner, and Kevin Nash backstage. He said Kurt Angle is absent because he’s filming a movie. Steiner said in his absence he’s in charge. Nash and Booker didn’t seem pleased. Scott said he graduated at the head of his class, Kuma Matata. Boras asked if that wasn’t part of Lion King. Steiner said, “Yeah, I’m king of the jungle.” Steiner asked if Kevin was gong to take care of business. He said he always does. Nash said regarding Jenna that last night he dotted the “I” and crossed the “T.” He said she said she was going to back them financially, but if so, she wants Sharmell exiled from the Mafia. As Booker and Nash began to argue, Steiner said if they take care of business tonight, he’ll figure out the domestic issue.
[Commercial Break]
[Q2]
-Backstage Foley took a picture of Jarrett off the wall. He claimed there was a crack in the glass and it was disrespectful of The Founder not to get it fixed. Foley asked Borash to guess what’s on the DVD. Foley told Borash if he showed him his trademark bug-eyes, he’d tell him what’s on the DVD. He asked Borash to teach him how to do it. Borash asked if he remembers the “Three’s Company” show. He said Mr. Furley used to do that. Borash said you have to relax the face and “it’s a yoga deal.” Eric Young interrupted. He continued to complain about his lack of opportunity lately. Foley said he’ll get the opportunity to face Samoa Joe later. “How do you like them apples,” he said. “Now run along you little rascal.” Borash then got bug-eyed for Foley.
-A clip aired of the Christopher Daniels confrontation with both Jay Lethal and Consequences Creed.
1 — CHRIS SABIN (w/Alex Shelley) vs. CHRISTOPHER DANIELS
Tenay asked Don West to make his case for Daniels being the same as Suicide. West said it’s a fraudulent way for Daniels to get two paychecks. He said if the two would appear in the same place at the same time, that’d prove it.Tenay hyped an interview with Sting where he’ll explain why he made that “impulsive move” to put his career on the line at Sacrifice. West said he thinks Sting is looking for the ultimate motivation. Tenay asked West what he thinks is on the Foley DVD. He said he hopes it’s not another “Day in the Life of Jeff Jarrett” type of DVD. When Daniels attempted the Angel’s Wings, Shelley grabbed at Daniels’s legs to break it up. Sabin then came back with a springboard clothesline for a two count at 4:00. Daniels came back with his BME for the clean victory.
WINNER: Daniels in 5:00.
STAR RATING: *1/4 — Good action in the short match. Tenay fit in a lot of discussion points into that five minutes.
-A “Cross the Line” vignette aired on Jeff Jarrett.
-Backstage Foley and Borash freaked out when Slick Johnson flexed a wierd-looking muscle in his forearm. Borash said he threw up in his mouth. Foley talked to Rudy Charles and Earl Hebner. He told Hebner there’s always been something shady about him, and he thinks he think he’s owes him something, so he told Hebner not to disqualify Joe no matter what he does to Young. “You have a long future in this company, Earl,” said Foley. Shoot. We have to wait to 2010 for a year of TV wrestling to go by without a reference to the Bret Hart Swerve.
[Commercial Break]
[Q3]
-Steiner told Jenna backstage that she has to “stop this crap with Sharmell.” Jenna blamed Sharmell and told Steiner to tighten the leash on her. Steiner said Sharmell apologized. He said he’d be happy to be the modifier. Borash tried to correct him into saying moderator. Steiner told him to “shut up!” and then offered to moderate. Jenna said she’d show up if he moderated. He said he’d make it happen.
-A “Cross the Line” vignette aired on Foley. “History is written by the winners, broken bones and all,” he said.
-Tenay and West then set the stage for the rest of Impact. They hyped Suicide & Amazing Red vs. British Invasion, Joe vs. Young, Nash vs. No Limit, Booker T vs. “Outlaw” Jethro Holliday, West said rumors are flying about Jarrett and Foley. He said in seven years Jarrett has always been there, but not tonight. Tenay hyped the DVD mystery.
-Lauren interviewed Angelina Love. She said she heard her begging someone to show up to her aid against Awesome Kong. Love said she never begs because she always gets what she wants. She said the person she was talking to was the only man on planet Earth she can trust. In walked the massively muscular Kip James. He said when she calls, he comes. He said tonight she has a stretcher match against him later because someone needs to put her in her place. He was bleeped when he called her “bitch.”
[Commercial Break]
-Tenay threw to a video clip showing part of Jeff Jarrett’s personal life. It showed him jet skiing with his preschool aged daughters. He joked around about whether she or he was the best dancer in the family. She got the mail out of the mailbox. He asked her about her dance recital tonight. Jarrett took a dig at Foley going to a “sinkin’ diner up North” and not knowing what living really is. That was just odd, borderline creepy because it was so out of place, and, on the surface, very self-indulgent. I mean, zero disrespect to his adorable daughter, but that was like sitting through an acquaintance’s boring vacation video. Was he showing off he’s a “good dad”? Was he showing off his “lifestyle”? Maybe I’m totally missing something here.
2 — SAMOA JOE vs. ERIC YOUNG
Joe went after Young aggressively at the bell. Young showed signs of life during a ringside brawl. When Young went for a roll-up, Joe countered into a Kokina clutch. Young’s arm dropped three times to end the match. Tenay said Joe is a crash-course to a match with Nash at Sacrifice. Joe carried a knocked out Young over his shoulder to the back.
WINNER: Joe in 2:00.
[Q4]
[Commercial Break]
-Tenay had a sitdown interview with Sting. They played ominous music in the background. Tenay said he was surprised when he announced last week he’ll retire if he loses at Sacrifice. Sting said he surprised himself. He said he didn’t plan it, but it seemed like the right thing at the time. He said he doesn’t want to be just another name on the TNA roster; he wants to see change. He wants honor and respect to be brought back. He said that fight took a major blow a Lockdown. Sting said he should have known he was going to make rules in his favor. He said he had to ask himself if it was all worth it, this big fight and quest if he was going to potentially end up scarred for life. He said he second-guessed himself in the match and that cost him. “You can’t check out for even one minute here at TNA,” he said. Then he cleared his mind later that night and realized it was all worth it. He said it’s all or nothing at Sacrifice, either the dawning of a new day or the last day of his career. I’m not sure, though, because if someone else loses the match, but he doesn’t win, doesn’t that mean he’s either champion or retired.
-West plugged upcoming house show and PPV dates.
-They went to the blind date with Taylor Wilde accompanied by Lauren at a restaurant. They wondered if it’s “one of the boys.” Daffney walked in and revealed she pretended to be her secret admirer. “Consider this our first date!” she said, then she knocked her to the ground and choked her. Daffney complained about her not helping her when those (bleeps) cut my hair.
[Commercial Break]
-Tenay introduced another video of Jarrett with his daughter. West said, “Yawn.” Jarrett told his daughter that Mick Foley could use a book being read to him because he’s lost his mind. They picked up Jeff’s other daughters from school. Jeff continued to obsesses about Mick, saying his daughter answered a question like Mick would have, being evasive when he asked how she did on her science test. Other than showing that Jeff is obsessed with Mick, these continued to be really weird to watch.
-Ring intros took place for the next stretcher match between Kip James and Awesome Kong.
[Q5]
3 — AWESOME KONG (w/Ryesha Saeed) vs. KIP JAMES (w/Angelina Love) – Stretcher Match
The “no man on women violence” Spike TV policy was apparently waived. Kip was wearing black trunks, not pink, so he wasn’t trying to trick the TV execs. A minute in West gave credit to Spike for waiving the man-on-woman violence policy. Kong got early advantage with a barrage of forearms in the corner. When Kip grabbed her by her throat, Saeed interfered with a low-blow from behind as the ref was turned, arguing with Love. Kong then bashed Kip over the head with a chair. When Kip got up, she hit him again. Then she put his head in the chair and splashed him and the chair twice. Kong put Kip on the stretcher and the ref counted to ten.
WINNER: Kong in 3:00.
-Borash stood by with a mic as Steiner told Sharmell that Jenna wants to meet with her. Sharmell said only as long as Jenna apologizes to her. Steiner told Borash that he’s the lion thinking a step ahead as the leader of the Mafia tonight. Borash sarcastically told him he’s got a great plan since neither Jenna or Sharmell are actually going to apologize.
-Lauren interviewed Team 3D, who said tag team wrestling is alive and well in TNA. He said they’re proud to be champions. He said they left “that other company” three years ago because they were sick of wrestling the same tag teams every night, whereas TNA gives them new blood every night. The British Invasion attacked them. They did some jump cuts in the footage, which is why they labelled it “moments ago.” They must not have liked the live version, so they needed to edit, so they just created the “moments ago” excuse to edit it down.
[Commercial Break]
-When Tenay threw a third Jarrett video, West said with despair, “There’s another one?” Jarrett showed of the night life of Nashville. Borash ran into him outside of a “Showgirls” strip club. Borash claimed Tuesday night is karaoke night. A manager stepped out and claimed he had a bill to pay. Borash asked for help with the bill. The sign did say, “Nude karaoke” on it.
4 — THE BRITISH INVASION (Doug Williams & Brutus Magnus w/Rob Terry) vs. AMAZING RED & SUICIDE
Terry flexed like it’s 1989 as he walked to the ring. Tenay narrated a clip of the British Invasion attacking Hernandez, which is a cover angle for his legit neck injury that’s keeping him out for a few months. West continued to talk about Suicide being Daniels, hoping that’d be proven later. He said Red doesn’t talk much, and Suicide apparently doesn’t talk at all, so they might get along just fine.
[Q6]
When Tenay talked about the “Day in the Life” footage of Jarrett, West said, “A day? More like the longest day ever. One day is like twelve days.” Tenay said Foley is promising something later similar. West said if you have little kids, “make sure they leave the building.” Suicide got in some early offense, but mostly the heels dominated against Red until Red hot-tagged Suicide at 3:00. West said a lot of Suicide’s signature moves are just like Daniels, “like watching a mirror of Daniels.” Red flip dove onto Magnus on the floor to retaliate for his interference. The Guns interfered and double-kicked Suicide. Then Williams leaped off the top rope with a flying knee for the win. Terry entered the ring and flexed behind Williams and Magnus. He really needs to stop doing that. It’s so Warlord.
WINNERS: British Invasion in 3:00.
STAR RATING: 3/4*
-Sabin and Shelley cornered Suicide. Jay Lethal and Consequences Creed ran out for the save. They cut to an abrupt commercial break, teasing there might be a confrontation or unmasking next.
[Commercial Break]
-Lethal said, “Easy there, Rockers.” That’s kinda funny. Lethal pointed at Suicide and said they know he’s Daniels and they’re going to prove it right now. West predicted egg on Suicide’s face. Suicide tried to slither his way out of the ring, but they caught him and grabbed him. The crowd chanted, “Take it off!” Not exactly a crowd sympathetic to the babyface. As Shelley ripped at the mask, the actual Daniels ran out for the save. West was silent at first, then said: “I admit there’s some confusion. I still think it’s Daniels in the Suicide costume, so who is this guy impersonating Daniels.” That was funny. Tenay called him an idiot. West said he’s not going to rush to judgment because we all saw what happened when we did that in the O.J. trial. West said if takes his own money, he’s going to investigate it and get to the bottom of it. Shelley and Sabin backed up the ramp and looked frustrated and confused.
-They went to a “Cross the Line” video on Jeff Jarrett. There might be more of Jarrett in this episode than there’s ever been, and that’s really saying something. He’s found a way to retire as a full-time wrestler and being more overbearing than ever in terms of his presence on the show.
[Commercial Break]
[Q7]
-Jenna and Sharmell met up with Steiner sitting between them. He said he wanted to come to an understanding. Sharmell stood and said she wants this bitch to apologize. Jenna got up and they both argued. Borash yelled for order. They cut away with Steiner being swarmed by both women.
5 — KEVIN NASH vs. NO LIMIT (Nito & Yujiro) – Two on One match
Tenay again pushed how violent and disturbing and graphic the Foley footage supposedly is, and said the Spike TV censors have their fingers on the buttons anticipating when Foley airs the DVD later. When Tenay talked about Jenna and Sharmell, West said, “Let’s face it, all women are crazy.” West said they’ll have to find common ground even if Sharmell and Booker will never let Jenna officially be part of the MEM. Nash pretty much dominated for two minutes and won with a Jackknife powerbomb. West took a shot at Tenay for talking about wrestlers but not getting to know them like he does. Tenay asked West if there was “an echo in here” when West repeated something he said. At least Tenay didn’t say, “Did I stutter?”
WINNER: Nash in 2:00.
-Afterward, Nash grabbed the mic and said the world runs on violence. He said “we thrive it, we need it.” He said regarding the Nation of Violence, at Sacrifice there will be violence, but it’s name won’t be Samoa Joe, it’ll be Kevin Nash.
-They went backstage to Foley talking to the sock formerly known as Mr. Socko as he reviewed the DVD footage. He said he knows Spike has standards and this pushes the limits, but he’ll just have to close his eyes.
[Commercial Break]
-Lauren interviewed A.J. Styles backstage. She asked him about Booker T preparing for his I Quit match by facing Jethro in an I Quit match later. She asked how he’s preparing. He said he’s in the best shape of his life, and so is Booker T, but it’s not about who’s in better shape, it’s about heart. He said they both have motivation because he wants to prove the Legends belt belongs to him. He said the words “I Quit” will never cross his lips.
6 – JETHRO HOLLIDAY vs. BOOKER T – I Quit match
Lethro clotheslined Booker over the top rope early. Booker came back at ringside and dropped Jethro throat-first over the security guard rail. Booker asked if he wanted to quit. Jethro said something about Booker’s mama. Booker beat him down in the ring and asked him again if he quit. Jethro didn’t.
[Q8]
A minute later, when the ref put the mic up to Jethro, he said, “Sharmell looks good naked.” Sharmell threw a fit. Tenay said you don’t go to the wife card unless you want Booker to elevate the offense. Jethro made a comeback and pounded away at Booker. He hit Booker with a clothesline and Booker took a flip bump. Sharmell distracted the ref as Booker swung and hit Jethro with an unprotected chairshot to the skull. He followed with an axe kick and then pounded away at Jethro. He said, “I quit, I’m done.” West said Jethro knew Booker could end his career “or even his life” if he didn’t quit at that point.
WINNER: Booker T in 4:00.
STAR RATING: 3/4*
-Foley entered the production truck and handed a director the DVD. Foley told them he admires their work, but they’re both fired if they don’t do what he says and play the DVD when instructed.
[Commercial Break]
-Foley stood mid-ring to introduce the DVD footage. West said, “Whatever Foley’s going to show us, it has to be a lot more interesting than what we’ve already seen.” Foley said it’s not time to find out just what went on Nashville regarding “an unfortunate incident with Jeff Jarrett.” He told viewers to take children out of the room and same with anyone with high blood pressure. They went to the video of Jarrett at the original Nashville Sports Arena where he used to go every Saturday night with his dad. He stood in the center of the arena. He said he wrestled there for seven years, then wrestled for WCW and the WWF, and then returned for the early days of TNA. He said he wanted to show him his private dressing room. He said it was a little cramped and lean in those days. He showed where his grandmother sold tickets in the box office. Foley then attacked Jarrett from behind with an extension cord. He threw him into a fence wall and said he always hated his old man. He yelled that he wanted to take Jarrett on a little stroll down memory lane back where he starved. He said he made “25 big ones” wrestling for his family back in the day. The handheld camera was really shaky as Foley swung the fence door into Jarrett. He cried out in pain and yelled, “You’ve lost your freakin’ mind, Mick.” Foley said he’s headed back to the Impact Zone, then told himself, “Good stuff, Mick, good stuff.” He left the Nashville arena and said what a dump it is.
Back live in the ring, Foley said apparently he really was partially responsible for that disturbing footage everyone just saw. He said Jarrett may have learned a lesson, which is “Jeffrey, sometimes you can’t go home again.” West said he wants to offer that video on Shop TNA so everybody can buy it. Tenay said things will get a lot more serious next week when Jarrett returns and there’s hell to pay.
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.